Disclaimer- Yeah, yeah I don't own it. Everyone knows that already.
Average
Picture in your mind a girl. Picture a girl that is average in every way. She is of average height, average attractiveness, gets average grades, and has an average group of friends- average everything. Except for her hair, which is an eye-smarting shade of red! This totally average-looking girl is me. I am Ginny Weasley and I am pleased to meet you. When you look at me; look at my life and you'd think that I was simply an average teenage girl. However, there is something that is not average about me. Besides my hair, I am a brilliant actress.
I am such a good actress that no one would ever guess that I'm not exactly what I appear to be- a totally average not-quite fifteen year old female. Not even my best friends know who I really am. It's the closest guarded secret I have. I'm willing to bet every galleon I'll ever own that not a single member of my family would believe that I have a single thought in my head beyond fashion, friends and BOYS!
This doesn't bother me over much though, because I really have worked hard to get here. Although it is a little depressing to see how easily they accept my behavior. The thing is- as a child I was intelligent, opinionated, and precocious. It's taken several years to convince everyone that I'm not the Ginny that they once knew. You see, that Ginny was something of an embarrassment, not because I was intelligent, but because that Ginny was a silly fool. She was the youngest child of the Weasley gang. She had a childish crush on the most famous student in the wizarding world. She was a tool of Voldemort. Not this Ginny.
This new Ginny has absolutely nothing that distinguishes her from the mob. (If you can ignore that hair!) This Ginny is almost a nonentity. She goes to class, she does the work, she does well but not unusually so. This Ginny talks and laughs with her friends about inconsequential things. This Ginny sits alone in the middle of the night and silently cries out all the pain that she can't share with anyone. THIS Ginny waits.
As I wait, my dear friend, I watch, and I learn. While I'm having a silly conversation with my friends I may happen to overhear some little bit of information that I keep and use later. This tactic has served me well this past year. It's really simple actually. I just add up two and two and get four while others get five. For example, Harry gets a letter from his godfather. And yes, I know all about Sirius. I'm aware that my parents know, Dumbledore told them. For one reason or another, they felt I wasn't "ready" for the news. Yet, the stupid vapid act works wonders! As long as people believe you know nothing, they'll keep talking about it right in front of you. But, back to the point, Sirius's letter mentioned a certain Death-Eater family that seemed to be coming back into prominence.
I remembered that a classmate of mine had spent part of his Christmas vacation with a family who happened to have the same last name as the family in Sirius's letter. So I kept my eyes open and I started noticing his odd behavior. Part of it was that he seemed to be watching Harry- as if waiting for a moment to get him alone. I made a few well-placed, sufficiently in-character, passing remarks about it. One time I was talking to a friend and I just happened to mention this guy while passing Professor McGonagal and I later tried to bring it to Madame Pomfrey's attention while being treated for a cold- "hey, you know who seems ill?" Lo and behold the poor guy had been under the imperious curse and yet another attempt to murder the famous Harry Potter was thwarted, with no one the wiser.
Before you ask I'll just come out and tell you about Harry. Of all the people I watch, yes, he is the one I watch the most. It's pathetic and hopeless and pointless and useless. Yes, I know all the adjectives for my actions, but it doesn't matter, because I can't stop! I'd like to say that I do it to try and keep him safe, but both you and I know that that's not true. Well, that's not the only reason anyway. The only thing that keeps me from clawing my eyes out in order to quit watching him is the fact that he has no idea! He doesn't know that I'm not over him, it's what I show now. Perfectly average Ginny, with her perfectly average love life. No more silly crush on Harry.
I'm certain that he, along with the rest of the world, figures Ginny Weasley grew out of her infatuation long ago. I didn't of course. Sometimes, many times, I wish I had. Many times, such as every day for the last three years. But I haven't outgrown it. And the odd thing is, sometimes, as I watch him, I get the feeling that, that he's watching too.
I'm not sure it's me he's watching. Although I like to think that at times, when I'm by myself, at night, scared and lonely. He seems different these days. Like he's playing a role too. I think it was Cedric's death that changed him. Cedric's death, and everything else that happened that night. I heard about it from Hermione. She's the only one who ever tells me anything straight, but she just thought that I should know, being so close to everything. She doesn't know what I am. I got most of the story weeks and weeks after it happened. Sometimes I even get jealous, because Harry- he doesn't always have to be "in-character". He has his friends, with whom he can be the real Harry. But he's not as good of an actor as I am. He could never pull off average, ever.
Picture me again, an average girl, with a mind that doesn't match her image. Now though, my friend, you must promise not to tell anyone my secret. It is my armor, my protection. It is my prison.
The End