What If
Emeralds N Peridots
Disclaimer: I do not own Chris Halliwell but I do own Anabel Diaz and Jennifer Baxtor. I don't own the song this was set to 'What If' by 'Kate Winslet' I hope you enjoy this story.
He looked down at the piece of paper, which he was in a rush to finish off the sketch of the young lady he was drawing, okay so technically he had to rush because she didn't know that he was drawing her. He knew that she probably wouldn't care if he was to ask but he was too embarrassed to ask. He was currently darkening the lines around her nose and chin this drawing was a portrait of her.
Anabel Diaz was the name of the young lady he was drawing. She was a good friend of his; probably this was because she was the younger sister of his best friend. She had beautiful long blondish brown locks, curly, and they were tied back in a ponytail, this was what made drawing her easier because he didn't have to worry about her hair. She was beautiful, really beautiful and everyone could tell that he was in deed smitten with her.
"Hey, Chris."
Looking up he nearly jumped back not expecting her to be standing there before him, luckily though, his sketch was behind his locker. He looked down at the sketch before rushed to put everything back in the locker, typically everything fell out but she didn't seem to see anything. He picked them up and put them back into the locker before shutting the door quickly and leant against the door so that she wouldn't get inside, not that she would. He nodded his head before saying hey back to her. Wow, that was close. He couldn't believe how close.
"It's the party tonight. Are you coming?"
Party? What party. Oh right. Scotland. He was losing her, as she was moving back home to Scotland. He didn't want her to go but he was too scared to tell her how he felt, because he didn't know if she felt the same way. What was he to do other than to let her go? It wasn't like him saying 'don't go, I love you' would change anything. He wasn't good enough for her and even he knew this. There were other people that would say otherwise, the ones who knew he liked her… He didn't want to loose Anabel, god forbid that, but he couldn't tell her… not right now… maybe not ever.
"Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change"
They had walked down the corridor of the college where they both had met up once again after high school to find they were in the same art course. It was funny though they were in the courses for two different reasons. She wanted to get into video game animation and he wanted to do the course just so he had something to do – which had something to do with one of the two things he was good at. Drawing or racing, well he wasn't confident enough in himself to go professional in his racing, so he thought he'd do this course and see where that would take him first. He was glad he did. He got to meet Anabel again.
He was sitting on the stairs and she was sitting on a stair or two below him. She had taken her hair down so her curls were bouncing everywhere, but he didn't care because they only beautifully decorated her face. He wasn't feeling like himself right now. He was ashamed and disappointed that he couldn't tell her how he felt – even though he didn't know it, she knew that he felt this way, and she felt the same and was simply waiting for him to tell her, but he didn't. He looked up at her into her eyes, getting lost in them, but moved to look at the wall, which was decorated in many beautiful paintings. This was strange he couldn't help himself. He just couldn't tell her.
"When are you leaving?"
"The plane tickets are for Sunday."
Sunday? That was only four days from now. Four days was all that he had left with her. That was so sad because he wanted to have at least a week and now it was as if the next four days would be the most important days in his life because he didn't want to loose her and would either have to pluck up the courage to tell her how he felt or he would have to find the confidence in himself to tell himself that he could live without her and let her go – if that was really what she wanted to do and she was leaving from her own decision so it had to be what she wanted. He had no idea what to do but right now he hated himself because of it. Anabel leant over him where he was sitting she was looking at him. There was a deep moment of complete silence as they looked at each other… but again he looked away before she said a quick goodbye and left.
"Well I tried
but I couldn't draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind"
It wasn't so long after that that his older brother Wyatt had contacted him telepathically to tell him something had happened outside the college. Chris was confused because he was still in the college and he hadn't heard, sensed or noticed anything out of the ordinary. He went to orb to Wyatt to find out what it was – obviously he hadn't been told that Anabel was involved. Chris ended up back at his house where he lived with his brother. Wyatt had been waiting for him. It was just then that the blond whitelighter/witch told him about what had happened.
"Why didn't you tell me right then? When you contacted me earlier."
Apparently demons attacked the college in hope to get to Chris but found that he was talking with Anabel – figured that she was Chris's weakness and grabbed her when she exited. She didn't scream, he would have thought she would have. Chris closed his eyes to sense for Anabel, finding a location nearly instantly, which was weird. He guessed it was going to be a trap so looked to Wyatt. The expression on Chris's face must have been enough because his brother grabbed his coat and nodded his head to say that he would go with him just in case. This was not what he wanted and the demons were right – they had decided to use his weakness against him.
They orbed off pretty quickly, Wyatt stayed outside the place where Chris sensed Anabel just so he could go to her alone. He didn't want to chance it if it was a trap; he wanted Wyatt outside in case the demons turned up. Wyatt would be able to tell him and Chris would be able to get Anabel out. He looked around the area and found it was like a warehouse. Why did demons like to use warehouses when they didn't use their own lairs? Well, Chris wouldn't be asking the question if he knew, would he? That was when he found her. Anabel was against the wall, wires from electronically devices was where her hands were tied together – holding her up. He ran over to her, looking for something to cut her binds. The window.
Turning to the window, which was already broken, like in many other warehouses, he cut the binds and then took her binds from her legs, he knelt down beside her, looked into her eyes – whilst moving his hand to her neck, they weren't getting away with this. He supposed they were watching so he quickly got up and ran out the door. He heard her yelling his name behind him but didn't turn around – just kept running to where he might find Wyatt, possibly with his hands full fighting demons. She was running after him, obviously with the footstep echoes behind him.
"What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know"
"Chris, please!"
Finally he turned around to see her standing there breathing heavily, her hands in fists as she looked at him. He didn't want to leave her but she was kidnapped and he wasn't going to let them get away with that, they could have hurt her and he was not going to stand for that. Chris walked over to her and put his hand n her arm.
"We can't let them get away with this."
The look in her eyes, it cut him, he didn't want her to leave and this was just one of the possible things that would happen today to tell him to tell her how he felt before it was too late. He was scared to. Or well, he was still scared to. He didn't want anything to happen to her and if she was in Scotland, he couldn't protect her. There were demons everywhere and even if he could orb to her, he didn't want to only see her occasionally and save her randomly, he wanted her to be where he could see her but why stop her from going. If going was what she really wanted to do.
"They left Chris. Please. Can we just go home?"
She wasn't getting it, was she? They couldn't just go home because they might be waiting for them. Oh wait. That was a good thing, it meant they'd find them; they wouldn't have to go after the demons. Chris nodded his head. Good thing that Anabel and her brother only lived next door. That was funny when they were growing up because he could always sneak a peak into her bedroom as his was right opposite hers. She used to do the same but he didn't care any more. Everything was different now. They weren't teenagers with teenage crushes. They were adults and he was in love with her and she had probably moved on to loving someone else, who she hadn't asked out yet.
"Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change"
It might have seemed as if they waited for ages last night but no one was there. The demons never turned up and Chris and Wyatt just went home. Chris had found himself back in college the day after, and now he had to face Anabel once again. The last time in college… he didn't want this but he couldn't stop her so it was decided he would let her go. The easiest way for him to do that… is to avoid her… no matter how difficult that would be. Chris knew he would just have to avoid the one he truly loved.
"Chris. Are you still coming to the party?"
The party had been postponed after everything that had happened last night. Chris looked at Anabel, this was it… he had to try and get out of this party and get away from her, without causing suspicion. Looking at her, she looked really excited about the party and he knew he could easily make her hate it with what he said so he tried to find carefully with his words, but he just couldn't find the right ones. He was scared that he'd hurt her with what he was going to say but he had no choice… well… he didn't, right?
"I promised I'd help Melinda tonight."
Moving his hand back into his locker, Chris pulled out his books before looking at Anabel. He then moved against her as he walked past so that he wouldn't have to see the look of disappointment on her face. He really hated doing this but this was how he would let her go… he knew though, even if he did let her go, he would never get over her. She was too precious to him… he had loved her since high school and he was never going to stop. At least… he hoped he wouldn't…
"Umm, Chris."
He turned around. He didn't like what he had just heard from her. The plane tickets had changed. She was heading off tomorrow instead. He felt his heart breaking instantly from the word 'tomorrow'. He looked away as her eyes were on him. He hated this and now she had just asked him something else. He didn't know what to say about that or how to answer it. What if once again he was to say the wrong thing? What if he would make her go and she would never come back. What if she wasn't going to come back anyway?
"Will you drive me to the airport?"
He just said that yes he would take her to the airport…
"Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side"
They sat in the car the next morning, outside the airport. He looked to his side to catch a look at her – maybe his final chance to look at her. He was dreading this goodbye. He thought he had felt his heartbreak last night? What could he say… right now… he was feeling worse? They sat in silence, just staring ahead of the car, when he wasn't looking at her that was. He didn't know what to do or what to say…
"Well I better go."
She moved up and opened the door. He turned his head to look at her as she undid her seatbelt to leave. She seemed distraught too, as if some part of her wanted her to stay as well. He looked down, what if she really did love him too and he was letting her go. She left the car, something snapped in his mind. Tell her. He knew he would have to tell her – stop her from going and live happily ever after with her. He never wanted to loose her… never…
"Ana!"
Opening the door to his side of the car and getting out almost in a rush he walked over to her and she looked back at him. He went to say something but couldn't. He was once again hit with the rush of being terrible scared. Why was he such an idiot at times? He knew if he did this she might just laugh at him and go anyway, so what was the point? She wouldn't be happy with him… he was such a failure, even if he did love her. He couldn't just let her stay when she had somewhere else she could be… or even more, somewhere else she'd rather be.
"It's nothing."
So he sat back and watched her as she opened the boot of the car and took out her bags. It was strange watching her say goodbye in her own little way. She shut the boot and looked at him. The last look she would give him. He saw pain in her eyes, mostly probably due to the fact that they were good friends. Why did he have to loose her like this? He never wanted this… but… he couldn't tell her… he felt like such a wimp. He just watched as she walked away from him… maybe for the last time.
"What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know"
Five months had passed and you could say Chris had somewhat moved on. Jennifer Baxtor, a beautiful girl with long black hair. That was her name. The name of his new girlfriend… He found it funny that he found it so easy to end up going out with Jennifer when it took him… well he never actually… asked Anabel out or tell her how he felt. Looking across at Jennifer who had just came out of the bathroom with only her bra and a pair of black trousers on, he found himself smiling slightly.
Maybe he never showed it or talked about it to anyone, his mind was almost always on Anabel when he wasn't with Jennifer. He knew it wasn't right but he was in love with Jennifer as well. He couldn't let go of his feelings for Anabel but knew, because he had to give his heart to Jennifer, that he would have to try to push his feelings for Anabel aside to let room for Jennifer to have his. He hated himself for still being in love with Anabel, but at least he had Jennifer, right?
Jennifer walked over to him. He watched as her hands touched his shirt, before it was soon gripping it. He looked into her eyes as she looked up into his. She leant up sexily towards his lips but didn't kill him. Chris just looked at her. It felt wrong, kissing her when he was thinking of Anabel. It would be wrong wouldn't it? Well he had no choice because Jennifer kissed him anyways. What felt even more wrong was that he hadn't even told Jennifer about Anabel. All Jennifer knew was that Anabel was Gareth's little sister and that she didn't live in America.
"I love you."
He heard her say to him. He wanted to have heard that from Anabel so many times in the past but he never. Chris looked at Jennifer and smiled before kissing her again. He had to do this, be with Jennifer. He loved Jennifer, so that was one thing and if it made him forget about Anabel, well that would be another, right? Yes, that would be a good little bonus, because he had to forget about her to move on. He told Jennifer that he loved her too before holding her close; she had work to go to so Jennifer rushed to get her shirt on, fix her hair and make-up before making a mad dash for the door. He quickly said his goodbye.
"If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine"
He realised that he was going to be late for college, which, was in no way any surprise and he wouldn't get in trouble, as he was often late, if not always late. He found that it would be a safe bet to orb there, that way he wouldn't be any later. Yet it wasn't as if he cared, he didn't have her waiting for him anymore… wait… he had to stop thinking about her. It also didn't help that when he went around to Gareth's house that there were pictures of Anabel, or that when he looked into the window of her bedroom he still remembered seeing her in there. He ended up there, at the staircase where he had once gotten lost in Anabel's eyes. Why did he orb there? He had no idea.
"… Chris…"
God no. Not now. Tell him he wasn't hearing her voice now too. Turning around slightly he hoped that he wasn't going to… oh god… standing there behind him was Anabel looking slightly shocked to see him too. She had her long blonde hair down and she looked the same as she had done the day they parted, wearing the same clothes and everything. He sat down on the staircase and she was standing there in front of him now looking at him. He asked her why she had come back and she said she had forgotten to do something. He nodded his head towards her, which was understandable, right? He didn't know what to do, it was obviously he was confused because now he could feel that the feelings he had for her were flooding back, but he still loved Jennifer so much.
"I had to say to you… that… I love you."
"What?"
He looked up at her in complete shock. She couldn't do this. Not now. It wasn't fair. Why did she come back to make his life a mess. He was happy… or well happier than he was when she left. Why did do this? He saw that she looked disappointed in his reply and he said that she couldn't do this to him, which only resulted in a why. Well… he looked down… he had to expect that. He was dreading this, telling her the reason why… telling her about Jennifer.
"I have a… a girlfriend now."
Okay this reaction from her he didn't expect. She pushed him and turned away and she walked a little down the corridor. He watched as she moved her hand to her face as if she was going to cry. He said he was sorry but it didn't seem to work any better for what had happened between them. He looked at her he hated seeing her cry. He didn't want this, he did love her and it was obvious that he did but what about Jennifer… God he was so confused… He just watched as she went to walk away, he didn't expect to see Jennifer there standing by the door looking at them as if she was shocked.
"'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind"
Jennifer had stopped Anabel from walking away, moving her against the wall telling her to stay there before walking over to Chris. He – already – didn't like this. Jennifer was eying him up and down almost in disgust as if she could tell that he had feelings for Anabel. Anabel didn't move though, she did what she was told to do, or maybe she was staying for another reason, as if she wanted to be there for Chris's sake.
"So do you love her too, Chris?"
"W-what…"
He honestly didn't know what to say to Jennifer. Why did she have to do this and make it difficult? If he were to say yes he would hurt Jennifer but Anabel would finally find out, and if he said no then he would break Anabel's heart and maybe Jennifer would figure out that he was lying. He honestly had no idea what to say and he could tell from Jennifer's expression that she was beginning to get a little impatient. He looked to see what Jennifer had in the pocket of her boot… he had never seen Jennifer wear anything like this before… what was up with her?
"I… I…"
Chris couldn't answer so he watched as Jennifer put two and two together; angrily she pulled out her athame out of her boot and pointed it towards Chris before looking back at Anabel telling her something in a bitchy tone. Chris looked at Anabel too, he wasn't scared of Jennifer, and he could orb the athame away in a split second but was worried about the blonde. He didn't want Anabel to get hurt because he loved her. When Jennifer moved the athame almost quickly towards Chris Anabel yelled out running towards them, she was almost face-to-face to Jennifer.
"Wait a second. Can't we talk about this?"
He moved away from Jennifer and the athame as he watched on in slight horror as Jennifer stated no before hitting Anabel over the back of the head with the handle of the athame, it must have been hard as she fell to the ground with a hard thump. Chris went to run to her, but Jennifer moved her leg out to kick him backwards, he wasn't' going to get away with hurting him like this, no way. He landed on the floor in pain, looking to see Anabel lying there, unconscious, or as it would seem.
Chris had hurt himself, he had a cut on his forehead and it was then that he heard something, but he couldn't tell what. He was still looking at Anabel before blacking out. What happened to Jennifer or with Jennifer he had no idea but what he did know was that something had happened to Anabel and he was angry with Jennifer for hurting her. He hated it when Anabel was hurt and wouldn't let Jennifer get away with it.
"What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know"
"Chris…"
He could feel himself coming around. He moaned slightly in pain as his eyes opened, he was now lying on his back but what he saw wasn't too bad. He had Anabel over him looking worried about him. He smiled weakly saying hello but he was worried even more as he forced himself up and looked around for Jennifer. He looked at Anabel and she helped him get to the staircase so that he could sit down, he had hurt his head pretty badly.
"What happened with… with Jenn?"
Anabel looked towards policemen who had turned up. She had no idea why they came or what it had to do with them or Jennifer, but maybe the college security called them. They were arresting Jennifer for the athame, well in normal eyes it would look just like a knife, right? Anabel moved a piece of damp cloth against Chris's wound and he moaned in pain slightly. A policeman wanted to question Chris. And Anabel had to be kept away, she had no idea why but she disliked this… it was as if they were blaming him too…
She struggled against them as she tried to get to Chris but they wouldn't let her go. She twisted out of their grasp and turned to them her hands in fists, those martial arts lessons would come in handy but they moved away as if scared. Good. She turned around and ran past more policemen to get to Chris who had moved away slightly. She ran to him and hugged him close. He had moved his hand into her hair pulling her close to him and smiled. She felt so good to hold.
"I… I have to go back to Scotland."
He looked at her in shock, no she couldn't. Not now. It was true, he still hadn't told her that he loved her but after everything that had happened between them lately, they couldn't part. She looked away as he didn't say anything. There was really nothing he could say actually. She went to walk away but he moved forward quickly, moving his hands to the side of her head kissing her passionately. He moved his hand to the back of her head and she moved her hand to his neck. Jennifer wasn't looking too pleased when the policemen dragged her away. Chris and Anabel parted and he kept his hand to her head as he placed his forehead against hers.
"Stay… Stay with me…"
She nodded her head towards him and he smiled as she smiled before moving forward and once again kissing her. They kissed as passionately as the first time before pulling each other close once again into a hug of which he was scared to let her go. It wasn't long after that hug that they then started to walk away from the college to get home so that they could tend to Chris's wound and clean him up because he was still indeed covered in blood.