I miss them.

I miss James and his stupid Snitch.
I miss Remus and his stupid books.
I miss the full moons.
I miss the late nights.
I miss the Marauders.
I miss him.

I walked across the front lawn. Stopping at the front door, I chewed my lip gently, frowning at the ornate wood. I raised my hand, hesitating for a moment before pressing the door bell.

Five years is a long time.

Turning away, I look out across the garden. I can't truly know what his life has become. Cursing myself slightly, I wondered why I hadn't at least contacted James, Lily, or even Peter before attempting this. The nerves spread from my stomach to my now shaking hands as my mind started shooting questions at me.

What if he's married?
What if he has children?
What if he's in love?
What if he doesn't want to see you?
What if he never missed you?
What if he laughs when he opens the door?
What if...

The door opens behind me.

"Can I help you?"

I look down at my feet, shrugging slightly.

"If you can't, no one can, Moony."

"Sirius?"

I can hear the disbelief in his voice. I feel his hand on my shoulder. I feel him turn me around. I don't look up. I don't open my eyes. I don't breathe. I keep my face angled down.

"Oh my God…Sirius!"

I feel his arms slide around me and pull my body against his. He's more toned than he used to be. His arms are stronger than they used to be. I feel smaller than I used to be. I am smaller than I used to be.

"Sirius?"

The hood is pushed off my head.

"Sirius?"

He's holding me at arms length.

"Sirius?"

My sunglasses are gone.

"Sirius, why're you crying?"

"I…well…" I paused, reaching up to wipe my eyes with a shaky laugh. "Hi, Remus."

"Hi, Sirius," Remus replied, smiling and shaking his head. "Come inside."

Nodding, I follow him into his house, taking no notice of anything around me. Motioning towards a couch, he sits down opposite me, pulling his legs up to his chest in a way that reminds me irresistably of Hogwarts.

"Okay, what're you doing here? I mean shit, Sirius, we don't hear from you for five years and then you just…what's up?"

Biting my lip, I glance up to realise that he's still holding my sunglasses in his hand. "I missed you, Moony."

"Sirius, we didn't want you to leave. We didn't know what was wrong, I thought I'd done something…Jesus, we haven't even known if you were still alive!"

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Remus. I really am. I can't…I don't…I just…"

"Sirius," he said gently, "you should've told me. You know you can tell me anything."

"I know. It's just…you've got other problems, and—"

"Padfoot?" Remus asked suddenly. "When was the last time you really slept?"

Shaking my head, I shrugged. "I slept some…a few days ago. Why?"

"Because," he said softly, studying the shadows under my eyes, "I think it's time you did." His hand slid into mine, and he pulled me up from the couch.

We crawled into bed together, clothes and all, and I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for the several days of dirt, dust and grime that was being transferred onto the white sheets.

Sleep wasn't my friend.

However, Remus's presence seemed to change the rules.

so that's obviously the most awkward thing I've ever written. sorry if you don't get it or whatever. use your imagination. xx