Rating: K+ (Thus far, we'll see if it gets upped.)
Disclaimer: All I own is my laptop, and lots of books. Lots and lots of books.
Genre: Character Studies, Gen
What in the World is Going on Here: I happened across the Pauley Perrette song "Fear" from the NCIS soundtrack a little bit ago (yes, I know, I'm way behind the times). It has rapidly become one of my fav songs (highly recommended for running). Then the plot-bunnies wouldn't shut up, and here we are.
This is a collection of post-ep/missing scene/just barely related one-shots, each coming from somewhere between seasons 3-7 (haven't seen 1&2), and each tied to a line from "Fear." The POV and focus switches from story to story, with no real pairing, and no real contiguous plot, but I've done my best to stick to canon. Where possible I'll point out who'll be doing the talking and who they're talking about, just in case you can't stand to read certain POVs. I'll also remind you of the eps, and when applicable I'll even give you a time stamp for certain scenes. I figure I'm bouncing around enough I ought to tell you where in the world we are.
5x06 – Chimera - Team goes to investigate a death on Black Ops Sub. The crew has abandoned ship, and it seems another airborne pathogen in on the loose. Gibbs and the Gang (plus Ducky) try to figure out what killed the sailor and what in the world is going on on the sub.
"Are You Scared of the Dark?"
McGee was man enough to admit that he wasn't a big fan of the dark. Not afraid of the dark, just not a fan. His younger sister used to think it was hilarious to jump out of his closet screaming bloody murder, right when he was about to fall asleep. He'd never been entirely comfortable with the dark after that.
Tim didn't mind sleeping-dark, or mood-dark (and yes, he did know what mood dark was, he owned candles), though watching-movies-in-the-apartment-dark was his favorite. Mainly because movies-dark and typing-dark were the same level of dark. Not that Tim would ever admit to Tony that he'd run tests to determine which lighting, desk placement, and typewriter paper inspired him most. Which is how he knew movie-lighting and typing-lighting were exactly the same. And no, he didn't have all those lighting levels programmed into his remote. Promise.
But this wasn't a level of dark he was used to. This wasn't the sudden onslaught of dark that came from tracking a criminal through an alleyway. This was haunted-submarine-dark. This was Gibbs having him break into a biohazard room, alone, on a haunted submarine, dark.
He was perfectly fine with being really quite terrified at this moment. And not even Tony would be able to make him feel stupid about it.
Ziva's whole speech about believing in ghosts took him completely by surprise and made him nervous. Ziva was one of those people you expected to be absolutely rational. He thought that after all her years killing people she would've been thoroughly grounded in reality. But apparently Ziva believed in ghosts. She didn't believe in miracles, but she believed in ghosts. McGee would take a moment to ponder that irony later.
McGee jumped at another groan from the surrounding metal of the ship, looking around for what in the world was still causing the noises. It was just the metal contracting in the cooler water. That was it. Ships made noises. Not scary at all. Completely rational.
He'd been expecting Tony to tease Ziva a bit more about the belief in ghosts, but Tony was so ramped up about the possible lethal airborne pathogen that he was getting close to useless. Tim had noticed that impending death by gunfire or car bomb didn't seem to bother DiNozzo near as much as the thought of spending his last days on his back, gasping for air. It wasn't the dark, or even the death that got to Tony, it was having nothing to fight but himself. Tony would probably be relieved to have a ghost to yell at instead of nothing.
The ship moaned again and this time McGee popped up to check the surrounding hallways. Just to, ya know, due diligence and all that. Boss would never forgive him if there was someone on the ship and he missed them.
And no, he wasn't checking for ghosts. He didn't believe in ghosts. Tim believed in things that could be tested, quantified, proven. He'd had several ex-girlfriends try and argue with him that there were plenty of things that couldn't be proven, but McGee always had always proven them wrong. Mind you, the girls were never keen on going on another date after that, but McGee hadn't yet found a girl he liked enough to ignore a good set of facts. Abby came close, but that might have had something to do with her own love of facts.
A girlfriend had talked about how you couldn't prove love, which McGee had actually laughed at. (Yeah, the girl didn't find it very funny.) But come on, the girl obviously hadn't ever been in a life-threatening situation before. Tony had teased the hell out of Tim and Kate, and made them uncomfortable at every turn, which to any outside observer should prove how little a regard he had for them. But before Tim completely lost his temper any time Tony ran smack, he remembered that Tony had sent him and Kate running while he got himself blown up. Yeah, love could be proven.
Another girl wasn't at all comfortable with McGee's borderline atheism. She made the case that faith couldn't be tested. She'd done better than most, but all Tim could think about was Gibb's answer every time someone went missing. They weren't dead, because Gibbs would know. He was so absolutely sure, that you couldn't help but believe him. And the few times Tim had been on the lost side of the table, they never gave up. Because no matter what, Gibbs would save them. It was just something they knew. Tim was sure of faith too.
He'd never been able to come up with a decent answer about whether he believed in an afterlife, though. He knew he wanted to believe, he wanted Kate happy somewhere, and he wanted Gibbs to see Shannon and Kelly again. He wanted all the pain to be worth it, to get some great cosmic reward beyond good kharma for putting the bad guys in prison.
Tony didn't believe, Tim was sure of that. Tony was too scared to grow old and die to really believe there was something waiting for him. And McGee would've bet his life savings that after all that death Ziva wasn't a believer either, but apparently he would've been wrong. Another contradiction he'd leave for discussion in the pages of his next book.
The more death Tim saw, the harder it got to believe there was goodness out there. Sure, it was here, in his team, but it felt like there was less and less of it in the world surrounding them. Like the fight against all that evil was getting more and more uphill. He couldn't prove a life after this one, but he hoped.
How thoroughly unscientific of him. His professors at MIT would have scorned him if they would see him now, mulling the existence of an afterlife because he was afraid of being attacked by ghosts while trying to break into classified navy operations.
The ship moaned at him again, and Tim decided to start paying more attention to the lock he was picking. Ghosts or no ghosts, Tim didn't want proof to the answer to the afterlife question until later. Preferably a wife, several children, and lots of medals later.