Duck Wars
Hey Peeps! Here Is my new story it is co-written with Zanyginger. So make sure you give some credit to her. It is short I might add some chapters on later, so ya!
I don't own star wars, or Harry Potter :(
One day, Philip Skywalker opened his abused copy of Star Wars. Suddenly, a strange, wrinkled green hand shot out of the book and grabbed him by the arm.
"AHH!" Philip cried. The hand pulled, he pulled, the hand pulled, he pulled, the hand pulled, he-
And then it all went black. Then purple. Then fuchsia. Then orange. Then a pukish shade of green.
Then, suddenly, there was a green wrinkly midget standing in front of his now-conscious body. He said his name was Yoda-or was it Yogurt? I like strawberry yogurt with granola on top. Wait, no I like blueberry better. Oh well. We can talk about dairy products later. Back to the story!
"Yoda, I am" said Yogurt-I mean Yoda-making Philip jump. "Hello, young Skywalker. Been waiting for you for long time, I have. Defeat Duck Vader, you must. Save universe, you will."
"Are you wearing pajamas? Ain't you spos' ta be short? Why are you telling me what to do? You remind me of green sherbet. Wow, I'm hungry!" said Philip.
"Focus, young Jedi. Hungry, yes, yes. Go to Spaceway, we shall".
Later, when they got there, some hairy wookie freak dressed up in shoes of all kinds came up to Philip and started to sing the five dollar foot long song in his face, which in wookie sounded something like, "Hoo hoo hoo, hoo hoo hoo, hoo hooh hoooooooh!"
"Who's that hairy wookie freak? I bet he is getting minimum wage!"
The hairy wookie freak, looking slightly annoyed, said, "Horoh-hoohoh hooowah!" which meant, 'My Name is Shoebacca, for crying out loud, and yes, I do get minimum wage!' then he turned to Yoda and did some more wookie sounds which meant, 'Hey aren't you that wise dude that travels the universe in search of some dude named Phil Tietalker?'
"Yes, yes I am," Yoda said, "Philip Skywalker it is, not Phil Tietalker."
Shoebacca said more wookie talk which meant, 'Whatever. Anyways I can fly ships and I would love to join your little quest. Can I?'
"Sure!" Philip said and they discussed their plan over a grilled cheese sandwich. So when they finished they went outside and there they saw Princess Larry doing the Macarena to her punk music.
"Hey isn't that the banished Princess Larry who's planet blew up?" Philip asked.
"Yes, Yes." Yoda replied, "Good fighter, she is. Ask her to join quest we are on, you will."
Philip thought about it for a minute and said, "I don't know, but I've gotta admit she is pretty darn hot."
"Then ask her, I will," Yoda said, but Philip stopped him, "No, no! I'll do it!" and he marched up to her.
"Hey Princess Larry, do you want to join our quest to save the universe?" asked Philip.
"Whatever. Do I get paid because I need more money for black nail polish; all I have is this pink sparkly stuff."
"Sure, I don't have money but you can ask Yoda that small green dude over there." Philip pointed to the shriveled so-called Jedi.
"Good, yes, yes, we shall steal a ship yes, yes." said Yoda as he came up to them.
"whooo uuuuhhhgg" yodeled Shoebacca in wookie language.
"Oh, yes, we shall steal the Millennium Pigeon!" Yoda said and pointed to a pigeon shaped ship in the space-ship lot.
"Um, we don't have any one to drive the ship!" Philip cried.
"I know of a guy who can fly the ship," said Princess Larry.
"Anakin Skywalker!" asked Philip.
"Dude he's not even in this story," said a voice.
"Who said that?" the whole gang said at the same time.
"Uh oops wasn't supposed to speak. I'm Narrator," said Narrator, "know ignore me and go on with your quest."
"OK"
Phillip Skywalker decided to break the awkwardness and said, "So Princess Larry who is the pilot you speak of?"
"Why it's the Bacon-obsessed Ham Solo." She giggled.
"Fly, he cannot. On vacation in the Bah-ham-ahs, he is." answered Yoda.
"OK, who's gunna drive?" said Philip.
"Hohoh hoh ho! "said Shoebacca.
"Yes, Shoey, you can drive." So they went inside the ship and Shoey took the wheel and steered randomly until there was a huge CRASH! Thunk! Thunk!
Yoda shook his head, "maybe Yoda should drive, yes, yes."
Later that millennium, Philip and his gang of hooligans arrived at the death triangle. "Um, isn't that a hexagon?" asked Philip.
"Yes, but bad geometry teacher Duck Vader had." said Yoda.
Then all the sudden Shoey's stomach grumbled loudly.
"Ok, Princess Larry and Shoey, you go find the snack bar, and Yoda and I will go to go find he-who-will-not-be-named."
"Um that's Harry Potter dummy! Oops sorry intruded again! Carry on."
"Hoohyrahoh" said Shoebacca, which meant 'thank the stars, I'm starving!'
Later, after 2 rights, 4 lefts and a bathroom break with Prince Larry still jamming to her tunes with her Igalactic-pod, she and Shoebacca ran into a gnome trooper. Not knowing he was a trooper, Larry asked him,"Hey, where's the snack bar?" The gnome trooper, looking up (because he's so dang short) said "Over there … hey, wait a minute!"
They froze.
"I love your shoes! Where did you them?" he said pointing to Larry's black combat boots.
"Uhh, Macys."
"That makes sense. Macy's has all good stuff. Wait a minute! You are tall! Only Duck Vader is the tall one. What are you doing here, anyways? Put your hands up!" He made a quacking noise and then another gnome trooper came. "Lock them up in the torture chamber! Mwa ha ha ha!"
Shoey, with a startled look on his hairy face, said, "Hohohohohohh" which Larry later learned meant, "Little dude, big evil laugh. Who knew?"
By the time they reached the torture chamber Larry had turned her music to blues and Shoebacca was shaking in a weird wookie way.
"Gimmie the headphones, lady." commanded the gnome trooper. Crying, Princess Larry gave up her headphones. He touched the arm of a robot standing in the cell.
"It's a small world ah-fter all, it's a small world ah-fter all, it's a small, small, world!"
"Raaahhaaahhooohh!" yelled Shoebacca.
"Well, later." said the gnome trooper.
"My headphones!" wailed Larry "My headphones!"
"Wwahuwahuh!" yelled Shoey, "Wahuowwwahu!" (Translation: 'my ears! My ears').
After a while Princess Larry was getting tired of this and planed to escape. She examined the bars that were on the door, while humming a punk song to help her think. Suddenly, she took a running jump at the bars. She flew through them and grabbed the headphones the careless gnome trooper dropped. Apparently the cell was made for a fat person.
"Sucker!" she sneered at Shoey, running through the hall and far from his view.
"Ahuauahswa!" screamed Shoebacca(Translation: Hey wait up!) He took a running start at the bars. CLUNK! He landed on his back still stick in the chamber.
Meanwhile Philip and Yoda were ducking around the space station looking for any signs for Duck Vader. They heard someone yell 'sucker!' around the corner and they started running.
"Keep up, I can't. Piggyback, yes, yes?"
"Fine. Hop on." said Philip. The footsteps were getting closer.
"Oink, oink! I love piggy backs!"Oinked Yoda. Something grabbed Philips by the ankle.
"Ahh!"
"Be quiet, Philip. I have a plan" said Princess Larry.
"This is your plan?" asked Philip. They had disguised themselves as dog breeders. Yoda had disguised himself as one of those bald Chinese dogs. A little known fact Duck Vader loves dog breeders.
"Yip yip, yes yes!" said Yoda /Mr. Wrinkles.
"C'mon guys, we need to find Duck Vader." said Philip. "Let's ask that gnome trooper. Excuse me, Mr. Trooper, where could some innocent dog breeders that aren't trying to save the universe or anything find Duck Vader?"
"Over there and take a left." He said. "Hey! Wait a minute!" The dog breeders froze. "I love your shoes! Where'd you get them?"
"Uh, Macy's." answered Larry then they raced off in the direction the gnome trooper pointed. They found a door that said Lord Vader's Bathroom and pressed the ding-dong button.
Ding-Dong
To their luck, Duck Vader answered in his yellow bathrobe very annoyed. "Hello, I'm trying to take a shower here! I am trying to rubba-dub-dub, oh puppy!" He looked up, as if to see them for the first time. "Wait a minute! You're Philip Skywalker! Philip, I am your uncle's cousin's sister's taxi driver's roommate's father!"
"Um…well, what does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing. I just like saying it!"
Then Philip and Duck Vader endorsed into fierce combat.
"Ahh! I broke a nail!" said Philip. "How dare you! I just got a manicure!" Princess Larry had put her headphones back on and began dancing to her music, she lifted her arm to do an air punch in time to the music and punched Duck Vader in the face. Duck Vader fell to the grown, with one final,
"Quack you, Philip Skywalker!"
"That's it? What about the dramatic music? What about the flames?" said Philip, "All I had to do was hit him? And I didn't even defeat him! Curse you, Narrator!"
*Cough* "I can hear you!"
"Oh sorry."
"Rahhusyuuaoo deouareses!" (That was horrible!) said Shoebacca. Somehow he had gotten out of the torture chamber. Then the four misfits flew off into the stars, doing who knows what!
THE END
Now we can talk about dairy products!