"He fucking killed him!" Cook bursts into the room in tears. His face red and his hands covered in blood.
"What?" Someone, I think JJ asks.
"Who?" Katie sounds confused.
"Freddie...he fucking killed Freddie." Cook breaks down a little more right there on the floor of the shed. My heart stops and my stomach lurches. Freddie. Dead? I can't breathe.
"Who Cook?" Karen demands frantically, she is visibly shaking. "Who killed him?"
"That dickhead. John Foster, that creep from the hospital that was following Eff." He sobs.
"What?" I don't know where I summoned my voice from but it sounds all wrong. Shaky and weak.
"I was out takin' a piss right and I heard someone pokin' around so I investigate and I follow this bloke back to a house. I break in to find out who the fuck was pokin' around spyin' on a bunch of kids and I find boxes filled with stuff." His voices cracks a bit. "And in one of them he's got Freddie's t-shirt and his favourite shoes in little plastic bags. Covered in blood."
A gasp of shock passes round the room; Pandora clings to Thomas, Emily hides her face in Naomi's hair. JJ's mouth falls open and he sinks to the floor. Karen is just in shock shaking her head, gripping her hair. Katie crosses the room and sits down beside me.
"Are you sure?" Someone asks.
"He fuckin' attacked me." Cook growls. His sadness being replaced with anger again. "I had to teach him a lesson. He killed my fucking friend!"
"What did you do?" Naomi asks; her voice filled with concern.
"I didn't kill him." Cook assured them. "I thought it'd be better to let the bastard rot in prison."
"Then where is he?" Naomi seemed to be the only one capable of logical thought at the moment. Cook doesn't say anything he just moves to the door and grabs something from outside. Its John's unconscious and bleeding body, his hands and feet loosely bound.
"We need to call the police." Naomi has to shout to be heard over the chaos that's just broken out. JJ's gotten locked on and is mid panic attack on the floor. Karen screams and Pandora begins to sob. I try to stand up. I don't know why but I do. I need to move. I need to run. I can't deal with this.
Freddie is dead.
John Foster killed him.
I try to run but I'm frozen so I settle for howling like a banshee. I start to fall to the floor, the room fading into darkness as I do. Katie catches me and helps me to the couch.
"Effy? Effy?" She screams frantically but I can't answer her.
-
I wake up in a hospital bed. It's a different hospital than last time though. I can understand why, considering my doctor from the other hospital killed my boyfriend. The one person in my whole fucked up life that I thought I could trust turned out to be more psychotic than I ever was. It must be my fault. Fuck even when I try to get help someone's life gets ruined. Or rather ended. It's my fault. Definitely me.
I sit up slightly in my bed. This hospital is brighter than the last one. The walls here are nice bright yellow instead of stark white. It's a shame really the white walls had reminded me of home. Looking around the room I'm shocked to find Katie sleeping in the armchair by my bed. What the fuck?
My head doesn't know how to process that. It's still struggling with the information that my doctor killed my boyfriend. I stare out the window until my eyes go out of focus. I figure it must be the morning since the sun is only rising in the sky and Katie is still asleep.
"Good morning deary!" A far too cheerful voice steals my attention and stirs Katie from her sleep. "Good to see you awake."
The woman, probably in her 40s with greying brown hair and friendly brown eyes, approaches my bed.
"Hey you're up." Katie smiles tentatively when she wakes properly. I don't respond to either of them.
"I'm Nurse Williams. How are you feeling today?" She asks in a friendly voice. I don't respond though, I just stare at her silently. I see her glance at Katie.
"Don't feel like talking, that's ok?" She's still smiling. "I bet you friend is glad to see you up. She's been here for days looking out for you."
I give Katie a look of intrigue and confusion. She blushes slightly and shrugs, looking out the window.
"I'll just leave you two alone for a bit, maybe you want to talk to your friend. I'll go tell the doctors you're awake and call your mum." Nurse Williams is still smiling when she leaves the room.
I look at Katie, asking with my eyes what day it is and to my surprise she actually seems to understand me.
"It's Thursday. You we're brought in on Monday." She explains sounding worried. "They had to sedate you...a couple of times." She adds quietly, painfully reminded of watching them hold Effy down and inject her to stop her screaming.
I think about this for a while. I've lost about 2 days but at least I feel rested. I still don't feel like talking, I can see that it's killing Katie; she's not used to silence. But talking is a waste of time. I only cause destruction in people's lives, at least if I don't speak I can minimise the damage. Still I wonder what she's doing here. I give her another appraising look. Again she seems to get what I'm asking.
"I was worried about you." She whispers. "We all were. Cook's in custody, they're taking his statement but they say they won't press charges because it was self defence but he's still in trouble for, ya know escaping from prison. Emily and Naomi were here yesterday, and Pandora. And well your mum's just left because well, she really needed a shower."
I manage a weak smile. So she was here. She hadn't abandoned me, well not yet anyway. It won't be long though. I'm a life ruiner. No one wants to be around that for too long. Katie looks at me; those chocolate brown eyes are begging me to speak, to say something, anything to her but I can't. I don't want to ruin her life like I have everyone else's. Perhaps if I stay silent for long enough she'll get fed up and leave. That would be best for her.
There was a knock at the door and a tall, bald man wearing a white coat entered the room. Must be my doctor. I stare at him and he smiles that smile they teach them to use when working with crazy people at medical school.
"Hello Elizabeth, I'm Dr McAdams. It's good to see you up and feeling a bit better today." I don't say anything. He looks a Katie now. "I'm sorry but could you excuse us for a minute I need to examine Elizabeth."
Katie gets up immediately, nervous, worried, she looks back over her shoulder at me before she leaves. My eyes are pleading with her not to go.
"I'll just be outside." She promises. I actually believe her. It doesn't seem like she's going anywhere.
"You've been through quite a time of it haven't you?" The doctor says as he slides the blood pressure cuff up my arm. I glare at him. "But don't worry; we'll soon have you back to your old self." He smiles. I really want to hit him. I might have suffered a psychotic break but there's no need for him to patronise me. I'm still mentally competent.
"Tell me Elizabeth..." He says, looking at me over the chart where he is marking my vital statistics. "How do you feel about all of this?"
What a stupid fucking question! I wish Katie was back in here. I look at the door as though my eyes could penetrate the wood and pull her back in here with me. She would mouth at this dickhead. I smile a little thinking about what she would say. Dr Dickhead mistakes this for something else and notes it down. Probably thinks I'm not quite the full picnic yet, but he's wrong.
"Hmm..." He frowns. "The nurses said you weren't talking yet." He scratches his bald head.
"Well...all in your own time I suppose." He shrugs as if he can't possibly understand why I refuse to speak. "But still, if you're up and feeling better we might as well start your treatment." He is pleased by affirmative action and walks out of the room without another word. No point talking if no one is responding. I feel a wave of relief wash over me the second Katie is back in the room.
"What a wanker?" She wrinkles her nose and looks to the door where Dr McAdams has just disappeared. I smile again; it feels strange but it makes Katie's eyes twinkle that she's made me smile. She sits down beside me on the bed and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I'm surprised when the contact feels nice.
"Fucksake Eff." She shakes her head and smiles. "What are we going to do with you?"
I look deep into her eyes. They're so warm and loving I allow myself to sink into them, getting lost in a world that's not completely fucked up by my existence. She looks back at me, both willing me better and willing me to speak. The door opening interrupts the moment.
"Hello love. They said you were awake." Anthea rushes to my side. Katie jumps off the bed to get out of her way and moves back to the armchair. I look sadly from her to the bed and she gets the hint and comes back to sit on my other side. Mum actually notices this.
"Not talking is she?" She asks Katie with a sigh.
"No. Not since she woke up. Not to me, not to the nurses or the doctor." The brunette shrugs. I can tell she wishes there was something she could do.
"That's alright. She'll come round." She smiles lovingly at me and brushes my hair out of my face.
"Right." Katie says hopefully. It seems like there has been a friendship formed between them in the last few days. I don't think my mum has ever really spoken to any of my friends before except for Pandora and she doesn't quite understand Pandora. It's strange.
"I better get going actually." Katie says after a minute or two of silence. My head whips round to look at her and I'm perplexed to find that I feel distraught. Like someone is slowly sucking all the air from the room. Of course she picks up on it.
"It's alright I'll be back." She assures me. "I gave off to your mum this morning because she hadn't showered in days and I'm not exactly fresh myself. And I need to change I look like some kind of tramp I've been wearing these clothes since the party."
It's only when she points it out that I notice. Still, they're nice clothes.
"Naomi and Emily will be so glad to hear you're awake." She adds with a smile. "Think you'll be up for visitors later?"
I look at her, my eyes frozen wide. Why would they come here when I refuse to speak to anyone? But I want Katie to come back.
"I get it not yet. Maybe in a couple of days. I'll come back though, yeah?" She looks for approval. I nod. I need her to come back. "And I won't smell quite so much." She smiles shyly as she leaves the room. I watch the door for ages after she's gone. No doubt my new observant mother notices my behaviour but she doesn't mention it. I can't explain it and I don't have the energy to think about it. All I know is that having Katie around makes me feel better. So I wait patiently for her return.