Author: This is my fifth fanfic ever, and it's my first TVD/Bamon fic, so I hope you all will enjoy. Please read and review.
Notes: The song that's used is 'It Will Rain' by Bruno Mars. I had this song in my head and I was thinking about Bamon or Damon's thoughts on Bonnie. So I don't know if this song is the right choice for this fic but this song helped me make this fic, so I used it.
Disclaimer: I don't know anything, just as most people on this site don't either.
Summary: Damon's thoughts on Bonnie and his relationship with her.
~0~
If you ever leave me baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.
~0~
Damon slowly slid his body into a sitting position, making sure he didn't disturb the sleeping body next to his. He leant against the cool head board and let the sheets caress his naked chest as it went down to pool around his waist.
~0~
Damon always seemed to have a moment of time to spare for himself. It was not something he planned but it was something that always kept happening. At least once every month he'd have a moment like this and he most always spent that time thinking about his relationship with Bonnie.
It's just ….he wasn't use to this, having someone so close this long. It wasn't that he didn't want it, but he felt it was too good to be true; something was bound to happen to disrupt his happiness.
People would say looking on the dark side of things, expecting them to happen, and waiting for them to happen …was maybe a little morbid.
But Damon had learned early on, that sometimes good things don't happen; he also learned that no matter the good deeds anyone did, life doesn't just reward you for a job well done.
And yet he finds that he did receive a gift. Him as oppose to other deserving people.
His gift was in the form a beautiful young woman named Bonnie Bennett.
It completely baffles his mind, makes him paranoid to the point where he literally catches himself looking over his shoulder to catch something …anything that may pull Bonnie away from him for good.
Though despite his paranoia, he would never exchange his gift, he loved it and he would treasure it for as long he could. He just hoped Bonnie would never leave his side, so that he could be selfish and keep that precious gift to himself, and never feel an ounce of regret in doing so.
~0~
Looking to his right, Damon watched the shadows in the room play off the body sleeping next to his.
If Bonnie was to ever leave his side, he would do anything to get her back.
~0~
There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making
Will keep you by my side
Will keep you from walking out the door.
~0~
Damon let his fingers run through the brown locks that seemed to frame Bonnie's face, one of her curls seemingly playful in the way it curled itself around his finger.
"How is this now my life?"
~0~
One of the many questions that seem to plague Damon's mind when he's alone like this.
But Damon really wants to know, he wants to one day build up the courage and ask Bonnie, why she chose him. Was he a last choice, a last resort? Is he just a project to her?
Sighing a little too loudly, Damon let the curl slip away from his finger.
He knew the answers to those questions already. Bonnie never just chose him. They chose each other. And it sounded just as sappy saying it in his mind, but that's what they did.
The person, who hated him, became the person that loved him the most ….well not including Stefan, but that's a different kind of love entirely, and Damon realized long ago, it's just as important.
It's strange, thinking about how similar his and Bonnie's situations in life were. How, even though their journey started at different times, their paths were still intertwined in a way they would barely notice it.
If Damon was a romantic sap he would say Fate had planned this all along, but he wouldn't let that thought live past 5 seconds in his mind, because Damon knew reality was cruel.
He and Bonnie both had to take a lot of shit to even reach this point in their lives where they could even call this happiness.
This proved to Damon even more, that he needed Bonnie; it proved to him that Bonnie was the biggest slice of happiness Damon has ever been gifted.
It proved to him, made him realize that if Bonnie ever left him, he couldn't, wouldn't be able to live the rest of his eternity in this world. Not without her and certainly not without trying to do anything to get her back.
~0~
Damon turned his head to the left, in the direction of the window. It was dark and cloudy and it was raining so hard.
It matched his mood so well.
~0~
Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Every day it will rain, rain, rain...
~0~
Damon's blue eyes never wavered from the window that seemed to be the resting stop for so many rain drops; he stared, his mind in a quiet state.
And slowly the raindrops blurred as his eyes glazed over and his mind poured out an endless supply of new thoughts and questions for Damon to ponder on.
Chuckling to himself, Damon wondered why his mind always conjured up images of his future self and Bonnie arguing …arguments that always led to Bonnie leaving. This then always resulted in future Damon living in a haze, not quite aware of the world around him, only becoming lively when trying to win Bonnie back.
His imagination was a bitch. As are his insecurities.
And he hated how prominent and active they are now, ever since Bonnie was deemed worthy of his heart, all the bottled up of stuff inside Damon just keeps sneaking on by.
It was annoying, and yet his shoulders felt lighter.
It was probably due to the fact that Damon never could fully express how he felt, to just anybody.
Such is the road for a loner.
~0~
Damon scooted closer to Bonnie, he loved the warmth he could feel radiating from her body.
~0~
I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Oooh if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Saying there goes my little girl
Walking with that troublesome guy
~0~
He remembered clearly, what every ones reaction to the public news of his and Bonnie's relationship. Apparently even though the Scooby gang understood that he and Bonnie were getting closer and they understood the reasons for that, they still never quite managed to put one and one together. Damon was surprised birds didn't make a nest in their friend's mouths with how wide they were open.
But it wasn't that shocking was it?
If it was, then he was not crazy for questioning why Bonnie was with him, why she still wants to be with him.
Why his life is looking up when all he has faced have always seemed to put him down.
He's not paranoid to ask these questions, if his relationship with Bonnie was clearly that shocking.
~0~
But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Oooh well little darling watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I'll try I'll try I'll try I'll try
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine
~0~
He remembered not only trying to prove his relationship with Bonnie to her and her friends but he tried to prove it to himself and he still finds himself trying to prove it to himself.
Bonnie once told him he didn't need to try too hard, because he had already proved himself, he had proved himself to her before they started this relationship; he had proved himself to her at a time when they were barely friends.
She said that it took a moment, where his actions, his words had proven to her that he made a subtle change. A change that told her that he was trying to prove her wrong in the ways she had felt about him then.
But even Bonnie had to realize that Damon wouldn't stop trying to prove himself; that he didn't want a sliver of doubt to ever have the opportunity to enter into her mind.
So he would try and keep trying to prove himself so that Bonnie would stay by his side.
~0~
Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Every day it will rain, rain, rain...
~0~
Damon's eyes refocused back on the raindrops that were sliding down the window pane.
~0~
He and Bonnie have had many arguments, ranging from the littlest things, to shit he can't even wrap his mind around. And when those arguments usually led to Bonnie walking away from him in anger, he had many thoughts raging through his head, but they all ended with him trying to get her back.
Because along the way Bonnie had become so important to him, such a valuable piece in his life that any moment, any reason that fed his insecurities in any type of way, had him chasing after her like a duckling chases after it's mother.
It was pathetic …and weak, but he really didn't mind it.
And he really didn't think it was pathetic or weak to chase after someone you love, to fight for it.
~0~
Damon's eyes turned upwards toward the ceiling that seems to hold so much of the room's shadows.
~0~
Don't just say, goodbye
Don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right
~0~
Sighing for the second time, Damon turned his head towards the body next to his.
These thoughts were useless to think about. They never solved anything and he never found the answers to them.
It only proved what he already knew. And that was that he would always do anything in his power to keep Bonnie by his side.
And yet the questions that could not be solved and the questions that already had answers, the thoughts that went through his head a million times …these moments to himself, always seemed to clear his mind.
~0~
Damon slowly slid his body down into a laying position. He pulled the sheets around his shoulders and turned his body to the left so that he could pull Bonnie's body close to his chest. He burrowed his face in her neck.
His thoughts never solved anything but it always strengthens his resolve, he would do anything to keep Bonnie close to him. She was his gift, and she was his sun.
Damon took in the scent of vanilla, the smell that always lingered on her body, and he closed his eyes and let the sound of rain lure him to sleep.
~0~
Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Every day it will rain, rain, rain...
~0~