A/N I have realized that there are some typos and I am trying to spot them and fix them A.S.A.P (if you see any I have missed please let me know!) I guess that is what happens when I let my 3 year old cousin practice their typing skills on my laptop. I just couldn't say no, I think I will have to practice saying no to those puppy dog eyes! : P
Sherlock was sat in the kitchen dissecting a frog when John walked into the room looked at Sherlock and continued to the fridge when he did a double take and then stopped short and spun around to face Sherlock.
"What are you doing?!"
"What does it look like? Surely John it should be obvious to you that I am dissecting a frog" replied Sherlock matter of factly not taking his gaze from the frog.
"Yes I can see that, but did you have to do it on the kitchen table?" complained John as he walked over to the fridge to get the milk out.
"Where else was I going to do it? Out on the landing? Yes I'm sure Mrs Hudson would just love that" pointed out Sherlock, he then looked up just as John was about to open the fridge "oh and we're out of milk".
"Of course we are" muttered John, he turned walked out of the room and grabbed his jacket and made sure his wallet was in his pocket. "Do we need anything else?" Sherlock took a breath and John knew this was when Sherlock would give him a long verbal list of things he would need for his experiments. "And by need I mean food" stressed John.
Sherlock released his breath in the form of a sigh and replied dejectedly "no"
John smiled "just make sure you disinfect the table after you're done" and then he left the flat and when he reached the bottom of the stairs and came across Mrs Hudson trying to get through the front door with her shopping. John held the door open for Mrs Hudson before walking out onto the street.
"Oh you are a kind lad John! I will miss you when you've gone. Have the Army told you when you'll be leaving yet?" asked Mrs Hudson pausing in the doorway.
"I haven't heard anything yet Mrs Hudson, but I imagine it will be any day now" replied John. He was looking forward to getting the phone call which would tell him when he would be getting deployed to Afghanistan but he wasn't looking forward to leaving Sherlock behind. John had known Sherlock for a long time; they had met in Secondary School (John in Year 8 and Sherlock in Year 7) when John had stopped the boys from the football team beating Sherlock up. It had soon become clear to John that Sherlock had never had a friend before and endeavoured to look out for the younger boy, being on the rugby team gave John some power over the other students in his and Sherlock's Years and this ensured the other kids left Sherlock alone. Although John couldn't do much if Sherlock decided to deduce people from the older Year groups, on those occasions all John could do was help Sherlock run and hide. John's friends on the rugby team had tried to befriend Sherlock but Sherlock showed no desire or made any effort to befriend John's friends, so John's friends kept their distance but lended a helping hand if John and Sherlock ran into any trouble from the older Years. John was the only person Sherlock was interested in being friends with and when John had left Sixth Form and had gone on to University he had come home often to see Sherlock and when it was Sherlock's turn the following year to go University he followed John to the University of London Imperial College. And even at University John remained Sherlock's only friend; so to say John was dreading to tell Sherlock when he was leaving was an understatement. As Sherlock had even stopped talking to John for three days after John had told him he had joined the Army.
Mrs Hudson seemed to know what John was thinking and comfortingly said "don't worry about Sherlock I'll make sure he's fine and he's only worried about you John, you're his only friend" she then turned and shut the door.
John's smile then dropped off his face, "that's what I'm worried about" he murmured. Despite he will be going in as a Doctor there was still a risk he could be killed and he was worried that if that happened what would happen to Sherlock? John sighed and then decided instead of taking a cab he would walk to the nearest Tesco's.
####
John had gotten back to the flat half an hour ago and was up in his room and while he was tidying his stuff away his mobile phone had rung. He had finally been told when he was being deployed, he needed to go to the airport in eight days and from there he would be taking the long flight to Afghanistan. So now John was sat on his bed looking at his hands, he could hear Sherlock moving around the flat and knew he had to tell him because he couldn't just disappear for a year. Although it was tempting to see if Sherlock would actually notice he had been deployed. Surprisingly it was harder for John to tell Sherlock than it was to tell his family. So to delay telling Sherlock he picked up his mobile and called his parents, his mum and dad wished him well and said they would see him off at the airport next week. John then called his sister Harry who said like their parents she would see him off. In an attempt to further delay speaking to Sherlock John even called his grandparents who, like his parents, wished him well and told him to stay safe but they wouldn't be able to see him off. With all his phone calls done John sighed as he stood up knowing that now was the time to tell Sherlock.
He slowly walked down the stairs; with each step he took he wanted to retreat by ten steps. He walked into the living room to see Sherlock pulling books of the bookshelf looking for a particular book; Sherlock sensed John's arrival into the room.
"Ah John! Have you seen your medical journal I wanted to look up a particular disease" stated Sherlock,
"Er… no Sherlock sorry" replied John nervously, thankful that Sherlock seemed to distracted looking for the book instead of observing his current state of nervousness.
"No matter" replied Sherlock distractedly.
"Erm Sherlock I need to talk to you" started John,
"Not now John can't you see I'm busy?" retorted Sherlock.
"It's important" John tried to continue,
"Can't you tell me later?"
"No Sherlock" John would have loved to have told Sherlock later but knew he would just chicken out again.
"John-" Sherlock sharply began, annoyed at being disrupted.
"Sherlock just listen to me! It will only take a minute of your time"
"What is it then?" asked Sherlock pausing to turn and face John crossing his arms.
"I've just gotten a phone call"
"Oh how very interesting. Was that all?"
"No that's not all" snapped John, he took a breath and continued "I've gotten my orders; I'm getting deployed in eight days. I'm leaving for Afghanistan"
An uncomfortable silence took over the flat until Sherlock murmured "right, ok fine. Guess I'll see you in a year then" and then Sherlock began to leave the flat.
"I'm not leaving right now Sherlock!" called John, but all that answered him was the slamming of the front door.
John sighed and sank down onto the sofa with his head in his hands; he looked up hearing the flat door open and Mrs Hudson slowly entered.
At her questioning look John said "I told him I had just got my orders, I'm leaving in eight days"
She rested a hand on his shoulder, "don't worry he just needs to process what's happening, he'll be back soon" and then she left after making John a cup of tea.
But Sherlock didn't come back for hours, not until John had gone to bed. Sherlock spent the next eight days avoiding John. Soon the day John was leaving arrived and he descended the stairs from his room in his uniform and carrying his kit bag. He knew Sherlock was in his room as he had been for the past eight days. John stood outside Sherlock's room, "Sherlock?" There was no answer. Sighing John continued into the kitchen and placed a note for Sherlock on the kitchen table and then taking one more look around the flat feeling slightly choked up that he wouldn't be seeing the familiar flat for a year. With one more look at Sherlock's bedroom door he turned and left.
Mrs Hudson came to the door and hugged him goodbye, "don't you look smart and handsome in that uniform? Now you take care of yourself over there John Watson, you hear? Because I need my two boys together again. I'll be sure to send you cakes and don't forget to write. Stay safe" and with one more tight hug and brushing away her tears Mrs Hudson watched as John got into a cab and waved him goodbye. John turned in his seat and waved to Mrs Hudson and watched as his home faded from view.
####
Saying goodbye to his family was one of the most painful things John had ever done. His mum and sister were trying not to cry in front of him but failing and his dad's eyes were shinning with unshed tears.
"Take care of yourself son" said George Watson grasping John's arm tightly,
John nodded "I will dad, promise"
"Don't get yourself killed squirt otherwise I'll bring you back to life and kill you myself" sniffed Harry hugging John and using the old nickname she had for John when growing up.
"You got it Harry" laughed John.
John turned to his mum and held his arms out and Lucy Watson rushed into her son's embrace, "now I want you to write or email us at every chance you get alright? And just make sure you come back safe and sound" said Lucy kissing John's cheek before reluctantly stepping out of the embrace.
John was about to walk towards the gate when he caught sight of a familiar coat, "Sherlock!"
John dropped his kit bag and jogged the short distance over to Sherlock. "I didn't think you were going to come" he said.
"I wasn't" replied Sherlock looking down at his feet, "until I read your note"
"Sherlock, it'll be alright. I'll be coming back" promised John,
"You can't make that promise! You don't know what will happen!" argued Sherlock.
"Fine, I promise that I will try my hardest to come home" John promised. This seemed to satisfy Sherlock and uncharacteristically Sherlock surged forward and hugged John, "make sure you keep to that" he murmured.
"Don't worry I will" smiled John, he stepped back and nodded at Sherlock. He then turned, smiled and waved to his family and picked up his kit bag. With one more wave to his family and Sherlock he walked through the gate and in a way into the unknown.
####
It was four months into John's deployment when he was able to come home on leave for three weeks. He hadn't told Sherlock and Mrs Hudson because he had wanted to surprise them. It was early evening when he arrived and he had the cab stop at the end of the street and was beaming a wide smile as he walked down the familiar pavement of Baker Street. He nodded in greeting to neighbours he walked passed not allowing to be pulled into any conversations incase his best friend and landlady happened to step outside and see him walking down the street in his uniform. He quietly opened the front door and careful to avoid the squeaking stairs he made his way up to 221b. Before opening the door he heard the voices of Sherlock and Mrs Hudson and paused to hear what they were talking about.
"I had a letter from John this morning, it seems he's doing alright for himself over there" commented Mrs Hudson,
John smiled hearing the all too familiar noncommittal hum from Sherlock, deciding he couldn't wait any longer John pushed open the door and laughed at the shocked faces that greeted him.
"John?!" shrieked Mrs Hudson,
"Surprise!" chuckled John,
Mrs Hudson leapt forward and hugged John so tight he dropped his kit bad and found it hard to breathe. "Why didn't you tell us you were coming?!" asked Mrs Hudson stepping back and looking John over to make sure he was in one piece.
"Where would the fun be in that?" asked John.
Mrs Hudson bent down and picked up his forgotten kit bag and said she would go and wash John's clothes for him, John tried to stop her but Mrs Hudson told him to just sit down and rest.
John sat in his armchair and looked across at Sherlock who had yet to say anything.
"You seem to be unharmed" commented Sherlock his eyes taking in every detail about his friend who he couldn't believe was sitting in front of him as if he hadn't been thousands of miles away in a war zone.
"Of course I am. Why would you say that?" questioned John.
"Something's different" replied Sherlock standing and looking down at John as if this new angle would give him the answers he was seeking.
"Well I haven't been on holiday Sherlock, I've been in a warzone so I'm not going to remain the same" replied John not looking Sherlock in the eye. He had been worried that Sherlock would notice the guilt he was feeling over the loss over the soldiers he couldn't save. He certainly didn't want Sherlock to notice how he was constantly haunted by the bullets, explosions, blood and screams. But Sherlock was Sherlock, and he noticed everything.
"You're feeling guilty" stated Sherlock, "but I don't know why you would be" he added.
"Maybe it's because you claim to be a sociopath" sniped John, he didn't want to lose his temper but he wanted to do everything he could to steer the conversation away from the dreadful memories.
"That maybe, but I still don't see why you would be feeling guilt over the deaths of soldiers" said Sherlock.
John drew in a shaky breath, he was finding it harder to push back the unwanted memories so did the only thing he could. He rose from his chair and bid Sherlock a hasty goodnight and went to his room. Feeling Sherlock's watchful eyes on his back.
That night John woke up screaming and drenched in sweat, shakily he rose from his bed and made his way to the bathroom and splashed cold water across his face.
"Nightmare" stated a voice behind him. Still with some of the fear of his nightmare remaining John spun around with his fist raised. But dropped it immediately seeing who the voice belonged to.
"Sherlock don't do that!" exclaimed John.
"Do what?" asked Sherlock leaning against the doorframe.
"Sneak up on me like that!" snapped John,
"So I was right. A nightmare" stated Sherlock, his eyes narrowed.
"So?" shrugged John,
"In all your letters and emails to me and Mrs Hudson, and most likely not to your parents, not once have you mentioned anything that would explain the difference in you since you left and your nightmare. I'm just wondering why you wouldn't say anything" said Sherlock stepping closer to John, observing how John's eyes flickered across the room and never looked at anything for more than a second.
"Because I didn't want to worry any of you. You didn't need to know about the horrors I've seen" argued John, finally meeting Sherlock's gaze.
"If you keep it bottled up John it will destroy you!" claimed Sherlock, "if you don't want to tell your family or Mrs Hudson. Fine. But at the very least you tell me what is happening over there, because I'll only worry if you don't" and then Sherlock turned and walked back to the kitchen to finish whatever experiment he was working on. John was left in a stunned silence following Sherlock's uncharacteristic show of emotion. He then made his way back up to his room to try and get some more sleep.
Before John's leave came to an end he set up a Skype account for Sherlock so when they talked Sherlock would be able to observe and deduce what was happening with John. Without thinking John was keeping the sights he had seen hidden.
####
After three weeks they found themselves at the airport again, just standing in silence waiting for John's flight to get called. When it was Sherlock turned to John and said "remember what I said"
John smiled, "that's why I set up Skype accounts for us so you'd be able to do whatever it is you do and will be able to assure yourself I am telling you everything"
Sherlock nodded and watched as John walked towards the gate, before walking through the gate John turned back to Sherlock and nodded not knowing when he would be able to come home again.
####
It was a week later when during a conversation on Skype a young solider burst into John's quarters and exclaimed "Sir you're needed immediately there's too many wounded for the on call surgeons to deal with"
"Alright Corporal" replied John slipping into soldier mode, he turned to the computer screen "speak to you later Sherlock" and then he turned and sprinted after the Corporal. Forgetting to log off which allowed Sherlock to watch his best friend run out of the room and made John miss the whispered words spoken by Sherlock. "Stay safe John".
Ten hours later John stumbled into his quarters with exhaustion, he opened his emails and sent a short email to Sherlock.
It was bad.
Almost immediately John got a call from Sherlock on Skype.
"John?" questioned Sherlock, looking at the defeated posture of John.
"So much blood Sherlock. They were all kids really" murmured John, looking at his friend on his computer screen.
"Did you lose anyone?" asked Sherlock, John shook his head. "But then it couldn't have too bad then could it?" added Sherlock.
"But I had to take a kids leg off, it was only yesterday I was speaking to him and found like me he loved playing rugby. Now he can't all because I couldn't save his damned leg" ranted John with his head in his hands.
"John, you need to get some sleep" Sherlock gently commented. Normally he didn't care about the state of mind of others. But this was John his best friend who was suffering, John was the exception. Years ago when all anybody cared about was beating him up John had come along and helped him, and if Sherlock was honest with himself John had continued to help him ever since. So it was only fair that Sherlock started to repay John for all he had done.
"I'll be lucky if I can sleep for ten minutes" replied John defeated rubbing his eyes and looking back at Sherlock.
"Just try" prompted Sherlock; John nodded and murmured a goodnight before logging off. Sherlock continued to stare at his now blank computer screen. Sighing he stood up and looked around the flat, nothing caught his interest. He thought after John being deployed for four months he would have grown used to the silence that had taken over, but just as he had adjusted John had returned. And now he was gone again. Sherlock hated this feeling of hopelessness and couldn't wait until John's return when everything could continue on as normal.