Author's Note: I stumbled across this gem I'd begun three or four years ago (Tempus Fugit, has VIII been out so long already?) and uploaded on fanfic.net not too long after I beat FF8 the first time, I think, and pretty much immediately hated it. I am the middle of a whole lot of re-writing, and I promise to finish it this time. This will may not be the final edit of this chapter, and I've still got to get on to the second (and begin the rest of them) but reviews, as always, are greatly appreciated.
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Seifer was here. She hadn't been sure if he'd been serious when he agreed to come.
There was to be a ball, in honor of her engagement to Squall. At Balamb Garden, where she and Squall had met.
Ellone, Laguna, Kiros and Ward, had all come yesterday. Her father had arrived this morning, however grudgingly.
She was talking to Ellone when, in the middle of a conversation, she mentioned offhand that she'd seen Seifer.
Surprise didn't describe what she felt. "He came?" Rinoa demanded. "Where is he?"
Ellone had shrugged. "Over near the food tables last I saw, talking to somebody."
Rinoa had turned in the direction Ellone had pointed and gone off to find him.
She found him leaning against a wall, by himself, just watching the other guests. She was reminded suddenly of the first day she'd seen Squall. He'd looked much the same. "Seifer," she said.
"Rinoa." He nodded.
"I wasn't sure you'd come."
"I did."
"Oh. How ... how have you been?" She had worried. There had been many people who would have loved to get their hands on Seifer Almasy, after all the pain and suffering he had caused. She was surprised he'd survived as long as he had unscathed.
"Fine." He was distant. She knew he was thinking about the last time they'd seen each other, aboard the Lunatic Pandora, in Esthar. When he had been Ultimecia's Knight. She wanted to say something comforting, tell him she didn't hate him, but the words wouldn't come.
"Well, I'll see you later then, Seifer," she said awkwardly after a pause. She smiled at him. He smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Seifer's here," she told Irvine and Selphie a few minutes later.
Selphie looked at her, her grin fading slightly. "Seifer's one of the last people I expected to see here."
Irvine laughed. "I sure wouldn't show up, after all the crap he's pulled! He's awfully cocky."
"I invited him."
"Oh." Irvine eyed her speculatively. "I wouldn't have thought you would."
Rinoa shrugged, ignoring the unspoken Does Squall know? He did, as a matter of fact. He hadn't been happy, but she had insisted.
Irvine raised an eyebrow.
She chatted with them a few more minutes before heading back towards the middle of the room, where she could see Squall, deep in conversation with her father. She wondered where Ellone had gone.
"Rinoa," someone called from behind her.
She turned. It was Seifer.
"What?"
"Enlighten me. What made you dance with Squall that day?"
"It seemed like a good idea. Most of the other guys were taken," she answered lightly.
"And now you wanna marry him." There was a tone in his voice, almost mocking, that she didn't like.
She hesitated. She did, didn't she? "Yes."
"Why?"
"Why do people usually get married?" she countered.
"Why didn't we get married?"
Well, she had to give him credit for being blunt and to the point, didn't she? She hesitated before answering. "I thought you were dead, after you attacked the President, and Squall ... was there. Not to mention that part where you sacrificed me to Adel, of course," she added, more sharply than she'd intended. "But I still consider you one of my best friends."
Seifer nodded, as though that explained everything. "And that's it, huh?"
He turned and walked toward the exit.
"Hey, chicken-wuss, how ya doin'?" she heard him call to Zell on his way out.
I am not going to follow him, she told herself.
She sighed in exasperation before headed out the door Seifer had walked through, into the hallway.
Seifer was waiting.
"Rinoa." He smiled, almost but not quite mocking again. "I knew you'd come after me."
She hesitated, then hurriedly spoke, continuing their conversation. "When I thought you were dead, in Galbadia, I ... grieved. I'd told them 'I thought I loved you.' and it hit me hard. But ... Squall was there, and I did have a slight ... crush on him. Then when we found out you were alive, at the Sorceress' Parade, I think I wanted you to be jealous. After that you weren't there and Squall ... was ... " She paused. "But ... "
*He was always so confidant and sure. I always felt like I could take on the world after I talked to him.*
She sighed once. "I have to go back," she whispered. "It's my party, after all."
She turned, ignoring Seifer when he called her. But she didn't go back to the party.
Instead she found her outside her dormitory in Balamb Garden. She shut the door, not even bothering to turn the lights on. She curled up in a corner of her bed, against the wall, clutching a pillow. There was barely enough light to make out her burea against the opposite wall, but she didn't turn on light. The darkness was soothing. She loved Squall. Didn't she? She must. They were going to get married, after all. Why couldn't life be simple? Squall had saved her life, he loved her, in a fairy tale they would live happily ever after. She didn't know what to do.
She loved Squall, didn't she?
But the more she thought about it, the more she saw the truth in what she had told Seifer. Her feelings for Squall were clearcut. But Seifer was ... Seifer. If only he'd not come! She shouldn't have invited him in the first place. But she had, and she could only blame herself.
She shut her eyes tightly, trying not to think.
She had loved Seifer, but that was then. Times changed. But still ....
*I think I was in love.* *Are you still? asked Selphie.* *If I wasn't I wouldn't talk about it.*
It hadn't been that long ago.
She just didn't want to hurt anyone.
A few moments later Rinoa stood, groping for the doorknob in the darkness. She needed to talk to Squall.
She found him where she'd left him, talking to Zell.
"What's wrong, Rinoa?" he asked when he saw the expression on her face.
"Squall, I ... we ..." she stammered out, and then took a deep breath before continuing. She hadn't thought it would be this hard.
"Let's put off the wedding. Just for a little bit," she added at the alarmed expression on his face.
"What? Why?"
"I just need - more time."
She quickly turned and fled the room, and the shock and hurt she saw on Squall's face.
Rinoa sat on her bed, blankly staring at the wall. After a few minutes she heard a knock on the door.
"Go away!"
"Can I come in?" It was Ellone.
"Come in," she said reluctantly.
"What's wrong, Rinoa?"
"I don't know. How's Squall?"
"I don't know where he went. Uncle Laguna went to find him."
This is all Seifer's fault . . .
Ellone sighed. "Rinoa, you can talk to me. I mean, we'll almost be sisters-in-law. If this is some pre-wedding jitters -- "
"No! I mean I -- I don't know what I mean. I'm just confused right now. I need to think."
"I'll leave you alone, then." Ellone stood up and left the room.
Rinoa nervously chewed on one of her fingernails. She didn't know what to do. Should she just run back to Squall and say, she was sorry, she didn't know what had come over her, or explain and put it all behind her?
She carefully stood up and switched on the lights. It had been half an hour. She wondered where Selphie was. Selphie would always patiently listen to anyone's problems, and give sound advice.
She wondered what her mother would have done. Her memories of her mother were hazy at best, but as a small child she had loved her mother dearly. How had her mother known she was meant to be with General Caraway, and not Laguna Loire? Or had she? Had it been fate, or chance that had decided? She wished she knew.
What was going through Squall's mind right now? What did he think? Perhaps she should have just gone through with it, and not said anything. But could she have been happy then? Had she ever loved Squall? Or had it been an ill-fated romance, thrown together during the war? She didn't know anymore.
She remembered the first time she had seen Squall, the memory as clear as a snapshot: He had been leaning against the wall, watching the couples on the dance floor, trying not to look miserable and failing.
But she could remember every minute of the summer she had met Seifer just as clearly.
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Seifer was here. She hadn't been sure if he'd been serious when he agreed to come.
There was to be a ball, in honor of her engagement to Squall. At Balamb Garden, where she and Squall had met.
Ellone, Laguna, Kiros and Ward, had all come yesterday. Her father had arrived this morning, however grudgingly.
She was talking to Ellone when, in the middle of a conversation, she mentioned offhand that she'd seen Seifer.
Surprise didn't describe what she felt. "He came?" Rinoa demanded. "Where is he?"
Ellone had shrugged. "Over near the food tables last I saw, talking to somebody."
Rinoa had turned in the direction Ellone had pointed and gone off to find him.
She found him leaning against a wall, by himself, just watching the other guests. She was reminded suddenly of the first day she'd seen Squall. He'd looked much the same. "Seifer," she said.
"Rinoa." He nodded.
"I wasn't sure you'd come."
"I did."
"Oh. How ... how have you been?" She had worried. There had been many people who would have loved to get their hands on Seifer Almasy, after all the pain and suffering he had caused. She was surprised he'd survived as long as he had unscathed.
"Fine." He was distant. She knew he was thinking about the last time they'd seen each other, aboard the Lunatic Pandora, in Esthar. When he had been Ultimecia's Knight. She wanted to say something comforting, tell him she didn't hate him, but the words wouldn't come.
"Well, I'll see you later then, Seifer," she said awkwardly after a pause. She smiled at him. He smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Seifer's here," she told Irvine and Selphie a few minutes later.
Selphie looked at her, her grin fading slightly. "Seifer's one of the last people I expected to see here."
Irvine laughed. "I sure wouldn't show up, after all the crap he's pulled! He's awfully cocky."
"I invited him."
"Oh." Irvine eyed her speculatively. "I wouldn't have thought you would."
Rinoa shrugged, ignoring the unspoken Does Squall know? He did, as a matter of fact. He hadn't been happy, but she had insisted.
Irvine raised an eyebrow.
She chatted with them a few more minutes before heading back towards the middle of the room, where she could see Squall, deep in conversation with her father. She wondered where Ellone had gone.
"Rinoa," someone called from behind her.
She turned. It was Seifer.
"What?"
"Enlighten me. What made you dance with Squall that day?"
"It seemed like a good idea. Most of the other guys were taken," she answered lightly.
"And now you wanna marry him." There was a tone in his voice, almost mocking, that she didn't like.
She hesitated. She did, didn't she? "Yes."
"Why?"
"Why do people usually get married?" she countered.
"Why didn't we get married?"
Well, she had to give him credit for being blunt and to the point, didn't she? She hesitated before answering. "I thought you were dead, after you attacked the President, and Squall ... was there. Not to mention that part where you sacrificed me to Adel, of course," she added, more sharply than she'd intended. "But I still consider you one of my best friends."
Seifer nodded, as though that explained everything. "And that's it, huh?"
He turned and walked toward the exit.
"Hey, chicken-wuss, how ya doin'?" she heard him call to Zell on his way out.
I am not going to follow him, she told herself.
She sighed in exasperation before headed out the door Seifer had walked through, into the hallway.
Seifer was waiting.
"Rinoa." He smiled, almost but not quite mocking again. "I knew you'd come after me."
She hesitated, then hurriedly spoke, continuing their conversation. "When I thought you were dead, in Galbadia, I ... grieved. I'd told them 'I thought I loved you.' and it hit me hard. But ... Squall was there, and I did have a slight ... crush on him. Then when we found out you were alive, at the Sorceress' Parade, I think I wanted you to be jealous. After that you weren't there and Squall ... was ... " She paused. "But ... "
*He was always so confidant and sure. I always felt like I could take on the world after I talked to him.*
She sighed once. "I have to go back," she whispered. "It's my party, after all."
She turned, ignoring Seifer when he called her. But she didn't go back to the party.
Instead she found her outside her dormitory in Balamb Garden. She shut the door, not even bothering to turn the lights on. She curled up in a corner of her bed, against the wall, clutching a pillow. There was barely enough light to make out her burea against the opposite wall, but she didn't turn on light. The darkness was soothing. She loved Squall. Didn't she? She must. They were going to get married, after all. Why couldn't life be simple? Squall had saved her life, he loved her, in a fairy tale they would live happily ever after. She didn't know what to do.
She loved Squall, didn't she?
But the more she thought about it, the more she saw the truth in what she had told Seifer. Her feelings for Squall were clearcut. But Seifer was ... Seifer. If only he'd not come! She shouldn't have invited him in the first place. But she had, and she could only blame herself.
She shut her eyes tightly, trying not to think.
She had loved Seifer, but that was then. Times changed. But still ....
*I think I was in love.* *Are you still? asked Selphie.* *If I wasn't I wouldn't talk about it.*
It hadn't been that long ago.
She just didn't want to hurt anyone.
A few moments later Rinoa stood, groping for the doorknob in the darkness. She needed to talk to Squall.
She found him where she'd left him, talking to Zell.
"What's wrong, Rinoa?" he asked when he saw the expression on her face.
"Squall, I ... we ..." she stammered out, and then took a deep breath before continuing. She hadn't thought it would be this hard.
"Let's put off the wedding. Just for a little bit," she added at the alarmed expression on his face.
"What? Why?"
"I just need - more time."
She quickly turned and fled the room, and the shock and hurt she saw on Squall's face.
Rinoa sat on her bed, blankly staring at the wall. After a few minutes she heard a knock on the door.
"Go away!"
"Can I come in?" It was Ellone.
"Come in," she said reluctantly.
"What's wrong, Rinoa?"
"I don't know. How's Squall?"
"I don't know where he went. Uncle Laguna went to find him."
This is all Seifer's fault . . .
Ellone sighed. "Rinoa, you can talk to me. I mean, we'll almost be sisters-in-law. If this is some pre-wedding jitters -- "
"No! I mean I -- I don't know what I mean. I'm just confused right now. I need to think."
"I'll leave you alone, then." Ellone stood up and left the room.
Rinoa nervously chewed on one of her fingernails. She didn't know what to do. Should she just run back to Squall and say, she was sorry, she didn't know what had come over her, or explain and put it all behind her?
She carefully stood up and switched on the lights. It had been half an hour. She wondered where Selphie was. Selphie would always patiently listen to anyone's problems, and give sound advice.
She wondered what her mother would have done. Her memories of her mother were hazy at best, but as a small child she had loved her mother dearly. How had her mother known she was meant to be with General Caraway, and not Laguna Loire? Or had she? Had it been fate, or chance that had decided? She wished she knew.
What was going through Squall's mind right now? What did he think? Perhaps she should have just gone through with it, and not said anything. But could she have been happy then? Had she ever loved Squall? Or had it been an ill-fated romance, thrown together during the war? She didn't know anymore.
She remembered the first time she had seen Squall, the memory as clear as a snapshot: He had been leaning against the wall, watching the couples on the dance floor, trying not to look miserable and failing.
But she could remember every minute of the summer she had met Seifer just as clearly.