"What the hell?" Dan says, standing on the curb outside the lift, staring at Blair Waldorf, who is staring back at him through the rolled-down window of the limousine. She had called him a half hour ago and said she was going to pick him up, which was somewhat unusual to start with, but she'd never mentioned she'd be arriving in the family stretch limo.
"Road trip, Humphrey," Blair says chipperly, in her You-Will-Do-As-I-Say-So-Help-You-God voice that Dan has learned not to double cross.
It's not like they haven't been on road trips before. There was the disastrous journey to the Hamptons with Blair continually insulting his driving and picking apart his love life. He had first found her intensely annoying and later annoyingly distracting because of the way she kept pushing her hair aside to leave him a nice view of the long column of her neck.
"I didn't want you to drive again," Blair says in the same chipper voice, as if she can read his mind and then she pushes two plastic bags of snack food out the window towards him and sings out, "Pork rinds."
"Pork rinds," Dan repeats after he manages to close his mouth, "you brought pork rinds."
Blair looks at him with an arched eyebrow and a look of barely contained amusement on her face, "You like pork, don't you?"
Dan rolls his eyes. Sometimes that's the only thing he can do when it come to Blair.
"I have a journalism paper to write," Dan protests somewhat weakly, which causes Blair to smile.
"I'll let you get to second base," she says sweetly, as if crunchy grease-filled treats and feeling her up will be the key to swaying him to climb into the limo to god-knows-where, probably a road trip to Dante's seventh circle of hell, knowing Blair.
"Ummmmm…" Dan intones, staring at her as if she's gone crazy, "we've been fucking for months now."
Blair looks disappointed at his announcement of reality, as if she was hoping her breasts would be the thing that cinched the deal for him.
"Well, you can fuck me in the back seat of the limo," Blair murmurs, "but you better have condoms because without them, you'll only get a handjob and if you mess up the leather, Eleanor is going to be pissed, which means second base might actually be all you get."
Now Dan blushes. Blair, for all her sophistication, has a dirty mouth. He does have some condoms in his wallet, and her entreaties are starting to wear him down, as well as the promise to fuck her again, something he has discovered he greatly enjoys.
"I guess so," Dan says slowly. Blair throws the pork rinds back into the limo then claps with glee. "So, where are we going on our road trip."
Blair looks momentarily confused at his question, as if she thought the act of being on the road is in itself a road trip, "I don't know. Where do people go on road trips?"
Oh, Blair is going to love this, Dan thinks to himself.
"Amusement parks," Dan says, trying to hold back a smile. Blair on a rollercoaster. Blair eating cotton candy. Blair at an amusement park somehow...amuses him. Blair scowls at Dan, as if he's suggested something that is far below her, base entertainment for the masses.
"Some national monument?" Dan tries again. This time Blair looks a little more hopeful, then she looks him squarely in the face.
"We already have the Statue of Liberty, and that wouldn't be a very long road trip, Humphrey."
"Wax museum."
With his latest suggestion a bag of pork rinds comes flying at his head and Dan barely moves out of the way but manages to not let it hit him.
"We could just go upstate to see the foliage." Dan says. Blair brightens at this last suggestions and claps her hands together again.
"Perfect!" She cries. She opens the door and Dan leans down to retrieve the pork rinds then climbs into the back of the limo.
"So, what brought this one," Dan asks, ignoring Blair's hand that has immediately gone to run up and down his thigh in an entirely distracting manner.
"I heard some girls in one of my classes talking about hitting the open road, and we are reading Kerouac, and I thought I'd been missing out on something all these years, you know, flying first class."
"You are insane," Dan says and Blair smiles at his words.
"You're kind of insane, too apparently, Humphrey," Blair answers sweetly, "Because otherwise you wouldn't be here right now."
Touche, Dan thinks.
"So, we're going to take a road trip?" Dan asks. Blair nods in reply and tells him it's going to be Blair Waldorf style and she pulls out a bottle of champagne and two classes, waving them at him.
"And I get to fuck you in the back of this limo?" Dan continues, looking nervously towards the window that hides the drive.
"Uh huh," Blair says, sounding a little distracted, as if fucking in the back of her limo is a regular occurrence and not incredibly hot, "Ben is very discreet."
"I like your style of road trip," Dan says, grinning wolfishly and scooting closer to her, his hand settling on her knee and squeezing, causing Blair to start a little as she pours the champagne. "I like it very much."
They don't see much of the foliage after all.
~fin~