Isak's first I love you to Even happened at 1:35am on a Thursday morning.
Even was in one of his down phases, and so the two of them had spent the day together, doing nothing much but lie in Isak's bed, curled up against each other, and maybe exchanging a sentence or two every once in a while.
Around 10pm Even had drifted off to sleep, and Isak had taken the opportunity to gently disentangle himself, cover him carefully with his duvet, and get to work on an assignment that was due the next day. He sat on the windowsill with the cool glass against his back, his eyes fixed on Even more often than on his computer screen. He felt... peaceful. Comfortable. At ease. He felt that this - doing homework in the middle of the night while his depressed boyfriend was sleeping in his bed - was exactly what he was meant to be doing, what life was supposed to be.
He felt right.
He hadn't felt like that in a long time.
He finished the assignment and slid back into bed, wrapping his arms around Even, grateful for the soft, encompassing warmth of the sheets that made a pleasant contrast to the rigid chill of the windowpane. Grateful, too, for the silky feel of Even's hair between his fingers, and for the slow, steady rhythm of Even's breathing that was the only sound to be heard in the semidarkness. A sound Isak could focus on, rely on, a sound that gave stability and kept Isak tethered tightly to the here and now.
Right now, he had so much to be grateful for.
He had never been able to say it, really, because words had a way of going rogue on him and getting all jumbled somewhere between his mind and his mouth. In a world where there were expectations to fulfil and people to disappoint, gestures were better. Safer.
But he wasn't in that world anymore. He was here, where he belonged, in a twilit room at one in the morning, just him and a sleeping Even in their own little universe where the only thing that mattered was the next minute.
He was right, and so the words slid effortlessly through his lips, almost falling, no, flying free of the place in his heart where Isak had kept them locked up for so long.
I love you.
I love you, Even.
He took a breath and closed his eyes, nestling his face against his boyfriend's neck. He was comfortable, and warm, and not a single thing felt out of place. He drifted off to sleep, the words still echoing in his heart.
I love you.