Disclaimer:
I don't own Harry Potter, yadda yadda yadda.
A/N: This is my first try at a humor piece but I'm not sure how good it is so
please don't flame. Of course, constructive criticism is appreciated.
.
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"Harry! Hey, Harry!" Harry Potter was woken by his friend Ron's
shouts.
"Yeah?" he said, rubbing his eyes. That was one weird dream,
he thought. He couldn't quite remember it but he did remember that Dobby had
been trying to get him to join the "Sock" side, as that was the side would win.
"Get up," Ron said. "We don't want to be late to class."
Harry nodded and started getting dressed. The peculiar thing, is that when he
went to grab a pair of socks, there were none. "What happened to my
socks?" Harry asked, voicing his thoughts.
Ron shrugged. "Here, borrow mine," he said, throwing Harry a pair of
colorful, polka-dot socks. Harry gave him a skeptical look but didn't say
anything. When he pulled them on, he noticed they were knee socks. He was about
to comment when Ron said, "Come on!" Harry bit his tongue (which hurt
quite a bit so he stopped biting it) and they headed down to breakfast.
As they were going to breakfast, they ran into Ron's only sister.
"Harry!" she exclaimed. "Check out my socks!" She pulled up
her robes slightly and showed a pair of socks which had lightning bolts on
them. "Aren't they cool?" she didn't wait for an answer. "Let me
see yours!" Harry doubtfully showed him her socks. "Cool! They so fit
you, Harry." Harry wondered how green with purple polka dots could fit
anybody but he wanted to get down to breakfast so he didn't say anything.
"Check out my socks," Ron said, showing Harry and Ginny his
socks.
"Er, lets get to breakfast" Harry said, cutting off Ginny's
compliment of Ron's socks.
Ron scowled but they went down to breakfast, where they found Hermione absorbed
in a book.
"Harry, Ron!" she exclaimed, looking up from her extremely thick
book.
"Yeah?" Harry said, wondering if this day could get any weirder.
"You wouldn't believe the history of socks!"
Harry's jaw dropped open but Ron simply said, "Ooh! Let me see!"
Hermione handed him the book, smiling. Ron? Reading? The world's gone
mad, Harry thought, shaking his head.
"We should get going, we don't want to be late to Defense Against the Dark
Arts," Hermione stated.
Harry conveniently forgot who the teacher was so the readers could be informed.
"Who's the teacher, again?"
"Professor Lupin."
"What? They wouldn't let him be a teacher. Who made him teacher?"
Harry stated, happy but doubtful.
"The author," Hermione said, acting as though that explained
everything, which, in a way, it did.
"I'm sorry, I don't believe in authors," Harry said haughtily.
The author gave a loud cough which Harry jumped at. "Watch it buddy, your
treading on thin ice," she said, prodding him with a very large eraser.
"Eep! Alright, alright!" Harry looked around as the eraser vanished.
"Erm, anyway, let's head to that class now."
They proceeded to the classroom, all the while Ron still reading up on the
history of socks. "Uh, Ron," where did those socks come from?"
Harry asked uncertainly.
"What socks?" Ron said, looking up.
"Umm, the ones on your ears. And your arms. And around your neck."
"They keep me warm," he said, shrugging. "Besides, don't they
have the coolest styles?"
"Uh," Harry didn't say anything. Most of the socks had moving
portraits of people. "Here's the classroom!" he said, happy to change
the subject. The trio quickly took their seats as the bell rang.
"Good morning, class. I'm glad to see all of you so prompt in your
appearance. Today, I managed to capture a very deadly creature," Lupin
said, earning several "ooohs," from the class. The cage behind him
shook menacingly. "We," he paused for dramatic effect, "are going
to learn about the. Deadly. Sock!" he finished, whipping the cloth off the
cage.
Harry let out a burst of laughter which he quickly concealed as a cough when he
realized nobody else was laughing.
"Now, does anybody know how the Sock kills?" Hermione's hand shot up
into the air. Harry noticed it was covered by a sock. "Yes,
Hermione?"
"There is only one main way the Sock kills. It disguises itself as a
normal sock, with of course its mate as the second of the pair. While the owner
of the Sock is sleeping it will creep up and strangle the person in their
sleep." Ron suddenly became very nervous about the sock around his neck.
"Excellent, Hermione. Five points to Gryffindor. Now, I am going to
describe the ways in which you fend off Socks."
Lupin went into a very long explanation of the numerous ways to kill a Sock.
After the explanation, he gave everybody one sock and told them to fend it off.
Right before they started off Lavender burst into tears. "I can't do it! I
can't harm a sock!" she wailed and ran from the room.
Her friend, Parvati, also stood up. "I, too, refuse to hurt a sock as
Professor Trelawney says that socks shall save the world. After, of course,
they kill Harry." She also ran from the room.
Lupin looked after them and shrugged. The class proceeded to fend off the
socks.
The class was soon over, and they were all panting from breaths. Fighting Socks
was hard work.
"I'm starving, let's grab a snack from the kitchens," Ron said,
panting. They all agreed and Hermione did not even make a comment about SPEW.
Once they tickled the pear and entered the kitchen, they gasped in surprise.
For no apparent reason, the Minister of Magic was in the Hogwarts. (Well,
except for the author's whim of course.)
"Hello, students," Fudge said heartily. "Hello, Harry," he
added in an expressionless voice. He couldn't remember if he was mad at Harry
or not. It seemed to change so frequently. "I was just talking with Dobby
about the properties of socks." Dobby was standing on a nearby table
showing Fudge his sock collection. It was perhaps the only one to rival
Dumbledore's.
Luckily, for Harry at least, the bell rang at that moment and they had to
leave. "Phooey!" Hermione said. "It would've been so interesting
to talk to Dobby and Fudge about socks!"
"Er, yeah," Harry said. "I wonder why Fudge was there."
"The author wanted him to be, of course."
"I told you, I don't believe in--" Harry was cut off by the author's
loud coughing.
"You were saying?" the voice bellowed.
"Nothing!" Harry squeaked. "Nothing at all!"
The author glared at Harry and prodded him with an eraser. "Just remember,
I'm watching you, buddy," she said before seemingly disappearing.
"Er, anyway, we should head down to Potions," said Harry, trying to
get his heartbeat to return to normal.
His friends nodded and they set off to go the dungeon in which Potions was
held.
"Good sock," Professor McGonagall said as they passed her.
"Good sock," Hermione and Ron said in unison. Harry stared in shock
at not only the greeting but the fact that McGonagall was wearing socks for
earmuffs.
Once they neared the dungeon Harry caught sight of Malfoy's blonde hair. He
instantly slowed down, hoping Malfoy wouldn't see him.
"Potter!" Harry silently swore. "Check out my socks!"
"What?" Harry blurt out.
"My socks. Aren't they cool?" he said, moving his leg slightly so the
sock sparkled in the dim light.
"Uh, yeah. Way cool."
Malfoy smiled a happy smile, and went off to the classroom.
"Is it just me, or was that really weird?" Harry said to his friends.
Hermione scowled. "At least somebody is trying to strengthen the
inter-house bonds with Sockdom." Harry simply stared in shock as they
proceeded into the dank dungeon.
"Potter!" Snape yelled bounding up to him. You heard me. Bounding.
Harry wondered what it could possibly be now. "Like my socks?" they
were rainbow-striped knee socks.
Harry stared in shock. Had the whole world gone mad? Snape, Snape, was
asking Harry Potter if he liked his socks. And not only that, but they
were rainbow-colored! Rainbow-colored socks couldn't look good on anybody
b--
"Wait, what do you mean they don't look good on anybody?" the author
said, reading and interrupting Harry's thoughts.
"Er, nothing," Harry said, remembering his other encounters with the
author too well.
"ARE YOU DISSING MY SOCKS!!??"
"No! Of course not!" Harry's voice jumped up an octave.
"YOU'RE DISSING MY SOCKS!!!" the bellowing voice shook dust loose
from the surrounding room. "THAT IS IT!! YOU DIE NOW!" And
with a small pop Harry disappeared.
Everybody celebrated as now nobody would insult their Sockdom. And they all
linked arms and went off into the sunset, skipping. The Sock Side would always
win.
Now, do you know what the moral of the story is? That's right. DON'T DISS MY
SOCKS!!!! =D
THE END