AN: This is a one shot that I had an idea about for a long time. I decided to use Kendall as the abused because he's always being portrayed as the opposite (the abuser or just a dominate male). Domestic Violence isn't just against women, men can and have been abused, those cases are not as reported on since in our society, men are looked down upon if they are the subject of abuse since women are always viewed as being the weak ones. (I could go on about this but I won't) Anyway, I also added Jo as Kendall's twin sister, Katie doesn't exist in this story. Hope you all enjoy.
I didn't know why I stayed with her; there was no concrete or logical reason for why I let myself suffer under her (abuse) love.
"Hey, did you at least clean, you worthless free loader?" her voice is harsh matching the hateful stare and agitated demeanor she displayed as she stood before me.
"No, I- I was looking for a job," I mutter my answer feeling small and pathetic under her glare.
"Oh, you were looking for a job? Well did you find one?" she sneers, crossing her arms over her chest, the anger in her eyes is smoldering like the burning embers of a fire.
"N- No, b-but one said they'd call me back for an interview after I left an application," my eyes move to the floor not wanting to stare into those angry eyes.
"You better hope that you get that job Kendall, or I swear," she seethes letting the threat hang in the air over my head like a cloud of black smoke.
I don't respond as I wring my hands together hoping to calm the fear bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I shouldn't be so scared of her, especially when I was twice her size, but she was twice as strong and twice as smart.
"Kendall! Why are your clothes on the bathroom floor?" her angry voice cuts through the air of the apartment like a knife though hot butter.
"I forgot to t-take them up after I showered," I stutter to her fearfully, making quick work to scramble and pick up my discarded clothes.
"This is the third time this week," her hands grab onto a clump of my hair roughly, I yelp feeling a few strands leave my scalp and her sharp nails dig in. "You worthless sack of flesh!"
Her knee collides with my ribcage, an explosion of pain floods my torso like a typhoon; I'd cry out in pain, but a sudden pain to the middle of my back cuts off the noise into a pained gurgling sound. A tiny voice tells me to fight back, to make her stop, but I can't fight her (I won't fight her).
"I'm sorry," I cough feeling tears fall down my cheeks. "I'm sorry."
"You are sorry, just make sure you put your nasty clothes where they should be," she punctuates the statement with a swift kick to my ribs and turns out of the bathroom. "Get up!"
"Yes ma'am," I whisper tears, freely streaming from my eyes as I struggle to get up from the tile floor. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."
I try not to sniff too loudly as I pick up my clothes and stuff them into the hamper. Slowly, I stand up from the cold tile using the wall for support as nausea and dizziness swarmed in my head like a hive of bees. My entire body complained as I forced myself to move back to the living room, I wince and let out a pathetic whimper at the sharp pain in my ribs.
"Oh baby, are you hurt?" her voice is sugar sweet and her dark eyes are full of concern now.
It's like nothing even happened.
"No, I'm fine, it's nothing," I reply sitting heavily onto the couch, I watch her nervously as she takes a seat next to me.
"Well let me know if you need anything," her hand gently turns my face to hers and she presses a soft kiss to my lips. "I love you."
"I love you too," I was surprised how honest those words sounded coming out of our mouths (and I was a little scared).
But I shouldn't believe her, no matter how wonderful her kisses are, how amazing her back rubs are or how cute she is when she smiles, really smiles at me. I have to remember that she's trying to kill me and I'm letting her, with every single kick and punch.
Maybe… maybe I stay wit her (in this hell) because I want her to punish me for something I forgot I did, or maybe I'm just that pathetic.
I stared at the pill bottle in my hand, my heart hammering in my chest, each thump ringing in my ears.
'Just swalow them Kendall, you can do it,' the words roll over each other inside my head.
My body was shivering despite it being warm in the entire aparatment; there really wasn't a need for me to so nervous. I mean, I was already living in my own personal hell, what's the worse that could happen if I took one too many of these lady bugs disguised as pills.
"I could wake up… and she'd be there,' I gulped at the thought of seeing her smoldering eyes boring into mine if I didn't die of my planned overdose.
My eyes look to the bathroom window, it wasn't big enough for me to climb out of, but the bedroom window was. Then again, that idea was also a hit and miss. I could always just buy a gun and send a bullet through my head.
'But you can't hide a gun from her. And you don't want her pretty little fingers on the trigger, do you?' the thought makes me choke on my saliva, the air in the bathroom suddenly felt thin in my lungs.
"Kendall! Where are you?" her voice shatters my thoughts making me aware again that the pill bottle was in my hand.
"I'll be thre in a minute," I call out putting the orange bottle back into the cabinet the exact way she always had it and flushed the toilet before I walked out of the bathroom.
When I stepped out into the living room I was surprised to feel Amber's petite body pressing against me, her thin arms squeezing me tight, happiness (well that's new) coiled low and warm in my belly as I wrap my arms around her and kissed the top of her head/ The plans I had been molding in my head were all but forgotten at the moment.
"So, what did you do today?" her voice is honey sweet as she slips from my grip and maker her way into the bedroom.
"I started my job at the coffee shop today," I say feeling myself figet with my hands. 'I also thought about killing myself, but I chickened out because I'm a pathetic loser.'
"Good for you Kenny-bear," she pats me on the cheek making me feel like a kid and more pathetic than I normally did.
I followed her into the kitchen, my fingers still twisting against each other, my palms were getting sweaty as I watched her facial muscles go from being happy to annoyed.
"Is something wrong?" I flinch back when she whirls around to look at me, her eyes burning a hole right through me.
"Do you have to keep following me aroud?" she hissed taking a step forward, it all sounds stupid, but when she gets angry I'm quite scared.
"I-I just… I…" here I go stuttering like an idiot, I'm surprised she hasn't cut my tongue out yet.
"You what, Kenny, you can tell me?" she purrs as she moves closer to me, chills roll down my back and my feet won't move from their spot.
'Run! Run!' if only my legs weren't made of lead, I'd be so far away. But where would I go?
"I… um, wanted… to be with you," I gulp once the words are out and look to my feet then back to her.
"Aww, you're so pathetic it's cute," she grins before slapping me hard in the face; I don't know why I expected any different. Her eyes are cold as she glares at me while I clutch my now burning face. "You're a slimy little leech, always wanting to suck up my time and attention, you disgust me."
The insults she throws at me always hurt, but today doesn't seem to be any different. At least she's not kicking me, or tying me to the bed again.
"I-I'm s-sorry Amber," I whisper inwardly shivering at the memory of two nights before when she wanted to try something new. "I'll l-leave you alone."
She says nothing as I turn around to leave the kitchen, my body braces itself for the usual kick in the back, but this time it didn't come. With a small sigh I sit down on the sofa more than relieved to make it to another room without being hit.
The little lady bugs in the medicine cabinet (pills that were supposed to keep her nice) keep calling me back to the bathroom.
'Just do it, if you're lucky she won't find you until you're dead,' I frown at the thought as I grab the remote to turn on the TV.
Luck, it seemed that it always escaped me, I was lucky enough to escape my dad with my sister (I haven't seen her in a while). But the day I met Amber, I thought everything would be alright.
'Maybe, I am stupid,' I thought while trying to push away the muddled thoughts festering in my brain. 'Or maybe I have really bad karma.'
Besides, it was getting too hard to say no to her. And I always want to say no, to fight back, but the words would never come and my limbs always felt as if they were full of lead. I could never move when that happened.
"There you are Kenny, here I made you a sandwich," the sound of her voice pulls me back to reality. I see her looking at me with a sweet smile while holding out a plate. "It's your favorite."
"T-Thank you," I do my best to smile, my cheek aching faintly now. Taking the plate from my (insane/abusive/murderous) girlfriend, my stomach growling when the scent of roast beef floated into my nose.
"Someone's hungry," she giggles and I blush while she takes a seat next to me.
Eating became difficult with her dark eyes watching my every move; my nerves were twisting against my stomach and squeezed my lungs.
"You know I love you, don't you Kenny-bear?" she purrs into my ear and takes away my now empty plate from my hands.
I gulp, my esophagus tightening when I turn to face her. "I-I know, I l-love you too."
I hoped I was lying, because when her lips crushed against mine everything felt perfectly right when I knew it was perfectly wrong.
"Kendall! Kendall, are you there?" a familiar femine voice called through the front door while they pounded their fist against its wood surface.
Jo, my sister's here (She's come to save me). I haven't seen her in so long.
I open the door slowly showing the good side of my face to her, she'd flip if she saw the bruises on my face or the black eye which was thankfully going down.
"Hey Jo, I missed you," I whisper and try not to wince too noticibly from the dull ache in my ribs.
She looks at me suspiciously, but smiles sadly at me, "I missed you too Ken, I wanted to see how you were doing."
She's expecting me to open the door more, but I can't do that. She can't see me like this. Amber might kill me if she finds out my sister was here. (And this time for real)
"I've been okay, I got a new job," I try to smile, but it turns into a groan as a sharp burst of pain shoots from my jaw.
Who knew little girls like her could hit so hard.
"Kendall? Open the door Kendall," I try to push the door shut, but the aches in my body have made me weak.
I crumple like an old leaf on a sidewalk as my twin sister pushes her way in, her entire face full of so much shock and anger when she took in my injured face. (Good thing I had a shirt on, I don't think she'd want to see those scars)
"What happened to you?" her voice was full of anger, yet still so full of pain just like her eyes were. She knew what happened; she just wanted me to say it.
"I got into a fight," it wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. My eyes shifted to the carpet, I was far too ashamed to say the words that were sticking heavily to my tongue like wax.
"A fight? Is that what you're going to call it?" her words are full of venom, indignation boiling in those pools of brown.
I flinch at her tone, my hands figeting out of habit; I couldn't look at her just yet. She never did like Amber, and she didn't like Jo, so for my sister seeing me like this must be making her blood boil.
"It's not as bad as it looks," I mumble shifting my weight awkwardly with her eyes focused on me critically.
"Don't say that! You used to say the before…" she trails off, her voice thick, I look up to see tears rolling down her cheeks. "This is why we left Kendall, so we couldn't get hurt anymore."
"I know, things were supposed to be different," I move to the couch and sit down my body complaing as it settles against the furniture.
"Then make it different. You can always leave Kendall," her delicate hand twists in mine easily, bringing back the warmth I'd lost.
'She'll kill you if you go,' the thought makes me shiver, my stomach twisting harshly just like after one of her punches.
"Ican't go, she'll be mad if I leave," tears fall from my eyes unexpectedly and my sister squeezes my hand tightly, she kisses the side of my head tenderly as she gets up to leave, a frown etched deeply on her face.
"And if you stay, you'll be dead. Save yourself, Kenny, before it's too late," she whispers before she walks out the door.
I wish my legs weren't made of jelly; I'd be chasing her down, begging her to take me away.
Stars flashed in front of my eyes, they bursted into my vision like fireworks with every punch to the jaw or kick to the ribs. My throat getting raw from trying to yell for help, or begging her to stop. She never wanted to stop.
I think I just might die tonight.
"You disgusting sack of flesh," her hands coiled around my throat like a python, those tiny hands of hers were always so strong.
"Pl-please A-Amber, I-I-I w-won't d-do it again… I-I'm sorry," I choke on every breath and word escaping my esophagus. Judging by the leer taking over her face, she was enjoying this too much.
"You're useless," she snarled, her hands uncreasing the pressure to my throat.
The air left my lungs and my vision gre dark like the rest of the apartment. The last thing I saw haunted me as I slipped out of consciousness is Amber's face illuminated by the blue glow of the moon, it made her look more like a demon than my (used to be sweet. used to be kind. used to not leave pain crushing my ribs) girlfriend.
Everything was perfectlyquiet as I stuffed my duffel bag full with my clothes and grabbed my back pack. Looking in the mirror, I took a second to stare at my bruised face, there more scars under my long sleeved shirt, but I felt too much like 4 years ago when Jo and I left Georgia for New York.
(Daddy was a loud drunk that got mad too easily. And mommy liked snorting lines off the kitchen counter instead of making breakfast or give a damn about her kids that were being tossed around like rag dolls.)
Moving again, I finish packing the last of my stuff, I didn't have much considering that the she-devil never let me buy anything for myself.
But now things were going to be different, really different.
"Goodbye Amber," I whisper into the empty apartment while placing an envelope with a long letter just for her. 'I won't miss you. I don't need you.'
A soft knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts, grabbing my bags; I opened the door to see my sister looking at me with the brightest of smiles.
"Ready to go?" she extends her hand and I give her my backpack since it's the easiest thing to carry.
"More than ever," I smiled back (it hurt, but I'm still happy) stepping out of hell and I looked into the blue (bluest blue I'd ever seen) and finally breathed feeling alive for the first time in 4 years.
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