"Why are we still hear father?" Sextus angrily said to his father, "Why must we wait in a ditch for six whole chapters?". Sextus and his father, Cornelius, had been waiting in a wrecked wagon for several hours with Aurelia, Marcus, and Cornelia. The hot, damp air had been beating down upon them and their injured horse for days. The one word that could be used to describe their current struggles at this point would be frustration. The family was frustrated at their useless slave, Davus, who had walked into the town several hours ago with his massive, bulbous stick to get them some help, but no help had come. The family was frustrated at their stupid daughter, Cornelia, who incessantly complains at how lonely she is, while being continuously surrounded by her family and friends. Cornelia was also angry herself, she had just left behind her lesbian lover, Flavia, to go be in the city with her family. However, all of these frustrations were merely minute in comparison to their sexual frustration. Cornelius hadn't busted a fat nut inside of Aurelia for weeks, he had substituted boning Aurelia for playing knucklebones with his son, Marcus, who had some frustrations of his own. Marcus had been salivating over a statue of Venus for weeks, he figured that he would be able to stroke his salami while looking at the statue once he arrived at his family's home in the city, but this setback was leaving him with some blue balls.
The awkward silence of the wind was abruptly interrupted by Davus, who was finally back from the town, came back with news. "I have some good news and some bad news my masters," said the old servant, "The good news is that I found an inn to sleep at, the bad news is that the owner, who is also Aurelia's step dad, plumber, teacher, and step brother, wants to have kinky sex with Aurelia to allow you guys to enter". This news came as a shock to the family, as "kinky" in their time meant having sex the Caligulan way. However, the family was tired, and Aurelia had sex while wearing animal hides with her step dad/step bro/plumber/teacher. While taking a fat nut to the face, Aurelia discovered that she wanted to do these things for a living. As a result, Ecce Romani was published as a porn novel for weird intellectuals, not a children's textbook.