My Few Last Words
So this is how you'll remember me. A few pages of what I had to tell you before I died, because I knew I would. I knew. I'm sure you did also.
Just so you know, I was always in love with you, Gilbert. I always loved you. Yes, we both knew it was wrong, and yes, we both knew it wouldn't, couldn't last, but I did. I loved you. You're my brother. And I loved you more than life itself.
I know you'll read this and your beautiful crimson eyes will fill up with tears for me and they'll drip down and stain this paper, but I just want you to remember, I'll always be here with you. I couldn't ever leave this place without you. You share my soul, you own my heart and body; you're everything to me.
Don't cry for my idiocy, Gil. Don't cry for my broken mind. It was damaged from being without you, and the long hours of me shredding the skin on my wrists when we couldn't be together, or when you hurt me. But it's okay now. I don't feel any more pain.
Maybe, if we're lucky, I'll get to hold you, one last time before I go, and whisper in your ear how much I love you, and touch your gorgeous silver hair and feel your face, your lips against mine.
That's what I wish for while I write this, watching my life drain away as my pencil marks the page.
It's all for you, Gil. It always was for you. My life was all for you.
Gil, I remember every time you cried on my shoulder, and every time you gave me that little half smirk that sent my stomach to flutters. I know I never showed you the amount of affection you needed, but I'm not good at showing emotions. You know what WW2 did to me. All the dying, all the heartless people I used to know doing things to people that I couldn't believe, doing things like that myself. I changed. I changed into what that man wanted me to.
I'm sorry, Gil. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. You have no idea it hurt me far more than it hurt you to do those things to you.
Gil, I know you're not the type to let someone get under your skin, other than me, but you should let someone else in. It helps with the healing process. One person I hope you'll get to know, the one person I trust with my beloved's heart- Ivan. I know, he doesn't seem like a gentle guy, being as he's Russia, but I trust him enough. I think you two would be great together. Give him a try. Try to get under his natural violent side. You'll find he's similar to you.
I hate to give you away, but I can't be there for you anymore. I just can't take the person I am now anymore. I hate myself. I love you, but I hate me. If I didn't hate myself so much, I might consider staying for you, but I can't anymore. I've hurt you and myself too many times.
Preuße, ich liebe dich. Don't ever, ever forget that. Because I do more than anything. I don't want you to forget. Move on, but never forget. I'll taste your lips again, feel your soft hair, see your red eyes again someday. I promise. Ich verspreche Ihnen; mein Bruder, mein Leben, mein Herz. Ich verspreche Ihnen.