AN: Sorry Shinobi of the Alliance fans, but I'm planning on taking the story down, as I have some serious retconning to do. It will be back up, don't worry, but probably not until I'm further in SotOR, as going any further at the moment will reveal some serious spoilers. Besides, I really only released it to serve as a trailer. TLDR: Rewriting SotA, wait until SotOR's done, enjoy this prequel/omake file.
Shinobi of the Alliance- Genesis
Birth of the Normandy
"Rear Admiral Lower Half Naruto Uzumaki." Hackett greeted, with a salute.
"Uh-oh. Busting out the full title. I'm in trouble, aren't I?"
"No, just being formal. Although, I do have a few words to say to you about your new project."
"Before you get started, I guarantee that this one will have no animals or babies harmed in the process of the project. I can't guarantee no Technician casualties, though. Accidents happen, you see."
"...I'm worried that you had to specify that."
" With all those unethical scientists running around, I really do. Cough, Genophage, cough."
"You're supposed to fake coughing, not say cough. I get the point though. No, my problem is with the name."
"What's wrong with Joint Entity Research Committee?"
"Nothing, other than the fact that this is one of our olive branches to the other races, and the acronym spells JERC."
"Complete coincidence." I say, fighting a smile.
"Pull the other one."
"One, it probably won't make it past their translators. Two, they're going to get suspicious If I don't mock them a little . They know me. Three, have you met most of the blowhards on it?"
He looks at me, before sighing in defeat.
"Fine, just don't make me regret this."
"Alrighty. I'm off to assemble the jerks."
I catch him muttering "I'm already regretting this." as I leave.
I walk into the conference room with the JERC members already inside.
"Sorry I'm late, but I had to get my ass chewed by the Admiral for indirectly calling you guys jerks." I say as I walk in.
"That was... honest." One of the Turian members of the committee, Thaxus Typhonus, an expert on Mass Effect shields, if I recall correctly, commented.
"I could make up an excuse about how I was helping an Asari Matron across the street or something, if you prefer." I reply.
"No, no, honesty's good." He answers.
"Good. Because I'm going to give as much of it you guys can take, and I expect the same courtesy. Alright, for those of you who haven't read the briefing, I'm going to summarize. We've got Warships. Carriers, Destroyers, Dreadnoughts, the whole lot. What we don't have, is a ship that can move without lighting up any detection systems like a Christmas tree."
"Um, sir? Yes we do. The SAECMS-2153 can generate a field that completely protects it, and any ship nearby, from detection." A human member, Gunnery Sergeant Alejandro Pinkerton, in charge of weapons systems, interjected.
The Turian members of the committee tensed, as that particular model allowed Alliance ships to ambush their fleets during the First Contact War, to great effect. They usually were accompanied by the SADS-2156, the "Aegis" model, a ship that was almost all armor and shields, though it has a GARDIAN Laser for AA and point-defense, whose primary purpose was to move in front of the other ships and cover them in order to compensate for the weak armor of the SAECMS and SAGS, and the SAGS-2151, the "Sniper Frigate" which essentially a single massive railgun with a couple of engines, meager room for crew, and an advanced targeting system. On their own, they are next to worthless. As a fleet, they are devastating, as the Turians can attest. However, that means you have to buy three ships just to get a single job done. We're looking for something...more cost-effective.
"Oh, how careless of me, I completely forgot about that ship model I DESIGNED, AT GREAT PERSONAL EXPENSE, AND SPENT COUNTLESS SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WORKING ON IT. What I meant was, a ship that could remain undetected, WITHOUT THE ECM DEVICES TAKING UP THE WHOLE SHIP, ALLOWING IT TO DO OTHER SHIPPY THINGS. And without a Cyber warfare AI, as those are illegal." I said forcefully.
"Understood, sir." At least he had the decency to look contrite.
And so the debating started in earnest.
One of the Turians insisted on having a Turian style bridge, where the Captain stood on a platform to the rear of the bridge, allowing 'him' to imperiously survey over his crew. Nobody saw a problem with this, but me.
"One problem. On the Captain's platform... we need a chair."
"A...chair?" The Turian who suggested the platform, Rexas Avitus, inquired.
"Yeah. A chair. If I, or any captain, has to spend several hours on that platform, there's no good reason why they have to do so standing up."
"It is to give the crew a source of majesty and discipline."
"Look, if you can't have your crew respect you without you doing your best Napoleon impression 24/7, that's on you. I'm not so desperate for recognition that I have to pretend to be a statue. Nor should any decent captain. So, we put in a chair."
Rexus looked like he wanted to flay me alive, but the others were more reasonable. As such, the Captain's roost got a chair. Yay me.
When we got to the primary hurdle, the stealth system, no one of this particular think tank could come up with an answer. The problem is masking the heat emissions, which would make the ship glow like a torch on thermal imaging. So, we left for a few hours, to try and come back with a fresh perspective. I went with Pinkerton to the firing range, both to get our required hours in, and to vent some frustration.
I fired a few shots with my trusty rifle, the Punisher VII.
"Hey, Pinky. If thermal imaging is so prevalent, wouldn't using this thing give away my postion?" I ask, as it overheated.
"Only when it vents. Otherwise, the heat is stored in the heat sinks, which don't allow any emissions. Oh, and it's Pinkerton, sir."
I stop as an epiphany hits, and look at my rifle. He notices, and does so as well.
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?"
"It's Pinkerton. And yes, I think I am."
Within minutes, we have the committee recalled.
"Guys, guys, check this out." I say, showing them my Punisher rifle.
"So? It's a nice rifle, but was it really neccecary to convene just so you could show it off?" Rexas said.
"Yes. Why? Because of one thing this rifle has, that we need on the ship to make it completely stealthy. Heat sinks."
The committee sat back in thought, and after a minute, Thaxus speaks up.
"Wouldn't that cook the crew, though?"
"Well, like the rifle, if we let too much build up, we need to vent it, so it won't last forever, but during that short time, it'll be invisible to everything but looking outside the window, which you guys almost talked us out of, saying it's too inefficient." I say. No one on the committee had really any problems with it, so then whe sent our preliminary designs to R&D, for them to figure out how to make it work.
Afterwards, we adjourned for the day, leaving just myself and Pinkerton.
"So, what are we going to discuss tomorrow, now that the Normandy project is out of our hands for the moment?"
"The same thing we discuss every day Pinky. HOW TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"
"Um, sir? We just met today. And which world? Oh, and it's Pinkerton, sir."
I slam my head into the conference desk.
"INARI DAMMIT! ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY YEARS THAT SHOW'S BEEN OUT, AND STILL NO ONE GETS MY JOKES!"
AN: In an attempt to help stave off more nitpicky reviews, there are much more people in the conference than those four, and they only convened to get a basic outline of what needed to be built, then pass it on, then get it back, and make a final judgement. They didn't completely develop the blueprints for the Normandy in a day.
ENPSYCHOPEDIA: Ship Model Numbers: The three ships mentioned were developed independently of the Systems Alliance, though they were made for it, by Naruto. As such, they do not fall under the same naming conventions. They suffer from crippling overspecialization, but are small and easy to mass produce, and devastating when working as a unit.
SAECMS-2153: Systems Alliance Electronic Counter-Measure Ship, the first prototype was made in 2153. Some Alliance members call it the "Space Magnet", referring to how a magnet will render any electronics inoperable.
SADS- 2156: Called the "Aegis" informally, the acronym means Systems Alliance Defensive Ship. First prototype was fielded in 2156.
SAGS- 2151: Systems Alliance Gun Ship, the "Sniper Frigate". Similar to a Sniper rifle, they have a single, high-power, high caliber cannon, that only the SADS-2156 can withstand. And even then, not more than once. They engage from extreme range, hidden by the SAECMS, and any return fire absorbed by the SADS.
JERC: Before people say "No one would let that happen," I have to say this was based off a true story. My dad, a military contractor, came up with a similar acronym, both as a joke, and lack of a better one. He fully expected the Commander in charge to tell him to come up with a new one, but the Commander told him he liked it, and that it 'described the people on it perfectly.' It stuck, and that committee stayed the JERC Committee for well over a year and a half, when it disbanded.