hasnt anyone ever wondered what happened when Roald couldn't fight? why did Vanget bring him to Mastiff?
this is a songfic about how Roald felt during his stay at Northwatch.
Roald stood under the awning in the Fort Northwatch. Outside the walls, a battle was ensuing between the men of Tortall and the men of Scanra. With his stood a full guard of knights, alert and prepared for anything. Often they would glance at Roald, the man who would one day be their king, before turning their gaze back to the outside.
He never slows down.
Roald slashed at the dummy hanging at the corner of the practice courts, venting all his anger. He was the Heir Apparent to the throne, he had so much power, yet he couldn't even fight to protect his people. He couldn't even patrol.
He doesn't know why but he knows that when he's all alone, feels like its all coming down
He won't turn around
He was afraid to tell Vanget to let him fight. The man was an important ally and ROald knew that if he was charged with guarding the Heir, he would do the same. Still, he hated the fact that everyone else could protect his realm while he was stuck inside.
The shadows are long and he fears if he cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
There were times, like now, when he was helping the healers when he wanted to scream and shout when he saw the men who suffered so. He wanted to take that suffering away. Wanted to fight. Later, in the privacy of his room, tears wanted to fall but he didn't let them because he knew that if he started to cry, he would never stop.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
He stood in the rain, letting it wash over him. His world was falling apart. A huge battle was ensuing outside and he could do nothing. Screams and shouts worked their way to his ears. The sound of swords and axes crashing together was like a slap to his face. Here he was, warm and protected with a full guard of knights while the realm fought for freedom.
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
Roald punched the dummy as hard as he could. He had just been told that he couldn't go on the patrol, the one useful thing he had been doing, till the Scanrans fled. What will it take for him to see? Roald cried in his head. How many people will have to die before Vanget will let me protect my home?
He won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with himself and the fears whispering if he stands he'll fall down
He wants to be found
The only way out is through everything he's running from wants to give up and lie down.
He wanted so badly for someone to see the anguish inside him and to tell Vanget to let him fight. He was in a fort, what was the point if he wasn't doing anything worthwhile? He had the training.
"Thank you, my lord. I'm grateful to you." The man he was healing rasped.
Roald wanted to fall on his knees and scream. How could the man be grateful if Roald couldn't fight for his home?
He hated himself then.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
"Sir, you know you're not allowed to be up here." Roald turned to see a senior Sergeant coming toward him. They were on the parapet of the Fort, the soldiers watching the ground below for any signs of Scanran attack. Roald was recently told he couldn't some up because what if the Scanrans had bows? As if they knew who was who. Roald thought cynically. It was then that he snapped. He knew he shouldn't have but he did. He told the soldier he was well able to take care of himself and if he could kindly piss off.
He swore afterwards, after Vanget had given him a mind numbing lecture, that the soldier had hid a smile behind his hand.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
Roald's heart soared. He was finally able to help his people. Behind him he heard the soldiers murmur that they had never seen him so happy since they left the capital and his love, Shinko. He also knew that the soldiers thought he was crazy to be happy on a rainy day like today. But he was a watch captain at Mastiff. Vanget had seen he had to help someone after Roald had yelled at the head mage of Northwatch. So when they had come to Mastiff, Vanget let Roald do things he had wished he could before.
Now Roald let the rain drip from his hair, a smile on his face. He had stood his ground when everything seemed to be against him. He had stood through the anguish that had tortured him before. He didn't drown under all the protection people had been determined to give him. And though he still couldn't fight and deep down he still hated himself for it, he had found what was lost. He had found at least one more thing he could do.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
So he stood in the rain.