The Opposites Card: Sakura Version
a parody fanfic by Yamino Tenshi
It was late. Sakura rolled onto her bed, nearly squishing Kero into the mattress. "AAUGH!!" he screamed, making her jump up just in time. "Oh, GOMEN Kero-chan!! I wasn't paying attention..."
"Yeah, as usual." grumbled the little guardian. "What are you thinking about? It's not like you to fall into your own world.... On second thought, yes it is. Tell me anyway. Your video game broke, and I'm bored to death. I hope you have *cough* interesting fantasies..."
Sakura reddened, thinking of Yukito and Shaoran...."T-That's not what I think about, you ecchi!!" she tossed a pillow at him, which was the equivalent of throwing a small hill at someone like him.
"MMPHH!!"
"You baka, Kero-chan! I was thinking about...well, what I should say to Yukito tomorrow morning. He always waits for me..." she got dreamy eyed and she smiled that funny smile that she was always getting lately, whenever Yukito or Shaoran were around.
"You know you can't have him, Sakura... Don't torture yourself! I told you what I saw him and your brother doing when you weren't home yesterday!"
Sakura sighed and looked away. 'No, I haven't forgotten...how could I forget....' She was relieved in a way, because now she wouldn't have to choose between him and Shaoran. Well, only a little relieved. It would have been fine with her to have them fight over her, too. But would Shaoran even notice how she felt about him? 'He's already engaged...to Mei-lin...his cousin.' she thought with a grimace. 'She's his cousin, just like Tomoyo is mine. A distant relation, but still...' She turned out the light and crawled into bed, but wasn't able to sleep for a long time.
Meanwhile, a streak of light flashed through the darkness of Tokyo streets. Any onlooker would have dismissed it as a fast flying firefly...but if anyone had been watching, and if they had been looking a little closer, they would have realized that this was no ordinary firefly... The beam suddenly split into several tiny lights and streaked off into many directions. The little glowing balls flew into windows, chimneys, cracks in the walls, and under doors. A huge flash emanated from each house that was infiltrated. Somewhere, a pig flew high into the night sky.
"BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!!"
"Wh-wha..." Sakura rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Kerooooooooooo-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.... It can't be time to get up yet, can it?" She suddenly noticed she was sleeping on a pillow on the floor.
"Ugh, I must have rolled off the bed again..."
Kero-chan got out of Sakura's bed. "Yo, Sakura. C'mon, wake up, or you won't get any breakfast. And don't bring me something this time, you f****ing b****!! Those pancakes were WAY cold last time!! I HATE FOOD!! And by the way, can you toss me around more? I like being treated like a toy. It's d*** fun!"
"KERO!! Don't use that kind of language! Remember, I'm just 10!"
"Who gives a s*** how old you are!? Maybe it'll teach ya to have more respect for me. Not that I mind being your little rag dolly."
"Grrrrrrrrrr...Just for that, I'm not bringing you ANYTHING!"
"You f****** s***, weren't you LISTENING!?I TOLD you I HATE F****** FOOD!!!!"
"You better watch your mouth, you bean bag toy!!"
He flew over to her and bit her on the arm. "OOOOWWW!!!!" she shrieked. Kero looked puzzled. With his teeth still in her skin, he mumbled," Huh, I daut yoo liked dat!?"
After waving her arms around a lot and banging his head on the bed a few times, he finally let go. 'Jeez, what the hell is his problem??'
Sakura hurried downstairs to catch a quick breakfast before she skated away to school.
Touya stopped her right outside the door. "Hey Sakura, aren't you gonna wait for me?"
"Hoe? You're faster!! I was about to try and catch YOU!"
"Aw, please, wait one more minute! I just have to finish tying my shoes!"
"Ohhhh....all right...but hurry up, Oni-chan!!"
Touya finished tying his shoes and stood up. "Hey, you'll have to really race to get on time with those blades. Want a ride on my bike?"
Sakura was speechless. "Is this some kind of trick??"
"Of course not! Hop on, we better hurry!!"
"And... You're not planning to make me pay you back in any way? Not plotting some kind of trick on me or anything, are you?"
"Sakura! I'm shocked that you could suspect your loving brother of such a thing!!"
Sakura shrugged and got on the bike's handlebars. 'Something really screwy is going on...
and I don't like it. Well, then again, I might get used to THIS...'
Touya went past his own school. "Oni-chan, where are you going!? Your school's back there!"
"I know."
"Well, aren't you going to STOP?"
"No, I have a responsibility as an older brother to take good care of my sister. I'm gonna drop you off at school first."
"Hoe!?" 'Ok, now I KNOW something is wrong with him!! Oh well, I don't really mind, as long as he's nice now...'
Touya waved her off, then turned around and headed back towards his own school. Sakura walked towards her class, but stopped when she heard a familiar voice.
"Well, of course you can't trust her!! That retarded s*** couldn't even catch a cold if she wanted, much less a magical card...Yeah, what a stupid b***. We have to plan some kind of revenge against her... She creeps me out. That's one of the reasons I got the bodyguards, you never know what a sick freak like her might try."
Sakura's eyes widened in shock as the impact of the words hit her. 'Tomoyo?? Is she really...That can't be her!! Retarded s***, magical cards...is she talking about ME!? Is she spreading the secret of the CLOW?!'
"Yeah, and what an idiot.... she thinks she's so cool, trying to show how good she is in sports and stuff...."
'CHIHARU!?'
"And in cheerleading. What a dope!! She always drops the stupid baton on her head too."
'RIKA!!'
"I know, seriously...no wonder she has no friends at all...who would want to even be seen with such a-a...loser!!!"
"E tu, NAOKO!?"
Sakura spun around and saw the four girls walking toward the main square of the school. She jogged over to them. Tomoyo noticed her coming first. "Well, speak of the devil."
"Tomoyo, you guys...Who were you just talking about? It doesn't seem like you guys to act so mean... You could really hurt their feelings if they ever heard..."
Tomoyo snickered uncharacteristically. "Yeah, well...That's the point." She laughed again, along with the other three girls. For every step Sakura took towards them, they took one back. Naoko and Chiharu turned away, as if the sight of Sakura was too disgusting to face. Rika glared at her with a look to kill. "Quit spying around, you b***. "
"Yeah, why don't you f*** off, you freak." sneered Chiharu.
Sakura shook her head in disbelief. "What!? Are you mad at me about something? What did I do?"
Tomoyo stalked over to her and stared right into her eyes, her face inches from Sakura's. "What did you do?? You act like you're so cool, just because you have magic... You try to show off with your pathetic little baton...Use the magical cards for your own convenience...Think you're so high and mighty, Miss CardCaptor? How about now??"
Tomoyo shoved Sakura onto the ground. "Umph!! T-Tomoyo.... why...how...How could you tell them? It was our secret...Tomoyo, what's wrong!?"
"YOU'RE WRONG!!! You're a disgusting pig!! Everything you do is so...stupid!! You annoy the hell out of everyone, always trying to act all cute! Well, guess what Sakura...you aren't!! "
Sakura whimpered and sat up. "I..I don't understand...you were always my best friend, Tomoyo-chan..."
Tomoyo looked disgusted. "YOUR friend!? Since when do I ever associate with scum like you? You're much too "lower-class" for me, anyway." Tomoyo turned around and walked away, without another glance. Sakura felt like she had been stabbed.
The rest of the day went by almost as usual. Of course, it wasn't the same at all if Tomoyo wasn't with her. All signs of their former friendship was gone. Sakura thought about how often she took Tomoyo for granted. 'Now she hates me and it's all my fault. What could I have done, that was so horrible? I must have done something really bad...everyone hates me now...' In class, Tomoyo requested to be seated on the opposite side of the room.
Cheerleading practice was horrible. She normally would drop the baton on her head a few times, but today everyone laughed instead of politely asking if she was all right. She couldn't believe how cruel her friends had become. They teased her to no end, and she finally decided to go home early, feigning a twisted ankle. She rollerbladed home with tears streaming from her cheeks. "What have I done...What did I do?"
She was about halfway there, when she noticed two familiar figures on a bike. She skated faster to catch up with Yukito and her brother. "Onii-chan! Yukito-chan!"
Touya looked over his shoulder. "Hi there, Sakura!! I was going to pick you up in a second. You're out a little early, aren't you?"
Sakura looked at her feet. "Well...we just got let out a little early. It was a really hard workout today."
Yukito, who had been staring at her the entire time, finally spoke. "Looks like the little monster has been cutting practice, right squirt?"
Sakura's jaw dropped.
Yukito laughed. "What's your problem? Trying to catch flies? C'mon, Touya, let's go."
Touya groaned. "Not again Yukito, don't be so mean. Sakura, need a lift? I'm sure you're tired from practice."
The grey-haired boy's smile dropped. "What!? Where's she going to sit? There's only room for two people."
Sakura kicked the ground. "Onii-chan...really, I can get home myse-"
"All right, Yuki, she needs a ride. Be a gentleman and give her your seat."
"NO!!"
"Yukito!"
"I was here first!!"
"She's my little sister!! And this is my bike!! And I want to give her a ride home!! OFF!!"
"MAKE ME!!"
Touya pushed Yukito off the bike! Sakura gasped and knelt next to him on the pavement. "Onni-chan!! What did you do that f... Yukito-chan!! Are you ok? Yukito-chan!!"
Yukito stood up angrily, pushing Sakura towards the bike. "All right. I see how it is. Go take the little monster home." He strode away in the opposite direction. "Yukito-chan!! Yukito-chan!!" called Sakura. He didn't look back.
"Climb on, Sakura. I'm sorry about that. You know how he gets on my nerves, especially when he treats you like that." Sakura got on the bike and held her brother tightly on the way home. This was all so wrong...
When they arrived, Sakura was surprised to see her father wasn't home yet. He was usually home at about this time...'Oh well, maybe he's just running a little late...' she thought. Touya went to the kitchen and emptied the refrigerator. As Sakura was running upstairs to tell Kero about her day, she heard Touya say something that made her blood freeze..."Hi, mom."
'Hi...mom!? I thought I was the only one who talks to that picture...' she ran downstairs to spy on her brother. The sight that greeted her at the bottom of the stairs almost made her pass out...there in the kitchen, stood a young, beautiful woman with flowing silvery hair. The woman, who looked no older than 20, was dressed in a light blue dress with white roses in her hair. She turned to Sakura and smiled. "Hello, sweetie. How was your day?"
Sakura's eyes bulged and she turned pale as a sheet. "M-M-M...Moth-ther???"
Nadeshiko Kinomoto looked a little troubled and walked over to hug her daughter. "What's the matter, honey?"
Sakura backed away from her mother. "A ghost...a ghost...Stay back!! BACK!!" she screamed as she dashed upstairs. "DAD!! DAD!! TOUYA!! IT'S A GHOST!! SHE'S HERE!! IT'S MOM!!"
Her mother watched in worry as her daughter ran away from her. Touya chased her up the stairs. "Hey, slow down, Sakura!! Is everything ok? You must have had a really bad day."
Sakura cried into her brother's embrace. "Touya, it's MOM!! MOM IS DOWNSTAIRS!!" Touya wiped some tears from her checks. "Well, yes, I noticed."
The little girl frowned and stared at her brother, trying to figure out what kind of joke they were trying to pull on her. "Touya...Mom has been dead for years....she just appears downstairs and you act like it's totally normal!! WHERE'S DAD!? I wanna talk to DAD!!!"
Touya flinched at her words and knelt down to talk to her. "Sakura...Dad got sick when you were very young...he...he died, Sakura...Mom is all we have left. She hasn't left us yet...Don't cry, you're just having a bad day..." Sakura's eyes rolled up in her head and the world became black.
She woke up in her room with a damp cloth on her forehead. She groggily shook her head and removed the cloth. "Ugh....was that all some kind of nightmare??" She turned to look at her clock: 10:30pm. She noticed a small note on her pillow. The fancy handwriting said:
"Dearest Sakura-chan,
I'm sorry you aren't feeling well today. I'm not sure what happened in the kitchen this afternoon, but I'm sorry if I scared you in some way. I also apologize for not being able to care for you now, because I have another very important modeling shoot tonight. Touya promised to take good care of you. He told me people were giving you a hard time at school again. If it's that Tomoyo again, I promise I'll talk to Sonomi. Even though I don't ever enjoy associating with those stuck up Daidouji's, they won't get away with bothering you.
I love you,
Mom"
Sakura couldn't believe her eyes. This couldn't be a joke...it certainly wasn't funny, it was cruel... She searched for Kero and found him sleeping on her bed. She shook him awake and told him what had happened that day.
"Well, Sakura, isn't that pretty much what happens EVERY day??" he asked with a yawn.
"NO!!" screamed Sakura in frustration. "Do think it could be the work of a Clow Card, Kero?"
Kero shrugged. "I dunno, you're the master after all. You should know."
Sakura felt dizzy and exasperated. "Is there any card that would...would make everything wrong? Make everything go totally berserk...I know they aren't pretending. This is a Clow Card. Think Kero, THINK!"
Kero frowned. "Look Sakura, I don't know anything about those dumb cards. I'm just the one who seals 'em, remember?? I wish I'd never let them escape."
Sakura closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. Kero.... Kero sealed the cards!? SHE was the MASTER?
"Kero, if you're trying to be funny..." she started. "FUNNY!? I'm not being funny! You think I'm just joking huh!? JOKE THIS!!" he flew over to bite her, but this time she was ready. She slammed her Math book into his face and he fell unconscious onto the floor. "Sorry Kero-chan....Well, I knew this book had to be good for something!"
This was not working...she thought about her last battles. Could it be the Twin Card had somehow escaped, making weird evil twins of people? Well, Touya was actually being nice for a change...and even a Clow Card couldn't have revived her dead mother. Well...maybe it was the Illusion, that was the closest a Clow Card had ever been to bringing the dead to life...
Suddenly, the telephone rang, startling her out of her thoughts. Sakura trembled, wondering who it was and what unspeakable horror she might be about to witness...
"Hello, Sakura Kinomoto speaking."
"Hi Sakura-chan, it's Mei-lin!"
Sakura was a little shocked. Mei-lin!?
"I'm so sorry I didn't come to school today, I had a very severe cough and couln't get out of bed. I wanted to call earlier this morning, but I could hardly speak.. *cough cough* As Sakura-chan can tell, I haven't really recovered yet."
"Oh.." muttered Sakura. "Well, I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you get well soon."
Mei-lin's voice croaked a little as she spoke. "Please don't feel sad for me, Sakura-chan. I will get better soon, because I miss you already. One day is too long to spend without Sakura-chan!"
'No way...' Sakura gasped. She was sounding just like....
"Is something wrong, Sakura-chan? You sound strange. Is anything the matter?"
"Er, no, thank you. I'm fine. I'm just not feeling so well myself."
"Oh no! Please, Sakura-chan must take very good care for herself! If it's something serious, please see a doctor. I don't like seeing Sakura-chan distressed!"
"Really, I'm fine! I just need a little rest. I guess I'll see you later...it's kinda late, I should go to sleep."
"Alright, sweet dreams, Sakura-chan! Se you tomorrow, and take care until then!"
*click* Sakura hung up.
"Oh my God, something is very, very wrong!! AAARH!!" She flung herself onto her bed. A dazed Kero got off the floor and plopped next to her. "What, is it, that "time of month"??" he asked.
Sakura sat up and glared at him. "No, you baka! You...all of you...WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!?" she buried her face into her pillow. "You're acting all weird, and I DON'T KNOW WHYYY!!!!" She turned off the light and tried to sleep... But was bitten by Kero. "Hey you brat, get offa my freakin' bed!! OFF!!" he screamed at her.
Sakura felt like biting him back. "YOUR BED!? Wha..?? MINE!"
"Mine!"
"MINE!!"
"MIINE!!!"
"MINE!"
*chomp chomp bite bite bitebite!!*
Sakura screamed and rolled onto the floor, holding one side of her face. Kero threw a small pillow and even smaller blanket at her head. "AND STAY THERE, POOP HEAD!! YOU'D BETTER REMEMBER YOUR PLACE AROUND HERE, GIRL!!"
Sakura went unconscious.
THE NEXT MORNING!!
Sakura felt a pain on her ear. "Ow....Owaaa....AAAAAAAOOOWW!!!!" Kero let go of her ear. "Stupid GIRL!! Wake up already!!"
Sakura punched him into the floor, changed into her school uniform, then slumped downstairs. Touya made her pancakes for breakfast. "I bought the mix with my VERY OWN money!" he beamed.
Then he took her to school (and gave Yukito a very dirty look after he asked for a ride). Sakura had really been dreading the moment she was dropped off at school. 'Oh please, let everything be normal today..." she wished.
She noticed Tomoyo and her other friends nearby, and started to walk towards them. Chiharu pointed, and all the other girls stopped talking and stared at Sakura as she came. Tomoyo turned around last, and smiled at Sakura. But it was not her normal smile, and it looked strange on her.
"Good morning, Sakura." Tomoyo flipped her hair behind her back.
Sakura felt relieved. Maybe things were better today! "Konnichiwa, Tomoyo-chan! How are you?"
The girls around them snickered. "Oh, I'm fine, thanks. Your hair looks nice today, Sakura. Did you do something different with it this morning?"
"Hoe?"
"No? That's funny. Sure you didn't try anything new? Like maybe actually WASHING it??"
Those words hit Sakura like a sledgehammer. So, nothing had changed. "Tomoyo-chan..."
Naoko grinned and held up a badge. "Hey, we started a club. Want to join?" She held the badge less than an inch from Sakura's face. "Oh, what's the matter? Poor baby can't read?? I'll read it to you, then. It's called G.R.O.S.S. Tomoyo is our president."
Tomoyo nodded a little. Chiharu laughed. "It stands for Get Rid Of Stupid Sakura!!" The whole group burst into laughter. "I got the idea from a famous American cartoon about a boy and a stuffed tiger." said Tomoyo.
Just then, a figure pushed through the girls crowding around Sakura. It was Mei-lin. "Hey all you bullies, get outta here!! I'll do my karate-fu on you, and you know I'm not kiddin'!! C'mon, push off!!" she yelled as she pushed them away.
"What!? You don't know any karate-fu-whatever!!" said Rika.
As the girls walked away, Tomoyo gave Sakura a parting glance. "See you in class, Sakura no baka!" The laughter died away as they went around a corner.
Mei-lin dusted Sakura off. "They're right, I don't know any Kung-ratee, but I'll be darned if I let them beat up on my Sakura-chan like that. You ok?"
Sakura was trying not to cry, and didn't think she would be able to talk without bursting into tears. She decided just to nod yes. Mei-lin sighed. "All right, let's get to class..."
Every single kid in the class was wearing a G.R.O.S.S. badge. Tomoyo and her "gang" threw pieces of paper at Sakura and Mei-lin when they came in the door. "C'mon, show us some Karate-fu!!" shouted Rika, the moment Terada-sensei walked in. Terada-sensei turned on Rika. "SASAKI!! YOU LITTLE B****! YOU CANNOT SHOUT IN MY CLASSROOM, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?" Rika's face turned white. "Terada-sensei, I was just trying to..."
Terada-sensei's face swelled up like a huge red balloon. "YOU DARE TO TALK BACK TO ME!? WHY I OUGHTA SPANK YOU UP HERE IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS!!"
Naoko cheered. "Go Terada-sensei! That's my fiancee, yes he is!!!"
Terada-sensei winked at Naoko. "Now, how many people say we should spank her now?" Some kids raised their hands. Naoko cheered.
"Ok. And who wants to cane her?" About 3 kids raised their hands. Rika was screaming for mercy.
"All right. And now who want to hang her up by her ears all day?" Three more voted for that.
Sakura banged her head on the desk. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!"
Terada-sensei shrugged. "Ok, since it is an even tie, we'll have to do all three!!" He yanked Rika to the front of the class. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! TEREADA-SENSEEEIII!!! MERCY!! MERCYYYYY!!!!" she shrieked hysterically.
Sakura couln't take it anymore. "STOP!!"
Everyone froze. Even Terada-sensei, who was holding Rika by her ear and a large cane in the other hand, stared at her.
Sakura took a deep breath. "Wait a second...I think I'm beginning to understand...I couldn't sense a Clow Card, because there ISN'T one! This is an illusion! Some kind of spell being cast by a card! In the dream, this IS reality!! HA!!" She laughed aloud.
Everyone was still staring at her in total silence.
"If only I could NAME the card, it's spell would be broken..." she mused.
Suddenly, Shaoran leaped at Tomoyo. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOMOYO!!"
"Yeah, me too!!" Tomoyo cried. They hugged and kissed.
Sakura snapped her fingers. "YES!! THAT'S IT!! OPPOSITES CARD!!!"
The world around her seemed to swirl and melt. *BOOM!*
Everything went black. The darkness covered her, and she couldn't see anything at all. She opened her eyes. She was lying in bed. Her bed!! Not on the floor! Kero was sleeping peacefully in his little drawer. Suddenly, a movement caught her eye. It was the Opposites card, trying to make a quick getaway. "Oh no you don't!!" Sakura shrieked, tackling the naughty Card to the floor. The Card struggled and tried to swipe at her. The commotion woke Kero.
"What the...A Card? Here? Hey, I just had the weirdest dream about that thing! The Opposite! GO SAKURA!!"
Sakura grabbed her sealing wand from under the bed. She whacked the Card repeatedly over the head. The Opposite kicked her and she rolled into her closet. "Oof! Wha...Costumes? In here?? Oh yeah.. Tomoyo brought them last time..." She pulled a wierd looking hat over her head. "This is for you, Tomoyo!"
The combined sight of Sakura in her pajamas and the very un-matching, bizarre hat made the Opposite Card stop and laugh. A very red and disgruntled Sakura charged out of the closet and to the middle of her room. "CLOW CARD!! RETURN TO YOUR ORIGINAL FORM!!" The Opposite (still laughing) swirled into a card form and into Sakura's hand.
"Whew..." She took off her hat and made a few brief telephone calls to Shaoran, Mei-lin, and Tomoyo explaining what had happened. Kero congratulated her on her catch, which he had a taken a few pictures of for Tomoyo. Sakura didn't really feel like going back to sleep, afraid of what might happen. Kero laughed. "Whazzamatter?? You scared some GHOST is gonna come and eat you up!?"
"HOOOOOOOEEEE!!!"
The End (Of Sakura Version)
