By any means necessary

by Rice-Kristie

Tess has always had a hard enough life. The the events of the game happened. This fic looks at Tess before and during the game. I am shit at summaries.

(21 years ago. Tess: 21)

Looking at the old dilapidated house in front of me, it's hard to distinguish this house in Los Angeles to the one in Mississippi where I spent my teenage years. The wood is rotting and the most of the windows are cracked. The government can't afford all the houses, but with the number of orphaned kids out there, they need them. The sight of this house brings backs tons of memories; of nights alone and wishing to be anywhere but here. The cold nights where nobody is friends, the constant war of who is better to be adopted and the coldness of some of the workers; hardened by the need to not form attachments.

Taking a deep breathe, I enter the building. The receptionist looking up and huffing. "We don't accept resumes." The nasal voice of the girl fills the hall

"No. I'm not here about any jobs. I'm here to look for a kid to adopt." I reply in my kindest voice. I don't want to start on the wrong foot. That wouldn't be a good start for the multiple CPS home visits before I can even begin this process.

The receptionist looks me up and down before calling for the head of the orphanage.

"Hi, welcome. What can I do for you?" This middle age woman comes round the corner five minutes later, dressed in a simple grey suit with laugh lines around her eyes.

"I would like to look into adopting a child from here."

"Can I ask why someone so young would want to adopt now?"

Rude. "I come from these homes and I know what it's like. I want to help these kids."

"Well then, you know the protocol. A few interviews with the child, paper work and visits from CPS." With that, she turns and walks down the corridor. "Follow me."

I follow her down the corridor, staring at the wall with hundreds of pictures of smiling faces of past and current children hung up. All I see is the isolation of the older children and the hope filled eyes of the younger. The walls are close and gray.

Entering the gathering room, all the children are playing quietly. A few are outside, a few are at the tables drawing, and one little boy is sat on the stairs reading. He seems lonely so I walk over and sit next to him. It takes him a few minutes to notice me, before he sneakily looks up at me. The first thing I notice isn't his cleft palate; it is his deep brown eyes, eyes that just seemed to stare endlessly into mine. I know right then that he was my little boy.

"Hey, I'm Tess" I hold out my hand for him.

"Mark." He whispers back before ducking away.

"How old are you, Mark?"

He glances up again and scrutinizes my face. "Five" he says holding up five fingers.

After that day, I come back every weekend to see Mark. Some days we sit on the stairs and talk, and other times we sit outside. I quickly learn that he loves reading, hates sports and loves singing. He sings me some songs when we're in the yard. I teach him how to play catch and how to tie his shoes. I adore that boy and I'm pretty sure he adores me, too. More often than not he invites me to stay for dinner and eat with him. He hates when different parts of his food touch and has a few difficulties holding utensils. After a while, he gets the hang of it.

I takes me until today's visit to ask the orphanage head if I can adopt him. Of course she says yes but details had to be ironed out. But I know I can't continue this without asking Mark's opinion. Looking out into the room, I see a group of boys ganging up on him, the same gang who do it practically every week. Hurrying out, I walk over to them.

"Hello boys." I smile, showing off all my teeth. "Can we help you?"

With a quick shake of their head, they run off. I don't know why they do that. Well, I do. They're jealous, because Mark is closer than anyone at getting out of here. Dicks. Turning back around I crouch down in front of Mark.

"I have a very important question to ask you." Mark looks at me with a tilt of his head. "Would you like to come home with me?"

Mark nods, but I can tell he doesn't fully understand, what with the way he scrunches his hands in his shirt and wrings them.

Softly, I take hold of his hands. I hold them in front of my face and kiss his knuckles. "What I mean is, forever." His little head shoots up so fast and his eyes search mine. "Will you let me adopt you Mark? Can I become your mother?"

(Present day. Tess: 42)

Walking into Joel's dingy room is always unpredictable: you never know what he dreamt the night before. If it's Sarah the you better hope you're talkative that day, if it's about all the mother fucking things we've killed then you better hope to not have pissed him off. Either way, I shouldn't have gone to the drop off by myself.

Taking a deep breathe, I knock on Joel's door. By the gasp from inside I'm going to guess he dreamt of Sarah. Shit.

Shuffling is a sound I should be hearing and it's not happening. I start knocking louder. Joel's gruff "I'm coming" can be heard from inside. He has to walk so heavy footed. It's amazing we never get caught on our expeditions. The loud noise of his locks unlocking fill the corridor.

I turn, trying to keep Joel from seeing my new bruise I enter his home. "How was your morning?" I ask as I make a beeline for his alcohol stash. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come by? Everyone wants it and it's like a fight to the death to get. Joel obviously needs a relaxer. "Want one?"

"No, I don't … want one." Some mornings he just rattles my bars. I know I'm here only for necessity sake but….

"Well. I have some interesting news for you." I begin.

"Where were you Tess?" Joel sort of demands and asks at the same time. It's his amazing ability.

"West End district. Hey, we had a drop to make."

I can see Joel getting mad. The fire is entering his eyes. "We. We had a drop to make."

"Yeah. Well, you wanted to be left alone remember?" He must have drunk last night, and that must be why he can't remember. I am grateful for the rag he hands me, but with no real cold water running it's not going to do much in soothing the pain – it should prevent most infections however.

"So. I'll take one guess." He starts walking away. "The whole deal went south, and the client made off with our pills. Is that about right?"

I have to start laughing. It's too funny. The pills hardly work anyway, but they do increase our rations. "The deal went off without a hitch. Enough ration cards to last us a couple of months – easy." I hold out the ration cards for him. He always needs the proof that I'm not screwing with him.

"You want to explain this?" Joel gesture to his cheek while he speaks. Why does he have to fucking ask? He knows me.

"I was on my way back here, and got jumped by these two assholes, alright?" Jesus. Some things never change. Desperate guys see a female and think it's an easy target. Boy, will they change their minds next time they try something. "Yeah, they got a few good hits in but… Look I managed."

"Gimme that." Why Joel has to treat me with any kind of care I'll never know. He doesn't have to but he always does. I blame the first time we met. I needed taking care of then and he never stopped. "Are these assholes still with us?"

We both chuckle at that. "Now, that's funny." They never are.

"Did you at least find out who they were?" There's my knight in shining armor.

"Yeah, look they were a couple of nobodies – they don't matter." No one ever does. Will he ever understand that? "What matters is that Robert fucking sent them." The bastard.

"Our Robert?" Who else Tex?!

"He knows that we're after him. He figures he's gonna get us first."

"That son of a bitch, he's smart." He should be. What most people didn't know about Robert was that before the outbreak he was a professor or criminal psychology. He was even regularly consulted by the FBI as he could think like the killers and find them. Now it comes in useful for him. Not us, never fucking us.

"No. He's not smart enough." He's never been able to predict Joel and me. I don't know why but it comes in useful. "I know where he's hiding."

"Like hell you do." See! This is what I'm talking about. Joel always doubts me!

Robert has never been good at hiding. He always leaves too many clues. "Old warehouse in Area 5 – can't say for how long though." People always migrate to where they think the sun shines. It don't shine no more so people move with the ones with hope for business.

"Well I'm ready now. Yeah"

"Oh, I can do now." I say as we exit the building.

Making our way to the check point is always difficult. Attacks happen day in and out with the Fireflies, and Joel gets distracted by other people milling around. It comes in useful though. He always knows what's happening in and around town for it. I'm good at knowing our people too, where they are and who to trust.

Curfews are always shit, but as long as we aren't caught after hours, we're good. The soldiers never do their job properly unless you're within a couple of miles of the check points. Just to keep up appearances, what with more people getting infected. Idiots they are. Not going out with the proper gear or using their senses. It's a miracle sometimes that full city infections don't occur.

The guards at checkpoints are always thorough. Never use real ID if you're going hunting like us. It's easy enough to get new fake ID's with the number of 'black' companies, but real ID is needed. When you've been sentenced to work, their way of control.

*BANG*

I stare ahead at the explosion, the mix of black and orange filling the sky.

Fucking fireflies! They just had to show up and start their revolution now! What better way to do it than blow up a fucking tank! There is no way we're getting out of this checkpoint anytime soon and that fucking guard still has our papers! Damn! That cost a weeks' worth of rations and for what! They can't return them to us without looking at the database for this Area. Fuck!

Grabbing Joel by the arm, we run to the town hall; though it hasn't been used as a town hall in years. The floors caved in during the battle when a bomb exploded during the initial fight between soldiers, fireflies and the advancing infection. Place is unstable in areas and no-one is allowed to live above. It's mainly used to store soldiers gear and weapons instead.

"They're gonna close all the checkpoints. We'll have to go around the outside." I hate this route. Infected get in.

"Outside the wall?"

"Or we could let Robert go." I suggest, even though it isn't an option in my books. No way. He's dead.

"Cute." Joel mutters. Like hell I'm cute. I'm mother fucking fierce.

"Hey, Tess you see that shit?" Our Warden in the tunnels, Derek, stands guard. He walks people down the halls and makes sure they aren't doing shit to blow up our operations.

"I was there. Hey, how's the east tunnel looking?"

"It's clear. I just used it. No patrols. Where you off to?" He's also in charge of the maintenance of the tunnels. Makes sure there's no danger for us.

"Gonna pay Robert a visit."

"You too?"

"Who else is looking for him?"

"Uh, Marlene. She's been asking around, trying to find him."

"Marlene? What do the fireflies need with Robert?" Those fireflies better stay out of my way. It wouldn't surprise me if that's where our pills went.

"You'd think she'd tell me?"

"Well, what did you tell her?"

"The truth. I got no idea where he's hiding."

"Good man. Hey, you stay out of trouble, alright? Military's gonna be out in force soon." I have to give Derek the warning. He looks out for us. Makes sure we aren't in danger coming in or going out. It only seems fair to return the favor.

"Yeah - see you around."

(20 years ago. Tess 22, Mark 6)

It had been a glorious year with Mark. He was the only guy I needed at night. For the first few months he wanted to sleep in the same bed as me, but I only allowed it for the first few weeks then whenever he had a nightmare. He would curl up in bed next to me, and I would wrap my arms tight around him. Within a month of him being with me, he had the correctional operation for his cleft. It left him with an adorable lisp. The scars were faint but still there. It was upsetting how insecure he is about them, you can only see them if your actively looking but everyone who talks to him always look in his eyes instead. They are so captivating and soulful. He's a happy little boy.

Every day I drop him off at school, and he makes sure to hug me and kiss my cheek before I go to work at my friend's gym as a personal trainer. It warms my heart to know that he trusts and loves me enough to do that. The days always feel long and hard without him, but the way his face lights up when he sees me is the best feeling in the world. It makes the entire day worthwhile. The assholes that come in at work will never bring me down enough to ever not love this sight. Mark's eyes will glisten like he can't believe I'm there. Just for him.

"Hey buddy, how was your day?" I ask as I wrap him up into a hug.

"Okay. Miss Wandle said I could 'ave an extra slice of owange today for lunch." Mark snuggles further into my arms.

"Good boy." I chuckle as I put him down. Taking his hand, we begin our walk home. This always reminds me of those early days, the days when we would just talk to each other. Just about the simple things of what happens during the day. Hearing the child-like wonder in his voice of the fables and stories of the day, the excitement of making new friends and the simple question of what was to eat later always makes me smile.

The walk home always takes half an hour but in a few weeks I'll be able to afford a car and its insurance. I know Mark doesn't mind walking, but it'll make our lives so much easier. It'll be easier to get food and cheaper foods at farmers market. I could give him the life he wanted as the car would also help with getting a better job.

Getting home and I look around. Our apartment isn't the smallest nor is it the biggest and we make do. Things are cluttered and there are barely two bedrooms, but at least it's homey. Mark runs and jumps on the couch; he puts the TV on and watches SpongeBob. With a fond smile I go to the kitchen and start cooking some macaroni and cheese; I need to go food shopping soon. I leave it to simmer and take Mark his drink. He's sat there humming to random songs and in his own little world.

Sitting down next to him, it doesn't take long for him to curl up into my side after he takes his drink. We both get lost in the bright colors and story of the episode. So caught up that it isn't until I can smell the burning of our meal that I remember it. Shit.

Running into the kitchen I spot the unsalvageable meal. Shit. Going to my bag I open up my purse. Barley $10, just enough for something from McDonalds. Thank god there's one at the edge of the street. Shit. I needed that for rent.

"Hey buddy. I need you to get ready. We're going out to eat." I shout towards the living room.

It's still light outside so we should be alright. The people 'round here tend to stay to themselves and not talk to others. No one has a problem with anybody but sometimes tempers fly, especially to do with noise levels. The college guys upstairs always think it's the time to party. Most people don't see much beyond my age and assume I'm down with what they're doing. I had to grow up quickly and I can't be like them. I need to work and for that to happen I need to sleep at decent hours. The boys do come in handy for babysitting on weekends when I go to work though. They teach Mark all the good things in life and actual made friends with him.

We enter McDonalds and the air conditioning washes over us. It feels great in the afternoon heat. The flush in Marks cheeks go down, he hops into the queue and starts demanding for a happy meal with chicken nuggets. Laughing, I look over the menu and the TV in the corner catches my eye.

"Breaking News. There has been an outbreak of a virus in Texas. All cities are being shut down and people are slowly being evacuated. The president has advised that citizens do not commute to Texas until this outbreak has dealt with. The symptoms of this virus have been spotted in other cities such as…"

"Excuse me miss, what is your order?" The cashier breaks me out of thought.

"Hmm. Oh. A chicken nugget happy meal and a chicken salad please."

Throughout the next few months my fortune takes a turn for the worse. My boss wants me to change my hours, which I can't, so he fires me. We're running low on cash now and my car funds are gone. I try everywhere to get a job, but no one wants someone like me. A twenty two year old single mother with a son. They all fucking think I'm a slut and won't take anything serious, and with the massive influx of people coming in from infected areas makes it so much harder. CPS soon catch wind of my unemployment and give me six months to find a job. I haven't even got out of their observation stage and I've already fucked up. They have so many children to deal with they never see how much effort that I put in.

Mark went to bed a few hours ago; I'm sat on the couch looking at all of our bills. I started drinking an hour ago trying to think of what I could do. I run my hands through my hair where I fist it at the back and start crying. It can't get worse than this. It can't. The only way it can get worse is if they take Mark from me. I can't have that. Nope. Not my Mark. The quiet sobs break out and my shoulders shake.

A door opens down the corridor and I hurry to dry my eyes. The patter of feet reaches my ears and I turn away so he can't see the remains of me crying.

"Mommy?" A gentle small hand grabs my wrist. I start to cry again: this is the first time me called me mommy. "Are you alright?"

Turning to him, I nod my head. "Yeah baby. I've just had a bad week." Picking him up I place him on my lap. "I know you have school tomorrow, but a few cartoons won't hurt too much."

Within a few minutes Mark is in a deep sleep on me, and I switch channels to put the news on. The outbreak is spreading. No one knows where it will hit or when.

"… signs of the virus have been found in Sun Valley. People are advised to stay indoors and wait for military response. Soldiers will come and rescue citizens when the area is clear. Another sighting in…" I turn off the news. This is a seriously bad sign. Looking down at my baby, I know I have to protect him. Stroking his hair, I kiss his forehead and pull him close to me for a minute before picking him up and tucking him into my bed. We will be gone in the morning. The military didn't help anywhere else.

Running around our rooms, I pack essentials and clothes. I peak into my room and see Mark sleeping soundly. Suddenly outside I hear screams starting. Running to the window ,I can see people running everywhere. Looking closer you could see that not everyone was looking right. Shit. The virus has hit us.

Waking Mark I quickly get him ready in some clothes. I shove my trainers on and sling the backpacks on my back; Mark is ready a few minutes later. Picking him up I hold him close to my side and start to run with the crowd. In the madness my adrenaline peaks making me sober and able to run faster. Women and children are screaming, some men run with blind panic and hit healthy people out the way. Behind us, the screams of people getting caught fill the night air. Mark is in a constant state of whimpering and holding him close seems the only way to stop it.

Random fires are starting everywhere from cars crashing and people not paying attention. People are panicking so much now that they're a danger to each other. Making a break for it, I hide in the door way of a store for a bit. I place Mark on the floor and look him over - he's in a deep state of shock and can't stop trying to look past me to the carnage. Kneeling in front of him, I take his face in my hands and rub gently on his cheeks, occasionally kissing his forehead when he starts hyperventilating at the sounds of screams.

We're hidden in the shadows of the door when I hear the sound of gun fire coming close. The military is on its way, thank god. Knowing they're on their way I put all my focus onto Mark.

"Calm down buddy. The Soldiers are on their way."

"I'm scared, mommy." Mark begins to cry.

Just as I am about to reassure Mark, I feel something grab our bags and pull me to the floor. Looking up, I see an infected.

(Present day. Tess: 42)

Walking down the corridor lost in thought; it's amazing I haven't walked into any doors or walls. Why would the fireflies want anything with Robert? They're never up to any good, or at least not anymore. After the initial wave was over they changed. Instead of peaceful demands, they changed to bullets and fire. They only leave carnage now. What the fuck do they want with Robert? To the best of my knowledge, they haven't associated with him since the start with them having their own dealers.

I know Joel hates it when I speak my thoughts but, he helps. Helps sort them out into what's important and what should be discarded. He sets me straight and stops me going on tangents. It helps that the walk down the corridor feels shorter when we do stuff like this.

The last room at the end of the corridor is the only stable room. It's where the last guard stays and keeps an idea on the tunnel for most of the day before he closes it up at night. He somehow set alarms down there to tell him when infected or soldiers are coming. No one has yet to figure out how the fuck he managed that.

The book case is always heavy. Don't think the TV has moved position in all its forty years of life. TV's used to be heavy, but on a limited diet, fuck my life. You always need two or more people to move it.

Jumping down into the dark tunnels isn't too bad. It stinks so badly, since it was used as a waste disposal and as a place to dump dead bodies. No more resting in peace, we don't have time, money or the tradesmen to do it.

Flicking on the light, I can hear the old generator working. We all make sure to save power as it can take forever to find replacement parts and fuel. This part or the tunnel isn't so bad. It's tidy and organized. No pests and no bugs. They have better place to be.

Turning to Joel; "Let's grab our gear." I say as I make my way towards the shelving. "Our backpacks are still here from last time." This is good. I know all my weapons work and what they are. We both begin checking the weapons; don't want them to backfire on us.

"Hm, not a lot of ammo." Joel comments, checking his handgun. It's no wonder. He has a happy finger.

"Well, make your shots count." Ammo is hard to come by these days and expensive. The army use them so carelessly because they get them for free. The lucky bastards. Grabbing our gas masks, we're ready, and we slip on our backpacks, making our way into the tunnel.

"Alright Texas, boost me up." Joel moves to the base of the wall and crouches. This bit it always the harder bit and that's why Joel does it. I don't have the strength to boost him up, but he can so effortlessly do so for me. "You ready?"

"Yes, ma'am." With his approval, I run and push up off his shoulders and hands. Clambering up I almost slip on the damp bar and have to hold out my hand to gain a steady grip. "C'mon." Making sure I have sure footing I pull him up. Damn, is he heavy. I don't know where he's getting his weight from.

Making our way through the hole in the floor is a piece of cake after that boost up. Almost like climbing out the swimming pool on a hot summer's day. The air on this side smells like forests. There is a slight undertone of the rotting of the infected and the dead, but unlike the city you can breathe out here. Not for long or you might get caught.

The greenery is always so refreshing to look at, climbing up the walls of builds and tearing down them slowly, almost like it's trying to escape this world just as much as we are. It would be great if we were plants. The infection doesn't affect them. Plus the freedom they have. Even with escape routes like ours we're not that free. We may have free minds, but we're contained in our cages for the most part. I wonder if this is what pets felt like.

Anyway, we make our way through the overgrown streets, Joel and I bantering like normal. It took us close to two months after we met each other to get to this point. Two long painful months of tears, arguments and blood. Most people are surprised when they hear that we're friends and nothing more. At one point there could have been, but not anymore. The spark faded into the simmer of friendship and nothing can reignite it. We both weren't ready back then and we never will be now, what with neither of us over what and who we've lost.

Weaving around rotting shit and making our way into decaying buildings whose structures were long past stable days, holes littering the floor, walls and roofs. Past lives lay abandoned around the edges of rooms, reminders of time long since passed. Looking down the holes, you can guarantee to see the fungus growth but luckily the air is so stale so you don't breathe any in from above.

Putting gas masks on, we jump down the non-existent stair case. The spores were twisting up the wood like some form of fucking sick dance of death. Damn fucking Robert for making us go after him like this. I swear if he doesn't have our guns, he's dead. The pills I don't mind because they haven't been proved to work but everything else, that's important shit for staying alive out past the walls and gates. The heavy duty artillery is the only thing keeping the human race afloat. He better not be fucking me around.

The doors around here are all rusted shut with no chance of being opened and climbing through the holes in the wall is the only option. The bricks jutting out randomly are dangerous, catch them on your mask and exposed skin then the risk of infection increases. If the spores have a direct link into a body system then you will be infected. The decaying body in the corner is an all too familiar sight; he horrid smell even more so. The body has started to rot into the woodwork. Before all this it would have looked cool and interesting, but now knowing the devastating it brings it's sickening instead. The spores branch out like a spider's web in all directions, always reaching but never grabbing. Poor bastard.

Continuing through the building seems like more effort than it's worth. Especially when the roof almost caves in to find a trapped damned bastard on the other side. He is passed being helped, with his life visbly leaving his eyes and the crazy taking over. It takes the longest of two days to turn and the shortest recorded time was an hour, there is no way for him to be saved without us to be put in harm's way. Joel kills him. It is a mercy kill. The building is a surprise though, never seen so many infected congregating in one area. There must have been a hunt recently to bring them all there. They seemed even more hungry than usual, and I suspect that they have not been able to find their way out; it is difficult getting out. All their sense are more tuned in.

Finally making our way upstairs and outside is a relief. "Ah, some fresh air." Jumping into the not-puddle puddle (the water was up to my fucking chest. It might as well have been a pool!) is refreshing. I can feel the stale water cleaning me, the feeling of hands grabbing and gun residue leaving. "That's the one thing I love about the outside. Fucking hate the smell of the city." I am a country girl through and through.

"Why don't you ask Bill to get you some of them air fresheners?" Texas does have a sense of humor.

"Hey, if they weren't expired that would be a good idea."

Some days I hate the city. The buildings are never ending and you can never go in straight lines. It makes it so much more difficult to find people and places. Though if it is this hard for the people who know where they all are then it's really fucking difficult for soldiers to find us. It's the only saving grace of the complexities and the fear of what will find you. No one goes out looking for it.

Knocking on the door and waiting always feels like ages. Joel, with the attention span of a kid, hunts through the vending machine for something worthwhile and collects more ammo from where it has been carelessly left on the side. Some people are idiots. They leave stuff out to collect later. It won't be there. Everyone takes advantage of left over ammo and weapons.

"Hey, there little man." I say after the door squeaks open. "Make sure the coast is clear. No soldiers. None of Roberts's men. Yeah?" I hand the kid a ration card. The money of our world, they hold so much power to people for some measly scraps. The kid slams the door in my face. Sighing. I lean back against the rail and watch Joel observe the kid through the window.

"You know he's expecting us." Joel says.

"Well, that'll make it more interesting." Turning slightly as the kid knocks on the window. He gives a slight tip of his head. "We're good to go. C'mon."

Making our way through the settlement is like going through old markets. People always assume you want what they sell just because you got things off you once. Not having the fucking patience for it, I let Joel take the lead and follow. They still bother us, but at least it's now Joel who has to deal with them. The small ring fights dotted around everywhere are useless and useful. You see who the best people for defenses are but you also lose part of that defenses with injuries. It only solves petty problems. Teenagers are the ones who mainly get involved in them to show off. Idiots. Malick is a run of the mill piece of shit, scares the crap out of all those who try something but he sure knows who knows what. He won't be a problem at the end of the day. He was fun while it lasted, but he still listens. May have to revisit past times with him. It's always funny watching Joel get pissed at all my past 'friends', people just piss him off in general, but more so when they interfere.

The side alleys here are littered with the remains of old soldiers. It used to be Area 71, but that was before too many buildings were condemned. It took Roberts men almost three years to clean this place up for their hide away. Fire does wonders and with his connections he made it a safe place for smugglers. There are many turning points, though most are blocked up leaving only one way to go. It leads to a large open area. Overturned crates lay where they were left when the chaos started.

Roberts men come sauntering with a shit ton of fake swag. They ain't as good as they think they are and who the fuck do they think they're talking to. I want Robert, not these dickheads. But obviously telling in my nicest way to move so I can talk to Robert isn't going to work. Buttons are being pushed, hard and fast. Coming closer to me and getting in my face is only going to piss me off faster and they're still not moving.

Losing my patience, I shoot him in the head. Point blank. He should not have pissed me off. So I may have caused a mini shot off, but it was easy and quick to finish. So what if I got caught on the arm by a wide bullet? I have loads of my first aid kit. If my old man was still alive he would shout at me to have better control over my anger but fuck 'em. They pissed me off and they were in my way. My two biggest pet peeves in the world and they just did both. They were lucky I have a destination in mind and don't have time for their shit.

Surprisingly, as we progress to Robert, the streets are empty. Normally, they would be swarming and we'd be making our way through buildings and windows. People always run towards the sound of shots fired in their territory. Always. It unnerves me slightly until we see more of Roberts men when we hide behind more crates. These actually sound worried about me and Joel being there. Good. I watch them as they disappear around the corner towards where we last were (Joseph Street) before we make our way around the side of their headquarters.

"…These soldiers showed up with a group of about five civs, all in handcuffs." A goon said inside. Joel and I are pressed up against the wall; waiting for them to leave so we can move and not get caught by the now patrolling men.

"Let me guess, Fireflies." Goon 2 replied from farther in the room.

"Yup, they lined 'em up against the wall and bang, bang, bang, they just executed all of 'em."

"Holy shit"

"Yeah, I hear it's like this all over the city. They're cracking down on 'em hard."

"I got a cousin with 'em."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Idiot thinks he's gonna save the world." Goon 2 makes sense. But at the start we all thought that. Some of us smelled the roses though and realized that was a big pile of shit. "Hope he's alright."

With that they finish their discussion and return to their posts. Joel slips in first and the Goon 1 is easy enough to kill. Goon 2 not so much. He notices his dead comrade and has to kick up a fuss and not just let us do it the easy way. Of course, I get him while Joel got the easy one, but at least I get the smaller one. Once they are done, I check pockets and weapons for something I can take.

Walking down the corridor, Joel opens a locked room. We can hear voices outside but they're muffled. I can't make out what they're saying, even as I slink behind the stock in the room. Taking the other corner, I keep look out on the window and door. We have as close to a full view as possible. I can only make out words such as curfew and Robert. Joel may have better hearing; I think I have blood in my ears from killing Goon 2. I watch Joel sneak up behind, then up to the guy guarding the door. He drags him in and strangles him without so much as flinching. No one notices.

Making our way out you can see everyone looking ahead and not behind. Dick heads. The warehouse is an un-welcomed maze of stock and guards jutting out. Dispatching them is easy enough and simple. Not too much blood sprayed, or too many people scattered about so it's a quick and easy job. But making our way out is hard, what with rusted metal chains and general clutter.

Seeing Robert Outside made me see red. That cocky son of a bitch. When I get my hands on him, he's dead. You can tell by his eyes that he knows we're coming. Prey will meet hunter. The only thing that will save him is if he has a good fucking explanation, which he won't. That bastard.

We jump down below into the docks. All his 'guards' are leaving, what with it being close to curfew; he won't know what hit him. Walking through all the old steel crates is ominous, the rust and cracking paint reminding me of my childhood with my Dad on the docks of Gulfport, MS. Anyway, we're walking through the crates, me complaining about Robert, when Joel gets hit. Fuck no! No one hits my Joel and gets away with it. Texas is mine! Getting angry fast, I fire shots at all those fuckers who are trying to get in cheap shots. Joel deals with the one who hit him. He doesn't stand a chance.

Looking around the carnage, I can't see Robert at all and I give my ears a quick clean before I follow the only empty path. He wouldn't have wanted his goons seeing him run. The path leads to an office, his office. He's a cornered mouse now.

"That office. Robert must've run into there. Let's go." I say, gun pointed at the window, in line with his head if he was on the other side.

The main area is quiet though the slight shuffle of noise from the other room can be heard. The dick. We move quickly to flank the door but Texas just had to fucking open the door before I was there.

"Get back! Get the fuck back!" Robert screams from inside. The desperation to not be caught couldn't be clearer to my ears. Sweet fucking music.

"We just wanna talk Robert" I yell back to calm him down. What?! I don't want to be hit by a bullet. That shit hurts!

"We ain't got fuckin' nothin' to talk about."

Well now he's royally pissed me off. "Put your gun down!"

"Yeah… Go fuck yourself!"

Hearing the tell-tale click or an empty gun, I turn to Joel. "He's running!"

I sprint after him, feeling the thrill of the chase as Joel shouts "Robert!" and runs faster around the corner at Robert's flimsy comeback. I let Joel over take and kick the door open. Carrying on forward to outside, we follow him through the buildings. Robert has the knowledge of this area on his side, but the slime ball git is no competition for our speed. He is soon ours. He's cornered himself; idiot.

"Hello, Robert." I almost smirk.

He lets out a fucking little chuckle. "Tess. Joel." Hello fucker. "No hard feelings, right?" That bastard.

"None at all." I reach down and grab a pipe.

"Alright..." Robert tries and makes a run for it.

Not so fucking fast. I sweep the pipe at his knees bringing him down.

"Ah… Goddamnit!" I chuck the pipe on the floor and stand over him. This weak man thought he could double cross us. What a laugh.

"We missed you." I coo at him.

"Look, whatever it is you've heard, it ain't true. Okay? I just wanna say…"

"The guns." I had to cut him up before he gets into crying mess like last time. I told him he was on his last shot with me. "You wanna tell us where the guns are?" I can be nice.

"Yeah sure but… It's complicated. Alright? Look, just hear me out on this. I gotta…" Joel cut him off nicely with a swift kick to his head. A nice trickle of blood dripped out his nose. "Fuck. Ah. Stop. Stop. Stop."

Joel has Robert's arm pinned and braced between his legs. Coming closer, I kneel. "Quit you're squirmin'." I'm so close now I can see his sweat budding up on his brow. "You were saying?"

"I sold 'em" He. Did. What?!

"Excuse me."

"I didn't have much of a choice. I owed someone." We all fucking owe someone something, Robert. You utter dick head. That was my stock!

"You owed us. I say you bet on the wrong horse."

"I just need more time." Is he crying? We don't have time for crying the bug baby! "Just gimme time. Gimme a week."

"You know, I might have done that if you hadn't tried to fucking kill me."

"C'mon it wasn't like that."

"Who has our guns?" I shout at him. I ain't playing around no fucking more.

"I can't." Heaving a heavy sigh, I level Joel with a look. With his next plea for more time, Joel breaks his arm. I really don't care how much it hurts him. He needs to tell me who the fuck has our guns!

One more question is all it takes to make him sing, the wimp. The fucking fireflies have our guns. Robert even has the audacity to suggest we go and get them! I know what I ordered. I ain't going up against that with just Joel. We all know Robert will fucking run and hide before doing anything to help. Having enough, I just shoot him in the head. The world is a much better place without him. He has always owed someone, even his goons.

I need those guns, however. I spent nearly a years' worth of ration cards on them Texas knows how long they fucking take to find and keep. Everyone always wants to eat and there are always things to buy. And now, we need to go find a firefly so we can get it back. I'm not wasting all that effort on a god damn useless and risky exit from the city.

Turning to go down the alleyway, we come across Marlene - head of the Fireflies. This better be good. She doesn't look like she has time for a long chat; that wound in her side is seeping blood at a fast rate. I do have a spare medical kit, but she's not having it. They're even harder to find then ration cards.

Listening to Marlene talk makes my head almost explode. The head of the fireflies wants our help, smuggling? We ain't smugglers. That's what Robert is, but then again it explains why she's down here. Though if she does give me more guns than what I paid for then that's great. I wanna see those guns.

Sprinting after Marlene upon hearing soldiers is a new one. Something to tick off my bucket list, I guess. At first it seems the soldiers are getting closer and closer, to the point where I can hear the tap of their boots on the floor. Then Marlene jumps over an old barrier and shows us the gem of this town; linking rooftops that make an easy and fast get away. It'll be another hour at least before the soldiers start to search rooftops after going over the ground. We'll be long gone by then the idiot.

Bang

Looking out across the rooftops at the explosion site, I turn to Marlene. She's losing people pretty quickly. She must have hired recently for numbers and not skill. Most of the dead would probably be teenagers.

The rooftops are getting harder to walk on now due to being more slanted, but we quickly make our way inside. This place is rotting but leads to an underground car park. Soldiers are posted near the walls. Being so far from them is easy to sneak by and we just have to time the patrol right for the direction they face. Laughably easy.

All the patrols seem to be pretty spaced out, making an easy job for us. Hopefully this 'good' run will continue. I don't want another infected to come out of nowhere. It's happened too many times where the stupid people decide it'll be a fucking good idea to leave the walls, probably went alone without a spotter or anyone to watch their back.

The bridge is a gruesome sight. Though seeing the tiny moment we allow ourselves to mourn now is always painful. You mourn your loses and decent people mourn their kills. A life is a life, and it shouldn't be this way, not with the technology we used to have. The fireflies lay dead in a line. Looks like they weren't given time to run or kneel. I stare at the pools of blood stretching out and intermingling with each other in a river.

(17 years ago. Tess 25, Mark 9)

Three years of this hell and we're some of the people doing better. Just me and Mark helping to transport pills, guns and other essentials. I wouldn't call myself a smuggler, just someone doing what needs to be done to get enough food. People used to not give a rats ass about third world countries and their starvation problems. No one. Now everyone is in the same predicament. The virus hit worldwide and all those people who previously struggled are doing the best. They know how to survive and where to find food. They're used to days on end of constant hunger and thirst. People of the west aren't doing so well. The amount of fits over food is difficult to even predict. People die daily from the hunger and the fight over food.

Eventually the soldiers stepped in and now everyone abides the ration system. You work and get paid in cards, and you get a daily food supply. The work doesn't pay well. You got three days' worth of cards and two people can't live off that. The children are the ones who suffer in this world. There is new talk of children being taken from parents and put in secure boarding schools. Parents are naturally worried as no one has said what it means for us.

Anyway, the group I'm with are in charge of a shipment of guns from the forgeries to Robert. Some big shot who then sell them on and we get a good payday from it. The terrains are hard to drive across, even with off-roaders, and one vehicle will always get stuck in the marsh lands. Vegetation is starting to take over and they wrap around the wheels of cars, halting them in place with nowhere to go.

Times are harsh, but Malick is a great help for me. Malick is my partner and teacher. He teaches me all the rules in the book on how to get past soldiers and their patrols. I can't tell you where he's from originally, but he says was in Ohio when the infection became real for him, one of the first hit. He used to deal drugs so he's used to not getting caught by authorities and also how to bullshit his way out of the situation. We're lucky that soldiers don't patrol marsh lands yet.

Soldiers stick to patrolling boarders at irregular intervals to put off Fireflies - everyone rooted for them at the start and many people wanted to line up to sign and join them, then they blew up the town hall. They thought only soldiers stayed there, but many other innocent people died. It brought down people's views of them but there are still many loyal to the cause. Now random attacks happen against Areas that have a heavy military guard and many get hurt in the cross fire.

Going over bumps in this thing is the worst. The suspension is gone and all the guys keep hitting their heads on the roof, but the sewer tunnel was in sight now. Not long until we're home clear.

"Mommy?" Mark whispers. He doesn't trust any of these guys and it's a good thing too. He tolerates Malick, but that's just because he knows we have no other options. I need to 'work' alone sometimes in places he can't come.

"Yeah, hon?" I ask not taking my eyes from what's in front of me. It's hard enough to drive anyway.

"How long left?"

"We don't have long. Just until we enter that tunnel." I reply.

It takes us two minutes, but we finally enter the tunnels. The tunnels give us access to most parts of the Area, one leading directly to Robert. The slimy sleaze ball has somehow managed to get the only area in town where the soldiers don't cover the tunnel.

Pulling up outside a warehouse after exiting the tunnel, Mark and I go check to see if Robert has arrived. It's a job I've been doing since we started this. Turning the corner, I see a convoy of military vehicles making their way down here with their trained dogs and I back around the corner, signaling to the drivers who then back up into the tunnel until the coast is clear. Knowing that Mark and I can't join them without getting caught and blowing our cover, I pick up Mark and hold him close.

Walking casually round the corner, I whisper in Marks ear, "Don't say anything." I hold him close and start to slowly walk around the corner.

"Hey, you there! Stop." A soldier shouts, pointing a gun at us.

I stop and look at them.

"Scan them." The same soldier demands, before another walks behind us and scans our necks.

"They're clean." They announce.

The first soldier nods and gives a signal. We become surrounded and led out of the area. "It's not safe here ma'am. There have been multiple sightings of those clickers here." With that they left us on the side of the road, on the other side of the barrier.

Clickers. Ha. That term came about last year when one soldier called an infected just that. Makes them seem less human and easier to kill. It's true and it works. Everyone uses that term nowadays. Keeps us remembering that this infection makes every less human when bitten and after a bite all you're only those inhuman sounds. Runners become clickers and we have yet to know what clickers become.

Glancing back at the tunnel, I can see no one. We'll have to come back later. I carry Mark further into town but still in view of the tunnel where we wait. The soldiers stay for six hours, and then leave talking about putting a fence on the tunnel.

Mark has fallen asleep in my arms by then, face pressed into my neck where I can feel his warm breath. I know he's too old to be held like this but it isn't just for his comfort, it's for me as well; I need the pretense that he's not losing his innocence too fast, that he's still the little boy I adopted. I know that my little dream will burst soon. There is nothing the keep it and things are getting worse. No one is protected and we're being attacked from all sides. Fireflies, infected and the fucking soldiers themselves.

I walk back towards the tunnel putting Mark down in the doorway. I kiss his forehead before heading towards the tunnel. Checking the small of my back, I feel my hand gun pressing in the bend of my back. Looking back, I see my angel still asleep. Getting closer to the tunnel I hear shuffling. It keeps getting louder.

"Freeze!" A soldier shouts. Spinning around, it's the soldier from before. "We escorted you out before. What are you doing here?" He demands to know.

"Shit." I mumble.

"What was that?" Without thinking I pull out my gun and shoot him. "Shit. Shit!" I put the gun back in my pants, ignoring the burn it leaves, before I run over to Mark - the blast woke him up. Grabbing his hand, we run past the dead soldier and into the tunnels. Running past the fallen man, I can't help but look down. Lifeless eyes stared up at me, I did that, and I took a life.

(Present day. Tess: 42)

The taste of the sea on my lips is such a sharp one that has never failed to pull me out of my memories. Entering the shipping compound, it takes me by surprise. Being within such close proximity of the sea, I'm surprised this place hasn't rusted as much as others have. Must have been brand new and never used; old stock lies abandoned in the carts still packaged. The curfew warning comes on and it has yet failed to make me laugh. 'Arrested and prosecuted' is the polite way of saying shot and tagged.

We quickly make our through the maze of door until Marlene basically collapses. If there's a medical kit where we're going I'll help patch her up. She's probably lost feeling in her hand and will need help with stitching up her side.

"Get the fuck away from her." A high pitched voice shouts.

"Hey, hey, hey" I try and calm this raging small person. Kids her age are normally still locked in schools. What is Marlene doing with her? I grab the wrist of the hand containing the knife - I have to give it to her for the persistence.

"Let her go." Marlene orders.

"You're recruiting kinda young, aren't ya?" Joel comments as I throw the girl's hand away. She's starting to remind me of me as a kid.

"She's not one of mine," Marlene gasps as she gets up off the floor.

The little girl runs to Help Marlene. "Shit. What happened?"

"Don't worry, it's fixable." Marlene reassures the girl. "I got us some help. But I can't come with you."

The girl looks confused and displeased. Yeah, well I'd rather have my guns and not mess about here. "Well then I'm staying." The girl insists. I need to get the brat's, name the stubborn bitch. I need to call her something other than girl.

"Ellie, we won't get another shot at this." Marlene says to Ellie. So that's the kid's name. A shining light or most beautiful woman, that's what Ellie means. Wonder if she'll live up to her name unlike mine, fucking singer.

"Hey- We're smuggling her?" Joel points out, staring between Ellie and Marlene.

"There's a crew of Fireflies that'll meet you at the Capitol building" it isn't that easy, Marlene. Goods I can do. That's all about planning and shit. But people! People who can do what they want despite plans. Na. Too unpredictable.

"That's not exactly close." I butt in.

Marlene sneers, "You're capable." Well, so are you and you know where the fuck you're going. I only have an idea. "You hand her off, come back. The weapons are yours. Double what Robert had sold me." If that isn't a way to make it slightly irresistible, I don't know what is. I've been waiting for months for that stock.

"Speaking of which, where are they?" I need to see the guns or no deal.

"Back in our camp." Shit. Marlene can control me there surrounded by her goons. I can't just knock her out and make off with them. "We're not smuggling shit until I see them." I say with Joel at my back, arms crossed over his chest and touching me ever so slightly behind me, just enough to let me know that he's there.

"You follow me. You can verify the weapons. I can get patched up." Marlene is exhausted. She can barely stand. "But she's not crossing that part of town." Marlene says this with a casual point to Ellie.

After Marlene mentions that Joel will have to watch Ellie, things get almost ugly, what with Joel not liking kids since Sarah and the mention of his brother. Bad blood between them. Marlene had no right to bring that up, loss and grief changed Joel and the killing even more so.

To calm the situation I tell Joel to meet me at the north tunnel. The same meeting point we have for whenever we get separate in this district. Soldiers and Roberts men can have clever moments and separate us. We learnt early on to always have an assemble point. It helps to relax Joel and for him to think clearly.

We watch Joel and Ellie leave. Turning to Marlene I hand her what looks like a clean rag long enough to tie around her waist. It was lying around and hopefully it can staunch the blood long enough for me to see the payment. Marlene makes her way through a side door that leads directly to the adjacent building. The series of roofs and building floors we cross are immense. You go up more then you go down. Until we reach an old apartment building. There we go all the way down to the first floor.

The gentle thrum of the tanks moving in can be heard entering the area not so far away. Curfew has started. Luckily we're still near the docks and Marlene keeps insisting we're close - I can only hope so with how much she's stumbling about. She's making such a loud noise it's a wonder we haven't been caught yet.

We walk for a couple more minutes before we squeeze through the smallest hole in the wall. Joel would have had no chance of getting in. I look around in awe; this room is the size of a High School hall, but with the height of a church. Each wall has practically doorway sized piles of weapon boxes, with ammo and flamethrowers in the middle.

"You do this job Tess and half of it is yours." Marlene says, leaving the room back through the gap.

Wasting no time, I open the top box on every pile and inspect the products. All in pristine condition and ready for use. This is a rare sight. "Robert actually did something right." I mutter, picking up a sniper. I've not been this close to one for years. Soldiers are the only ones who have them nowadays.

Climbing down the box to look over the piles in the center of the room, I notice the army's insignia on the side of a box. These came from the army's private forgeries! Fucking hell. These would have cost a pretty penny more than what I paid. I would have been able to just buy two crates of the .44 handguns with what I gave Robert, and that's including what he owed me. I shouldn't have killed him if he knew someone who could get their grubby hands on this shit. This is the treasure of pirates.

I just have time to have a quick look over the flamethrowers when Marlene comes back in. She has changed her shirt and the bandage is clear as day under it. "You need to go now Tess. Get this job done and like I said. Half is yours."

I nod. "This is nice gear." Pacing around the middle pile, I step closer to Marlene. "So to the Capitol building?"

"Yes. My men will meet you there." She sighs and looks at me again. "Thanks for doing this, Tess."

With a simple nod, I leave. I try and go back the same way I came, but soldiers are out patrol by force tonight, probably due to the increased sighting of Fireflies in the area with attacks. Tanks rumble down the streets; groups of soldiers banding together to search side alleys and open buildings. Shit. Making my way back to roof tops as quickly as I can, dodging patrols and going down streets I don't know, takes a while. By the time I get to the roof of the north tunnel, the sun has long ago set. It's almost pitch black. The perfect time to smuggle. Now all I have to do is find the room Joel decided to stay in and we can be on the move. I don't want to know this girl at all. No attachments 'cause we'll be letting her go as soon as possible. The Capitol building is at tops three days away, depending on who and what we come across.

Entering the room, I see Joel and Ellie talking in hushed voices. It's time to move.

(16 years ago. Tess 25, Mark 10)

Malick takes care of Mark for the fifth day this week. I owe him so much. He makes it so I don't have to work under anyone. I have my own private business where customers and clients only deal with me. Makes it all very personal and people know I will get the job done, no funny business. People know they can trust me and always come back when they want something similar doing again. It feels good doing this, and Mark is learning the basics as well. He helps out on the smuggling side, but I deal with everyone. He's not there for that part.

This client always takes ages, he likes to repeat what he says six times to make sure that you've listened and remember everything he says. It pisses me off that he thinks I have the time and patience to do this rodeo. If he actually let me do my job then I may get his shit faster. He doesn't even want much, but it takes him almost two hours before he's satisfied that I know anything. Sighing when he leaves my field of view, I make my way to the back of the building that we're in. It's almost curfew, but I still have an hour to get home.

The walk down the streets is pretty uneventful. A few soldiers recognize me and chased me into abandoned streets, but I dispatch them just as easily as normal. No one will know it's me. Who recognizes a person by the pile of bodies with broken necks? Either way it takes me until the warning sirens to get home. Malick and Mark already sat at the kitchen table eating a can of whatever is on the ration food pile of the week. An open can sat at the space between the two of them. Sitting down we begin our plan: who to get the shit off, where to smuggle it from and to and most importantly where we are going to hide it once we have it before the meeting. After that we'll use the usual space to take it to for the drop off.

Mark tells me about his day at school. Nothing makes him happy going there, they are to controlling and it doesn't help with the prison feel to the place. Mark hates feeling controlled. It isn't long before Malick leaves for his shift as Robert's night guard. He kisses each of our heads before leaving.

"I stwill don't like him." Mark mumbles like he does every time Malick leaves. His lisp hasn't died down and I doubt it ever will.

"I know hon, but as soon as we have enough ration cards we'll use it to get our own place. How does that sound? You'll have your own room as well like we used to." This isn't the best position to be in but my money is tied up everywhere. Tomorrow we have three drop offs so a lot of money will be coming in. With that, we'll be able to afford our own place.

That night we stay up late just playing old silly games such as snap and go fish with an old pack of cards we found. It's great seeing mark smile for the first time in months. We laugh and joked around, and end up singing songs like Yellow, Camp Town Races and a few more of our favorites.

"Mom." Mark whispers. "I wish the outbreak never happened."

"Yeah, it would have been great. We would be sat on the couch right about now, crappy evening shows on and take away boxes scattered everywhere."

"Could we be eating pizza, mom?"

"Yeah ,we could baby."

Malick comes home just before sun rises; I've just woken up from a bad night sleep. The women upstairs keep screaming about a monster killing her son. Looking up at Malick, I can see there is something on his mind.

"What's up?"

"You've been here a long time now and I've been looking after Mark a hell of a lot."

"I know, but we'll be out of your hair soon. As soon as the drops are made today, we'll be able to afford our own place and pay you back a bit."

"Yeah, the only thing is that I don't want to be paid. I've played the part as husband and father. I now want to live that. As long as we stick to how things are, but become that…" He pauses. I have no idea what he's saying. "I'll be happy."

"What?"

"Will you stay here with me? Both of you?" he asked. What.

"I don't know. I'll have to ask Mark and…" He doesn't let me finish before he dives on me. I don't even have time to make any noise before his lips descend on mine.

His tongue forces my mouth open and invades my mouth as fast as he invaded my life. He forces me back on the couch further. I can barely breathe. When he pulls away, I gasp for breath he goes for my neck. I can't do this. No, I can't. Not with Mark in the room above us. I try and stand up, but Malick holds my hands above my head and puts his legs on mine so that I can't move, I can't even buck him off.

This is so wrong. "No." I try and say but Malick take my mouth again. No! I try and bit his tongue, but he moves to quickly and bites my lip hard causing me to moan in pain. I push my head back ready to head-butt him when he moves a hand down my body.

"No!" I say forcefully but he pushes my head back down with his forehead on mine.

"You will do this or I'll kick you out right now and never help you again." He hisses at me.

I can't afford to lose friends like this. I nod my head and let him do what he wants. He kisses me again and this time, I reproach. I battle my tongue and his and pretend to enjoy. I do not cry when he shuffles my jeans down to my mid thighs, I do not cry as he enters me and I do not cry when he comes inside me, all hot and sticky. I do not cry until I'm on my way home after the drop offs. When I feel the most used and sticky, after being stood in the sun all day and realizing I am nothing to these people other than a way to get something. They do not care who I am or who I live for. From this day on I swear to never shed a tear for anyone but Mark and never let things get to me.

When I get home that night, Malick is already at Robert's. I hug Mark close that night and fall asleep with him in my arms. For the first time in ages he doesn't question it but he might have heard this morning. I really hope he didn't hear this morning.

(Present day. Tess: 42)

The tunnels stink. OMFG! It doesn't help they're exposing us worse than the old skimpy shirts all them teenage girls used to wear, but they are also covered in twenty year old faeces which has yet to lose its stench. Oh god, it gets worse where the structure still remains. Shit. The bullets are getting closer and closer. It'd only be closer if we actually got hit. They're like snipers. The only things protecting us are all these abandoned vehicles.

Fuck. All this ducking and weaving can't be good on my knees. Is this brat even worth it? I have almost died more times today then I have in total since the outbreak. We may be getting a shit ton of guns at the end of it but our lives are worth more. If we're dead we can't fucking get our load and what's the point of that?

Yeah, I know we promised Marlene but this is way above the pay check.

The soldiers prowl around above us like hungry wolves looking for food. We're their food. That fucking little girl had to kill that fucking soldier. If they only ended up unconscious then we'd be home free and not trying to escape as much. They'd wish us all the luck hell has and give zero fucks about what happened to us and an infected girl. But no. A soldier is dead and they're looking for blood. Our blood.

I'm actually scared to breathe (but I won't tell Texas that) just in case they can see my chest moving here in the shadows. But these shadows won't last long with those search lights. If even one of our shoes are exposed they'll find us. These soldiers know these parts rubble by rubble. It's how they survive out here; knowing the environment better than anyone else. A shoe would go noticed, a flash of skin even more so. The old derelict cars are perfect for hiding behind.

"Stay away from those lights." Why do I have to tell the brat something so simple? She wonders and strays near them lights. She's gonna to get us killed if she's not careful.

Where are all these soldiers coming from? Are they rats? They must breed like them to have so many of them. So many of the military died at the start, exposed too long, 'fighting' on the front line. Serves them right. They did nothing to help in the beginning, but make it so we were isolated; I never knew what was going on with the random screening of people. We have never lived a day since the epidemic, only survived.

You can tell this used to be the front line. The barricades used are simple and ineffective. As the years went on more wall size barriers were used. Better to keep the infected out and to control the people inside.

Goddammit! The fucking strobe lighting is too fast. We'll be lucky if we can get out in time. "Ellie, it's gonna be another sprint. You ready?"

"Sure. Yeah." Ellie sounds a little out of breathe. She stills sounds better than I did before everything went to shit. People used to be so adverse to exercise and they were the first to go. Thank god I owned my own gym.

"Goddammit. They're everywhere." Joel is great at stating the obvious, but he does it at the best of times. I'm too focused on what we have to do. He has my back, I have his front.

The trenches stretch for miles in all directions. It'll take us ages to get out but hopefully by then those soldiers will have given up. I would have by now if I were them. They have a job to 'protect' the people and I have my job to do. I don't know what Marlene wants with this infected girl but whatever it is it ain't my problem at the end of the day.

Walking out the last sewer into the building complex is like seeing heaven. The tunnel doesn't even smell that bad anymore, and even with most of the walls and floors gone, we have more cover and it'll be harder for those soldiers to catch us. The pieces of shit. The only problem with all this was the fucking metal shutters. Sure, they used to be useful in keeping store merchandise safe and secure, but not anymore. Now they are only a hindrance, and a loud fucking hindrance at that with the rusted chain.

The only good thing about tonight so far is the lack of tanks. Normally the streets are filled with them outside the safe zones. A way to keep continued protection from those who aren't meant to be there: meaning the infected and us, the traffickers.

Anyway, using old floor plans won't work here, too many holes to fall into. Sneaking our way out back into the alleys through broken windows, all debris cleared away by others. The old bullet holes in the wall show their story, never a happy story but these days that rarely happens. The giant hole in front of us our aim. It may be deep, but it could be our only shot of survival. We'll get caught another way. Joel takes the first leap. As always. He has the muscle for padding while I'm mostly skin and bone, and the girl needs to survive. I'm not doing all this so at the end she can die, I won't stand for it.

"Tess, any idea which way?" This is the problem with being chased trough the sewers. You lose your bearings.

"Uh…. It looks so different." I tell Joel when I get down. Turning around, I help Ellie down. I can't believe we're trafficking this child when she's almost gotten us killed, but I want my guns. Turning back to Joel seeing him disappearing down a random tunnel. Yeah well fuck you to Joel.

Emerging from the tunnel and things look familiar. Though that could be due to it being dark and you can't see anything. I'll take it. "Yeah. This looks right. Stay close."

"At least we're out of the rain." Joel practically jumps up the stairs. Texas has really long legs. How the hell he squeezes through the hole in the wall is beyond me, but he does.

Shit. All the soldiers have flashlights. Time to stick to the walls.

Looking ahead, I see the little trickle of water and barely hold back my groan. One think walking through tunnels with dry shit but this… this takes it to a whole new level. I have no dry clothes on me so I'll have to walk in these clothes for ages while they dry. Ugh. Not fun, but you lose some of the need to be clean with the lack of clean fresh water.

Jumping over the wall and into the still running sewer system is actually refreshing. I get rid of a bit of the grime from today's events. Sure, the water is what it is but with a slight lack of functional toilets out there it makes this better than it could be. The gentle sound of the water moving around us is the only sound we make. The only thing directing the soldiers to where we are, who are above us clumping along on the metal plates as they search for us.

The rusty gate in front of us is our escape, our victory. It gave a bang when it opens, but that doesn't matter as the soldiers are gone. We're free to carry on.

"Look- what was the plan?" I ask Ellie as I kneel in front of where she's sat on a walk by the river. "Let's say we deliver you to the Fireflies. What then?"

"Marlene…" Ellie takes a deep breathe. Why do I feel like I'm gonna regret asking that? "She said that they had their own little quarantine zone. With doctors there: still trying to find the cure."

"Yeah. We've heard that before. Huh. Tess?" Joel now is not the time. I need to know why we're risking our lives. Why her life is worth more than ours?

"And that… whatever happened to me is the key to finding the vaccine." What. Is she telling the truth? Is there a cure for this madness?

"Oh, Jesus." For once I completely agree with Joel.

Ellie looks terrified. I would. That's a whole lot of shit to dump on a person. And on a child. She can't be much older than ten. "It's what she said."

"Oh, I'm sure she did." Joel is getting pissed. This is a big deal. For everyone.

"Hey, fuck you man. I didn't ask for this." Ellie almost shouts.

"Me neither. Tess, what the hell are we doing here?" He's working them brown eyes of his. Fuck!

"What if it's true?"

"I can't believe-" Yeah, well me neither Joel.

"What if Joel? I mean, we've come this far let's just finish it."

"Do I need to remind you what is out there?" No, you don't Joel. We've been living this hell long enough.

"I get it." I do get where he's coming from but this just became more than survival. This is fighting. Walking off is my best option. It's either walk or punch him in the face, and I can't lose my friend. Not out here. Not when I need him to watch my back.

I hear Ellie following me and I know he'll follow us. His heart is big but he likes to think he can hide it. Not from me. I start to lead them through Downtown to get to the capital building. It's gonna be a long night.

Downtown can be pretty dangerous. All those empty buildings are filled with all types if infected. You just have to keep moving, and try and be quiet. Obviously Ellie doesn't know that and shouts. The Clicker sounds far away, but it's best we keep moving and not go looking for it. That's a mistake many have made in the past, nothing good comes of it.

Making our way through the streets makes me miss the good old days. Sure, we had our problems with money, but life was so much more simple back then. You could sleep when you wanted to and could be as ignorant as you wanted to the world's problem. Not anymore. The world's problem is everyone's problem; no one has a problem that someone everyone else doesn't have.

(15 years ago. Tess 25, Mark 12)

This is a special day for us. Mark and I go out on our first smuggle together. We've moved out of Malick's place four months ago after soldiers condemned the block. I have never felt so free in my life. Malick was just a huge headache and thank god it's over. Sure, I miss the sex but when you go from none to practically daily you do. I know we started out wrong, but he treated me right in the sense he got rid of the itch and he gave Mark a father figure.

My operations have dwindled with the number of soldier patrols increasing, so that means the number of people I have working for me decreases, too. It's why Mark is being trained. He loved the fact it's the two of us now. He's really good at hiding behind pillars and old barriers. I'm just good at talking my way out of situations like that.

"This is fun, mom." Mark laughs as he jumps from barrier to barrier. It's the middle of the day, the time of day when patrols are mainly at gates. No one this far out of range from zones unless work is scheduled.

I can't help but laugh at him. He reminds me of Tarzan when he's trying to prove himself. He's really agile and it's hard not to be slightly jealous if it wasn't for the fact I taught him most of it. His youth gives him the rest. "Well, if this goes well we can continue doing this. One day you might get to hold a gun."

He laughs at me because he already knows most of the safety procedures. I have been teaching him from just over a year ago, but I don't trust him enough yet to know how to use it responsibly. I didn't know how to handle a gun until I was sixteen and taking paid lessons. I'll trust him in a few years when he has the hang of this.

"Well, I hope that day is soon so I can have your back." He glances down at his battered sneakers. "You always have mine and it's time I wepaid you for that."

I'm almost unable to hold back the tears. "That's because I love you enough to watch out for it, you little bastard." I reply giving him a nudge. It sends him into a pile of mud, but we're both too busy laughing to care.

You'd think with the number of times I've done this now that I would learn to be quiet but not. Regrettably our laughter catches the mind of a clicker. Mark has never seen one before. I quickly stand in front of me and scrutinize the clicker in front of me. Its movements are slow and sluggish, the movement never seeming complete. This is a starving and dying clicker. If it didn't have us, it would die within the week. It's a no brainer. Literally. I take out my gun and get it straight through the head. Brain bits land everywhere behind it in no distinct pattern while the body falls forward; graceful in its final few moments.

This sight no longer bothers me. I go out of boundaries at least once a day, and at least once a day I kill a clicker or a runner. It's the nature of this business and this world. Either way, soldiers kill more than I do. Fireflies or infected. I guess it's their duty, but they're hardened past the point of caring. Stepping over the now still body, Mark and I continue on to a separate area. The last of our shipment has just come in and it's for our most loyal customer - the guy who repeats his order six times. He always pays well so we don't complain much, only when we're home and it's the two of us. Mark does a really good impression of him. He even gets the monotonous voice right.

"Mom, listen." Mark calls from a couple of meters ahead. "I want six flamethrowers that shoot at least three meters of fire, 12 .44 handguns and fifteen grenades. Extra ammo is required and as much as you can get your hands on as well. I don't want our meeting to be in this year again." I can't help the peal of laughter that comes out. That is so him! Down to every breathe and pause. The cramp starting up in my side is a foreign feeling. I haven't laughed like this in years.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I turn to look at our destination. The huge cement brick wall stands in the way for those who don't know about the crack. This crack is just big enough to let in slim people inside and individual weapons. There is a side door that can be only opened from the inside for the huge hauls. My inside man, Peter, stand guard but always makes sure the alarm is off for when we're leaving.

We don't get half way to the wall before the familiar sound of clickers congregating together is heard. After hearing them, we try and sprint the rest of the way to the hall. One catches my ankle and brings me down. I am so fucking sure it's the last of me that I just pray for Mark's safety, instead.

Then I see Mark jump on the runner's back and pull it away from me. A clicker comes up behind and grabs Mark in a bear hug. I leap up as quickly as I can to try and save my boy. He is not meant to get hurt, he is meant to grow up with me and help me run things. I don't even reach him before the clicker bites his neck. It rips out a huge chunk from the left hand side. My vision goes black and all I can hear is a constant bang, bang, bang.

Coming back to myself, I see the bodies of five people in the various stages of being infected, all in a circle around me. Their blood undistinguishable from each other, soaking their clothes and my shoes. My head swivels until my eyes land on Mark.

Mark is on his back within the circle of bodies. I collapse by his side and search his body. The only source of pain is the bite on his neck. Quickly, I rip off my shirt and press it hard against Mark's neck. He doesn't make a noise.

"Come on hon, wake up. Wake up, Mark. Please!" I keep screaming at him. At one point, I had pulled him into my lap and start rocking him. "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me!"

I have no idea how long I spend screaming. Could me minutes, hours or days. At one point I give up. I clutch his body close to mine and sob. He can't be gone. He can't.

By now his hair and my shirt are soaked, though neither of those things stop me stroking him and kissing his face good bye. This will be his resting place. I haven't got the muscle to carry him back home. With a final scream of despair I lay him on the ground again. I delicately cross his hands over his chest and close his eyes. He deserves to look as peaceful in his resting place. No. Not his resting place. His sleeping place. He's just in a state of eternal sleeping and I will see him again. I will.

I stay there until the sun sets. The day with a son is now over and my new lonely life will begin.

The next few weeks blur together until I suddenly find myself being sought after by soldiers in a new area. The cylinder I am hiding behind is massive. Peering around, I see another guy. He's not in uniform and I don't think I've seen him anywhere before. It doesn't take long until he's next to me.

"Hey ma'am. I'm Joel."

(Present day. Tess: 42)

No one knew what to do at the start. We do now, but it took everyone a couple of years to get used to sleeping wherever they could and waking at the slightest of sounds. The people who have had kids here are brave. I could never do it again. The constant fear you live in is worse than anything else. The nightmare of what could happen to them never ends until they're gone and even then they continue. You could have always done better, they always tell you at night. By now, I don't know if I've gone crazy with a form of PTSD, survivors' guilt or any other mental health issue. Even if I have one it doesn't matter. There is no one who can help. No medicine, no psychiatrist. You just have to keep moving and hope that time heals all.

Climbing up the stairs to the top floor of a building, we gaze across the shell of Downtown. We can see the Capitol building, but it's going be hard to reach. Lots of hidden passageways and hurdles. We move onwards from building to building, passing fresh and old bodies ripped apart. Coming across the first clicker Ellie had ever seen was funny. You forget at times that not everyone knows how the bitten end up. You just wait for the end or the bite and think that's it. You die in a mental sense, anyway.

Fuck. Why did this building have to be one of the only ways to reach the building? You can feel every step you take make the building fall apart more. Piece by piece, it shakes more and more until it gives a little bit of a tilt and things go flying. The chair rolling across the room has lasted long but that moves quickly. So do we. This building may collapse any second.

It's a good thing I know Joel as well as I do or that door may never have opened. The simple rhythm we move is a mirror of how we live our new lives, in harmony and with the trust that we would follow each other.

"Joel!" I scream as I see the clicker out of the corner of my eye. It attacks him. It keeps pushing and pushing Joel, not giving him an opening. If I don't do something now then I may lose him. I can't lose my best friend. No way can I lose him. I kick the bastard clicker off of him and shoot it in the face. Just like with humans it's an instant kill.

Advancing on, we make our way through countless corridors. In and out of random dead end rooms. When we reach the ledge where I have to see if there is another way through, my shoulders already start to protest. The phantom pain flaring up from the first time I pulled Joel up a ledge. He's not as light as he looks.

Glancing around, I see nothing. No signs of life from anything that would cause our death. Calling for Ellie first is an easy decision to make. She'll help me lift him up. Except she doesn't and I'm slightly worn from pulling her up. My shoulder hurts almost as much as when I dislocated it. Fuck! There's no time to complain. Clickers.

Grabbing onto Ellie's arm, I practically drag her out of the room, hiding her behind the counter just like we told her before. It used to scare me how close they would get to you. It took me ages to discover that throwing bottles or bricks distracts them enough to get the hell out of there. The sudden sound startles them into action long enough to get in a position without your noise being overheard over its excited squealing. They are hard to kill and you have to move quickly. Joel and I have perfected our technic over the years. It doesn't surprise me when he crab crawls behind the fucker and shiv's it.

As we get closer and closer to the Capitol building, there are more and more infected people. This is a bad sign, especially since it gets harder and harder to fight them as we get more tired. Ellie just stands there looking lost. She's a fucking little spoilt brat. You help the people who aren't as well advantaged and who are trying to get you somewhere. Without us she'd be dead in a week or less.

Her telling me the story of how she got bit is strange. I've never know anybody after the epidemic to not shoot on sight if someone has been bit. It's unheard of, even when a family, close friend or lover has been bit. But for Marlene not to kill her… she must have done something first. Probably stayed with her for a week before telling her about what happened. That is the only explanation I have.

But to get bit in the mall is almost impossible: there are guards posted at every entrance point. They bottle necked the infected people into there. She must have got in while they changed over. There may be only eitght guards on duty, but its e-fucking-nough for that place.

Making our way up the decaying building, the wooden floors seem to rot away beneath us. Joel's up ahead lifting the rubble so we can get through. I know from experience that that shit is heavy. "Joel, Joel." As soon as I'm under, I turn and try to grab the rubble so Joel can come through but there is no time. It slips and the amount of sound made is almost deafening.

"I'm alive. I'll make my way around to you." Joel pants. He sounds hurts. Not too badly but just enough to tell.

Fuck. Clickers. "Oh… Look they're here!"

"Tess" Joel shouts at me.

"Run. Run!" Grabbing Ellie's arm, I pull her along with me as I sprint into a room. Hiding behind a door, I pick up an old wooden beam. Bracing against the wall, I use it to push off after the last clicker enters the room. Ellie is stood behind me as I swing and smash one of the Clicker's faces in. I have no time to look at the slumped body on the floor or the way its brains paint the floor like abstract art before I use the momentum of my hit to slam another clicker in the back pushing it into the other two. Unfortunately, my stick brakes but the distance made between us and the clicker gives me enough time to pull out my gun. Shooting the other at point blank range, I get covered in brain matter and other juices. Wiping my face with my top to remove anything of the infected that I could potentially breathe in, I take a deep breathe.

Seizing Ellie's arm we make our way to the door on our right, pressing my ear against the wood as I tune into my hearing. The distinctive sound of rustling clothes and the soft click of Clickers is all I hear, with the frenzied movement of Runners slightly further away can also. Crap. I need to distract them so we can get out of here. Glancing around, I spot a few glass bottles on the side and pick them up in each hand. I throw it as far down the corridor as I can.

As it smashes on the floor, I watch as most of the Clickers rush after the sound, Runners not far behind. I press both myself and Ellie in to the woodwork. Moving slowly and lowly over to the table, we quickly crouch down and I make a Molotov.

Clickers start flapping about like they're fucking birds over near where the rubble fell. We crab crawl our way towards a set of double doors which open into a massive reception room. Old pictures decorate the walls, Ellie takes time to admire them while I check my inventory. Shit. I'm running low on ammo. I have maybe twelve shots left. That may not be enough. Scanning the room, I pick up a couple of bricks and a crow bar. Ellie is at the opposite end of the room. I swiftly walk over to Ellie.

Leaning over Ellie's shoulder, I whisper. "Do not make any sound. Keep as still and quiet as possible when I stop and for the love of god, don't scream."

"Okay." She's says sarcastically. Yeah well, fuck you too and thanks for all the help back there.

Leading her down through corridors and adjacent rooms, and trying to avoid all the Clickers and Runners, we come across we make it to the door leading to the stairs. Shoving the door open, we arrive at the stairwell, moving quickly up the stairs. These fucking steps are close to collapsing. A step creaks loudly; the sounds of Runners rushing up the stairs the only sound that can be heard over it.

"Run." I mouth at Ellie as I load up my gun. I shoot them as soon as I see them, occasionally missing while trying not to fall on the stairs. Five Runners in, and I'm out of ammo. I reach behind me and clutch the crow bar as I sprint up the stairs.

"Tess! Behind you!" Ellie screams at me. Turning, I knock something over the railings where a crash happens. I don't know what happens as a Runner pushes into the room behind me before Ellie can close the door.

I hit it square in the face. Dropping the crow bar and turning round to check on the brat, I see a hibernating Runner. They need to sleep just like we do and when you wake one up it gets cranky. The brat must have turned or something as a loud crash filled the room. Shit.

"Ellie, stay back!" I shout as it startles awake. It comes straight for me and I have just enough time to use my fore arm as a shield before it rips my throat out. Shit! It bit me. Shit! I hear banging on the door faintly as I pick up a wooden pole bash it fucking face in. Twice for good measure.

"Tess!" Joel shouts at me as the building goes quiet for the first time since we entered the building.

He can't know. He can't know about the bite. If this girl really is infected then when the fireflies get her I can get the antidote. Yeah. She needs to be taken there and fast. "I'm fine." I pant. He can't know. Thank god Joel trusts me enough to take my word.

"Guys, get in here!" We hear Ellie scream. We run as fast as we can into the room she's in. How the hell did she attract so many Runners? Joel moves fluidly around the room, firing off perfect shots. I use random bits of rubble to throw and kill them. Shots are fired all over and the brief flashes from the gun are blinding in this dark room.

"Tess. How you holding up?" Joel has to ask.

"Just a bit winded." And about to have a fucking panic attack. I could be one of them in a few days – a cold lifeless corpse on the floor or a mindless slave to this virus now in me. "This way. This'll get us to the roof."

Without waiting, I jump out the window and make my assent to the roof using old fire escapes. It's nice and peaceful this time in the mornings. It's silent. More silent then before all this. I don't know if it's like this every morning or just because I want it to be peaceful. It feels like it should be. That now I'm infected, nothing else should bother me: the wind, noises, Clickers, the brat etc. Looking across the city roof tops in my moment of peace, I wonder how my life would have turned out. Would I have ever met Texas, would we have still been friends?

The arrival of Joel and Ellie on the roof tops broke me out of my thoughts. "We gotta find a way across." I tell Joel.

Ellie stays behind as Joel heads off searching the roof tops. An uncomfortable silence settles between us. I think Ellie knows I blame her and hate her for something. I do, but I don't have the mental capacity or do a fucking thing about it. Why should I? She won't be with us for much longer. If anything as soon as she's in Marlene's hands I'm getting my guns and staying until a cure found or I may put a bullet in my own head. If Joel knew he'd tell me to make peace before I go. Well, I've done too much shit to hope for peace.

Joel comes staggering back with a giant plank of wood and rests it across the gap. "Here we go." Turning to face Ellie, he mutters. "Now, be careful when you cross. It can be a little."

"Pssh." Ellie cuts him off. Why that little bitch. She says it's her first time out and she thinks she knows everything. She's getting a little cocky at the minute and I don't appreciate the attitude. Walking across the gap after them, I note their private moment. God, we need to hurry up. At the rate we're going we're gonna need a miracle. I'm gonna need a miracle.

"C'mon on. This way." I rush them. I know Joel doesn't look impressed, but he's aware what happens when you stay in one spot for too long. "Hey. Pick it up."

"Look we're almost done. Stay focused."

"Yes, ma'am." Texas can be as sarcastic as the rest of us at times.

Climbing down the ladders, I can almost taste freedom. "It's right around this corner. C'mon." I run down the stairs and check my wrist when I'm out of sight of both of them. It helps that Joel likes to scavenge and Ellie sticks to him like glue. The bite on my wrist isn't as big as some. It's inflamed and weeping yellow puss around the edges. As I run my fingers over it, it feels weird. It feels numb. Is that what it feels like to turn? To feel yourself go slowly numb to everything? To yourself?

Joel pushes the old garbage can in front of the barbed fence. Thank fucking god. At least I don't have to dislocate my arm anytime soon. Climbing the fence is easy, but the jump to the dirt below vibrates up my legs.

I race down the deserted road. 'Please be there,' I chant in my head.

"Home stretch, Tess." Joel shouts behind me. I can see the fireflies' headquarters. 'Please be there.'

"Um, just so it's out there. I can't swim." Why didn't she tell us earlier? There are loads of other ways we could have gone that didn't involve water. 'Keep it cool Tess.'

"Look, it looks shallower on the right side. Follow me." I tell Ellie. We're so close.

"I'm glad Marlene hired you guys."

"What do you mean?" I ask Ellie.

"I know you guys are getting paid for this but – I'm trying to say thank you."

"Yeah. Sure thing."

The water is up to my hips and it is full of algae. It's cleaning my wrist for me, though. Less blood and grime for Joel to find. Another reason I'm thankful we used a garbage can to climb that latest fence.

The stairs leading up to the Capitol building are my heaven. 'Nearly there. This'll soon be over.'

Joel opens the door like usual. Keeping his ears and eyes open for detection. He has always had better senses than I do. I blame it on the perforated ear drums I had throughout most of my adult life.

I see the dead body as Joel moves. "No." Joel moves further and I can clearly see the firefly emblem. "No, no," I start searching the body. There has to be a clue to where they're regrouping. There has to be.

I hear Ellie ask Joel, "What happens now?" He doesn't answer.

Instead, he turns to me. "What are you doing, Tess?"

"Oh, god." I need a clue. "Maybe they, ah, maybe they had a map or something to tell us where they're going."

"How far are we gonna take this?"

"As far as It needs to go!" I cut him off. I can hear the hysteria enter my voice. If I can, then so can he. Looking at Ellie, I ask. "Where is this lab of theirs?"

She's looking at me like I'm crazy. "Oh, she never said. She only mentioned that it was someplace out West." No! That's not fucking good enough.

"What are we doing here?" Joel asks in his calm and collected voice. "This is not us."

"What do you know about us?" I point out to Joel. "About me?" In these times no one shares any memories; it hurts too much.

"I know that you are smarter than this."

"Really. Guess what, we're shitty people, Joel." We both have a lot of blood on our hands. "It's been that way for a long time."

"No, we are survivors!"

"This is our chance-"

"It is over, Tess!" Joel takes a deep breathe while I pant. No, no, no. "Now we tried. Let's go home."

"I'm not… I'm not going anywhere." There is no place for me. Not anymore. "This is my last stop."

"What?" he looks at me exasperated.

Gulping down my fears I tell him. "Our luck had to run out sooner or later."

"What are you going on about-"

"No don't-" I scream at Joel as he tries to touch me, to touch my infected arm. "Don't touch me."

I see Ellie come closer out of the corner of my eye. "Holy shit." She's got it. "She's infected."

I can't look at Joel. I don't want to see the look of pain on his face; he can't see my look of pain and despair. I have lost hope.

"Joel…" I whisper.

"Let me see it."

"I didn't mean for this-"

"Show it to me." He's upset. You can tell in that one demand.

Taking a deep breathe, I look down. I thrust my arm towards his face. My bite looks worse than before. It's redder and you can see infection has settled in. I'm turning.

"Oh Christ." Joel exclaims as he jumps away from me.

"Oops, right." It was a one on one. Why couldn't have I of stopped it? Why?

Looking at Ellie and then him, I know what I have to do to make Joel understand. "Give me your arm." I demand striding towards her before I show Joel her scar, "This was three weeks ago. I was bitten an hour ago and it's already worse. This is fucking real, Joel." Taking a deep breathe to calm myself. "You have got to get this girl to Tommy's. He used to run with this crew, he'll know where to go."

"No, no, no. that was your crusade." Joel points his finger at me. "I am not doing that."

"Yes you are. Look, there's enough here that you have to feel some sort of an obligation to me." That may have been a low blow, but I'm not taking it back. "So you get her to Tommy's."

"Shit."

"Oh…" Soldiers. "They're here."

"Damnit."

"I can buy you some time, but you have to run."

"What? You want us to just leave you here?" Ellie asks.

"Yes." I'm sure.

"There is no way-"

"I will not turn into one of those things." Joel should know that, especially since it has to do with the reason we stuck together in the first place. I can see it dawning on Joel. There is no hope for me. This is where I get off the road of life. "Come on. Make it easy for me."

"No. I can fight-"

"No, just go." I push him. He needs to secure the cure. This game of life needs to stop, we're all tired. "Just fucking go."

"Ellie-" Joel starts.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this." She cuts him off.

"Get a move on." He growls at her but he never looks away from me. I can see him breaking. I don't look away as they back their way to the shadows.

As they get out of sight, I feel like crying. Taking a deep breathe, I turn and face the door. If I die than they can watch as the fucking lights leave my eyes. They will remember who I am. Raising my newly filled gun, I wait.

They burst the door down. "Get her!" I have no time to react before they open fire. One sharp point of pain at my temple and the only thing I know from then on is black.