Goodbye

"What are you going to do?"

For a moment, he didn't answer her. John just stared at the silver watch in his hands, so small, so innocent looking. It was such a small, ordinary thing, you could see it everyday and think nothing of it. Aside from the bizarre patterned engraving on it, there was nothing to mark it as special, nothing that gave any indication of just what was hidden inside it.

But he knew. This watch had the power of life and death. Opening it would mean death for him, for the ordinary man, John Smith. He'd have to sacrifice himself and give up the life he could have had with Joan. However, for the mysterious Doctor, opening this watch would mean life. It would also mean life for anyone who was left in the village. The Doctor would stop these… beings, and everyone would be alright. Everyone but him…

So, the question was, could he really put his life before those of so many others?

Of course he couldn't. He was no one special, he wasn't worth any more than anyone else, and he'd never be able to live with himself if he just allowed this destruction to happen.

"What has to be done," he said, finally answering Joan's question. He turned to face her, "People are dying, innocent people from the village, boys from the school… and there's nothing I can do about it, I'm no hero. But maybe this Doctor can stop it before it gets any worse, so… I have to go."

Joan nodded, tears building in her eyes as she whispered, "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"So do I," John answered, the break in his voice showing just how much he agreed with her. "I wish I'd never had those dreams, that those beings had come here, that we had a lifetime to share together… but it is pointless to think of such things now…"

For a moment, the two sat side by side, not saying anything. The silence only being broken by the odd explosion, which seemed to be drawing ever closer to them.

"Promise me something," John said suddenly.

"What is it?"

"When I'm … gone," he said, "I don't want you to give up on love because of me. Find someone who'll make you happy, someone real, and have a fantastic life… for me."

"I will," Joan promised, willing to do anything for him.

There was another short silence, before John said nervously, "I suppose this is it then." And without further warning, he leaned forward and kissed the woman he loved one last time. It was a kiss of almost desperation, the couple's tears mixing they said goodbye with more than words. Then John held her close to him, not wanting to leave her. "I love you," he said, knowing this was his last chance to say it.

Joan closed her eyes, not wanting the moment to end, wanting to remember it forever. "I love you too," she replied.

"Goodbye," he whispered as he pulled away.

John turned his attention to the watch, which suddenly felt unnaturally heavy in his hand. For King and country, he thought ironically, considering the man he was about to become wasn't even from this world. Then he took a deep breath and opened the watch.

The one thing he hadn't expected, was to feel pain. But he did. Excruciating pain coursed through his body, every nerve ending screaming in protest at what was happening to him.

He'd always thought that dying would feel a bit like going to sleep, but as it turned out, it was more like waking up. John Smith didn't disappear entirely, it was more liked he just realised who he was, and who he was part of.

He was the part of the Doctor that did still have mercy, have compassion, the part who loved the companions he travelled with, the part who'd had a wife, children and grandchildren back home, on Gallifrey. But he was also the part who'd been suppressed the most after the last great Time war. He'd been the part who hadn't coped with the loss, he was the part who'd almost been lost to madness… before Rose had come and saved him.

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Joan was horrified.

John had opened the watch and a strange glowing light had come out and gone straight into his eyes. His eyes had glowed gold for a moment, and then he'd started to scream. She watched, aghast, as the man she loved fell to the floor, writhing and screaming in pain.

"Oh God!" she cried. Surely this couldn't be right! Surely he wasn't supposed to be in so much pain!

But just as she was beginning to despair, as abruptly as it had started, it all stopped. John stopped screaming, and opened his eyes. Then he got to his feet and glanced around.

Joan had been just about to say something, when John spoke instead. Only… it wasn't John.

"Ow," he said, giving himself a little shake, "Rewriting your entire biology twice in as many months really isn't a good idea. 'Course it isn't recommended to try even once… but twice? – leaves you feeling tingly… and a little confused… where am I?"

Hearing the light-hearted, almost flippant voice that was John's, and yet wasn't, coming out of his mouth was something that Joan was not ready for. And when he turned to face her, with a facial expression so unlike anything that John ever used, it shocked her even more. But it was the man's eyes who gave him away as a stranger…

John's eyes had been open and honest, those of a kind man with a kind soul. Every now and then, she'd thought she'd seen something else in them, something old, and unexplainable… But that was nothing compared to what she saw in this man's eyes. It was exactly as Timothy had said:

'He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm and the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe.'

That was exactly what she could see in this man's eyes.

"Y-You're at the Cartwright's house, in England… in 1913," Joan said, not sure what to expect from this man, "You've been sleeping… waiting… in this," she added, picking up the silver watch from the floor, and handing it to him.

"Yes," the Doctor said, taking the now-empty watch, "The Family can sense a Time Lord, I had to become human so they—wait! The Family!" He spoke as if he were trying to remember, "They're here. They were… bombarding the village. I have to stop them."

"You remember?"

The Doctor turned to the woman his human persona had fallen in love with. In the few seconds he'd been back, he'd already collected the memories together so he knew exactly what was going on. "John Smith is a part of me," he explained gently, "I know everything he knew."

"Then go," Joan replied, a touch of steel in her voice, "If you truly know what John knew, then you'll know that he only gave up his life for you, so you could get rid of this… family as you call them."

For a second, John—no –the Doctor looked as though he was about to say something to her, tell her something important maybe. But he clearly changed his mind, and instead murmured, "I'll be back," and left the house, presumably to deal with 'the family'.

Once he was gone, Joan could hold herself together no longer. She'd tried to be strong while the Doctor was there, not willing to fall apart in front of a complete stranger. But now… she let it all out. Tears again ran down her face, and sobs racked her body. John was gone, and he was not coming back.

In truth, he hadn't been completely real to begin with. He'd never grown up in Nottingham, gone through school or qualified as a teacher as he'd said. None of the boys would remember him, the teacher they'd had for a few weeks, except perhaps Timothy. But she would. He'd been real to her, and that was real enough. She would honour the promise she'd made to him, to find someone and be happy, but she would never forget him.

She knew that a part of her heart would always belong to him, and would always be waiting for him to come back to her… however unlikely that was.

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A/N: Another one of those annoying plot bunnies that just wouldn't go away! (and while I'm trying to revise for exams, that's not a good thing!) Not sure if anyone else has written this scene already (it was quite an obvious missing one), but I hadn't seen any others, so I just had to write this down, however bad it is.

Still… hope you all liked! Please review!