Disclaimer I don't not own the Ghostbusters just using then for fun. This is a long story sorry.

Hope you like it.

Chapter 1:

An Ever lasting fear Friday Dec 1, 2000 4:30pm-12am

Egon sat by the window on the 2nd floor and stared out. He couldn't sleep. He was thinking too much of Janine and what had happened to her. It kept going over and over in his mind. It was that horror look on her face just before the train hit her. He thinks he could have done more to save her. He blames himself for letting her go with them on the bust yesterday. Tears started dripping down his face, which caused him to remove his glasses and rub his eyes. He wanted this to be a dream but he knew it wasn't. Nothing would ever cheer him up again. Peter shuffled in his bed. He looked around and noticed that Egon wasn't in his bed and that he was sitting up by the window.

"What's wrong big guy?" Peter asked as yawned. Egon turned around and faced Peter.

"Just thinking." Peter knew that tone of voice so he sat up in his bed.

"Oh, about Janine huh."

"Yeah. I know that I could have done more."

"Now, now don't blame yourself. It was an accident."

"I know but…"

"Don't say it buddy. It just happened."

"I can't. All I do is see her and that look."

"It was horrible." Egon decided that he needed something to drink so he went downstairs. As he walked by what was Janine's old desk, he started crying once more. He sat down in the swivel chair and put his face in his hands. Why is this happening? What did I do to disserve to get this punishment? Why have I been a fool all these years? Why why why? Hekept asking himself. Was there more that I could have done to save her? When he looked up Slimer was staring at him funny. Then the ghost for no reason at all took off though the ceiling. "Great he's going to tell the guys that I'm upset." A few minutes past and none of the guys ever came. Egon was glade of that, well at that moment he was. He pulled out the top draw of the desk thinking that there would be something in there that, would remind him of the happy days of Janine.

There was nothing out of the ordinary in the first draw just memos, a notepad, pens and a stapler. He decided to see what she kept in the second draw. He found a notebook that didn't look familiar to him. He looked at it for a minute. Should I take it out and open it? I think that this is some sort of journal of hers. Well, that's what it looks like to me. Umm. He placed the book on top of the desk. Should I? It's wrong but… Next thing he knew is that his hands were tuning the cover open. He couldn't resist it. "I want to know what this is. It's probably nothing." He turned his head to look around. He wanted to make sure that Slimer was not there. Slimer would have told the guys. The first page that he came to was an old drawing of Janine and him in a heart. At the bottom, it read: "Spenglers together as one." He stared at it for about 10 minutes. He never knew she had a crush on him that much. He had a slight one on her but never told anyone. Now he wished he had. He wished that he had taken her up on some of her offers to go out. He read some of the pages. One was about the first day that she was in his class. In his mind he started remembering that day like it was yesterday. It made him feel sad but he continued anyway. He read on and on. He was in real deep thought when there was a crash from the kitchen. Peter came running downstairs when he heard the crash. It was only Slimer. He should have known. Egon didn't even notice anything until Peter walked up to the desk and told him.

"In deep thought I see." Peter pointed to her journal.

"Yeah. I never knew that she felt this way about me."

"Well…." His voice trailed off.

"Peter if you know something tell me."

"Well… I wasn't supposed to but…"

"But what?" Egon looked up at him with his blue puppy eyed look.

"Ok, Ok, I tell you." He got his chair from his desk and pulled it up to the Janine's desk. "I knew Janine had a crush on you all this time. She told me when we were in class together."

"We're best friends. Why didn't you tell me?" He had a sad look on his face.

"She told me not to and I thought, as smart as you were, that you would figure it out."

"I thought that she acted like that all of the time to everybody." Peter in his mind was thinking that Egon was stupid in the since that he has not common sense. How can one not notice one's behavior towards another? He needs help in the women department that is where having a friend like me comes in handy.

"You never spent anytime with her. You were always into you books or in the lab working with Ray."

"I know, I know but if I thought she would have like it we could have talked. I really didn't know what to say." No, duh that's obvious there. Peter thought. "I never spent much time with girls. They always called my nerdy and none of them were interested in anything I said. I guess I was too smart for them. I don't know. There's something else I didn't tell you."

"What is it?" Peter pulled his chair closer to Egon.

"Well the first girlfriend I had I almost married right after high school. We were engaged for about a year. Then I went off to collage. When I came home for my winter break, I caught Christina in the bed with Stan. It tore me apart. I would have given her anything she wanted, well almost." Peter knew what he was talking about there, "I never trusted anyone after that. Remember how I hesitated with you and Ray when we 1st met."

"Yeah, but you showed me that I can believe and trust in people again too."

"Your right but I never felt like trusting another woman again. I guess I was afraid that I was going to go though the same thing over again."

"I hear you on that one. I wouldn't have either."

"It took a long time to believe that it wasn't my fault that things went that way. I thought about telling Janine how I felt but I consider her my sister. I also thought about that night and what happened. The scene just came back over and over. It made me sick. I was going to ask her out one day but never did."

"One thing Egon, never give up on Love. It never lies. It always finds a way to your heart. Just let it. If you fight it you will regret it." It was about 12 in the afternoon and the others had not gotten up yet.

"Hey Peter."

"Yeah, big guy." as he looked right at Egon.

"Where are Winston and Ray? Shouldn't they be up by now?"

"Yeah, they should be." The phone on the desk next to Egon's hands rang which startled both of them a little. There was a heavy sigh from Egon before he answered it.

"Ghostbusters how may we help you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for a Dr. Spengler."

"That's me!" Egon blurted out with excitement not meaning too. "What can I do for you sir?"

"A Miss Janine Melnitz wants to see you. She said she has something to tell you. Can you come down here sir?"

"I'm on my way." Egon hanged up the phone then faced Peter. "Peter will you do me a favor?"

"Anything buddy. What is it?"

"Will you drive me up there to see her. I don't want to go by myself, you know that I hate hospitals."

"Sure. Do you want me to bring the guys?"

"Yeah, why not. What could hurt? If they can hurry." Peter got up, went to the firepole and hit the emergency alarm. Winston and Ray got dressed and were down there in less then a minute.

"Let's go." Ray called.

"Where to?' Winston yelled.

"35th street." Egon answered back as he got in the car.

"That's the hospital where Janine is." Ray explained.

"Right on buddy." Peter slapped him high five as he got in the back with Egon.

"We're on our way." Winston said as he speeded out of the driveway. They got to the hospital at about 12:30. The guys tried to go in Janine's room right behind Egon. Peter took them by the collar jerking them back.

"No. Let him do this by himself."

"Sure, if it's what he wants." Winston choked out.

"Yeah, we'll sit down out here and wait on him if you let us go." Ray called out bearably able to breathe.

"Fine." Peter let go of their cloths and turned them around so they were now facing a small waiting room with two couches with a table in between them. "Now go and sit down. We have to be here for Egon. I know it's hard on him." They sat on the couch and Ray picked up a magazine from the table. Egon went into Janine's room. He shut the door behind him.

"Hey." he called to her as he saw her arms wide open. He gave her a hug. He started to cry. She just held him in her arms tight. She whispered, "I love you." In his ear and then died. He had a bad feeling when she said that that way. He knew that something wasn't just right. He then realized that she had just died in his arms. He just sat there with her arms around him. He didn't want to believe it. He never wanted to let her go. He cried out for the guys. They came busting though the door to his rescue.

"What's wrong big guy?" Peter looked at Egon's face and he knew his answer. He could read it in his eyes. He put his hand on Egon's shoulder for support. Ray and Winston did the same. They all really didn't know what to say to him. Egon knew that they were there for him though. He himself was speechless. They all just stayed in silence for a while. The nurse came in and figured out that Janine had died.

"We'll take it form here guys." She said. The nurse had to literally pry Egon free from Janine's arms. He finally gave up and let go of her, even though he didn't want too. He watched them put her in a body bag. It was the hardest thing he had to watch. The guys were all silent on the way home to the firehouse. Egon took Janine's journal and went upstairs to be alone. He propped up on his bed and read the rest of it. The guys stayed downstairs and let him be. They knew that this was really hard on him. The next day at the funeral, none of the guys really talked much. They just watched in silence as they saw Janine in a casket. She looked like she was asleep and as peaceful as she could be. The church was crowed. The guys never knew that Janine knew that many people. Egon volunteered to give a speech about what he knew about her. He ended up in tears but he felt good about himself. Janine would have wanted it that way. At the grave sight the guys stood side by side at the front row next to a big tree, that is where Janine wanted to be buried. Peter almost tripped over a root that was sticking up out of the ground and almost fell into the hole. Ray laughed at him. Egon thought he did it on purpose and gave them a frown. He watched as they put Janine's casket over the hole. He wanted to be in there with her. After prayers were said, Egon laid her favorite kind of roses on the casket and turned away. He grabbed Peter and gave him a hug. Peter just stood there hugging him back. They lowered her in the hole and put dirt on top of it. Egon screamed "Noooo…"