The Shallow Abyss

by Darkrios905

He did not know what to do with his life anymore. He could not beg for forgiveness because he could not be forgiven. He did not try to start again because the past would always haunt him. There was only one thing he truly needed. Escape.

It was a cold winter evening. A small breeze blew constantly that shook the palm trees in the area, causing them to slowly swing and turn towards a beach. It was a sandy beach. Unfortunately, it was also a dirty, littered beach. For years, no one dared come here for fear of the smell or just the look of the beach.

There was however one man who constantly visited it. He believed this was the only place he could have some time alone. Some time to remember. He sat down on the sand and crossed his legs, just like he did as a child, a small pile of sand with cigarette butts gathering between his legs as a result. His nose had become acute to the smell after so many days spent here but it was not the litter he came for. It was the night sky. The city was far away and at night he could see all the stars of the sky. One by one he would count them until he lost count. Then he would start again. He knew that this exercise was pointless but it was one of the few things that made him happy.

So that's what he did every night he could come. He would look up to the stars, thinking of his life. His choices... his mistakes... his promises... He believed that every star in the sky represented a lost friend... or lover. As he looked back at his youth he saw many events and the paths he did not take. He was always worried that he had made all the wrong choices. The only hope that he had was that at least he turned up to try to make something of his life but it did not really help him. This, was a man without hope but the stars kept him alive. They were a true distraction from his miserable life.

He thought of his family and the one wish they had for him. That was to be happy. He was sorry that he could not achieve even that. As a child he believed it to be just something that parents said and that it did not really have any meaning but every time he visited the littered beach he was proved wrong. How sorry he felt now as he realized that it was good advice.

The breeze picked up slightly and he felt himself shake. Not from the cold, but from the memories that were blown into his mind along with it. First his small childhood, then his adult life. All his memories as a soldier crept back to him like rats in the dark. For only when his thoughts became dark they dared to come out from the hidden corners of his mind. Then they began to flash in his mind like lightning in a stormy night but with no thunder. No essence... just a flash of dark light in an empty space. No clouds... no rain... just him and his thoughts. He picked up a large pile of sand and let it run through his fingers. The same way he had let his opportunities for a better life spill before him.

He began to stand up slowly. Why rush? Nobody was waiting for him on the other side. He looked up at the sky once again. Nobody... he started walking towards towards the sea, its gentle sounds of waves acting as music to his ears. But something stopped him. From the corner of his eye, he could see something shine in the moonlight. Curiosity got the better of him as he walked towards it. Odd, he thought, nothing usually shines in this filthy beach. He bent over to reach it and picked it up slowly. Flipping it over in his hands, he realized it was a car's bumper sticker. He tried his best to clean it to see what it said but the dirt got the better of it. He could however see most of it. It said: Happiness Is A Choice.

Tears began to form in his eyes as he read those sacred words but he knew them not to be true. A choice? Happiness? If it was a choice then he would have surely chosen it by now. He threw the strange bumper sticker away but it only travelled a few meters before hitting the sand again. He could not believe how weak he had become. For a moment, he considered those words. He looked up at the moon. He tended to avoid it because it was the only hope that he had left but now he looked at it, his eyes wide and pleading mercy for his sins.

It was time for one last choice, he thought as he walked towards the water. The horizon was as black as you would expect it to be. He stepped into the water, the cold piercing his heart. He looked up again. The moon had fully risen now but he could tell that this was the first night of its waning. He slowly put his whole body under the water and never once stopped looking at the moon. The moon began shaking like his mind on the water reflection and the bubbles rose until there were no more. All the time, he looked at the big white ball in the sky. There were no longer any stars in the sky and even the moon began to slowly disappear until it was no longer in sight. He closed his eyes... and let it take him.