Nature's Mistake
A/N: The ending of Fruits Basket was nice, but parts of it just didn't do it for me (don't even MENTION Kyo and Tohru). While I think Akito in a dress at the end of volume 23 did look absolutely adorable (I LOVE Akito, although that kimono at the beginning of volume 23 didn't suit her at all if you ask me), I don't think suddenly flipping genders would be all that easy, since she's been raised as a man for 20-odd years. I was up late at night, supposed to be sleeping, reading another fic (Sleepless Dreams - .net/s/6211253/1/ - it's amazing) and this popped into my head. Being a straight ( and bi-curious) teenage girl, I'm not transgender by any means, and I mean no offence to anyone who is actually transgender. I'm just writing how I think Akito sees herself in terms of gender; partially a man, and partially female by some kind of instinct. I think this is right up there with my best; but let me know what you think. Is it one of my best? Average? So bad it's horrible? Let me know! It kinda feels incomplete, but I don't know what else to do with it…
And the beep is not to block out a sweary word… it's like a low beep that happens on game shows when you get an answer wrong.
Set after the end of the series.
Akito reached for the shirt, her hand stopping a few centimeters away. She didn't have to wear that any more; she could be a woman. But in reality, being a man… it was all she knew. Who… what was she? Biologically, female. Mentally, male. Beep, nature, try again; wrong body. All her life, Akito had been told her body was a mistake, simple as that. Your body is wrong; nature made a mistake. You must be, need to be a man.
Why? Why was her body wrong? Whatever the reason, even now, she still believed it; I need to be a man. Feverishly, almost panicked, she grabbed the masculine shirt and pants and put them on, trying not to look at herself, at her woman's body. There; I'm fixed. I'm a man; I'm right now. I'm not a mistake.
You are a mistake, something whispered; clothes do not the man make. Born a woman, therefore you are. …No, I… Gender was so fluid, so changeable in these days of cross-dressing and sex changes and equal opportunity and all that; so why couldn't she be a man? Once or twice, Akito had wondered why Ren hadn't just gotten Akito a sex change; the only reason she could think of was that to apply for one would be to admit that Akito was, in fact, a girl. The illusion would be shattered, albeit temporarily. She could have been a real man; was she a man now? Now that I dress, think, and feel like one?
She's… I'm… It's neither… hermaphrodite… no, that's biological too… transgender, that was it! A woman who identified as a man; felt like a man, thought like a man. Forced to since birth, but, like anything, gotten used to. Accepted. Believed. Believing. Living.
A patter of footsteps, coming closer, looking for her, no, him. "Go!" she shouted. "Leave me alone!" Whoever it was seemed to consider, before entering anyway.
"Why are you wearing that, darling?"
"DON'T SAY THAT!" Akito screamed. "Don't… call me darling…"
"But you're so pretty-"
"Be quiet!" she shouted. "Men aren't supposed to be pretty… not pretty… men aren't called darling…"
Shigure knelt beside her, taking her hand in his, holding it in his lap.
"What's wrong?" he asked gently.
"Me! I'm wrong! I'm a mistake… I'm a woman… My body's a mistake…"
"Your body's beautiful…" He ran his hands down her waist, resting at her hips. Her woman's hips.
"Don't say that to me! Don't say that to a man! I'm a man… I need… have to be…"
Shigure lifted Akito's chin with an index finger, seeing tear tracks as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, still sniffling.
"You don't have to be anything. You choose… It's your choice-"
"I DON'T KNOW! I don't know how to be a woman…" Akito yelled, then sniffled. Shigure traced her tear ducts with his thumb, gently smiling, wiping her eyes.
"I tell you what, then. Be yourself, and choose later. Or never, if you want. Who said you can't have the best of both worlds?"Akito glared at him, almost wanting to wallow in her anger and grief, before realising that if she really wanted a new start, she'd have to start opening her mind. She smiled tiredly.
"Caught in the middle…" she murmured softly.
Were they so different, really, manhood and womanhood? They must be… or there wouldn't be two separate genders… Wouldn't be separate… or was that just biological? Were the thought process and emotions naturally different, or had society just made it that way?
"You know," Shigure whispered into Akito's ear, "I'll still love you. Whatever you choose. Even if you never choose. It doesn't matter to me. You'll still be you. My Akito." He tickled her side gently.
Akito moved, settling herself into Shigure's lap, like a child. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her, a magic circle of warmth. Shigure slowly rocked her as she sniffled less and less; in the end, they just sat there, still undecided, reflected on and warmed by the morning sun.