Prologue – "You're in pretty good shape for the shape you're in"
(Dr. Seuss)
Neal Caffrey never got ill or sick or under the weather. Never.
It just didn't happen – if there was a cold, flu or stomach bug going around he would remain fighting fit and having to put up with grumpy people who had the sniffles.
Even as a child he hadn't gotten ill; he ate healthily and exercised regularly, well that's he thought made him so immune to illness – his mother believed it was all of the herbal remedies that she insisted he take as soon as he coughed, sneezed or looked a little pale. His same mother had insisted that he practically stalk Tommy Nelson (their neighbour) when he got the chicken pox because it was so much worse as you got older. He had loved his mother but she did have unusual ideas on the healthcare system – and the moon landing. Oh, and crop circles.
Still he believed it was his fitness that gave him his almost impeccable health; swimming had always been a natural talent (as had many other things for the con man extraordinaire) and he had to be good at running because of his choice in occupation. However when Kate, Mozzie, Peter or El got sick and he was busy being the caregiver, he kept up his mother's tradition of swallowing those goddamn herbs – though he would deny this if he was ever called on it. She was after all a very smart woman.
Neal's propensity to remaining healthy hadn't however made him immune to accidents. When he was 11 he had broken his arm after falling out of the apple tree in their backyard when he had forgotten his sports bag for school. He'd ended up taking himself to the ER during lunch because of the swelling and the continuous pain.
And there was the time when during one of the best heists of his career he had fallen whilst being chased by a surprisingly fast bulky middle-aged security guard. He had skidded along the laminate flooring and scraped the top half of his thigh along the frame of a very expensive Matisse. Not only was it awkward to keep his blood from going on the crime scene – conman rule no.1 if you don't want to get caught, don't leave evidence – or the Matisse and keep running he also had the security guard to worry about.
The guard had been found 2 hours later tied up in the middle of the gallery with a note saying, "Better luck next time" in exquisite calligraphy. On top of a box of chocolates and a sorry note for the guard and his poor wife who had been stressed by her husbands lack of an answer to her phone calls.
Still, the thought of a particular agent's face upon discovering the guard only helped infinitesimally to dull the pain of having to play doctor with a needle and 24 stitches with only half a bottle of vodka for pain relief – that wasn't a five-star night in Neal's life.
One of the best accident's of Neal's life was when he met the love of his life, a blue eyed beauty.
In June 2000 when Neal Caffrey had recently met the ripe old age of 21 - the age where it became legal to do many things unfortunately theft, forgery and smuggling were not on the list. At this time though he was walking around an up and coming art museums newest exhibit purely for leisure and admiring the beauty of the lingering pink blossoms of a late New York spring. With a champagne glass in hand and an admiring gaze flitting between the fine artwork on show and the natural artwork of the blues, pinks and purples of the sunset Neal made his way through the stylish museum courtyard. At this moment though Neal gaze was firmly taken in by the sky's colours shining through in the way that is only possible in that wonderful world between night and day when the world can be both, in fact it reminded him of a similar view he'd seen with a Venetian duchess. It was a funny story actually…And just like that Neal found himself flat-blacked on the grass with a shirtful of champagne (an absolute horror to get out by the way) and a goddess on top of him. She was stunning. Her eyes were a shocking azure blue with such intriguing depths one could happily be lost in them for days. Elegantly curved rose hued lips which gorgeously complimented her midnight hair and marble cheekbones.
Neal was in love and as soon as he managed to charm Kate out of her anger enough to look into his eyes he saw the anger dissipate into the darkest depths of those pools and be replaced with a sparkle he'd only ever seen in the own eyes whilst admiring a priceless gem. The rest as they say is history.
It was fair to say Neal Caffrey's life was an exciting one and he appeared to flow through every difficulty with ease but as a child he had been clumsy and his father had disciplined him with many 'accidents' – not that Peter, Mozzie or anyone would ever be told about those.
Another unfortunate accident in a certain young conman's life was what happened to his Mom when he was 9 but, again, he didn't like to think about that, the blood – he'd never liked violence.
Anyway, all through Neal's life he didn't get sick – save the occasional stress/wine induced migraine – and though it greatly annoyed those around him (Peter definitely needed a new immune system), it was just a fact. Neal Caffrey never got sick.