The Power of Good-Bye

by Bette0Porter

I was listening to Madonna's song - that's why the title, and this story just popped up in my mind. This is a 6-long-chapters story. It takes place during season 3, when things between Bette and Tina are starting to fall down. This is a story about loss and sorrows. Written in Bette's POV. It's a short one but I'm probably going to write the sequel. Hope you guys will like it. Xo

The Power Of Good-bye

"The spell has been broken, I loved you so"

1

Chapter

Your heart is not open, so I must go

I can't believe my eyes… I just stepped into our driveway and she's wrapped in his arms, kissing him; laughing with him, not bothering about the fact that I may come into our – my house in any minute. Dana is dead and she didn't even bother to hold me and grieve with me. It's like I don't exist. I'm standing outside my own home and I feel like an intruder. Even though the one who is intruding is him: Tina's man. God, it hurts.

I can't stand the sight of them together so I take my car and head nowhere in particular. As I drive I can't stop thinking about what happened earlier this afternoon. After Dana's funeral I went home to stay with my little girl, then they came to the house and took her with them; they were going to the aquarium. All of them. Just like a happy family. And they did look like a family. I also took a fucking family picture. I may sound harsh but I would've liked to just throw that fucking camera out of the window and tell the kid to fuck off. That's absurd. I laugh at myself. I am hurting so fucking much that I even thought about upsetting that little boy. I must be really a wreck. She also asked me if I wanted to join them. Just like that… as if we've never been together; as if we didn't just split up; as if she was asking an old friend to spend some time together.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I said to myself as I realize I am running away from my own house. I am the one who is supposed to be there; not them. They shouldn't even be there in the first place – making out and all that crap. But then, then something comes up in my mind and I don't think I can be able to enter that house, again. I can't bear the thought that they've been there… together. How am I supposed to live with that constant remembrance? I can't stay there. I can't go back there. At least not to stay.

I know it sounds ironic; effectively I am the one who started the circle when I decided to let another woman in our lives. I hurt her, I admit it. I've always admitted it and I tried to deal with the consequences. I've never, in any kind of way, defended myself. I was the bad guy and I was paying for my behavior. I also let her take full charge of the situation and let her decide when to come back. Then she did come back… but apparently she did it just physically. I don't know if she's doing it just for punishing me, but I surely know it is killing me. I would never – ever be able to take someone in our home and act like the eight years together never happened. She's doing just this; Tina is throwing it all right in my face and it seems like she's enjoying it. It's like her heart completely shut out and erased every bit of me left in it.

I pull into the driveway and I exhale noticing that he's, at last, gone. Her car is here so she's staying at the house since she didn't talk about the 'living-together-thing' with her boyfriend, yet. Yes, I didn't have the courage to tell her to go away. Call me crazy all you want but I still love her and I didn't want to let her sleep on a cold couch or in a hotel room. On the other hand there's Angelica; I am sure as hell that she was going to take her with her and I wasn't ready to be completely alone. I shut off the engine and slowly approach the front door. I am scared of entering my own house. My hands are trembling and I almost drop the keys, but I finally manage to reach the lock and open it. The house is dark; I don't even know what time it is. I take a look at my watch and it shows it's something after 11. Jesus, I had no idea I've been driving for hours. I'm startled when I hear a noise coming from the living room…

"Where were you?" she asks me, she doesn't sound concerned or anything like that. It must be a habit. After eight years together, I guess you can't let go of common things like these.

"Nowhere in particular", I shrug, as I walk heading to the bedroom. I step inside and a sense of nausea quickly hits me that I have to lean against the wall for not to faint. I had been a methodical thing; going straight to what once was our bedroom. The place where I usually felt safe. I didn't think about what happened here, just a day ago. And it's hitting me right at this moment. All of it is falling down on me and I feel like screaming. I immediately step back and exit the room; without turning around. I stare at the place Tina and that man fucked in, and I clench my fists my knuckles became white. The images of the two of them together makes me lose it. I didn't notice Tina followed me. She must've seen the whole thing. Fuck me!

"Are you okay?" Ha! She's asking me if I am okay. I don't ever bother to reply at that as I take my way to the living room. I sit down on the couch and sigh. Staring at nothing in particular I finally speak "I'm moving out"

Her heart is not open, so I must go.

2

Chapter

You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn

She didn't say anything when I declared I want to move out, neither I bothered to continue to speak to her. And now I'm still here, sitting on the couch contemplating about what I will do next once I will be out of here. It feel odd, you know? It's strange to be forced to leave the one person you thought was going to be with you for the rest of your life. As I said before, I am the one who started this, but when she decided to move back into our home I was so full of hope that things were going to be perfect again, just like we planned. But I was wrong.

I learnt a lot of things during the years I've been with her. She's the reason I knew what real love is. Before I met her everything was so empty and insignificant. I will never forget the first time I laid my eyes on her. That night at my gallery. She was so beautiful. It had been love at first sight and I can tell the same about her. We immediately fell in love with one another. We've been each other's lesson. I had been the one who introduced her to a completely new world. She'd never been with a woman before; I was her first. And she had been the one who taught me how to let someone love me and vice versa. She showed me how it was to be in a relationship with someone who worked with me. She made me realize how wonderful life is when you share it with someone you love. She proved me that life can be wonderful no matter what you do, as long as you do it with your beloved one. I learnt how it is coming back home and be greeted by your girlfriend who cooked you dinner and makes you forget how bad your day has been. She opened my heart. I gave her my heart and she still owns it…

I spent the most beautiful seven years of my life with her. Then things changed; I don't know how but they did. And I admit it, it has been mainly my fault. I accepted a new job position, the one at the CAC and everything started to crash. I took her for granted. And she slowly became my shadow. She was Bette's Tina. And she didn't deserve this. But I was too proud to admit it to her… so I kept acting like a fucking selfish asshole. I started to work late at work. I practically kept forgetting about important dates, such as our anniversary. For seven years I have been her fortress. She blindly leaned on me… but in the last period I failed her. I wasn't there when she learnt about the miscarriage – our baby boy. I wasn't there because I was too busy with that fucking show. I was falling and I didn't want to admit it, so I pretended to be strong and it didn't do anything but get things worse. That's when I made the biggest mistake of my life: Candace. I was so ashamed of myself for hurting Tina for some meaningless sex. And when she hidden the second pregnancy from me I was completely sure she hated me. Instead, she did it because she wanted to protect me. She didn't know if I could stand another miscarriage… she did it for me, she once again acted like the unselfish sweet woman she's ever been and she made me her priority. And how did I repay her? Cheating on her.

But I wasn't going to give up, I wanted her to forgive me and I did anything I could. I also gave her all the cards. She was the one who was going to decide when to come back, whether she wanted it or not. I was willing to wait for her. I did wait and when she decided she wanted to give birth in our home I felt like I could move a whole mountain. When Angelica was born I was on cloud nine. After Tina's recovery I was starting to think that maybe things weren't too awful as they looked and that we could make it work but then… I failed her again. I lost the job and we were having financial issues and I couldn't find a job that matched my wishes. I felt so useless. I was falling down right before her. And now… I, Bette Porter, the one who's always been her support, am not able to give her security anymore.

I got up from the couch and slowly enter the bedroom; I still feel sick at the thought of it but I manage to remain there. And there she is, my little angel sleeping in her crib. She looks so peaceful. I look at her for I don't know how long. She gives me the peace I once felt when I looked at Tina in the morning, or after making love. The most beautiful sensation ever. "How did things get so fucked up?" I sigh.

"I wish I knew" Tina answers the question I didn't realize I uttered out loud. She still has that blank expression on her face that make me understand that she doesn't give a damn anymore. The Tina that was once full of love and kindness wasn't there with me. I wonder why she's keeping following me since she doesn't mind me going away. Maybe she's scared of leaving me alone with Angie… God, what the hell am I thinking?I'm losing my mind, of course she's not scared of leaving me alone with her; she's my daughter too, right?

"I need to pack" I whisper.

"Where will you go?" she isn't stopping me. How I wish she did.

"I don't know… Kit's maybe" I tell her, still looking at my angel. Our. That's the only thing left between us.

She doesn't say anything else. As a matter of fact she just leaves the room. I can't help but be even more convinced that it is really and completely over. She doesn't need to lean on me anymore; she doesn't want me anymore.

I was her fortress she had to burn, because I can't give her protection.

3

Chapter

Pain is a warning that something's wrong

I just finished packing my bags and I still can't believe I'm doing this. I am leaving my own house because it doesn't feel like home anymore. I slowly walk across the hall and put the bags down, right in front of the door. Just a couple of hours and I will be out of here… and I'm scared of the thought that I won't come back here never again. I'd rather go right now, but I'd better go tomorrow, in the morning after calling Kit. I want to make sure it's okay with her. I don't like the idea of going there without warning her first.

It's almost 2 a.m. and neither of us seem to bother to change into something more comfortable for the night. I am still wearing my power suit pants and a shirt. It's not a big deal though, I wouldn't sleep anyhow. I make my return to the living room and sit again on the couch. It seems to be my new routine by now. I let my whole body collapse on it. I throw my head back, letting it lean on the armrest. I rest one of my forearms against my forehead and stay like this for a while. It's raining outside… the falling drops are the exact match of what my soul is doing; I feel like I'm losing my lifeblood, drop by drop. Then, again, I feel her presence. She's here with me again. She looks like a fucking hawk. It's unnerving; despite the fact that I would give anything to be with her, I just can't bare the fact that she isn't showing any kind of compassion for what she's done to me. Maybe she's just checking that I will really go away so she will be finally able to take him here, whenever she wants. I slowly move away my arm from my forehead and look at her. I'm almost sure I saw a slight twinkle in her eyes, but then it quickly disappear… maybe my mind is fooling me. I sit up and I keep looking at her, asking her to say something without uttering a word.

"It's late, don't you think you should sleep?" she says.

"No, it's okay… I'm not that sleepy" I say coldly. The silence falls above us once again.

"Listen, I…" she stops and takes a deep breath "I don't think this is fair" I guess she's talking about my cold and stern attitude toward her.

So I blurt out: "Nothing is fair, Tina" I say. It's ironic, these are the same words she said to me a year ago and I can tell she remembers; I noticed her wince. It's so sad… everything we say to each other it's a constant reminder of our failures.

"I can't help how I feel right now, I didn't mean it to happen this way" she says without emotion.

"You shouldn't have come back, then" another cold response. "It was pretty clear you didn't want anything to do with me. It was like you came back to the house, not to me. Even though I was here with you, it was like I was invisible. I tried anything – anything to draw your attention but nothing seemed to work. You spend a whole year treating me like a fucking punch bag; pointing up the fact that I wasn't working and that we had a child and we needed money, making me feel like a fucking failure… like I didn't count anything!" I choke on my own breath that is stuck in my throat due to the huge knot just formed there. I swallow hard, "I… I felt like I couldn't do anything to be able to reach you. I just wanted to feel wanted; I just wanted some support; I just wanted my life back; I wanted my partner to look at me and say that everything was going to be alright and that I was going to be able to adopt my child. I've always been your fortress and now that I show weakness, you turn your back on me and run to a man, just to feel the security. Well, fuck you. Enjoy it, enjoy your hetero life and spare me the 'This isn't fair' thing. I know I hurt you badly over a year ago but give me a break for God's sake. If you didn't want to forgive me, you shouldn't have delude me that way. THIS isn't unfair" I'm holding back my tears, I don't want her to see me cry. I don't want her to see Bette Porter fail once more time. But it's just too hard it almost hurts; I get up and run to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I break down, for the one hundredth time in almost a year, and no one is here to catch me. I hope she could come here and hold me; letting me know that this is just a bad dream.

I've been here for almost thirty minutes, I guess. I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror. God, I almost can't recognize my own image. I look like someone who has been deprived of her own life. Well, I've always thought that Tina was my life… so that's true, my life isn't in my body anymore. I splash some water on my face and exit the bathroom. I go to the living room and I notice that Tina fell asleep on the couch. She's so beautiful. How strange it is that despite the hurt we caused to each other I still hope that things could take another turn and come back at how they were before; or even better. But, when I look at her I can sense the pain… You can't stay with someone when every time you look at them you automatically think about the hurt and angst happened in the last two years. I tried to make the right thing; and I think she did it too. We tried to let go of the bad things happened between us. But they are still here… Apparently we failed miserably.

There's too much pain; the thing that once felt so right, feels so wrong right now.

4

Chapter

There's nothing left to try

It's still raining cats and dogs; as if the heaven knows what I am going through. It's crying with me… It's almost 6 a.m. and I spent the whole night sitting on the chair, in the living room. Silently enjoying the view of Tina sleeping. I'm cherishing it since I won't be able to do it anymore. I didn't sleep because I was scared of letting my eyes shut; I didn't want to lose the chance to look at her - really look at her after a long time. I suddenly feel the urge to fight for her and make her understand that this isn't really what I want. God I don't want to go away from here… I wish I could easily erase all the bad things happened. I am also willing to let go of the things she did lately: the men; the continuous criticism; Josh Becker; daddyof2. Just because I love her. But something is telling me that she doesn't believe in us anymore.

After spending another hour looking at her, I hear some cooing coming from the bedroom. I smile; it's my little baby. I get up and slowly head to the room. She's fully awake, but she's not crying. "Hello, boo", I say to her. My voice is filled with love; the love I feel for her. I've never thought that someone this little could mean the world to me. I fell in love with her right in the moment she came out of Tina's belly. Angelica… her name fits her so well. She's my little angel. "Mommy loves you, you know? I am sorry things got so messed up, but you'll learn – in the future, that grown-ups sometimes do very silly things. I wish I could go back in time and make things better for the three of us. The only thing that matters now is that I will always love you. You'll be in my heart, no matter what happens, you will always be with me" I speak to her, but my voice is so weak it almost inaudible. A tear escapes my eye as I gently rub my thumb on her cheek. It took a couple of minutes for her to fall asleep again. I spend some other minutes watching her and trying to compose myself. I lightly sniff and then leave the room.

It's finally 9 a.m. and our little girl is starting to fuss; she's hungry. Tina woke up with a start at the sound of Angelica's voice. She runs into the bedroom without even noticing I'm here, sitting on the chair opposite the couch. Well, that's good, a mother puts her own child first no matter the circumstances. But I can't help the feeling of loss when I realize that she doesn't even realize I am here in the same room with her. I can hear her talking with our baby girl. I can't make out the words but it brings a smile on my face. And to think that this was our dream… being in the same house – our home, with our children. And now, we barely speak; we barely know each other.

She still can have it, yeah… and it will be even easier. Everything is easier with a man, she said. She can easily get pregnant with a man. This hurts so fucking much. This is another thing I'm not able to offer to her. It is a dream that slowly turned into a nightmare. I don't know if I want to fight for her anymore. I don't feel compelled to destroy her dream of a safe and secure family. After all, I brought her pain when I decided to cheat on her. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for doing it. I won't hold her… if that's what she wants I can't stop her from reaching her happiness.

"She was hungry, she's asleep now" she says coming back from the bedroom. Actually, I don't even know why she's talking to me.

"Good" I reply, just because I have to say something back. You know, good manners. I'm still sitting on the chair and she's now standing right before me. She's not saying anything, neither I am. I pat my thighs and sigh, "I'd better go" I stand up.

"I'm the one who's supposed to go away" she then says. "That's what I meant yesterday when I said it wasn't fair"

"I don't really care" I look down, "I don't want to live here, where you explored your feelings for men. I don't want to live here where everything that meant anything to me had been threw off of a bridge. I can't. I just can't" I'm not yelling, I'm saying it with an actual calm that it almost scares me. It's like every inch of my soul abandoned my body. "I need to go away, otherwise I'm going to lose my mind. Just- just promise me you won't take her away from me" and here's where I can feel my soul again. Thinking about my daughter manages to make me feel alive. I can feel my eyes filling with tears.

"She's your daughter" she utters. This is the only good thing I heard from her in a long time. It almost gives me peace. But that's all. She isn't stopping me or trying to apologize. Nothing. It's really over. It's like what is happening right now is the most normal thing ever. It's like she doesn't even care about trying to explain her actions.

There's, really, nothing else to try.

5

Chapter

I pray to God that it won't be long

I slowly make my way out of the house. I only share a brief glance with Tina before approaching my car. I enter the vehicle and after giving the house one last look I start the engine and head to Kit's. I drive, but my sight is blurred from the tears that don't stop form in my eyes. It's like my body is finally and completely releasing my soul. Tears don't seem to want to stop and I don't even bother to dry my face. I don't even realize I reached my destination.

I approach the door of Kit's place and knock. It is barely audible but somehow Kit managed to hear it. She opens the door and by the look on her face I can tell I don't look very well. She doesn't utter a word, she just pulls me into a tight hug and I break down again "I lost her, Kit. I lost her" and I sob like I never did before.

I just woke up at the sound of the kettle. It's taking a little time to focus and realize where I am. I look around, "Oh right" and reality hits me. I am at Kit's. I probably broke down and now I'm sleeping in her bed. How nice. I'm falling down further. And nothing and no one seems to be able to catch me. I'm not even able to catch myself. My body hurts. I slept but I haven't been able to rest; my mind is too busy trying to erase the bad things I'm going through. I feel like I ran a fucking marathon. I just wonder for how long I will be living like this. It's exhausting. I quickly snap out of my thought when I hear the door opening.

"Hey baby sis, I made you some tea. You look exhausted" Kit says. God bless this woman. I can see so much love in her eyes. I suddenly think about how badly I treated her when she came to my house trying to read me 'the list' and a knot forms in my throat. And here we go again, I'm crying. I cover my face with my hands and keep repeating "I'm sorry… I'm sorry".

"There's nothing to be sorry for" she says, trying to reassure me. But that's not true. People keep leaving me and I am the reason.

"Yes, Kit" I sob, but I somehow manage to speak "People always leave me. Why do they always leave me? Because I make them leave"

"No one left you. I am here, your friends are here. Your baby girl is here" she holds my face in her hands. She's looking into my eyes and I can see, again, her love for me and it hurts too much. I don't deserve it.

"Mommy left me; my baby boy left me; Tina; daddy; you" I manage to say through my sobs.

"Daddy and your baby boy are gone not because they wanted to. They're gone because something stronger took them away from you, but don't think they did it because of you. That's not true! And I am still here, Bette" she's trying to make me come to my senses but I don't think I'm listening to her. My mind seems to be working by itself.

"Yes, you left. And I can't blame you… I was the constant remembrance of daddy's mistakes. I am the reason he left your mother and I am sure you hated me, that's why you always found excuses for being away from me. But it's not your fault. I'm not blaming you. It's okay to hate me. I always manage to hurt people… It's okay to hate me" I'm shaking as I say these words. My tears flowing down my cheek as rivers, dusky rivers; rivers full of regret and mistakes.

"Baby sis you have to stop blaming yourself. No one left you because of your actions, okay? I've never hated you" her voice breaks "I've never hated you, how could I? You were so small, so fragile. You needed me and instead, I was too weak. Don't put the blame on yourself. It's not your fault that I went away. But I'm here now, and I won't go anyway. I'll be here with you" she's holding me. She's holding me like sisters do, but she's holding me like mothers do as well; I guess… I don't really know how it feels like to be held by a mother, but this feels good. I keep crying and sobbing and I can feel the forces are leaving my body. I'm falling asleep, again. It's the only thing left that is capable of giving me some relief. I wish I could sleep forever.

I'm waking up for the second time in a day and I'm sure this is not going to be the last time. I'm still at Kit's and the cup of tea is on the bedside. Something is telling me I have to drink it; I'm pretty sure it's my body that is talking to me. I take a sip, and it is cold by now, but it doesn't matter. It isn't colder than my soul. I empty the cup and let myself fall down on the bed, again. I don't want to leave this room and face the reality… but anyway, it's hitting me once again, I start crying. That's new! Right? I wonder when this will stop. I can't go on like this but I just don't know how to stop it. There's only one thing to do… something I'm thinking about since I left the house and the thought of it is scaring me. But this is the only think I want to do right now. I wish I could sleep forever.

I finally exit the room and I head to the kitchen where I find Kit talking on the phone; she was clearly talking about me since she's hanging up now as she's seeing me walking toward her. I reach the table and smile at her, but it didn't reach my eyes. I sit down and thank her for the cup of tea. I can't stay here another minute more. It's excruciating. I want to go away. I tap my fingers on the table and finally speak, "Kit, I'm going out for a while, okay?"

"Are you okay?" she asks concerned.

"Yeah," I gulp, "I just need some air. Don't worry about me" I can see my last sentence is getting her more concerned. "Really, it's okay" I try to reassure her.

"Baby sis, I'm not so sure I want you to go away alone"

"I'll take my phone with me, so you can call me, okay?" I smile again. But a knot is forming in my throat. I have to go away before I break down again. I stand up and slowly make my way out of the house. I don't even look back at her… the look of pain in her eyes was probably going to make me stay, but I can't stay anymore.

I just wish it won't be long. I wish I could sleep forever.

6

Chapter

I yearn to say good-bye

I left Kit's house in an incredible rush. I was scared Kit was going to stop me so I won't be able to do the thing I've been craving to do since I lost Tina. I start the car engine and head to a liquor shop. The stay is short since I have to buy just a bottle of Jack Daniels; it is going to help me to do it. I pay and quickly leave the shop. I start my vehicle and head to the beach… I reach my favorite spot. I was used to come here when I was feeling lonely and lost; this is one of those days, isn't it? But I am going to say good-bye to these days really soon.

I approach a big rock and I sit down, leaning with my back against it. This is the place where I grieve for everything bad happened in my life. Here I grieved for the loss of my baby boy; the loss of my father and now I will grieve for the loss of my life: Tina. I still have my baby girl, that's true. But I don't even know if I will be able to be her mother. That bitch of a social worker make me live a fucking hell. And Tina didn't even bother to tell me that everything was gonna be fine. I feel so lost and weak. Bette Porter, the one that was always sure of herself isn't here anymore. I don't even know if there was a strong Bette at all. I think I've always been weak, and the affair is a demonstration. So, maybe it's a good thing to let her be part of a family in which I won't be part of the equation. She will have a dad and a mom that will love her… she will be fine.

In the meantime I almost emptied the whole bottle. I drank half of its content. And I can start to feel a little dizzy. And strangely, I feel warm. A warmth that I haven't been able to feel since things were starting to collapse between me and Tina. Then a slight breeze caresses my skin and I shudder. It's cold again. It's like death touched me, asking me to go with her. I lift my eyes to the sky and I sigh. It's so beautiful it makes me sad. It's sad that I want to leave all of this but I can't help myself. I feel like I don't belong here anymore. It feels like any chance to be able to make things better disappeared. I've been crucified for too long and just like Jesus Christ, I'm going to leave this world. The difference between me and him is that I am the sinner.

There nothing left to try, I want to say good-bye to this sense of loss and loneliness. I take another sip from the bottle and I gulp the liquid. It burns my throat, but it doesn't hurt. Actually it is almost good to be able to feel something apart from emptiness. I want to say good-bye but first of all I need to say it to her… I can't leave without saying it to her. I take the phone from my purse and dial the number I've been knowing by heart for years. My home number. It goes to voice mail; I'm happy actually, I wouldn't be able to talk if she answered… I wouldn't be able to talk if she was going to act coldly. "Hey, it's- it's me… Bette" I clear my throat. I can hear my words, they are slurred "I wanted to- I just wanted to say good-bye. I know I said I wanted to be a part of Angelica's life, earlier this morning. But I don't want to make things difficult for my baby girl. I mean, I'm not even her mother… I cannot make decisions for her, right?" I slightly laugh, but I actually want to cry "I- I miss you, you know? I've always missed you and I hope it's the same for you" the words keep coming from my mouth, they aren't even following a specific order, they just come out "I know that she will be fine with you and with whoever you're going to spend the rest of your life with. I know you are a great mother. You are a great person and she is lucky to have you in her life. Henry is lucky too" I almost break down, but I can't right now, I have to be able to tell her good-bye without interruptions "I was thinking about our life together, you know? I was thinking about the things you taught me. You made me understand what it feels like to be loved. And how it feels like to be able to love. Sometimes it's too strong that it hurts. I wanted to- I wanted to thank you for being in my life. And for giving me such a great gift… Angelica" and here I break down. I try to speak but my voice doesn't seem to come out of my mouth, then I finally manage to hold back my sobs. I exhale a large amount of air "I love you, please don't forget that… tell Angie I love her too. Okay? Good-bye T".

And that's it, I did it. I said good-bye and now I'm ready to go. I finished my whole bottle of Jack Daniels and stand up. I'm still crying and sobbing. I realize I'm pretty drunk as I almost slip, but somehow I manage to keep myself steady. I take the bottle and I screaming I launch the bottle against the rock, making it break into pieces. I slowly bend down and examine the pieces, trying to determine which of them is going to help me find the point of no return. Here you are I finally find it. It's sharp; it's perfect.

That's it, just some more minutes and I will be gone. I'm here lying on the sand; I can still hear some children's laugh and the eagles' cry in the background. It's almost calming. I'm still holding the piece of glass that just some minutes ago helped me empty myself of my essence. The blood is flowing away just like my soul. I lift again my eyes to the sky and the last two things I see are the faces of my two women: Angie and Tina. I suddenly want to stand up and go to them… but maybe it's too late. I can feel my eyelids becoming heavy.

Did I really want to say Good-bye?