During the Credits

by kawaiiscribbles

The end of Angel Beats left us wanting more. And after the credits they gave a hint of what happened afterwards. But what led up to that? What happened between Otonashi disappearing from one world and finding Kanade in another? One shot, first person.

I finished watching Angel Beats for the first time and had to write something, even if I didn't have time for a full-length story. So, I played around with some thoughts in the perspective of Otonashi after he left the afterlife. I claim no rights to Angel Beats. Enjoy!

My name is Otonashi.
I remembered that five days ago.
But I can't remember the rest of my name.
It's been a week since I lost my memories.
The third day I had the notion that I had to go to work.
So I went.
I don't know why I was able to go to work, yet I can't recall what happened eight days ago.
I work in a hospital.
I'm a pediatric nurse.
I want to eventually become a surgeon.
I know how to administer anesthetics, draw blood, and record vitals into the system, but I can't remember if I have a family.
It's late, I have work in the morning, I should sleep.
I still don't know how I have an apartment.

My name is Otonashi.
I remembered that it is my last name.
I desperately do not want to forget that.
These are the only memories I have.
Today at work I had to draw blood samples from a patient.
It was a girl; she told me her name was Ushio.
She didn't cry.
She said "Thank you."
Afterwards, I went into the restroom and cried.
I wonder why.

My name is Otonashi.
Today I remembered something else.
Well, I suppose it could be called remembering.
Strange as it is, I have this feeling that this isn't the first time I've forgotten everything.
I wonder if I was able to regain my memories before.
I wonder if I will be able to regain my memories this time.
I wonder if this will happen again.
I wonder if I have any mapo tofu in the house.
I wonder why I want to eat that.

My name is Otonashi.
Last night I woke up suddenly.
I was screaming "KANADE!"
I don't remember the dream.
It must have been a nightmare.
But the name is beautiful.
I wonder why I know it.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Yuzuru.
That's the first thing I've remembered in three days.
I wonder if I was ever close enough to someone for them to call me Yuzuru-kun.
I wonder where they are.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Today at work I was caring for a little girl who has been bedridden for quite some time.
Her older brother came in.
"Onee-chan!"
That one exclamation brought back so many memories.
I had a sister; a beautiful, wonderful, little sister.
Hatsune.
She was hospitalized for a long time, but I would visit her as much as I could.
I would bring her gifts.
She would say "Thank you."
I loved her very much.
She died.
I think she's the reason I work in a hospital.
I think I died.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Today I passed by a couple of people on the street.
One was a young man, about my age.
He had blue hair and the biggest smile on his face.
The other was a girl, perhaps a few years younger than him.
Her hair was bright pink.
His smile was for her.
She wasn't in a wheelchair.
I wonder why that is significant.
I almost called out to them.
I wanted to call him Hinata.
I've never heard that name before in my life.
Or, at least, in this life.
Who am I?
What am I?

My name Otonashi Yuzuru.
That is who I am.
I still don't know what I am.
I think I'm human.
But I feel like there was a time that I wasn't.
I wonder if that was from dying.
If I died, how am I alive?

"Hey! Otonashi!" a co-worker greets me.
I smile back.
I am making friends at work.
I had friends before.
Deep within my soul I know that.
But I don't know who.
And I don't know where.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
I had the day off from work.
I woke up with the urgent feeling that I was supposed to find something or someone.
I don't know what.
But I wandered the streets looking.
When night fell, I came back to my apartment.
I've never felt more alone.
Or have I?

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Today at work, the little girl who is bedridden had a visitor.
It was her brother again.
He graduated high school today.
I graduated high school twice.
I don't know why I would have graduated twice.
But I'm certain it happened.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Today at work I witnessed something heartbreaking yet beautiful.
A boy who had recently received a new pair of lungs was visited by the family of the donor.
Everyone was crying.
The boy thanked them.
The mother of the girl who had died held his hand and smiled, tears streaming down.
"I wonder if there is an afterlife?" she quietly pondered.
I know there is.
I know it.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
I had a dream last night.
I dreamt of my friends.
The friends I made after I died.
The faces were a little hazy and the memories blurry, but I know that it was more than a dream.
I know that these things happened in my past.
There was someone missing from the dream.
I can't remember who.
As much as I try, I can't remember.
It feels like a stab in my heart.
That seems significant.
I don't know why.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
I've been on the edge of my memories for a week now.
It's driving me crazy.
I know that there are things to remember and I am so close to remembering them.
The only things that calm me down are my memories of my sister and taking care of the kids at work.
And mapo tofu.
Last time I went to the store I stocked up.
I'm still not sure why.
But it has a good aftertaste.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Today after work, a couple co-workers invited me to go to a shooting range.
I went.
The gun felt natural in my hands.
My aim was almost perfect.
Not as perfect as the aim of the young woman I had seen when we first arrived.
Her hair was a mix of pink and purple.
It had a bow in it.
She was in the dream I had a couple weeks ago, I'm sure of it.
By the time I decided to speak to her, she had left.
I hope I see her again.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Last night I had another dream.
It was very similar to my last dream.
The face of the girl with the bow was clearer than the others.
I called my best friend Hinata.
There was a group of us living in the afterlife.
They were my friends.
This is where I went after I died the first time.
I'm certain that we, at least some of us, live in this city.
I need to find them.
I need to find...
There was still someone missing.
Is she here too?
She?
Who is this she and why do I feel empty without her?

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Ever since that dream, I've looked for my friends.
It's been almost two weeks, but I haven't found them yet.
There has been a couple times where a face in a crowd would catch my eye.
But I was never entirely certain if it was someone from my dream.
I still haven't found her.
Maybe she's not here.
I need her.

My name is Otonashi Yuzuru.
Today I ran out of mapo tofu.
Since I had the day off of work, I went to the store.
I passed by a girl leaning on the side of a building.
She was humming a song I m certain I had heard before.
She had white hair, just like the girl I'm looking for.
How did I know that the girl missing from my dreams had white hair?
The girl started walking in the opposite direction.
"I wonder where Kanade is going?" I thought to myself.
Kanade?
KANADE?!
I ran back and reached for her.
I'm certain this is her.
My heart is certain.

My hand touched her shoulder.
"My name is Otonashi Yuzuru." I said to the face of the girl I loved. "Kanade..." I whispered.
Her eyes looked into mine.
For a second that felt like eternity she said nothing.
"Aishiteiru, Yuzuru."
I embraced her tightly and sobbed.
"I want to stay with you forever, Kanade."
Forever.
Even if we're separated by death, I will find a way to her.
Because my heart cannot beat without her.