I love comically overpowered characters, especially when they're put into non combat situations.

I'm using the 4kids YuGiOh names. Also, Kazuya is the SMT1 protagonist, Jyoji Hijiri is Aleph (I'm guessing that Hijiri is his first name), Naoki Kashima is the Demi-Fiend, and Flynn Kichigiorgi is… well, Flynn.

By the way, I did plan some things out for why the megaten dudes are here, why Aleph is Hijiri, and why he's not as powerful as the others.

This may be kind of an awkward thing to admit in a YuGiOh fanfiction that takes place in a tournament, but I won't be writing duels. I don't know the game well enough to write out clever duels or even pick out decks. The point of this fic is to joke about the overpowered protagonists.

Well, they did kind of want to steal our souls, so…

The day started as yet another day in the lives of the four overpowered demon summoners. Kazuya woke up first to make breakfast, making sure to leave some fish for his gigantic husky/shouty dog/secretly Cerberus/beloved pet Pascal. Flynn got up next to rush to his early shift at the docks, and Kazuya doled out Hijiri and Naoki's portions of breakfast before biking off to his job as a programmer for Industrial Illusions. Hijiri tried to wake up to eat Kazuya's usual delicious fried rice, but fell back asleep on the table because he had stayed up all night trying to interview Pascal. Naoki had gained the ability to efficiently sleep when there was no danger in exchange for the ability to wake up on time. When he finally got up, he ate his breakfast, lifted Hijiri back to bed, and started folding envelopes for his part time job. As he worked, Hijiri's Brownies washed the dishes and helped themselves to the ice cream.

Two packages arrived around noon, both from the same person. Naoki picked them both up, brought them to the kitchen table, and looked at the labels. One was for Hijiri, and the other was for Flynn. He opened them anyways. "Huh," he said. "Nothing I want." He closed them.

Flynn came home at half past one. "Package for you," said Naoki boredly, folding yet another envelope. Naoki had been fired from his last job at a burger place for breaking a customer's nose because the manager had thought the robber had come back.

Flynn looked at the package in confusion. "I didn't order anything," he said.

"Yup. We all know you're a real tightwad with money," said Naoki.

"Demons never inexplicably exploded into small piles of money for me," said Flynn. "I had to earn every piece of macca I got."

"By mugging every demon you came across?" said Naoki.

"At least I never opened someone else's package," said Flynn, taking the letter out of the box. "Hey, it looks like I'm being invited to a Duel Monsters tournament."

"Isn't that a children's card ga—wait, you're not even from modern Japan!" Naoki said, falling off his chair. "How do even know how to play?"

"It's not hard," said Flynn. "Some guys at work play on our breaks, and I play against Burroughs from time to time. Look, Hijiri got an invitation as well."

"It took me a month to learn, and Isamu still kept beating me…" Naoki moaned.

"Did someone say my name?" Hijiri stumbled down the stairs, looking tired but better than before.

"We're both invited to a Duel Monsters tournament," said Flynn. "Somewhere in America, and hosted by… Industrial Illusions? Isn't that Kazuya's company?"

"Since when do you play Duel Monsters?" asked Naoki.

Hijiri gave a lazy shrug. "I play in tournaments on my days off. My boss wanted me to investigate the weird occult activities at first, but nothing turned up. I kept playing anyways, just for fun."

"And for the prize money?" asked Flynn. Hijiri perked up more than usual. "It looks like it's going to be a lot this time."

"Worth losing your job over?" asked Naoki. "Where is it, anyways?"

"Some island in… 'Ammer-Rica', but the travel expenses have been paid for," said Flynn. "The boat is here in Domino City. Only forty participants, not counting us. Shouldn't be too difficult."

"He plays against me on the Master difficulty," Burroughs chimed in.

Naoki jumped up, and then relaxed. "Oh, right… I forgot about you. Why didn't Pixie come with me…" he said to himself.

"You play, too?" asked Hijiri. "Maybe we should have a match sometime."

"I bet fifty thousand macca I'll win," said Flynn.

Hijiri sighed. "I don't have that much macca, remember? I'm not an insanely overpowered demon or summoner like you three."

"Fine then. Fifty thousand yen."

"You're on, kid. Loser goes without lunch."

"So are you guys going to this tournament?" asked Naoki. "You might lose your jobs if you go."

Flynn and Hijiri looked up. "I'm a journalist," said Hijiri. "If anything, I could check out the participants. Who knows, I might even find something occult there."

"If my manager doesn't let me go, I can just quit and go somewhere else," said Flynn.

"That's a yes?" said Naoki.

They nodded. "Shall we play, then?" Hijiri asked Flynn. Flynn shuffled his deck in response.

Naoki watched them play for a while, not really paying attention. Then he went to the counter and started making onigiri.

Ten minutes later, Pascal trotted over to Hijiri, and barked that he wanted to go on a walk. Hijiri rubbed Pascal's fur, but told him that he was busy and suggested that Naoki should walk him. Pascal looked terrified at the prospect, but the desire to go outside overrode the fear of the dreaded Demi-Fiend.

When Naoki came back after walking Pascal up and down several mountains, Kazuya was already home. "Thanks for making dinner," he said sarcastically, nibbling on Naoki's otherwise untouched onigiri. "What a day… the guy from Estonia was freaking out when he found that his Russian ex-boss knew where he lived. Then we got mobbed with talking mochi and a tiny yellow bird belonging to a Prussian albino."

"I play Pot of Greed," said Flynn, playing Pot of Greed's effect.

"I play my trap card. We might be here a while," said Hijiri. "Let's have dinner and change the bet to tomorrow's lunch."

Naoki and Hijiri made teriyaki for dinner. After setting the table, Hijiri made the announcement to Kazuya. "Flynn and I are going to a card game tournament next week," he said. "It's over a few days, and it's on a desert island."

Kazuya looked up. "Next week? Which days?"

"Saturday and Sunday, and Monday if we go to the final round, but the boat to the island leaves on Friday," said Hijiri. [1] "The boat tickets are free, and the port is right here in Domino City."

Kazuya blinked. "What a coincidence," he said. "I have to go to a desert island for my job from Thursday through Tuesday."

Naoki stopped shoveling rice into his mouth. "So everyone's going somewhere else but me?" he said.

"You can stow away on the ship if you want," said Flynn. "Or is that too hard for the legendary Demi-Fiend?"

Naoki scowled. "You know I won't get caught."

"In that case, who's taking care of the house?" said Hijiri. "Who's taking the mail and newspapers?"

"I'll have Samael take care of that," said Kazuya.

Flynn gave him an odd look. "You're really using a superpowered fallen angel to take your mail?"

"And take out the trash, and clean the bathrooms, and dust the shelves," said Kazuya. "When Samael told me he'd do anything in my service, he meant it."

X

That night, they had coffee with Minato and Teddie as usual. "Children's card game tournament?" asked Minato. "Sounds like fun."

"Ah… I wish I could go," said Teddie. "They've been selling lots of cards at Junes. Yosuke taught me how to play, but I'm no good at it."

"No, that would be a bad idea," said Naoki. "The media would freak out over the guy who can't be x-rayed."

"Could you pour me some more cream?" asked Flynn. Minato produced a creamer and added some fresh cream to Flynn's coffee. "Thanks."

"It's incredible how you make such great coffee," said Kazuya, taking his with lots of sugar and whipped cream. He closed his eyes. "It reminds me of the one at the café in the arcade, back before the whole mess started."

"Practice," said Minato. He took a sip of black coffee. "So, whose memories are we looking at tonight?"

X

The next day, Flynn informed his boss that he would be leaving for a card tournament for the next few days, and his boss was nice enough to let him have his job back when he returned. "You're our best heavy lifter, and that counts a lot," he had said.

Hijiri's boss had asked him to investigate anything occult he found at the tournament, although not hopefully. "You're our best reporter, and we would hate to lose you," she had said. "How you managed to infiltrate a cult and get their secrets, I have no idea." [2]

Kazuya's fellow programmers congratulated him on winning the job, and had a party. There was chocolate cake with buttercream icing, much to the delight of the girl who claimed to be a bounty hunter from the future.

Thursday came, and Kazuya packed his bags and left, leaving Samael to take the mail and newspapers. The three remaining residents packed their bags, Hijiri carrying considerably more luggage than the others. Hijiri ultimately won the duel, and Flynn swore revenge come tournament time.

On Friday evening, Flynn, Hijiri, and Naoki arrived at the harbor. Right before boarding, Hijiri asked the other two to excuse him. "You guys go board without me, I need to go do something first."

Hijiri ran off somewhere, taking his bags with him.

"What's he doing?" asked Flynn.

"How should I know?" said Naoki. He passed Flynn his bags. "Remember, I'm stowing away. I can't carry my bags with me."

Naoki ran off toward the sea, leaving Flynn to carry both of their bags. "Looks like it's just you and me, Master," Burroughs said at a volume just loud enough for Flynn to hear over the crowd. No one questioned the female voice coming from Flynn's general direction. Make of that what you will.

Flynn noticed some commotion right before boarding was called, but didn't think it had anything to do with him. The guard was suspicious about Flynn's multiple bags (Naoki's Magatamas raised a few eyebrows), but ultimately let him pass after finding that he wasn't carrying contraband.

"What kind of contraband?" asked Flynn.

"Oh, you know, the usual," said the man in black. "Marked cards, cards that don't actually exist (by that I mean not legitimate, I can't deny the existence of a card right in front of me even if it's not coded in the system), specialized electromagnets, anything designed to interfere with legitimate duels, small children…"

Flynn blinked. "I would think something more along the lines of drugs or lethal weaponry."

"We don't really care about those," said the man in black. "Anyways, move. You're blocking everyone else."

The guard shooed Flynn away, and then accosted a guy for carrying several thousand Tarot cards.

With not much else to do, Flynn went to the common bunk room where everyone who wasn't a champion was supposed to sleep. They were being loud and trading cards, so he went to the cafeteria where everyone who wasn't a champion was supposed to eat. "That… looks slightly better than the stuff in Tokyo," said Burroughs.

Flynn looked at the stuff. Then he had an idea.

Ten minutes later, Flynn was sitting on the deck with two thick metal buckets and a small pile of junk wood. After checking to see that no one was around, he said in a low voice, "Burroughs. Are there any demons in my stock that can swim, are small enough to not attract attention when diving in, have night vision, and can fly back to me? And preferably have Agi. Not Maragi, or any high level agi skills. Just Agi."

"You have a Hamsa you fused just for your Compendium," said Burroughs. "Not sure about the night vision, but he should do well."

Flynn typed in a bunch of commands into his Gauntlet. In a tiny flash of light and binary, the ducklike Hamsa appeared before him. "What do you wish of me, Master?" he asked.

"I want you to dive in and catch some fish, please," said Flynn. "Enough to fill this bucket."

Hamsa lowered his head and jumped into the frigid water.

"Now… I still can't believe you can emulate video games," said Flynn. "Final Fantasy V, please."

Flynn got to the second crystal before Hamsa filled the bucket. He asked Hamsa to light a fire in the bucket with wood in it ("I don't think me casting Maragidyne would be safe.") and then started to roast the fish. When the first batch was finished, he offered one to Hamsa, who devoured it.

"Oi, Flynn."

Flynn stood up and slashed his sword at the whisperer, but the assailant swiftly dodged. "Hey, it's me!" said the assailant. Flynn sheathed his sword in hammerspace. It was Naoki. "Can I have some of that?"

Flynn handed him a fish, which Naoki sliced with his fingernails. "Turns out I'm not the only stowaway on board," he said. "There's also two kids who want to cheer their friend on, some kind of secret agent, a crazy stalker, and some guy who wasn't invited but came anyways for the prize money. We're all hanging around in the cargo hold. None of us like each other, but we can't exactly rat each other out, either."

Flynn turned to Hamsa. "Go get another bucketful of fish."

Naoki pointed at the bucket of raw fish, and cast a very controlled version of Maragidyne. The fish was cooked perfectly.

"Show off," muttered Flynn.

Naoki grinned. "You're just jealous." He picked up the bucket. "I'm taking these back to the hold, if you don't mind. I don't think those guys have anything to eat."

Naoki disappeared into the night, leaving Flynn with only one bucket. He stole another one.

Flynn had got to the Second World and was trying to figure out how to proceed on that tiny island when Hamsa came back with another bucketful of fish. "Thank you," said Flynn, and he started cooking the fish two at a time.

When both the fishes were fully cooked, Flynn gave the first to Hamsa. He was about to start on the second one when a someone said in an indoor voice that nonetheless carried over in the silent night, "Oi, Flynn!"

Flynn dropped the fish overboard. He turned around to see someone in a black cloak and a Phantom of the Opera mask, with a familiar voice. "…Hijiri? Is that you?"

The cloaked man gave an exaggerated nod and nimbly leapt up next to Flynn. He took off his mask, confirming Flynn's conjecture. "Nice and quiet up here."

"What's with that getup?" asked Flynn, adding another two fishes to the fire.

"I duel under a stage name," said Hijiri. "I'm trying to maintain the tough, silent persona for the whole tournament, and that includes the boat ride."

"You got dressed before you got on board," said Flynn.

Hijiri nodded. "I call myself Zero. My past life's name is Aleph, so I'm Zero with the Infinity Deck. Get it?"

When Flynn showed no understanding, Hijiri sighed. "Right. Uneducated pseudo-Japanese former peasant."

"I'm educated," Flynn protested. "I'm multilingual and I know seven ways to check the convergence of an infinite series."

"Never mind about uneducated, then," said Hijiri. "You're educated in subject matter that does not contain the specific, esoteric terminology that I am referring to."

Flynn accepted this.

"Anyways, the food's honestly crap. Can I have a fish?"

Flynn gave him one. "Thanks," said Hijiri, carefully picking the skeleton out. "I heard some weird stuff in the common room. Some kid's wearing a huge gold necklace with an eye embossed on it. Looks real. Probably expensive. You going to steal it?"

Flynn gave Hijiri a Look. "I don't steal from people unless they attack me," he said.

Hijiri laughed. "Only joking." He sighed. "It's nice to talk to someone again. Part of my stage persona is that I never speak. It was a real pain trying to pantomime trading cards."

Flynn laughed a bit as well. "Hey… where did you get that cloak? It looks nice."

"Thanks. I sewed it myself from a used blackout curtain. For some reason, black flowing cloaks aren't really in style."

"Aren't you hot?"

"The real question is, aren't you cold in just that jacket? But yeah, I get sweaty during tournaments. I've got a Jack Frost to Bufu me before matches."

The two summoners chatted about this and that, completely forgetting about the fish until it started burning.

"Whoops," said Hijiri, carefully picking out the burnt remains.

"It's all right," said Flynn. He put another two fishes on the fire.

Hijiri yawned. "It's late. I'm going to bed."

Flynn's stomach grumbled. "I'm staying out a bit."

Hijiri waved goodbye, leaving Flynn to wonder how the cursed hero managed to sleep without suffocating under his mask. A little while later, the fish was cooked to perfection. Flynn was just about to take a bite when he saw someone fall overboard.

"Hold on to my fish, and don't eat any until I get back," Flynn ordered Hamsa, who saluted with his wing. This is going to be a long night, Flynn thought as he dove after the kid.

TO BE CONTINUED!

[1] The days of the tournament: I didn't think that it was really necessary to look up the dates, so I made them up. I do know how the tournament was split up, though.

[2] Hijiri's cult investigation: Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Hijiri the one who wrote that article about the Scripture of Miroku? How the heck did he find out which book was sacred, read a copy, and get out with his life? He must be better than we can see if he managed to do that… And activate and operate terminals, hack into the Amalda network, evade demons, and basically survive in the Vortex world.

In case you're wondering why I chose Samael to take the mail, it's because whenever I recruit a Samael in SMT1, it says that it would do anything Kazuya asks of it. Most recruitments end with something like 'we're partners now' or 'I'm on your team now.'

Kazuya's a programmer because… correct me if I'm wrong, but back when SMT1 came out, only people who were good with computers went on the internet. I think Kazuya was very good at programming, enough to have his own computer. That might also explain why there are so few Devil Summoners who use the program in the game. I also think that when he dies with a human ally still alive and they can't use the COMP, it's not because it's broken, it's because they have no idea how to use it.