Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! #waves shyly#
Schu to Yohji: #bored# Who's that?
Black Kitten: #bounces# Oh, I'm new. I haven't written a fanfiction until now. This is my first.
Schu: #yawns#
Black Kitten: Er... And English's not my first language.
Schu: Hey, this could be fun. #grins#
Black Kitten: #looks confused# Why? I think the readers out there are very tolerant.
Weiss & Schwarz: BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Schu: She's funny! #smirks#
Farfie: Yeah, I like naive people, too. They're easy to catch. #polishes knife#
Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# And… I want to dedicate the story to Ayan. You are the best! #waves like a loony#
Schu: I think I'm getting ill. #stucks finger in mouth and makes retching noises#
Black Kitten: Pardon?
Schu: Face it. This was just slimy. Have you no shame?
Black Kitten: #evil look#
Schu: ... That's scary.
Black Kitten: You think that's scary? Just wait and see. I have sooo many ideas. You will be my main character in countless angst fics, nc-30 rated torture fics, not to forget the DEATHFICS.
Schu: #squeaks#
Yohji: Did I mention that I really like you, my cute little black kitty cat?
Weiss & Schwarz except Schu: #cheer in agreement#
Schu: Cowards! We are eight and she's alone!
All: #shudder and take one step away from Schu#
Schu: But... she doesn't even own us!
Nagi: Poor Schu. He never knows when it's time to just give up and to cover in fear.
All & Black Kitten minus Schu: #nod#
Black Kitten: So, minna-san. Enjoy the first part of hopefully many others while I'm taming SchuSchu. #cracks whip and drags away a screeching Schu#
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.
Warnings: NO BETA. Terrible grammar and spelling mistakes because German's still my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Basta.
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"blah blah" … thoughts … /telepathy/
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Black Kitten's Dream
This is SO not happening!
Part 1
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Schuldig was shocked.
He sat motionlessly at the kitchen table, unable to do anything but stare at the empty chair opposite of him. His mind was overloaded with what Crawford had asked him to do. No, not asked. There were no 'Please' or 'Would you be so nice' or 'Maybe by any chance could you'. No 'Take your time and think about it, I know it's not a normal request'
No, Crawford had ordered.
And for the first time in his short adult life Schuldig was stunned into silence.
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Nagi entered the kitchen as if he didn't know about Schuldig's dilemma; his smile hardly covered by his hand. After all, he didn't know about this mission at all. Nope, it was pure coincidence that he had overheard the conversation between the two older assassins - carefully hidden behind the corner – and now, it was awfully hard not to giggle in the other's presence. Cautiously, the boy spied out off the corner of his eye at the older man as he passed him on his walk to the freezer.
And it was just as Nagi had thought.
No, it was much better.
Schuldig looked as if he has frozen during the attempt of making a mild protest. His mouth was slightly open, and his right hand hung in mid air.
Nagi tried to maintain his stoic look and not to break into a grin. His eyes were still on Schuldig as he opened the freezer, blindly grabbed the first item he could reach, and turned around again to stroll back to the exit. Distracted as he was, he opened the can he just had grabbed. The following noises of 'pop' and hissing made by the carbonic acid escaping the can let him freeze in his motions. They sounded in the silence of the kitchen loud enough that they could wake up a dead man. Well, maybe a dead man, but apparently not Schuldig. The redhead didn't move one inch during this process or gave any indication that he was even aware of his presence.
Nagi sighed in relief and continued on his way out of the kitchen. He didn't want to talk or even argue with the older man about his mission. He just wanted to have some fun and burn this kodak moment into his brain. Schuldig was speechless, and this was something the boy had never witnessed before. Therefore, Nagi dared to observe Schuldig more openly.
His eyes must be dry like the Sahara by now. He didn't even blink once. This can't be healthy. Nagi thought in amusement, pressing his lips tightly together in an attempt to suppress the giggle which was about to crawl up his throat.
Should I dare to snap my fingers in front of Schu's face? Or maybe poke him on his nose? Twist said nose? Paint it red and call him Rudolph from now on? Oh Kami-sama, I bow to you that I could live long enough to witness this. I can't wait telling Omi-- "AHHHHHHH!"
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
A thump and a cry of pain brought Schuldig out of his dreamlike state. He blinked a few times to focus his eyes, and looked confused down at Nagi who was lying like a helpless bug on his back on the floor... with a can in his hand and covered in liquid.
What the…? Has Nagi just run straight into the wall? Schuldig stared surprised at the boy, and then the smell of beer hit him. Wide-eyed, he looked at the wet spots on the boy's shirt and pants and at the beer can in his hand. Götter, was the boy DRUNK?
Countless emotions crossed Schuldig's face as he tried to make sense of the totally unexpected sight of a drunken Nagi, who for his part lay rigidly on the floor, staring up at him as if he was a monster the boy accidentally had woken up from its eternal sleep.
And what's with this dear-in-the-headlights-look?
Schuldig came to the conclusion that Nagi must be scared about his reaction. The boy knew their leader disliked such unprofessional behaviour, even Schuldig himself couldn't party all day long and this was sad enough. And the boy's age didn't help in this case, either.
Okay, I just caught him drunk, and not to forget that he DID run into the wall. Therefore, he has every right to look like Bambi. But I will be cool about it like a big brother. Yo, 'bro! ... On the second thought, this is our chibi and it's just too wrong and it ends now. Basta.
"Chibi, it looks as if you have a problem. A very BIG problem. I know that we are not a model family, with all the murders and manipulations of politicians and our plan to rule the world, but this aside." Schuldig looked strictly into Nagi's owlish eyes before he continued in a warm and brotherly tone.
"Alcohol is NOT the answer. We ARE family and YOUR problems are OUR problems, too. You can talk to me anytime, heck, you can even talk to Brad. He isn't such a cold fish as one may think, but you know that already. I know you highly respect him as our leader, love him like a father. Look, you don't have to worry about his reaction. He's very patient, and open-minded, and ... I mean... he is... Brad is..."
And then, Schuldig remembered his last minutes with Crawford.
"Oh. Mein. Gott."
.-. .-. (flashback) .-. .-.
Crawford sat at the other end of the table and looked calmly back at Schuldig as if the world was still in its normal rotation and wasn't just about to turn direction to create an alternative dimension.
What the fuck? Schuldig couldn't believe what orders Brad just had given him. They were professional assassins, deadly high ranging killers, and this was unacceptable. What was Crawford thinking? Was he out of his mind?
A suspicion rose in Schuldig. Could it be that Brad's on drugs? Maybe Farfie had been bored again and this time Brad was his victim of choice. Schuldig smiled at the memory of the last "funny day" four weeks ago. Farfarello had manipulated Nagi's computer signal for incoming mails, and just during a conversation between the team members in the boy's room a message came in.
The result had been a very animated female voice purring 'Yeah! Fuck me harder! Take me, Tiiigerrr! Ohh! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh', an eye-rolling Crawford, a hysterically laughing Schuldig, an innocently whistling Farfarello, and a fifteen year old boy who was about to faint in utter shame and pure horror. It had taken the youth only ten seconds to remove the mail-voice from his computer, but almost one week to fully recover from the shock. And it took another week for Crawford to convince Nagi that, yes, he was aware of the fact that the boy wasn't such a pervert.
But this had been real fun. Crawford's order to Schuldig was the opposite.
Schuldig tried to look into Brad's pupils whether they are in their normal condition but the damn glasses reflected the kitchen lamp's light. He sighed and shook his head. No way was Farfarello madman enough or suicidal, he knew better than to involve their leader in his 'funny days'.
Perhaps fever? Leaning across the table, Schuldig put his hand on the other man's forehead. A slightly raised eyebrow and an amused glitter in Brad's eyes were the only reaction he got.
Darn. No fever. Schuldig was at the point that he huffed in annoyance as he sat back on his chair. It could have been so simple! Put Brad into his bed with a hot water bottle, cover him with three sheets, let him suck on the thermometer for five minutes, give Nagi further orders for babysitting the man, and then he could go out clubbing all night long. But nooo, not a chance. And really, why should it be so easy?
Right now, Schuldig could hear the goddess of fortune cackling at him. Double darn.
Suddenly, another thought hit him. Mind control? Another telepath? Esset? He narrowed his eyes in anger and quickly scanned the era. Nothing.
Triple darn.
By now, Schuldig was a little in despair.
What could it be? Think, Schuldig, think! He is... Brad is... Argh! Think surreal! He... hit... his... HEAD!... No, too surreal. No first of April. Check. Not that Brad would EVER make a prank in his life... The visions are making his brain mushy? Hey, that's it! He is 28, he has the visions for almost 20 years. There MUST be some damage. Bingo!
Schuldig was pleased with himself. Fondly, he looked at Crawford and raised his hand to make his point. "Brad, I'm sorry, but I think you are about to go to la-la-land. The visions of yours--"
"Give it up, Schu." Crawford sighed and shook his head.
"Demo--"
"Don't. You have no saying in this." Crawford stood up.
"But--"
"Just follow my orders and everyone will be happy." Crawford left.
"Aber…"
.-. .-. (end flashback) .-. .-.
And therefore it was that Schuldig sat there with a blank look on his face, with his hand in midair, and a mild protest on his lips. And Nagi like a drunken bug on the kitchen floor.
And then Schuldig snapped and screamed like a banshee. "I absolutely and totally refuse! Do you hear me, Brad Crawford? NOOO WAAAY!"
At the same time on the other side of Tokyo in the mission room in the basement of a certain flower shop... "SHI-NEEE!"
tbc
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Götter (germ.) gods
Oh. Mein. Gott. (germ.) Oh. My. God.
demo (jap.) / aber (germ.) but
shi-ne (jap.) die
.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.
Schu: You made me an idiot in this fic!
Black Kitten: ... And?
Farfie: I do 'funny days'?
Black Kitten: Of course, my cutie. You are not an insane, cackling, knife licking lunatic to me. You are clever and sooo funny. #cough#
Nagi: You made me look like a drunk… BUT you paired me up with Omi! I love you!
Black Kitten: My pleasure, cutie.
Yohji: #looks confused# Where was I?
Black Kitten: Er… Oh my, you've got beautiful hair!
Yohji: #blushes and looks shyly#
Black Kitten: Such a cutie.
Ken: Look! I've got a new ball!
Black Kitten: Aw, and so colourful! Have fun, cutie. #pets Ken's head#
Schu: Why is everyone a cutie and I'm an idiot?
Black Kitten: #looks surprised# I thought I've tamed you.
Aya: I have a main role in this fic?
Black Kitten: Yup! And I will pair you up with #beep#!
Aya: Who's beep?
Schu: Idiot.
Aya: #glares#
Schu: #glares back#
Black Kitten: Now, now, children. Let's behave and be nice to each other. You both have still a very long way #cough# together #cough#. And now show the readers what you have learnt in the last minutes. #snaps fingers#
Schu & Aya: #hypnotised# Please, minna-san, review, because this would make Black Kitten very happy.
Brad: #shakes head and walks away mumbling# And I wanted to rule THIS world?
Black Kitten: #looks at Brad's retreating form# Hm, nice #beep#.