A one-shot for WillowClan's monthly writing challenge. Inspired by White Flag by Dido. :)
Warnings: Major character death, suicide
"Dovewing." The grey she-cat spun around, her eyes wide at the sound of the voice she told everyone she never wanted to hear again.
"Tigerheart, you need to go. I told you, we're over." She said, her voice strained.
"I know." He replied softly, "I get it. You can't be with me because of the warrior code. But I need to talk to you."
Dovewing didn't reply, so he continued.
"I still love you. I know we're never going to be 'us' again. There's really no point in me coming here, but…" He paused, as if searching for the right words. "I have to tell you. I can't just keep going, letting you think I've moved on. Because I haven't. Dovewing, I will never be able to move past you."
"You have to." She whispered, a pained expression of her face.
"No I don't," He replied, a small smile on his face. "I can love you forever in secret. As long as you're happy, I'm… happy." He looked slightly strained as he spoke, but she tried to ignore it.
"Tigerheart." She said slowly, "I loved you once. I admit that. But that's over now. It's been over since you agreed with your sister about Jayfeather."
"Dovewing, I'm not here to talk about the past." He said stiffly.
"Oh really?" Anger rose in her, until she couldn't stand it any longer. "Then why are you here? To try and get me to come back to you? To switch clans so we can be together? Why are you really here?" She snapped.
Tigerheart sighed and shook his head. "No! I'm not here for any of those reasons. I'm here to surrender. To apologize."
Dovewing opened her mouth to reply, then her mind processed what Tigerheart had said. "What?" She asked dumbly.
He sighed again. "I give up." He said quietly. "I've been trying to get you out of my head since the beginning. I know you're bad for me. We're from different clans for StarClan's sake!" His eyes closed as he finished. "But I just didn't care." His words were slow and somewhat forced, like this was the first time he was actually admitting how wrong their affair had been.
"Now I see why these kinds of relationships never work. It's wrong, and all the possible solutions hurt too much. But I can also see why they happen." His dark amber eyes were filled with sorrow. "I love you, Dovewing. You're the perfect she-cat. But this would never have worked."
He turned away, and she quickly cut in. "Tigerheart, I have to go." She said quietly. "My mate," The words made Tigerheart flinch. They cut through his pelt like a whip, stinging against his heart. "will be wondering where I am. I… I'm expecting kits."
Tigerheart from, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but it was dry. "K… Kits?" He whispered.
"Bumblestripe's kits." She said, nodding. Tigerheart stared at her, then he turned and ran.
He ran until he reached the lake on the opposite side of the territory. Then he screamed, anger boiling in him as he repeated the words in his head.
My mate… I'm expecting… Bumblestripe's kits… He screamed louder, each word like a claw, digging deeper and deeper into his heart.
He couldn't breathe. The pain was suffocating him, killing him.
"Why?" He snarled, claws unsheathed. "Why! WHY! WHY!" He screamed to StarClan, clawing at the ground, leaving angry claw makes in the dirt.
"Why?" He finally whispered, feeling weak and drained. Tears threated to spill when the idea hit him as his own words echoed loudly in his ears.
I give up... He'd already admitted defeat. Why not finish the job?
Running again on pure adrenaline, Tigerheart quickly made his way through the territory, until he came to the small Thunderpath that went through ShadowClan.
Too wrapped up in his own thoughts, Tigerheart didn't notice the shadowy figure that approached him slowly from behind.
"Tigerheart?" The young tom jumped and spun around, claws unsheathed, hissing loudly.
His sister, Dawnpelt stared at him, eyes wide. "Tigerheart, what are you doing?" She asked cautiously.
"Nothing." He snapped. "Go home!"
"I am home," She replied icily. "Now tell me what you're doing."
He glared at her, his sorrow turning to anger. "I don't have to tell you everything." He snarled. "Now leave. Me. ALONE!"
Dawnpelt stared at him again, confusion and fear filling her eyes. "Tigerheart," She began again.
"Shut up!" He snarled.
"What's wrong with you?" She snapped angrily, not wanting to deal with him or his bad mood any longer.
"Dovewing." He snarled without thinking.
The she-cat's eyes widened and she stared at her brother in shock. "Her?" She sneered when at last she had recovered. "What about her? She's just a stupid mange-pelt from ThunderClan." Then realization hit her. "That's where you've been disappearing to! You've been meeting her!"
"Shut up." Tugerheart growled without looking up.
"Traitor!" Dawnpelt spat.
"You don't know anything." Tigerheart snarled, turning to leave. But Dawnpelt wasn't finished.
"I can't believe you could fall for such an ugly she-cat."
That broke him. He sprang, pinning her to the ground. "Call her that one more time." He hissed softly.
"Ugly she-cat," His sister said defiantly.
Tigerheart roared in anger and without another thought he was digging his claws into her pelt, deeper and deeper, blood staining the ground, staining his fur.
And with each slash, he imagined that it was Bumblestripe, not Dawnpelt that he was shredding.
I hate you! He silently snarled, his days in the Dark Forest coming back to him. You took her from me!
Finally he stopped, panting slightly, and examined his kill. Horror swam freely in his stomach, and for a horrible moment he thought he was going to be ill.
"StarClan forgive me." He whispered, closing his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them again and looked around. His eyes fell on the Thunderpath, knowing what he had to do.
Slowly, the tom made his way to the stinking trail and listened. In the distance he could hear it. The sound of a monster, rushing across the Thunderpath.
Tigerheart took a deep breath, and when the monster came into sight he leapt, towards the beast. The impact knocked the wind out of him and threw him aside.
Everything hurt. Every fur on his pelt felt like it was one fire, burning through him, straight into his heart. "Forgive me…" He breathed, closing his eyes. "I love you, Dovewing." He whispered as his body slowly, painfully, died.
He lay there, alone, for only a few minutes. But it felt like hours. Moons. Seasons.
He forced himself not to scream, not to cry for help.
Dawnpelt is dead. He told himself viciously. Dovewing is expecting his kits. You murdered your own sister. You'll be exiled.
"I'm… so… sorry." He gasped.
And then he died, his mind reminding him of every horrible thing he had ever done, from putting thorns in his siblings' nests as a kit, to now. To slaughtering his sister. To loving a ThunderClan cat.
. . .
Dovewing sat next to Bumblestripe, pressing against his soft fur. Looking around, she noticed the ShadowClan cats all wearing similar grim expressions.
"I wonder what's wrong with them." Her mate muttered under his breath.
"I'm not sure." She replied, scanning the cats. She noticed that Littlecloud, the ShadowClan medicine cat, was nowhere to be seen. Her stomach churned uncomfortably. Had some cat been hurt?
Quickly, and against her better judgment, she skimmed the crowd and saw no sign of Tigerheart, his sister, or his mother.
Could he have been hurt? She thought worriedly, then she pushed the thoughts away. She had made her choice. She was with Bumblestripe now, and that was how it was going to stay. Tigerheart was history.
If only she knew how true that was.
The Gathering was called to order, and each leader gave a quick report of their clan. Then it was ShadowClan's turn.
All talking stopped. Every cat was wondering now what had made the clan seem so… tense.
"We are sad to say," Blackstar said, his face emptied of all emotion. "That two of our warriors have been killed."
"May we know which warriors?" Bramblestar asked, trying to sound curious, but it was obvious he was just as horrified as the rest of the cats.
Dovewing stared at the leader in horror, knowing without a doubt who one of those warriors was before Bramblestar even asked.
"Tigerheart and Dawnpelt."
NO! Dovewing forced herself to remain calm, at least on the outside. But it wasn't working. The shock filled her, numbing her.
"He's dead." She whispered.
Next to her, Bumblestripe pressed himself against her side. "I'm sorry." He murmured. "I know you two were friends."
Dovewing didn't reply, but instead buried her face in her mate's side.
It's all my fault. She thought. If I hadn't said anything about the kits…
She bit back a sob as Bumblestripe licked her ear. "It's alright." He mumbled softly. "It's okay."
She wanted to tell him no, it was not 'alright' or 'okay'. She wanted to tell him that the tom she once loved was dead. The cat she still loved, even when she told herself not to.
But she couldn't.
So instead, she pulled away and looked at him, just as a familiar scent drifted past her.
I still love you… Tigerheart's voice murmured in her ear. But you have to move on.
Dovewing's breath caught in her throat. He was telling her to move on. But he still loved her.
"Yeah," She said, meeting her mate's eyes. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."