Chapter 1
Nearby, the titanic head of Rei, or, what had looked like Rei anyway, gazed silently across the shore. Half of it had already slid off into the water and sunk, leaving a bizarre bifurcated smile and one eye to gaze in an utterly unnerving way at the pair of bodies on the beach.
All around were scattered a dozen Evangelions, or, what looked like Evangelions, anyway. Whatever they were, neither of the personalities inhabiting the two bodies liked them. Both, in fact, loathed them. But the fact that the possibly-Evangelions were now motionless and had various lethal wounds in their massive forms helped.
Even if not for these supernatural things, the landscape itself would still have been eerie if not disturbing. The ocean was a shade of red somewhere right between human blood and LCL, neither of which was a terribly comforting substance to Shinji after what he had been through ever since he first climbed into Unit 01 what seemed like ages ago.
Before Shinji could think much about the landscape, though, he heard a splash, and turned to see what it was. There, in the water, stood Rei, gazing silently at he and Asuka as they lay next to each other on the beach. Her expression was unreadable, just like always, except for those incredibly rare smiles that Shinji cherished. But then, just as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone.
Shinji sat up, looking at the spot a moment more, and then down at Asuka. Her right eye and arm had bandages on them. Was that where she had been hurt...when he had abandoned her...
The place was nearly silent. Not even breathing could be heard, only the gentle crashing of the waves of that red 'water' onto the shore. However, after a moment another sound became audible...Asuka's faint struggles for breath.
Shinji wasn't even scowling. He wasn't smiling, or frowning...he was simply wrapped up in the action of strangling her. Asuka didn't seem to react either; she simply stared up at the sky, wondering about whether this was her death...and whether she cared.
Shinji, for his part, began to tremble. He was crushing Asuka's throat...yes, the throat from whence issued Asuka's voice. A voice he absolutely despised.
Shinji wasn't sure how he felt about some voices. Like his father's, for example. Usually, it was cold and heartless, but...it could be kind and compassionate too, in its own way. Shinji knew how he felt about his mother's voice though, even with all of what had just transpired...it was soft...kind...and loving. It was a beautiful voice. Misato's was, too. Actually, it reminded Shinji a lot of his mother's voice...maybe that was why he liked Misato so much. Although...he still didn't know what she meant by-
Shinji refocused his thoughts. Yes...Asuka's voice...he hated it. She was always complaining! Whining and moaning about every tiny little fault of his. Like she was perfect! But whenever Shinji complained about her, she would have nothing of it. How was that fair? She let her stupid pride put her in such dangerous situations, but then when Shinji came in and saved her, risking his own life, putting himself into the same dangerous situations, she complained about that too! Yes...Shinji definitely hated Asuka's voice.
...Or...did he...
His hands slackened slightly, as he began to tremble more. He knew how he felt about Rei's voice, too...even if it was normally so detached and lifeless...sometimes, Shinji thought he could hear her smile, and her smiles were beautiful. His mother, Misato, Rei...they all had beautiful voices...
And...Asuka did too...
It made no sense. Shinji hated Asuka so much! That was why he hadn't piloted Eva...
...Why he...had abandoned her...
Shinji lowered his head, his eyes beginning to water for some reason. Why did he pilot Eva? Was it to earn his father's praise? Or Misato's, or Rei's, or even Asuka's? Maybe even his mother's? But...none of them would praise him for not piloting Eva. Was it to save people? But he hadn't piloted Eva...he hadn't saved Asuka. He had let her suffer.
Tears began to fall from his eyes, but Shinji was too lost in thought to really notice. No matter why he piloted Eva...the point was, he hadn't piloted Eva. He had let Asuka suffer, and very nearly die...no, maybe she had died, and this was a slightly different reality. It didn't matter, though...he had left Asuka out there, at the mercy of those things. That...was unforgivable.
Suddenly, something soft touched his hair. It was Asuka's hand. Silently, wordlessly, she had raised it, brushing his hair gently. The hand slowly descended, settling on Shinji's cheek. Such a soft, warm hand...
Shinji was incredulous. He had felt Asuka's skin, even her lips before, but...not like this...did she...could she, somehow...even for his unforgivable sin...?
Shinji removed his hands from her throat, lost completely in thought. How could Asuka possibly forgive him? She couldn't...and yet, part of Shinji dared to hope. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it.
Meanwhile, Asuka continued to stare up, her breath slowly recovering, but still agonizingly silent. Thoughts swirled uncontrollably in her mind, too. How could she possibly forgive Shinji? She hated him even before today. And...he had left her...left her at the mercy of....those THINGS!
Silently, Asuka looked down at Shinji. Almost without her willing it, all of her emotions welled up, and came out in two quiet, simple words:
"...Kimochi warui..."
That broke Shinji out of his reverie. He looked up, tears still flowing from his eyes. "A-Asuka..."
Silently, he placed his hands on her neck again...but this time, he did not clamp down on it. His hands continued past slowly, to her shoulders...and then suddenly, before either of them knew what was going on, Asuka was nestled in Shinji's arms.
He clutched her tightly, as though she were a life preserver standing between him and drowning. He leaned his head against hers, chin resting gently on her shoulder, and begin sobbing in earnest.
Asuka's emotions instantly settled on anger, and she exclaimed: "Baka! What-"
"A-Asuka..." Another wave of anger overtook Asuka, but before she could berate him for grabbing her and the interrupting her, he continued. "I'm...so sorry...!"
Asuka froze, and her face softened just a fraction. Shinji continued, even as sobbing made it nearly impossible to speak clearly. "I'm...so...so sorry...for...for everything...I...abandoned you...I...I'm just...I'm so sorry!"
He clutched her even tighter, and couldn't manage any more words. Asuka's expression grew just a bit softer. "...Shinji..."
She sniffled, suddenly enraged at herself for having tears in her eyes. "Baka...baka...b-bakaaaa!"
She clutched him back, and they both sobbed and trembled together, the waves still crashing incessantly on the shore. Finally, after some untold number of minutes, they both began to regain their composure, more due to a lack of water to generate tears than anything else.
Asuka sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Shinji...no baka...making me cry...so much..."
Shinji sniffled as well, and buried his face in her shoulder. "S-sorry...for that...too..."
"O-oi!" Asuka fought back more tears. "Don't...don't make me...cry again..."
"S-sorry...ah...wait, I apologized...sorry-..." Shinji found several inventive ways to curse himself in his mind, even as more tears somehow began to fall from his eyes.
"B-baka..." Asuka weakly punched Shinji's shoulder, her own tears beginning to flow again. She muttered again softly. "...Baka..."
----
"Both the Second and Third Children have been recovered successfully!"
A wave of relieved sighs and elated shouts passed through the improvised control room, really just a random smattering of surviving computers and personnel from the chaos of the last day. Misato contributed one of the former, wiping her eyes and smiling.
The report continued. "They were found together on a beach. The Third was uninjured, but the Second is being held in the medical section for now."
"What a relief...for both of them to be alive..." Misato's joy was rapidly countered, however, by the reminders of those they hadn't recovered. Rei, Commander Ikari...Ritsuko...
...Kaji...
Misato closed her eyes and shook her head to clear it, then opened them again with renewed determination. She had a job to do, and...even if Kaji wasn't coming back...the rest probably would. After all, even if the odds were a thousand to one...Misato had bet on worse odds, and won. Because she know who to bet on.
"Hey, you think this means you guys can take a break? We've still got more people unaccounted for." Several people nodded glumly.
"Let's get to it. After all..." she smiled again. "They say good things come in threes, ne...?"
----
Asuka awoke, looking up at a very familiar ceiling. She had been in this room before.
She sighed deeply. Asuka hated rooms like this. Normally, she got angry because of what they reminded her of...but now all she felt was a dull ache.
Then her brow furrowed. Something felt odd...
"Ah, Asu-...you're awake..."
Asuka's head turned, and she saw Shinji. She blinked, blinked again, and realized she was seeing him through both eyes. Looking down, she saw that the bandages on her right arm were gone. Her plugsuit had been replaced by a simple hospital gown.
All of these realizations, however, were merely subconscious. Her consciousness was far more fixated on her hand, or more accurately, both of Shinji's hands clasping it.
Asuka looked up at Shinji's face neutrally. She tried to determine what he was feeling...what he was thinking. Not really getting anywhere, she decided to simply ask, matter-of-factly: "Why are you holding my hand?"
Shinji immediately blushed, and pulled his hands away. "A-ah, I-"
Asuka reached out and snatched one of his hands before it could move more than an inch. Asuka spoke, with severe hesitation. "I...didn't...I didn't say...to let go..."
Shinji was silent for a moment, and then took her hand in his again, and smiled gently. "Sorry..."
"Baka...you're always so apologetic..." Asuka turned her head to look out the window. It was very calm outside, and appeared to be sometime in the early evening. A pair of birds flew past the window, perching on a tree just at the edge of her view. "You should stand up for yourself more..."
"Ah...hai..."
There was silence for a moment, not even the beep of a heart rate monitor.
To Asuka's surprise, Shinji spoke up. "You're right...I should."
Asuka blinked, and turned back to face him.
"I..." Shinji looked off to the side.
"I'm always apologizing for myself...I always question myself...I'm worried about stupid things like the praise of my father...and not about praising myself." He looked back at Asuka, his eyes filled with a simple determination she had never seen, yet, somehow, didn't question for an instant. "I should be more assertive, like you."
Asuka said nothing for several seconds, taking it in. Then she sighed deeply, and abandoned her emotionless mask, letting the ache show on her face. "I...I have my own flaws, too..."
She hesitated, but it was too late now; the emotional floodgates were open, and all she could do was try not to be washed away. "I...have been alone...ever since I was a child...my father and my mother both...died...they both left me alone..."
Asuka shook her head, a bit of anger seeping into her voice. "No...it's worse than that. My mother didn't just leave me...she found a new me...some...stupid doll...some stupid doll..."
Asuka sniffled, tears beginning to well in her eyes already. "I tried...I tried so much...to get her to acknowledge me...I tried to make her proud of me, or angry at me, or sad for me, or anything...just anything...! Anything to get her to love me again..."
Asuka looked down, and a tear fell. "But...I was alone...and then she left me completely...and took that stupid, moronic doll with her..."
There was silence for several seconds before Asuka continued, tears continuing to fall slowly. "I...I've always been alone...I tried to hide it...with Kaji...I tried to hide it...with you...but...I'm just...alone...totally alone..."
She couldn't believe she was saying all of this. How could she say this, especially to that idiotic Shinji? Especially after what he did...and after crying so much...and his stupid embrace...but even as she berated herself, she was still slowly losing the desperate struggle against complete despair. It was welling up inside her, there was nowhere to run-
Shinji's right hand settled gently on her cheek. She looked back up at him incredulously.
"Asuka...you aren't alone..." Shinji hesitated, before continuing: "I know...I...I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I...have been horrible to you..."
He looked directly into her eyes, that same determination still there, unwavering...along with something else. "So...as penance for that...I will no longer let you be alone."
"...Shinji..." Asuka's eyes softened immensely.
After a few heartbeats, however, she turned aside. How could she trust him? Who could be more trustworthy than her own parents...and they had abandoned her. How could this...idiotic boy... "...How do I know you mean that...?"
Shinji paused for a moment, thinking. Did he have an answer? Of course he didn't. Asuka was just clinging to some glimmer of a false-
Suddenly, Shinji placed his hands on both her cheeks, and before she could so much as blink, pulled her into a kiss.
It was nothing at all like the time she'd kissed him before. That had just been...had just been...what? But, Shinji was a horrible kisser...he had barely reacted at all, and he ran out of breath so quickly...but this kiss...it was...so...
But Asuka didn't care anymore. She didn't care if this would horribly backfire, if she would just wind up feeling even worse, if she would discover she really did hate Shinji...for this moment...she just wanted to be kissed.
She wrapped her arms around Shinji and returned the kiss completely. Her eyelids fluttered, and closed, and for several moments she let herself indulge in the sheer joy of the kiss.
Gradually, they pulled away from each other. Asuka was breathless, gazing at Shinji's face. He smiled softly. "I love you...Asuka..."
"Shinji..." Asuka looked into his eyes imploringly. "Truly...?"
Shinji nodded, wrapping his arms around her gently. "Hai. Truly. I love you, Asuka."
"...Then prove it..." Asuka leaned forward, and they kissed again, and again. For endless seconds their lips brushed each other, then pressed against each other, twisting and shifting endlessly until they were both in danger of suffocating, and broke off, panting.
"Shinji..." Asuka managed to slip words out between breaths. Her voice was beginning to sound dry and raspy, but she didn't care. "How long...have...you felt...this way...?"
Shinji paused. "...I don't know...maybe..."
He paused, then shook his head and smiled apologetically. "I don't know...but...I know...that I do now..."
"...Shinji..." Asuka still looked hesitant. Shinji waited for her to continue.
Asuka finally caught her breath, and collected herself, taking a very serious, yet also somewhat frightened expression. "Shinji...if...we are going to be like this...will you...promise me something...?"
"What's that?"
"Promise...that you'll never leave me."
Shinji nodded. "I promise."
"And...promise you'll never cheat on me." Asuka added.
Shinji nodded again. "I promise."
"Promise...that you'll hold me...whenever I'm sad."
Another nod. "I promise."
"Promise me...that you'll comfort me...when something goes wrong." Asuka's eyes were slowly tearing up, yet again.
Shinji simply nodded again. "I promise."
"Promise...promise you'll love me. Truly. Forever."
Nod. "I promise."
"Promise...promise me..." Asuka wasn't sure what else she should ask. "...Just...promise me...I'll never have to be alone...again..."
Shinji nodded, and tightened his hug slightly. "I promise, Asuka...you will never be alone again."
Asuka sniffled, and then smiled. Shinji was taken aback...he had seen Asuka smile before, but it was always her lording something over him. But this time...she just looked...happy. She spoke softly, in a more beautiful voice than Shinji had ever heard. "Then...I promise you...that I will love you...and hold you...and comfort you...truly...and forever...Shinji..."
They both leaned closer to each other. "Asuka..."
Their lips met again, but this time, they were gentle and tender. This time, the tears rolling down Asuka's cheeks were gentle...the result of joy, and not despair. She committed herself completely to the kiss...to the risk she was taking...
And to the past...that she was finally...finally...putting behind her.