Bruise
by SlwMtionDaylite
Written for the LJ community where_no_woman's Uhura is Awesome Fest. Prompt 77: She kisses his bruised and bloody face.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing. Paramount, et al. own all. I really wish they would let me borrow Spock for a while though.
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Angst
Characters/Pairing: Spock/Uhura
Summary: "If I am to die before the Enterprise recovers us, I wish for you to know the truth." "Don't you talk like that. Don't you dare talk like that."
"Damn it!" Uhura kicked furiously at the heavily sealed hatch. It did not budge, as she had expected. She groaned loudly and returned to pacing the small shuttlecraft. She hated this powerless feeling. She hated her inability to do anything to help.
They were trapped in the downed shuttle, helpless until the Enterprise arrived.
She glanced behind her, towards the front of the shuttlecraft. He was still seated in the pilot's chair, his eyes still closed. Emerald green blood stained his face, his limbs. She had done what she could for his injuries with the meager amount of first aid supplies she had found onboard the craft before she retreated to the other side.
She did not know what to do with him.
She wanted to approach him, to comfort him, to help him but she was unsure if that would be welcomed. She sighed inwardly. Things had been painfully awkward between the two of them ever since he returned to the Enterprise.
Her eyes drifted closed and she rubbed her hands across her face. It was still painful to think about. He'd only been back for two weeks.
After being gone for one year.
Nyota wished she could say she had been understanding, helpful even, when he had told her of his intentions to leave Starfleet – and her – to go to the Vulcan colony. She wished she could say she had been the bigger person – when Kirk had been fighting against his sudden decision teeth and nails – when he told her he had reconsidered his previous decision to remain in Starfleet.
She wished.
But he had told her that her emotional distress was illogical. That this decision was the best decision and that she should be reasonable.
It was hard to be reasonable when your heart was on the line. When your heart was being shattered in a million pieces by a man who did not even seem to care.
She had hated him at that moment.
Uhura blinked her eyes furiously, attempting to stay the tears that were burning. She looked at him.
Two weeks, he'd been back.
But this was the first time she had let them be alone.
One year, he was gone. Doing whatever he thought was required of him to help rebuild the Vulcan race.
Uhura had an idea what that entailed. And she didn't want to think about it.
She didn't want to think about the wife he had left behind at the colony – to care for a child? When, just as suddenly as he left, he returned to the Enterprise.
What do you do when the man you loved but thought would never see again was suddenly back in your life? How does she put the past behind her and move on when he was back?
Spock groaned.
She jerked her head up and slowly moved toward him. "Spock?"
For two weeks, she had avoided him, and now, with the shuttlecraft they had been in having crashed in an ion storm, she was trapped with him.
She tried not to think about how he had protected her with his body as the shuttle spiraled out of control, careening back to the harsh landscape below.
She tried not to think about her sudden overwhelming fear when she had realized they had stopped moving and he was unconscious on top of her.
"K'diwa." His voice was quiet. A whisper.
She gasped. It had been so long she had heard that word from him. She was filled with warmth she had not experienced in one year. But, no, she could not allow that. "What would your wife say if she heard you call another woman that?" She muttered the words quietly, their implication still too painful to fully contemplate.
His eyes opened slowly and found her. "What?"
Uhura turned away, unable to look at him. "How are you? How's your head?"
Spock sat up. "I am as well as can be expected and you are attempting to change the topic."
She flinched.
"Nyota?"
She shook her head and turned around. "Nothing. It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Right now, we need to worry about how we're going to get out here. We've lost communications with the Enterprise and I can't get that latch open."
/She heard him rise to his feet. She heard him move toward her.
Her eyes closed.
She felt the heat of his body against her back and knew he was standing behind her. Near her.
"Spock. I…I can't do this. Not now."
"And when shall we? You have been avoiding me since my return to the Enterprise. I thought that was what you wanted."
She spun around and looked at him. Really looked at him for the first time since his return. She fought to ignore that look in his eyes. That look she never thought she'd see again. "What I wanted?" She scoffed and dropped her eyes, looking at his chest, stained with his blood. She cringed. "So, a year goes by and I don't hear a single word from you, and now you care about what I wanted?"
He sighed softly. "I understand that you're angry. I do not fault you for that."
"Good." She wrapped her arms around her body, in an attempt to protect herself. "Because I was angry. And hurt." She squeezed her eyes closed, fighting off the tears that suddenly returned. "Because you promised. You promised."
Spock's eyes dropped. "Yes. I did."
"And then, suddenly, you're heading to the Vulcan colony without any warning and I was left with a bruised and broken heart."
"Nyota." He reached out for her, heedless of his injuries.
She stepped back. "No. I can't deal with this now. We can't deal with this now. We need to figure out how to get into contact with the Enterprise. Isn't that the logical thing to do?"
"They will find us," he said dismissively, stepping toward her. "I have missed your presence in my life."
She stared in earnest at his bloodied face, shaking her head. "No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to take your leave of me, go to the colony to –" She broke off, taking a deep breath. She didn't want to think about what he was doing in the colony. "You don't get to ignore me for a year and then suddenly, as though nothing happened, return and tell me that."
Spock sighed. "I regret my actions and decisions of the past year and, perhaps I could have handled the situation better. But, Nyota, I am back. And I was –"
"You were what? Hoping we'd pick right back up where we left off?" she asked sarcastically.
He said nothing.
Uhura huffed and turned back around, moving away from him. She had to.
Without warning, the shuttlecraft shifted, tilting. Spock and Uhura were thrown to the side of the craft. Uhura felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her close in an effort to shield her from harm, and she did not fight it.
The shuttle wouldn't stop shifting. It wouldn't stop rolling. It rolled off its embankment.
Uhura screamed, squeezing her eyes shut.
Spock held her tightly, but remained silent.
They fell for several seconds before the shuttle finally crashed into the ground below.
Uhura hit her head against the wall and felt pain. She was overcome with dizziness and her vision faded in and out.
She lost consciousness.
She woke to the gentle caress of her forehead. Her eyes opened slowly. "Wha–"
Spock hovered above her, his body still draped across hers protectively. "Are you injured?" His words came out in a harsh gasp.
Nyota closed her eyes briefly, mentally assessing her body. She knew there had to be bruises, but they were not bothersome. A wet stickiness on her forehead and she jerked her hand to her head. Blood. Not a lot, however. She must have cut her head when the shuttle rolled. "Other than my head, no."
He nodded slowly, jerkily. "I am glad." His eyes closed tightly and he rolled over, moving to lie next to her. He groaned.
"Spock?" She turned her head to observe his face. He seemed to be in pain.
He shook his head.
She glanced around them. The interior of the shuttle was in shambles and it lay on its side, pressing into the hatch that she was unable to open earlier. She sighed, resigned. They were trapped.
Spock groaned.
She turned her head back to him. "Spock? Are you okay?"
He exhaled sharply.
For the first time, she studied his appearance. Cuts and bruises marred his face – his beautiful face – and his hands clutched his stomach.
Fear and concern suddenly took over. "Spock. Are you hurt?"
He nodded his head, his eyes closing. "Yes. I believe I am."
She quickly sat and moved her hands to his. "Where?" She touched his hands clutching his stomach. "Here?"
He nodded.
She gently removed his hands and gasped loudly. The wound was seeping emerald green, a large piece of shrapnel jutting out. Her hands gingerly touched the metal. She moved to take it out but hesitated, her mind fighting desperately to remember her first aid classes. What was it that they were taught about these sorts of injuries?
No, despite her natural inclination to remove the offending object, she couldn't. She couldn't risk it. Currently, that shrapnel was the only thing keeping him from increased blood loss.
Her anger and frustration forgotten, Uhura grabbed his hand in hers and squeezed tightly. She leaned forward, brushing the hair from his forehead.
Spock's eyes closed, relishing in her touch. "It has been too long."
Nyota mentally cursed the tears she felt pricking her eyes and shook her head. "Shh. Don't talk. Have to save your strength."
He shook his head weakly. "I must tell you."
"Tell me what?" She felt panicked. He needed to be in sickbay with McCoy tending to him. He didn't need to be stuck in this shuttlecraft, on this god-forsaken planet, with a piece of metal sticking out of his stomach.
He didn't need to die here.
Where the hell was the Enterprise? Why couldn't she contact them? Her tears fell.
"You must know the reason for my departure. I do not wish for you to be angry."
Her eyes closed and the tears leaked out. She moved to lie next to him, continuing to grasp in his hand in hers as they both worked to staunch the blood from his wound.
"If I am to die before the Enterprise recovers us, I wish for you to know the truth." He locked his eyes with hers.
She shook her head, leaning her forehead against his. "Don't talk like that. Don't you dare talk like that." She kissed his forehead. Her anger, the anger she held onto for so long, had dissipated. How could he be thinking like this?
His eyes drifted closed and he brought his free hand to her face, caressing the side of her face. "But I must tell you."
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Okay." She would listen, even if it pained her.
"My presence had been requested by the Council. All eligible males were expected to help rebuild the race. I had gone to the colony, fully expecting to take a wife."
Nyota couldn't hold in the quiet sob that escaped. She knew there was a high likelihood that he was married to a Vulcan woman now. But to hear him speak of it? It hurt more than she thought possible. And now she wasn't sure if she wanted these to be his final words to her. She wasn't sure if this was something she wanted to hear. "Spock, I don't know if I can –"
"I did not."
She opened her wet eyes and looked at him. "What?"
Spock sighed and leaned heavily into her. He was growing weaker. "I had thought that I would be able to put aside my emotions and live by logic. Logic told me that I should set aside what I wanted to do and focus on what I needed to do. My race is struggling, Nyota. We are on the brink of extinction and with so few females versus males, the logistics have become overwhelming." He halted to take several shaky breaths. "My father had chosen what he believed to be an appropriate mate for me. However, on the eve of our bonding, I had discovered that I could not do it. I could not escape the memory of you.
"I have not felt the way I feel for you for anyone else. It is illogical to allow myself to be controlled by such emotions, but I am not strong enough to fight them. It is only with you that I feel at ease. So, I informed my father of my decision – my decision to return to you – and that is why I have returned."
Uhura shook her head sadly. She did not know what to say, so she kissed his forehead once more. And remained silent.
His eyes drifted closed.
Three days later, Uhura stood in the sickbay, watching Spock sit gingerly on the biobed. He listened to McCoy intently as the good doctor listed the do's and don'ts before releasing him.
They remained silent, saying nothing. Together, she helped him to the turbolift. It was awkward in the lift as silence continued to reign.
Suddenly, Spock stopped the lift.
She raised her eyebrows at him. "Spock?"
He turned slowly to face her. Taking a deep breath, he spoke quietly. "I love you."
She gasped.
"I am aware that it does not repair the damage I have done, but I wish for you to know it."
She laughed briefly before breaking off in a short sob. "What am I supposed to say? It's a year late, don't you think?"
He tilted his head at her. "I have told you that I am not bonded and that I have returned to you."
She sighed sadly. "But how am I supposed to know that it won't happen again? It almost happened right after Nero and then you promised you wouldn't leave. And then you did. How am I supposed to know that it won't again?"
He opened his mouth to speak then closed it. It was not often that he was without words.
She sighed sadly and stepped in front of him. "I love you. You know that. But...you're going to have to give me some time, okay? Give me time to process all of this and give me time to trust you again. I want to be with you. God know I do. But...give me time."
His eyes dropped to his feet. "Of course. I will wait for you, k'diwa."
She nodded and reached up, caressing his cheek gently. She stood on her toes and kissed his forehead, his cheeks, carefully avoiding the lacerations still marring his face. "Give me time. Let the bruise on my heart heal and then...we'll see, okay?"
He nodded.
She kissed him gently on the lips chastely before opening the door with a press of a button. Without looking back, she exited.