A/n: A lot is implied…but nothing much goes on besides a kiss or two. RoChu? ChuRo? I don't even-
Fear, anticipation, exhilaration and delirium- they were all emotions that coiled up inside him. Hurry, the devil's advocate whispered, hurry before he rejects you, scorns you….Ivan's hands clenched at such disparaging thoughts, wrinkling the silk shirt where they rested on.
No. Things were different now. No longer would he see contempt and loathing reflected in those amber, brown eyes. His feelings were finally returned. After all they went through, after all he suffered for this hopeless yearning of his, they were together at last. It was impossible, unthinkable that Yao would abandon him, leave him behind. No. He wouldn't. Yao loved him. Mustlove him….
"You know," soft, dainty lips brushed against his once and then once again, "kissing would be much better if you'd actually kissed me back."
Blushing, Ivan stammered, "S-sorry. I…I'm just a little nervous."
"Nervous?" Yao laughed, "But a minute ago, you were so bold in asking me to spend the night."
Reminded of his desperate but heartfelt proposal that they consummate their union, Ivan flushed a deeper red. Embarrassed of himself, he quickly ducked his head beneath his scarf to cover his glowing cheeks.
At the image Ivan presented- looking like a warm, toasty marshmallow on fire-Yao clasped a hand over his mouth to smother the laughter threatening to bubble out of him.
Delightedly, he watched as a tinge of pink crept up higher until it reached the tips of Ivan's ears where he couldn't hide his chagrin anymore.
Amusement filled his eyes as he gazed at his foe turned lover. Long, long ago, he was indifferent to the existence of others outside his family. He cared little of nations that existed beyond his borders; whether empires rose and countries fell, it affected little of his known world. When his home was pried open and Yao finally became acquainted with his northern neighbor, his heartfelt wish was that Ivan drown painfully in his own filth.
Now….Now, he wanted nothing more than to remove Ivan's scarf from his face. Ignoring the muffled protest from Ivan, he carefully began to pull and tug at the cloth, revealing bit by bit the other's mulish expression. Even if Ivan wanted to suffocate himself to death, Yao would never let him. He found Ivan too…adorable to go to waste.
The scarf unwound and tumbled onto the satin sheet. Yao eyes soften at the sight of Ivan. His skin was fair, fairer than the snow that graced his homeland and he had hair the color of the sun and eyes blue as the sky the encompassed it. Life had a quirky sense of humor. He once found Ivan's features abnormal, off-putting, ghost-like. His past self would never imagine himself consorting with a 'foreign devil'.
But the future Yao, his present self, couldn't fathom a more suitable, attractive mate. Either Life's joke was on him or, indeed, love was like lightening and struck a person blind.
"If you keep blushing like that," Yao said, pulling the younger man down until their foreheads bumped, "I'll start blushing too. Don't tell me you don't know my answer…. I followed you here, didn't I?"
Ivan's heart hammered hard against his chest. For three months, they had done nothing more than kiss. His days were filled with bliss. To be near him, to touch the person of his dreams and to be touched in return, it was more than Ivan could ask for.
In the beginning, Yao rebuffed him at every turn, his disdain barely concealed. Ivan lost count of his sleepless night where mocking golden eyes haunted his dreams. Perhaps his companions were right. Perhaps he wasdemented. His heart broke from Yao's every single stinging remark. Yet, grinning like a fool, he couldn't stop going back for more. He didn't care. He would've been content for the rest of his life as long as Yao thought of him and only of him even if it stemmed from dislike. He would've been able to find happiness in this misery of his. The fact that Yao began to tentatively return his feelings….He never expected it, had never planned for it to happen. It was nothing short of a miracle and Ivan finally tasted what true happiness felt like. It was sweetness he had never tasted, a weightlessness he had never felt, and a song he finally knew the lyrics to.
He wanted more.
He wanted to feel Yao's heat. He wanted the other's fiery warmth to melt the eternal, cold loneliness that he felt from the depth of his being. He wanted to ask, to demand Yao to let him…to let him….
But until tonight, he could never muster the courage. He was too afraid of Yao's reaction. What if he pushed too hard? What if Yao didn't want to? Now that he experienced true happiness, how could he return to the way he was before?
The answer was he couldn't.
Concerned by the other's silence, Yao clasped Ivan's trembling hand in his. "What's wrong?"
"I'm just nervous," Ivan smiled weakly.
Squeezing his hand in reassurance, Yao smiled back. "If you're nervous because this'll be the first time you'll sleep with a person of the same sex, just take a breath. There's no wrong or right. There's just us."
Ivan closed his eyes, slowly letting out the breath of air he took. "Okay. I'm mentally prepared."
"Mentally prepared?" Yao chuckled at the choice of words, "If that's how you feel about it, I'm not sure if-"
"Go ahead," Ivan yelled, flopping onto the bed, stiff as a board, "You can start touching me wherever you want to!"
"Er…you're pretty passive, aren't you?" Yao said, baffled by Ivan's actions.
Still not looking at the smaller, but definitely more experienced man than him, Ivan gave him a thumbs up. "I know I'm the bottom so that's why."
Yao choked on air. "Wait, what?"
"I know, it's my first time so I might not be that good-"
"No! Hold on a minute here aru-"
Ivan mowed on over Yao "-but I read the '99 Positions to Please Your Master'. I'll do my best- no- I'm confident that I can please you." He threw open his coat and laid spread eagle, ready for Yao's passionate onslaught. "Bring it!"
"…I'm leaving aru."
"Huh?" Ivan jerked up to a sitting position, "Why?"
"Because, aru, you're such…such a…," Irritated that his verbal tic appeared, Yao paused to reign in his temper.
In the vacuumed silence that followed, Ivan took hold of Yao's hand, gripping tightly. "If...If I did something to make you angry, I'm sorry."
The Chinese man glared, but took a deep calming breath before speaking. "Ivan," his even, but barely controlled voice said, "we've come this far and you're still clueless?"
"About what?" Ivan asked, puzzled.
Fascinated by the blush that began to fill Yao's cheeks, Ivan missed the murmured answer.
"What? Can you say that ag-"
"I SAID I WANT YOU TO TOP ARU!"
Stunned, Ivan waited for Yao's echoed confession to fade before answering. "You…always reminded me that you were older than me, that you had a lot of pride…." The blond scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I kind of thought that you'd want to…you know…."
Pouting, Yao looked away. "You have to ask me, not just leap to conclusions."
"I…just thought I was doing what you wanted me to do," Ivan replied, awkwardly
Yao gave him a sidelong glance. "Are you even ready to bottom?" he asked gruffly.
"No I…I just figured that since it's you, everything would be fine." Ivan met Yao's eyes and stopped talking.
Yao was right. They already come this far. Hehad come this far although he was riddled with doubts and insecurities. His stubbornness persevered until it brought him to this point. He shouldn't second guess when he had the here and now. He should follow Yao's example.
And have more confidence in their future.
"I'm sorry." Ivan tugged on the smaller man's hand. Just like he was with his affections, he bullied and pushed until Yao finally relented and allowed him to hold him close. "I love you," Ivan whispered against Yao's temple, "Our positions don't matter to me. Please don't go."
"Then don't stop."
"Stop what?"
Yao pushed against the other's broad chest and lifted his head to meet Ivan's eyes. "I know you think I'm this pure and flawless person. I don't know how or why you have this notion, but I'm neither of those things. I plan to prove it." Bringing Ivan's head down, Yao kissed him hard on the mouth. "You have to promise me, no matter what naughty things I do, you won't stop." He nibbled the Russian's bottom lip, smiling impishly. "Because I'm not just going to lie there."
Ivan gulped, a sense of trepidation sizzling through him.
It was the first time in his life he was afraid for his front side….
A/N:
Although not strictly ChuRo, I'm just gonna count it anyway lol. 22 more to go.
I reread "Doushitemo Furetakunai- The World With Color" and couldn't help but convert it to RoChu (or is it ChuRo?). I just find some humor in the situation hahaha.
On another note, a naïve, innocent Ivan makes me wanna cuddle him and never let go! Can I haz him? 8D.
I'm...getting less and less consistent on their emotions LOL. It started off with a little drama, then some fluff before WHOOPS, crack? Er...my excuse is that I'm PMSing? Yeah, let's go with that! (Threw in some Fall Out Boy lyrics too 8D)
Or (even though I only came up with the answer AFTER I finished writing lol) is that even if two people love each other, their experience, perception, and definition of 'what is love' can be different. When that happens, communication and understanding is key in making a relationship work. (I write because I can spew nonsense at a drop of a hat...)