At some point the gentle darkness of unconsciousness had become suffocating, denying him the last of his hope, leaving him to nightmares beyond the imagination of any normalperson and suffering a fate that nobody should have to endure. He couldn't move; it was increasingly difficult to breathe. It was torture - the confining shadows winding in icy tendrils around his throat as the coldest hands he'd ever felt tightened slowly on his most sensitive vulnerability. It was terror in its purest form, and yet worse than he'd imagined, worse than he'd feared; because, no matter how hard his eyes strained to make sense of colours and shapes impossible to distinguish, one fact remained. One that would keep him unresisting to the force around him, holding him in place, holding him helpless.
Because, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see the sky.
Cloud choked in a gasping breath, his eyes snapping open and focusing blearily on the ceiling above him. The fear was receding quickly, but it didn't stop his head pounding and bile rising in his throat. The wooden beams were oppressive and hanging low over his head – pressuring him into escape. The sheets rustled and fell to the floor as he slid out of them, swinging his legs out of the bed and resting his elbows on his knees. A hand was run lightly over his face as he gathered himself, his eyes flickering briefly over to Leon's bed. It was empty, but he wasn't surprised. It was still early, but even at this time of night, the leader of the Restoration Committee had other responsibilities. He couldn't depend on him to be there, even if it was just his presence he needed to know that everything was fine.
He pulled on his boots and got to his feet, pausing only a moment to pick up his buster sword before leaving the room for a midnight patrol. Using his stealth so he didn't wake anyone else, Cloud left Merlin's house; starting towards the steps of the Bailey before he knew exactly where he was going. His footsteps took him past the structure, heading towards Crystal Fissure and the sunrise that was not far off. He needed it – to see the sky.
Cloud wasn't sure when it had started.
Weeks, months, years; back as a SOLDIER when he'd grown sick of his dormitory and spend the night under the stars. On his expedition against Sephiroth, camping in forests or out in the open. More recently, being denied the sky during the years he spent with Hades and finding it again. His need to be outside, to be free, to be able to see the sky... it had grown into an obsession. Then the nightmares had started, and he'd been able to think of nothing else.
With the smallest exhalation of breath, Cloud leant against the wall of the fissure, the cold sinking through his turtleneck and chilling his back. He sunk down to the ground and stayed there in an uncharacteristic show of defeat, the smallest of frowns crossing his features. This weakness, his intense fear of being helpless to an unknown enemy, waking up more scared than he'd even been in his entire life – it was taking its toll on Cloud. He let his sword fall through his shaking fingers, the clatter as it hit the ground the only sound to pierce through his apathy as he closed his eyes and leant his head back on the wall. His breath was still bated, his stomach churning and his teeth clenched together in defence against the waves of emotion crashing over him. He struggled to get himself under control, to raise his walls again- but nothing worked.
Moments passed in silent frustration as Cloud's thoughts remained concentrated entirely on banishing the fear for another day, his failure at doing such so intensely felt that it was almost physically painful.
"Cloud?" A gentle voice broke through the silence, softly questioning but never demanding; patience the only true prevailing emotion in the tone.
Cloud's eyes opened but remained half shut, focusing lazily through the mist of the early morning. He could make out an outline clearly in the fading darkness. The first rays of sunlight played over Leon's features, glinting in his gray eyes, betraying a vague sense of concern that had to have been imagined.
"... Leon." Cloud winced as the word wavered, the flaw in his speech shattering any mask he may have worn. Then again, at a time like this, he too vulnerable to be able to correct it and merely contented himself with looking away, vaguely embarrassed. To be entirely helpless to another person was a weakness he hated to have. He didn't want anyone to be able to take advantage of him – not like that.
Leon said nothing, and in a move that surprised Cloud beyond words, merely sat beside him, setting his gunblade down on his opposite side. They were close enough that their shoulders touched and Cloud found that even that contact was enough to soothe his heart, to elongate his breaths. As the sky slowly began reflecting orange light, he felt the fear finally seeping away. The trembles ceased, his jaw unclenched, and he slumped back against the wall, unconsciously leaning towards the source of his comfort. The darkness was restrained for another day, and he felt... lighter. He stayed there until the sun had breached the horizon, only then turning towards Leon to offer what thanks he could and to apologise for his weakness.
Before he could even begin to speak, however, he was interrupted.
"Don't worry about it."
Leon's profile was sharp against the growing light, but as he tilted his head to regard Cloud, his eyes turned soft. It was at that moment that the horror disappeared completely and a new feeling overcame him, one which scared him beyond anything the dream could hope to achieve. With the smallest flicker of his lips he nodded and pushed himself away from Leon's warmth, away from the wall. Rising to his feet, he swallowed heavily the strange flutter that he felt as offered his hand down to Leon. It was taken and Leon hauled himself to his feet, gray and blue meeting with a new intensity that neither had ever known. By now the sun was shining completely on the Crystals surrounding them, reflecting the light in a thousand different colours, sparkling in the sun. They stood there together, transfixed for a long moment, before Leon cleared his throat.
"I'll see you around." He said, quietly, nodding once. Cloud returned it and watched him leave the Fissure with his own determination vibrant in his eyes. He wasn't sure what it was exactly had happened, or why it had, but he knew one thing. There was something he hadn't realised until that moment, something that had taken him entirely too long to see. Blinded by the darkness as he'd been, his nightmares, his memories, his fear... it was only when they were driven away, that he could see the light.