Asura laughed in delight as the pigtailed girl fell down, unconscious. How truly pitiful this girl was. Did she really think that she could rip off Captain Falcon and defeat such a strong opponent with a single punch? How foolish of her! The Kishin laughed even louder. "You are stupid, Maka Albarn! Nothing can stop me, ever!"
"FOOL!"
Asura jumped and turned around. Behind him stood a small—Person? Rodent? Armadillo?—with a top hat and cane. The cane that the small thing was holding was pointed directly at the Kishin's face, and stayed unmoving.
All three of Asura's eyes blinked, looking down at the cane-wielding maniac. "Are you calling me a fool? What power do you have to call me a fool?"
Excalibur waved his cane as he spoke. "FOOL! I have the power to call everyone a fool! Because everyone is a fool!"
The Kishin nodded. "I must agree with you, everyone is so—,"
"FOOL!" Excalibur smacked his cane into Asura's nose accidently, not that it mattered to the rodent anyways. "Tell me, what is your name?"
"Asu—,"
"FOOL! Would you like to hear the legend of me?"
Asura went cross-eyed, glaring at the cane which was now directly in front of his middle eye. He smacked the cane away. "No, go the hell awa—,"
The cane returned to Asura's face. "Would you like to hear a heroic tale?"
Asura pointed the tip of the spear in his throat at the cane. Asura used Laser Beam! It had no effect on Excalibur and his cane!
Excalibur was quiet. The Kishin chuckled, glad that the rodent had finally shut up. Excalibur walked by him and towards Maka's unconscious body, not making a sound. With a flip of his foot, Excalibur sent Maka flying over the edge of the small cliff, and she crashed about twenty feet below, the snapping of bones echoing around. Ignoring the fact that he may have just killed this innocent girl, Excalibur began the retelling of his legend.
"My legend begins in the twelfth century. It's a very old tale; the twelfth century was a long time ago." Asura covered his ears and screamed in agony as Excalibur continued on. "I start off every morning with a cup of coffee with cream. I start off every afternoon with a cup of tea, with two lumps of sugar…"
"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I CARE WHAT YOU DRINK?" The Kishin screamed, his three eyes bulging out of their sockets. "JUST DIE ALREADY!" Asura used Scarf Stab Attack! The attack missed Excalibur! Not that it would have any effect anyway!
Excalibur pointed his cane back into Asura's face. "FOOL! To the Irish, what you drink is what you are."
"So, you're saying that—,"
"FOOL! I'm not Irish. Clearly you know nothing of my legend. Let me tell it to you. I start off every morning with a cup of coffee with cream…"
The Kishin screamed in pain. "PLEASE STOP, YOU ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!"
"FOOL! Aren't you supposed to be the embodiment of insanity?"
Asura screamed at the top of his lungs, as if expecting it to send Excalibur running away with his top hat on fire and smoke coming out of his ears. In fact, the Kishin did expect this, seeing as it had happened every other time he screamed with such ferocity. But Screech has no effect on Excalibur! After a few moments of ear-splitting screeching that could set your head on fire, everything went silent. Asura glared down at Excalibur, who stared back in return.
"You know, when I was young I lived life the hard way as well…" A dramatic tear for special effect escaped Excalibur's eye. "Yes, it was quite the life. Me and a band of my followers went against everything that had to do with the common society…"
"SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE FOLLOWERS?"
"We were the terror of the streets, and in the end it was every man for himself…which leads us to Provision # 906: Never answer the telephone if it's a 1-800 number." Excalibur pointed his cane into the distance, taking a dramatic stance. "Look over there, and tell me what you see."
Asura knew Excalibur was trying to pull his leg somehow, but followed along. "A bunch of dead kids, and—,"
"FOOL!" The Kishin found the cane pointed at his face again. "It is rude to look away from someone while you are conversing with them!"
The Kishin screamed at the top of his lungs (again) and started ripping at his ears, as if tearing them off his own head would mute out that damn rodent's monologues. "IS THERE NO WAY TO KILL YOU?"
Excalibur turned his back to the Kishin, as if to look off into the distance. "My meister, King Arthur, once asked me that same question…the next day, he was swallowed whole by a giant Pikachu. Which leads us to Provision # 133: Team Jacob fans are NOT ALLOWED IN MY SIGHT."
"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"
There was a moment of silence, and then Excalibur turned to face Asura. There was another moment of silence. "FOOL!"
"What?"
"You seem upset. Let me cheer you up with a song." Excalibur began to sing and dance, twirling his cane in circles for eye-catching effects. "Excalibur! Excalibur! I'm-a lookin' for heaven, I'm goin' to California! Excalibur! Excalibur!..."
And that was when Asura finally snapped.
The Kishin started screaming so loudly that soon his own head caught on fire. The next thing he knew, his entire body was ablaze, and then his head exploded. Smoke and flames billowed into the air, and Excalibur stood watching in silence as the barrier above him started to disperse, revealing blue skies and the large laughing sun. Excalibur looked up into the sky with sparkling eyes, and then turned his back to where Asura had just previously been.
"I believe it's time for my afternoon tea."
/
Maka sweatdropped. She had just finished some stupid fan fiction about how Excalibur was the one to defeat Asura. But she knew it was just one big fat lie. She was the one who defeated the Kishin and saved the world. Not that she grew an ego from it or anything. Of course not.
But there was one thing about this lie that she hated the most.
"That punch was NOT a rip off of Captain Falcon!"
NOTE: We are not Team Jacob OR Team Edward. In fact, we are Team Dumbledor.