Title: Scrambled not fried.
Author: Darkwolf5
Rating: Pg-13
Warnings: Some language (Blame Dean.)
Pairings/Characters/genre: Mild Dean/Cas (or in Dean's case extremely bad denial of the fact he likes Cas in THAT way. ), Sam. Humour (borders on crack in a few places.), fluff.
Spoilers: Extremely minor for series 5?
A/N: I had so much fun writing this, and after some persuasion from jezzworth decided to post it for other people to read. It's set somewhere in series 5, but it's very light-hearted.
Summary: Cas shows up with a rather...unexpected addition to team free will. Dean is understandably a little bit annoyed.
Scrambled not Fried.
"Cas, please tell me this is some sort of weird angelic joke." Dean's green eyes were locked on the object in Castiel's hands, a look of suspicion and apprehension etched into his features. This was definitely not how he had been planning on spending his weekend.
"I am not joking." Castiel's forehead was creased into a frown, his eyes darting down to look at the precious thing clutched tightly in his arms, before he looked up again through his lashes, blue eyes glittering with sadness, it looked, Dean thought, kind of goddamn pretty. Ah, ok, he was quite officially fucked it seemed. It wasn't fair, Cas's face gave him an unfair advantage in arguments.
"Oh come on Cas, no freakin' way is this a good idea." Dean turned away, deciding that looking at Cas in that moment would only lead to him giving in and he really couldn't deal with another problem at the moment, the apocalypse was kind of taking up all his free time after all. "Anyway, what if someone comes looking, it's not exactly the sort of thing you just leave lying around."
"They won't. I searched the area thoroughly, they just...left." Castiel sounded half angry and half upset, and Dean couldn't help but turn his head just a little to look at his friend and yeah, bad idea, those big blue eyes, framed by dark eyelashes, lips half open on the beginning of a word "Dean...Please."
How the hell could he say no to that?
"Fine, but I'm telling you it's gonna be nothing but trouble." Dean said with an exasperated sigh, which were usually Cas's area of expertise because it was amusing to wind Cas up occasionally (in a totally friendly way of course...) but if he was honest, Cas was a far bigger pain in the ass then he was and hell, at least he never bought weird living objects home with him. "Y'know your just gonna regret this when you're up at five AM making sure the things ok, or at least once it's y'know, hatched..."
"He isn't an it." Cas frowned his eyes focused on the pastel coloured egg. "And I was not here to ask your permission to keep him, I require a name."
"Oh come on Cas, no, I am not playing Daddy for some random orphan angel, you think of a name." And Cas was giving him that look again.
"Dean." Castiel was full on glaring, but the whole 'show me some respect' routine didn't work quite so well when the angel looked so...adorable.
"Uh, look seriously, I have no idea, what sort of names are you guys into?" Dean was staring at the pale shell cradled gently in Castiel's trench coat covered arms. "How about feathers?"
"I was actually going to ask your opinion on the name Deanael, Dean for short..." Cas's eyes were stupidly eager, and that was most definitely an unfair advantage.
"You want to name feathers after me?" Dean's eyebrow twitched upwards slightly and Castiel sighed.
"It seemed appropriate." The angel was seemingly scanning the room, Dean guessed for a place to put the little thing, or maybe just avoid eye contact, either way, Castiel seemed strangely...nervous.
"Dude you can't..." His eyes kept getting sidetracked by the baby angel, he didn't particularly want it to have his name, not after some of the things he'd done, not that now was the time to be sulking over the past, but it just didn't seem...right somehow. But still, he had an egg to name. An egg. Dear god his life was weird, freakin' angels and their stupid egg babies. "Y'know what, fine, name the little squirt whatever you want."
Castiel blinked a couple of times, apparently surprised by Dean's answer, before his mouth twitched up into a small warm smile.
"Thank you."
"Don't mention it. Now where the hell do we put it, er, him." What the fuck did you do with angel eggs? He wasn't exactly well versed in how to raise angel offspring.
"He will need a nest, to keep him warm." Ah, well that made sense. "Help me gather together the bed sheets."
Dean couldn't help but wonder how the hell he was going to explain this all to Sam.
xxXxx
Sam hadn't stopped laughing since the moment he'd walked in through the door and seen Dean in a heap on the floor tangled in bed sheets, the egg perched precariously on the edge of the bed and Castiel standing there with an almost comical expression of anger and panic on his face.
"Dude would you stop laughing and help me up here." Dean's glare only served to make Sam laugh harder and shake his head a little.
"Oh god, I don't even wanna know." He decided he would rather watch his brother struggle than help, this was just to brilliant a situation to interfere with, he kinda wished he had a camera.
"Samuel, this is not funny, do you have any idea how delicate an egg can be?" And wow Cas could look terrifying if he wanted too, Sam cleared his throat before nodding, trying to stop the laughter that was threatening to overwhelm him.
"Right, of course, Eggs are uh, very serious business." Sam nodded, before freezing, staring at the egg, then at Cas and then at Dean and finally back at the egg again. Where the hell had it come from, because sure there had been a lot of longing stares between Dean and Cas lately but he was pretty sure he would have noticed if they had been doing...that. "Uh, is it um, yours? Cause don't get me wrong if it is I'm happy for you but how the hell does that even work? Actually don't answer that , I don't think I wanna know."
"Oh haha Sammy. No it's not ours, last time I looked I wasn't gay and Cas was an angel." Dean had finally untangled himself from his awkward position (and Sam wasn't entirely sure how Dean had gotten himself so tangled in the sheets in the first place) And was slowly getting to his feet, Castiel having snatched the egg away from him, making soothing little noises at the shell that just...did not sound right coming from Castiel's mouth.
"Right, so where the hell did it come from then." Sam took a few steps further into the room, the situation strangely surreal, relieved at the fact the egg hadn't come from either Cas or his brother because, just eww, so wrong, even thinking about that was straying way too far into brain bleach territory.
"I don't have a freakin' clue, Mr angel here decided picking up eggs from random street corners was somehow a good idea." Dean rolled his eyes before bunching up the sheet and dumping it onto the bed, along with the one that had once covered Sam's bed.
"Right well I guess I'll leave you guys to it then." Sam said, turning back towards the door, Dean was clearly in a bad mood and this was something he just really didn't want to get involved in, no matter how funny it was.
"Leaving so soon Sammy?" Dean seemed surprised but otherwise unbothered by the fact, and Sam nodded in confirmation.
"Yeah I was only dropping by to ask if you wanted anything to eat anyway, some people are busy researching in their spare time..."
"In that case bring back pie." Dean said, eyes lighting up at the word food. "Bitch."
"Jerk." The reply was pretty much an automatic response now, and Sam chuckled slightly at the childish insults. It was nice, just to laugh for once; there hadn't been much time for it lately.
The minute Sam was out of the door Dean turned back to Cas, looking suitably confused.
"Dude what the hell just happened." Dean flexed his right arm and winced, he must have landed on it awkwardly because it hurt like a bitch. Damn egg and it's stupid energy burst.
"Deanael reacted negatively to your touch." Castiel placed him gently into the centre of the pile of blankets before shooting the adult Dean a small glare. "He clearly doesn't like you."
"What do you mean it doesn't like me, it hasn't even met me." Because really, that was just offensive, and he was already starting to feel attached to the thing, even if it was just an egg.
"Maybe if you stopped calling him an it, he would be less opposed to your presence." And Dear lord when had Cas turned into such a mother hen? He still looked stupidly cute though, with his hair particularly ruffled his eyes bright with happiness whenever he looked at the egg and for the love of- Dean had been distracted by the pretty again, he was quite clearly turning into a girl.
"Dude he probably can't even hear us, let alone care what the hell I'm calling him." Dean stepped closer, cautious of the blue shell that was still peeking out of the grungy motel bed sheets. He wondered whether poking it would just be asking for it to attack him again...
Okay that wasn't the right choice of words, and Cas sighed shuffling the whole nest a few more centimetres away from him and the ever present threat of the beds edge.
"Anyway he's the one who dislocated my shoulder." Dean shifted his arm again, and tried to convince himself that no, he was not sulking.
"And You are the one who upset him." Castiel huffed in annoyment before turning to face Dean. "Now if all you are going to insist on doing is whining like a child shut up and sit down."
Dean sat down on the edge of Sam's bed with some reluctance, folding his arms with a small wince before looking up only to get a face full of Castiel's fingers as they brushed across his forehead, the pain in his arm receding.
"Jesus! Warn a guy." Dean edged away slightly, but gave a small strained smile of appreciation which in turn made Cas emit a barely audible laugh, giving Dean a fond look (which most definitely did not give Dean a warm fuzzy feeling inside.) Damn it.
Castiel opened his mouth to say something more before pausing and quirking his head to the side slightly, barely noticeable, before staring at Dean, looking ridiculously untrusting, layering the blankets more tightly round the egg.
"I am required back in heaven, I trust you can keep the egg safe for a short time." Castiel didn't look like he believed that at all.
"Whoa Cas no way am I-" The flutter of feathers and the rush of air pushed by huge invisible wings signalled the angels exit. "Son of a bitch."
Dean sighed stood up and walked over to the egg, keeping a small distance from the seemingly volatile object which already had a grudge against him despite not being born yet.
"So I guess it's just you and me then huh eggbert." Dean ran a hand through his hair, understandably unsure of what to do with the egg when it twitched, just a tiny rocking movement from side to side, a small fizzling glow emitting from its pastel blue shell. Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, I get it, you don't like me, well don't worry, I'm gonna keep my distance."
The egg sat there looking decidedly eggish, peeking out from its bundle of blankets like some sort of baby ninja.
Dean slumped back into a sitting position on the other bed. It was going to be a long couple of hours.
xxXxx
It was a long couple of hours. Mostly full of a lot of doing nothing, except perhaps reading (and mentally insulting) one of the ridiculously huge books Sam had left in the motel and eating the leftovers which had been sitting in the fridge going to waste.
After that he'd collapsed onto the bed wandering where the hell Sammy had gotten too and where the hell his pie was. He was beginning to wonder whether he was suffering some sort of bizarre withdrawal symptoms and his stomach was grumbling. Pie addiction. Great.
The sound of Sam fumbling with the motel lock erased all thoughts of eggbert from his mind, thoughts of food overpowering his ability to think beyond pie and in his surprisingly impressive jump from the second bed he may or may not have gotten his wrist caught in the bundle of blankets containing the egg. The precious object tumbled to the floor, mocking Dean as it fell.
Dean stared in horror as the scene unfolded in front of him replaying in slow motion in his head along with a healthy dose of dramatic music. He threw himself forwards to try and stop the eggs fall and failed, slamming into the ground the egg slipping through his fingers and his arm suddenly painful again. The egg rocked.
It was at this point Sam managed to unlock the door, took one look at his brother splayed out across the floor with the pastel blue egg sitting defiantly next to him, totally intact, and asked very quietly:
"What the hell did you do Dean?" Because of course it would be Dean's fault, he couldn't see Cas knocking the egg to the floor any time soon what with the whole mothering (Ha!) instinct thing the angel had developed.
"Uh, look, whatever this looks like, it is totally not my fault." It was Castiel's freakin' fault for leaving him of all people alone with an egg, seriously, Dean wasn't exactly model parent of the month here...
"Did you drop it?" Sam's forehead creased into a frown.
"I didn't drop it, the damn blankets got caught on me..." Dean pulled himself into a cross-legged sitting position and stared at the egg.
"You are so Dead. You should probably call Cas...Where is he anyway, he didn't look like he was leaving anytime soon..."
"Fluttered of to do his heavenly business I guess. And nah, better not annoy him when he's busy, anyway the eggs fine." Dean knew he shouldn't have said it, the minute he did he knew it was wrong move because that egg, quite clearly, hated him.
The thing twitched, and then rocked slightly from side to side, before one thin crack appeared in the egg's smooth surface, almost as if to contradict Dean. Son of a bitch.
"Shit. Uh, I guess that means we better call Cas." Dean said and Sam nodded in agreement, feeling slightly worried for his brother and what the angel would do to him when he found out what had happened.
All Dean wanted was his damn pie.
xxXxx
Dean waited as the phone rang with a sense of nervous anticipation, wondering whether angels could smite through the phone...
"Cas?"
"Dean, what have you done?" Cas sounded suspicious. It was good to know the angel trusted him...
"Uh, I think Deanael might be hatching."
"What? Already?" Castiel's tone shifted from suspicion to confusion and Dean inwardly winced. Shit, when was it meant to hatch? Now he had to tell Cas he may have killed Eggbert in a pie related incident.
"Well it's cracking but I, and uh this is gonna sound really bad, but I...may have knocked it slightly."
"Knocked it?" Uh oh, that tone was not good. That was definitely the 'show me some respect or get your ass kicked' tone.
"Mr egg decided it was a good idea to go skydiving off the edge of the bed, it really wasn't my fault ." Except it quite clearly was.
The phone line crackled slightly and Dean was pretty sure he could hear the sound of the phone getting slightly crushed under the force of Castiel's parental anger. Ok, so he was so totally screwed and not in a good way. Cas was quite clearly going to kill him, and over the phone no less.
"What else is Deanael doing?" Castiel's words were careful and controlled, like he was trying not to shout.
"Rocking. It's rocking. Thats a good thing right?" He was never going to get over Cas calling the egg Dean...that was just way too confusing. Focus on the confusion, not the imminent death, yeah that seemed like a good plan.
There was a pause ,then static, and then Cas was in the room. Dean dropped the phone in surprise and it clattered to the floor, breaking pathetically easily.
Castiel was furious, beyond furious at what Dean had done, or...that was what Dean had imagined anyway, he was fully expecting the angel to show up, all smite and anger, and blow him into oblivion for cracking his egg.
He was pleasantly surprised when Cas showed up looking decidedly ruffled and very panicked but not at all murderous. That was always a good sign, in Dean's books. Apart from the violently angry glare Cas threw at Dean when his eyes drifted in his direction, a look that made Dean slightly nervous as to his own safety.
The egg had gained more cracks now and had started rocking insistently from side to side, a fuzzy shield of blue energy covering its outer shell and Castiel was immediately by its side. The energy, seemingly ineffective against Castiel, rushed outwards and crackled round the angels hands as he gently lay the egg back on the bed, eyes wide with awe.
This again seemed like a good sign, Dean presumed that the egg was meant to break for no apparent reason and suddenly start glowing like a light bulb with problems.
"Its hatching." Castiel said quietly, his eyes reflecting the blue glow of the egg slightly, making them brighter than ever.
"Yeah, because we asked you to come all this way to state the freakin' obvious." Dean rolled his eyes but inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. It was hatching. That was good then. "We know it's hatching we just don't know what to do with it...uh...him..."
"Dean." Sam shot him a sharp glare and what the hell, great now his brother was against him too. That egg was a bad influence on people.
"There is little we Can do except for wait and hope for the best, although it would have been better if it had hatched naturally and not been forced." Castiel's glare made Dean flinch slightly, guilt flooding up inside of him.
"Look man I'm sorry I didn't-" Dean started, before the angel cut him off.
"Don't. It would be a bad influence if we were to argue in front of him." Castiel didn't sound any less unhappy about it though.
A squeaking sound suddenly sounded and distracted they turned and found themselves watching as a small hand punched through the pale shell of the egg, tiny fingers curling round the edge of the hole left behind, peeling away more of the shell, which was starting to shake insistently.
A small feathery wing broke through on the other side of the shell, damp feathers stretching out and flailing until eventually the shell shattered, leaving a small baby angel sitting in the bottom of a now destroyed egg.
It blinked.
What little hair it had was dark brown, almost black and it's eyes were bright green.
Sam stared at it.
"Y'know Dean he does kind of look like you." Sam glanced at Dean and then Cas, clearly suspicious.
"He kinda does actually." Dean felt a small swell of fatherly pride before he realised what Sam was implying. "Oh hell no man, at no point did me and Cas sleep together, and I think Cas would notice if he layed an egg."
"Right. Of course you didn't." Sam smirked and Dean rolled his eyes, the baby gurgled and rocked backwards. Castiel was giving Dean a very suspicious look. It did look like him.
The angel took a few steps forward to scoop the winged child into his arms, and was surprised when the baby sniffled, and burst into tears. It had seemed happy a second ago and Castiel tried futilely to get him to calm down.
Dean shoved past the angel forgetting Eggberts- no- Deans apparent hatred of him and picked the child up, rocking it gently in his arms, instincts taking over, trying to reassure the child it was ok. And god he was such a fucking girl. It seemed to work though, and Deanael settled down, burrowing himself into Deans chest, little hands clinging to his shirt.
Castiel looked mortified, Sam looked amused and Dean blushed.
"He's really not mine." He said.
Sam laughed "Of course he isn't."
Dean sighed and looked down at the little angel in his arms, he really hadn't been expecting this, damn angels and their little feathered offspring. It was going to be a long day.
Even if he kinda liked the little guy after all.
The end.
A/N: Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it, as always reviews/comments are always welcomed and appreciated. If I managed to make you laugh I consider this a success...It may not be a masterpiece of comedy but For this one I really don't mind.