The Dungeons of the Riddle Manor were as dungeons go – peaceful, dank, and quiet in the quiet spring night. Well, as quiet as any dungeons used by an Evil Sadist Dark Lord could be, what with prisoners screaming, and the Death Eaters laughing, and the water dripping, and even the occasional potions laboratory blow up.
This made it quite a surprise for any accidental passerby that a drunken song was lilting on the clouds of miasma lifting from the damp depths.
"NINETY-nine bottles of beer on the wall…"
It didn't help that the out of tune annoying voice rose at irregular intervals…
"Eighty Six BOTTLES of bear on the wall
It also didn't help that the prison chambers were traditionally guarded by the most trustworthy servants.
"Take one down…"
And ole' Voldy said that the prisoner was not to be touched until he broke completely…
It was going to be one long bloody night…
***
The members of the Order of Phoenix were sitting in listless silence in the Hogwarts' Great Hall. Ever since the-boy-who-lived didn't respond to his acceptance letter five years ago, nothing has gone right. The You-Know-Who was back, the public was panicking, when it wasn't hiding its head in the sand, and the reputation of the Hogwarts Head Master has taken hit after hit. His placement of The National Treasure at the Abusive Dursleys, his poor choice of Defense Teachers, and his questionable habit of offering everyone lemon drops all came under public and ministerial scrutiny. His days were ending. In an attempt at gathering the flagging support and at proving he was not a couple feathers short of a phoenix he gathered them all and proclaimed:
"I will do a Spell, and it will Fix EVERYTHING!"
And so he did a little dance, and said a little chant, and voila….
The 'Solution' to their problems was quite ordinary in appearance, with the exception that he had darkish clothes, darkish dangerously-looking weapons, and a darkish attitude. The overwhelmed Side of the Light didn't notice it in their glee.
"Oh Our Saviour!!! You have come at the most fortunate time to save our world from the Encroaching Darkness! Be welcome the Glorious Child of the Light!!!"
The personage known in this world as Harry James Potter, and in many others as Mage of Silence, one of the most powerful Raisers-of-the-Dead and an advanced Seer having no doubt about his own nature rolled on the floor laughing.