When all was added up, multiplied by three, subtracted by thirteen, and divided by four point sixty one, Naminé was in many ways your average teenaged girl. She obsessed over fashion, and making the right impression. She giggled over the cute little puppies in the pet shop, and the newest tee shirts with witty phrases in Hot Topic. And, of course, she thought about boys. One would even go so far as to say she had wet dreams about them, especially her two swim team coaches, Zexion (who really didn't want to be there, but was probably conned into it by her other male coach) and Demyx (who couldn't get enough of the water).

However, that is where all similarities end (or at least the ones that are essential for the plot).

For, you see, Naminé didn't have wet dreams involving herself and the boys. No, no, no: she had wet dreams involving boys. Two (occasionally a threesome, but not often) boys. Two boys having sexual intercourse.

Yeah.

And it all started with her two swim team coaches and watching them during a very competitive game of water polo. Naminé now had a love hate relationship with water polo.

-XxXxX-

It was the practice after the big meet, and the coaches, Demyx, Zexion, Larxene, and Selphie, had promised the team that this practice would be devoted entirely to 'game day,' where they would play water polo the whole time. This was Naminé's first year on the swim team (she was forced into it by her parents) and she was just following her near-look-alike-except-for-hair-color cousin Kairi around to see how things were done. She, in all honesty, could barely do freestyle, let alone butterfly or breast, but was surprisingly good at back. But, as she had assured many times, she wasn't planning on competing that summer, just practicing with the team and whatnot. Maybe leech off their pizza at the celebratory parties.

The swim team was split into two, and Demyx and Zexion had joined in (forced, in Zexion's case) the game. The slate-(lilac, Naminé had commented to Kairi on several occasions)-haired Zexion happened to be on Naminé's team, while the dirty-blond-mullhawketed Demyx was on Kairi's side. Originally, Naminé thought Zexion wouldn't be much help, since he looked, in all honesty, downright scrawny and completely unmotivated. However, he appeared to be quite determined that his team would not lose to his best friend's.

Naminé nervously fingered her platinum colored hair, which was knotted up after being exposed to the chlorine-filled water. She had stayed on her team's side of the pool, as defense. But, as she'd commented shyly to the goalie, a competitive silver-haired male who was more content to focus on a short spiky chocolate-haired male rather than the game, she was more of a white-picket-fence sort of person rather than offense or defense. The goalie merely snorted, and jumped forward to tackle the same brunette he was eying earlier, who coincidentally had the ball in his possession. Before Silver (as Naminé so fondly called him) could get the ball however, Spiky (Naminé's nickname for the brunette) squeaked and tossed the ball almost desperately at Kairi, who was on the other team. The red head grinned viciously at Naminé before lobbing the ball at the goal.

Sadly, Kairi had horrible aim, and the ball ended up bouncing hard off poor Naminé's head, and onto the concrete around the pool. The blond yelped and clutched her head.

"Riku, off Sora," Larxene said lazily as she tossed the ball to Riku after he had removed his person from Sora, flipping her shoulder-length blond hair off her shoulder, the two antennae-like bangs staying in place perfectly on top of her head. Selphie, the second female coach and referee who had her short brown hair flipped outward and was wearing an absurdly yellow one piece, pouted at Larxene.

"No, Lark, let him stay on! That was so hot!" Selphie was well known for her…open-mindedness. Well, single-minded open-mindedness, if that made any sense at all. Larxene sighed.

"Selph, if Riku had stayed on, one of them might have drowned, and I can't handle anymore lawsuits right now because of your gay fetish."

"It's not a fetish!" Larxene just sighed again, and motioned for Riku to throw the ball.

Making sure Sora was watching, Riku smirked and brought back the arm that held the ball before pitching it forward at a high speed. The ball, for lack of a better word, slammed into the "goal," which was composed of two pool chairs on their sides and pushed together. The blond goalie—who, Kairi had had told Naminé once, was Spiky's (apparently his name was Sora) cousin—ducked just in time for the ball to go right through the space he was occupying just moments before. Sora gaped at the goal for a few seconds before turning to stick his tongue out at Riku.

"Show off," he whined.

"You know you love me like that, though," Riku replied smugly. Sora spluttered indignantly for a moment, and was the center of everyone's attention before Selphie happily skipped off to retrieve the ball.

"Switch sides!" she gleefully called out, positioning herself so she was, more or less, parallel to the middle of the pool. Naminé swam (dog-paddled) over to the other side along with the rest of her team. Now, they were in the deeper end, and the tallest person who was expendable was chosen to be the goalie.

"Attack them with ferocity, my little munchkin minions of DOOM!" Axel shouted from his position in front of the goal, his normally-spiked red hair plastered to his head and neck.

"Everybody touching the wall?" Selphie asked sweetly before zeroing in on several of the more eager 'munchkin minions of doom' with her own little Glare of Eternal Death. The munchkins 'eeped' and swam back to the wall. After making sure that everyone was touching the wall to her satisfaction, Selphie grinned and threw the ball into the air, where it hovered for less that half a second before it splashed into the middle of the pool. Swimmers on both sides rocketed off, Zexion and Demyx being in the lead of their respective sides, much like a flagship to a naval fleet. Whatever that was.

Zexion reached the ball first, and was about to throw it to Cloud, a rather short blond with gravity-defying hair that honestly had no proper way of being described, but was tackled by Demyx. Amazingly, he was able to hold onto the ball, even when Demyx had grabbed hold of the ball as well. Zexion tried to reclaim it by clutching it closer to his person, but this accomplish very little except for bringing Demyx half over his back and left side and into a very suggestive position.

And then something clicked for Naminé. She honestly couldn't believe she (being Naminé, and therefore herself) thought of such a…perverse…thought, but indeed, she did. Everything around her moved in slow frame-by-frame motion as she viewed the scene in front of her: two half-naked males, water splashing around them and trickling down their well-toned bodies, faces screwed up in concentration, a healthy flush on their cheeks, and in such a suggestive position.

"Gak!" she shouted, pressing her hands to her nose to try and stop the blood from her spontaneous nose-bleed from getting in the pool. She quickly turned and walked-swam to the nearest side of the pool. Selphie, after calling a tie-up and catching the ball, quickly rushed over to Naminé to help her out of the pool. When Naminé looked up at Selphie, still clutching and pinching her nose to attempt to stop the bleeding, she noticed a small trickle of blood below her own coach's nose. She grinned at the older woman and Selphie gave her a knowing smile, looking over shoulder at Zexion and Demyx, who were breathing heavily and waiting for Selphie to toss the ball back in.

"Go to the bathroom, and get that nosebleed taken care of, all right?" the brunette said cheerfully, shoving Selphie in the direction of the women's locker/ bathroom. Naminé nodded, and went into the bathroom, and Selphie threw the ball back in, restarting the game.

-XxXxX-

Yes, after that Naminé began having those erotic dreams that would make her wake up in the middle of the night covered in a sheer layer of hot sweat, and feeling very aroused indeed. Not to say that she knew what part of her was aroused: Naminé was as naïve as one who enjoys boy-love can be, and wasn't very educated in the reproduction/sexual organs of the female (male anatomy was a different topic entirely).

But the water polo incident wasn't the only thing that caused her wet dreams of Zexion and Demyx. In fact, it was only the beginning. The second major incident happened at the Fourth of July celebration the suburb held at the pool.

Not only did Naminé dislike water polo, she now had sunscreen to add to her list.

Kairi had dragged her to the softball field, still half asleep after staying up far later than was healthy, to watch some old farts attempt to swing a bat without breaking their hips at some balls that were lazily tossed by over-worked housewives. The blond glared at the redhead the entire walk to the softball field, an entire five minutes, but Kairi just giggled and promised Naminé that there was something worth while at the poor excuse for a park. She lied (however enticing the seventeen-year-old males without their shirts on while playing volleyball were, she did not feel that it was worth getting up at nine, three hours earlier than usual for her).

However, Naminé was too lazy (and she even felt like socializing a little bit, a rare occurrence) to leave the small park, so she sat down on the grass by Kairi and Olette, a brunette she had known since…well, Olette's father used to be the assistant coach for Naminé's soccer team when she was six, so odds were that they knew each other since then. During the pathetic excuse for a volleyball game, Kairi and Olette gossiped about the break-ups and get togethers of the school (despite the fact that it had ended on the eighth of June), with Naminé occasionally throwing in her two cents, since she had attended a different school.

After the end of the volleyball game, Olette had to go home to bake a giant star-shaped cookie for the bake-off, and Kairi began to drag Naminé home to get their tennis rackets for the tennis tournament.

"But I can't even hit the ball right!" she protested, trying desperately to get out of playing, despite the fact that she actually liked tennis.

But poor Naminé was dragged along to the tennis tournament where, somehow, she had managed to get second place in the girls' fourteen and under division; don't ask her how, she'll just reply that she only served the ball right two more times than her opponent did. Her opponent happened to be Olette, who had returned after putting the giant star-shaped cookie in to bake, and leaving her sister to watch it. After the match against Olette (first to six won, it was six to two), Naminé played against Yuffie, a girl who was convinced she was a ninja incarnate. Kairi had played against the black-haired girl, and lost, six to four. Naminé lost the match against Yuffie, six to one.

"Hey, at least you won one game, right?" Kairi commented, giggling, turning the door knob to get into the house to get their swimsuits for the pool portion of the Fourth of July celebration. The blond sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, if only I knew how I did it," she replied.

"Oh, Nami! Don't be so hard on yourself, you're a great tennis player; you just need more practice is all," the redhead chided, lightly whacking her cousin with her worn pink racket. Said cousin blocked the second attack with her own, slightly newer, purple racket. They quickly grabbed and changed into their swimsuit—both had chosen to wear the team suits rather than wear the tankinis they had gotten way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, preying on unsuspecting placid leaf-eaters who would be forever lost to the world after being struck down by a giant meteor from who-knows-where, and they were in fourth grade—and left for the pool, where very loud music was being played (they could hear it all the way down at Naminé's house).

The day was pretty. Very bright. One of those days that you would kill to have every day of your life, its perfection was just that complete. It was hot, yes, but just hot enough to make you want to sit in the sun, and just bask, like one of those fat lizards digesting their dinner of a poor defenseless mouse that the Discovery Channel is always going on and on about, as if the world revolved around fat lizards. If you asked Riku, he would have said the sky was the exact color Sora's eyes were when he was pleading for more from Riku as he was being pounded into the mattress (or whatever other surface they were on); however, Riku would not know this from first hand experience (sexual fantasies were a daily and nightly ritual for poor sex-deprived Riku). Summarizing for the sake of keeping the reader's attention span, the day was the perfect type of day for Fourth of July to fall on. The sun was brightly shining, figuratively smiling down happily (and rather sadistically at the poor fair-skinned people of the world) at all people attending the celebration at the school.

Speaking of which, Naminé needed to get some sunscreen on soon, for she was one of those poor fair-skinned people who was doomed to be forever either white, pink, or red, which, in retrospect, makes her sound like some Valentine's Day card personified. As she lathered on the white lotion—in a fashion which she hoped was at least slightly sexy—she scanned the large amount of people at the pool, searching for familiar faces. As luck and fate would have it, for Fate was very cunning and (much like cockroaches, and the sun, and all other unpleasant things which take pleasure in others' pain) sadistic, her eyes landed on—who else?—her swim team coaches.

Selphie, in a yellow bikini, was in the pool, playfully splashing at some of the younger kids, occasionally dunking Riku before he could do anything too traumatic to Sora; Larxene was in a black bikini and was dangling her feet in the water, reading a rather thick novel; Zexion and Demyx were lying out on pool chairs on their backs, tanning most likely. Naminé was about to turn away to continue her sexy administrations of sunscreen when Demyx raised his head and glanced at his lilac-haired friend.

"Oi, Zexy," the mullhawketed young man said, poking who was now being referred to as Zexy (Naminé's eyes widened ever so slightly, as did a small smile on her lips, at the nickname) in the side.

"What do you want, Dem?" demanded Zexy—Zexion, his lilac hair falling back into place over his right eye when he raised his own face from the plush towel. Demyx fumbled around at the concrete by his chair before grasping a bottle and holding it up for Zexion to inspect.

"You're so white, and you're beginning to get burned. Want me to put some more on for you?" he informed/ asked cheerfully, getting up before the man beside him had even responded.

"Eh, sure," was the apathetic reply as his face plopped back down unceremoniously onto the towel. Demyx grinned and—to the utmost horror/ delight of Naminé—straddled Zexion's waist.

The dirty-blond poured a generous amount of white lotion—Naminé cursed the person who so idiotically made sure that sunscreen was white, screw the fact that white exudes sunlight—into his hand before slapping it onto Zexion's skin. The boy beneath shivered a little as the coolness of the sunscreen soaked into his sun-warmed skin, and Demyx's grin widened before he began to massage—yes, massage—the UV repellent into his friend's back. Even from her distance from them, Naminé could have sworn she heard a low, drawn-out moan exit the lilac-haired male's person.

Then Demyx began to get really into it. What there was to get into, no one will really know: it was putting sunscreen on someone's back. How sexy is that?

Apparently, very.

But that was only according to the moans escaping the owner of the back's mouth. And the blood that was trickling down Naminé's upper lip as she sat shock-still, her hand frozen in its motion of spreading lotion on her arm.

"Ack—not again!" she complained in a low voice, hastily reaching up to pinch her nose before it got any messier, swiftly standing up to go to the women's restroom.

Selphie watched in a knowing way as she too wiped a dab of blood from her right nostril.

-XxXxX-

Not to say that those two were the only incidents that had happened between the two that Naminé saw, it was just that those were the two that imprinted themselves in her mind and would never leave her poor tormented brain until she was in the grave. Their was one other similar incident, but, sadly, Naminé could not blame it on any one thing, like sunscreen or water polo, but simply on Zexion and Demyx being…Zexion and Demyx.

Now don't get her wrong, she wasn't homophobe (she wasn't too sure about her own sexuality, and was in fact up for experimentation, but don't tell anyone), it was just the fact that the incidents were affecting her in such a dramatic manner that threw her off.

And thus, the third major incident comes up. The one that turned Naminé into a complete and utter…boy-love fan. She had mixed feelings for Leon's Maltese.

-XxXxX-

She had come to the pool for the last practice of the season, her three-sizes-too-big green shorts pulled over her swim team suit (every other two minutes, she had to pause in her biking to pull them up, as embarrassing and awkward as that was), pool key, goggles, and towel miraculously stuffed into the over-small Dominion bag that her Aunt Aeris—who worked for Dominion, or something—had given her three or so months ago, which was slung over one shoulder, despite the many times her mother had told her that it was bad for her back (honestly, Naminé thought that only applied to school-related bags). She was riding her mother's old dark-purple bike, since the pretty blue one that she had had for a good quarter of her life had gotten too short for her.

Somehow maneuvering the bike into the over-crowded bike rack by the pool gate, she swiped the card over a scanner, unlocking the gate and allowing herself and some other munchkin who had forgotten her own card into the pool area. Kairi flagged her over to the usual group of chairs, where she and Olette were already set, and Naminé walked around the edge of the pool towards the two girls. Thus, gossiping began.

"I told you he would make the first move!" Kairi giggled happily, about something Naminé knew nothing of.

"No you didn't! You said Axel'd pin 'im to the wall and ravish 'im before Roxas would even realize the idiot was flirting with him!" was Olette's response. Needless to say, Naminé was now intrigued, for Axel was a boy, and Roxas was a boy, and the blond girl had recently learned that boy plus boy plus sexual frustration equals a very happy, aroused Naminé.

"Well, maybe…you just chose not to listen!" Kairi retorted, though Naminé knew she was lying; she had heard some of a conversation involving content of this type a couple days ago, and the redhead had certainly doubted in Roxas's ability to acknowledge Axel's flirtations.

"Kai," she said, shoving her cousin hard enough to push her out of the lounge chair to make room for herself, "you're a liar and you know it. But anyway: what happened between Axel and Roxas?" Kairi smirked from her position n the concrete, her legs spread out.

"Oh-ho-ho, have we turned Miss Prim-and-Proper here into a boy-love lover?" she taunted arrogantly. Naminé thought for a split second before responding truthfully.

"No. I just fell into it on my own." Kairi looked disappointed. "In fact, I didn't even know you were into things like that."

"Yeah, well…we didn't know either until we started nose-bleeding when we saw Riku and Sora dry humping in the boys' locker room a couple of weeks ago," Kairi commented. The blond raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"If they were in the boys' locker room how did you two, both certified girls, see them?" she asked, truly interested. Kairi 'tut-tutted' in disappointment.

"Honestly, Nami, with you being my cousin I would have thought that you, of all people, would have known that no one dares goes against my wishes."

"Else they wish to have their ears whined off."

"That wasn't nice! Now do you want to hear what transpired between our new (possibly pedophilic) couple?"

"Yes, but it's not that pedophilic. Roxas is like fifteen, and Axel is only like nineteen—"

"Twenty one."

"Whatever! Spill!"

And thus, the tale of how Roxas had, the day before after practice, walked up to Axel, slapped him, then yanked him up by his bright red spiky hair to kiss him, tongue and teeth included in the more-than-innocent spit swapping. Riku, who had been sitting in a chair by Axel's before the blond had come and stolen the redhead's attention, had mysteriously vanished with Sora, who had been walking with his blond cousin, after the kissing couple had crossed the line of just kissing to full-out make-out. It was very messy, Kairi had affirmed, but was quite satisfactory for all near. Naminé could only guess.

After practice (which included twelve freestyle laps to begin with, flip-turn practice, attempts at using the diving block, and a large amount of laps for free, back, butterfly, and breast, fifty stroke each), Naminé had said goodbye to Olette and Kairi, gathered her stuff and slipped out the gate before it closed. She backed the bike out of the rack, and hopped on, pedaling it down the way-too narrow sidewalk before bumping as it bounced onto the parking lot's black surface. Then she slapped her forehead at her own stupidity (and Kairi's for good measure) and turned the bike around.

It wasn't that she was forgetful…it was just that her mind was preoccupied at the moment. And Kairi was distracting her. It wasn't her fault that she forgot the key to the pool under her pool chair. Not completely, at least.

As she passed the iron fence that encased the pool area, Naminé spotted the pool key under the chair she had been at earlier. She managed to slip in at the same time Marluxia, a pink haired male who was Larxene's boyfriend and quite possibly the only straight male in the neighborhood, exited. She walked quickly (because, as everyone should know, no running at the pool) over to her chair and picked up the key card, thankful that no one else had. She slipped it into the pocket of her over-large shorts and made her way back out of the pool area. However, she stopped as she noticed Selphie, Larxene, Zexion, and Demyx coolly loitering by the bike rack.

"Where were you last night, Zexy?" Demyx whined, referring to the day before's practice, when Zexion was absent. Zexion sighed and ran a hand through lilac tresses.

"I had to," he paused, and appeared to be searching for the right word, "dogsit…Leon's new dog." Larxene snorted in disbelief.

"Leon has a dog?" she repeated as shocked as Naminé was; Leon was a very stoic young man, about the same age as Axel, and rarely ever smiled. Unless he was with Cloud. But that was beside the point.

"Correction, Leon has a puppy. A Maltese puppy." There was a moment of silence while the swim team coaches pictured Leon cuddling a fluffy white ball of fur, before they all burst out laughing.

"And—you—had to—puppysit it?!" Selphie gasped out between peals of laughter. Naminé had to close a hand over her own mouth to avoid being heard.

"…it likes to bite," Zexion admitted, mumbling. Demyx grinned.

"Aw, where did it bite little Zexy?" he cooed in baby-talk. "Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?"

Zexion immediately turned a bright shade of red (which was quite out of character for him, as far as Naminé knew) and mumbled something that the blond girl wasn't able to catch. But apparently Selphie did.

"IT BIT YOUR INNER THIGH?!" she demanded, a wide grin on her features. Demyx joined Zexion in the legions of the red-faced males; however, Larxene merely smirked.

"Go on, Demy," she said in a fake baby-voice. "Kiss it and make it better."

"I—um—well—pie—" he stuttered, his face growing steadily redder.

"Come on, Dem; I'll hold you up to your offer," Zexion said, narrowing his eyes…playfully? Seductively? Naminé could have sworn it was the latter that Zexion was aiming for, especially since he appeared to be exposing his inner thigh to his friend. Her mind filled with images that a fourteen year old should definitely not know of. She decided she ought to leave before she nosebleeded…again. For the third time.

"Excuse me," she said politely, pointing to the bike that Larxene was leaning against; it was her own. Demyx, who appeared to have been approaching Zexion, jumped back immediately, both his and the lilac-haired male's faces turning a near-impossible shade of red. Larxene shrugged, and stood straight, moving over to where Selphie was perched on the opposite side of the bike rack. The brunette grinned at her.

"Hey, you know there's a boy-love club in the local high school, right?" Selphie commented, seemingly at random. Before she could stop herself, Naminé smiled widely and demanded, "Really?!"

Selphie nodded. "Yup. Just ask your cousin about it. You're an artist, right?"

"I guess," the blond replied, thinking back to all of the times her artwork had been featured at various places.

"Great! I hear they're always looking for some artwork." She paused and looked smugly at Zexion and Demyx, who gulped. "However, you might need a couple of models…"

Naminé laughed, her face red, and backed the bike out of the rack. She hopped on it, and turned to face Selphie. "I'll think about it okay?"

"Alright. See you tomorrow!" She waved and turned back to her friends.

The last thing Naminé heard before she was out of earshot was Demyx saying loudly, "You think she knows something?"

-XxXxX-

And thus, Naminé was introduced into the wonderful, wonderful world of boy-love; she joined the club, drew several pictures, and even made her own doujinshi, featuring all the boys in her neighborhood. Except for Marluxia. Because he wasn't gay.

The ending was rushed, can you tell? To clear things up: In KH2, the author-ess' OTP is Zemyx. It just is. She loves AkuRoku, and SoRiku, but Zemyx rocks hardcore. If the author-ess were to dedicate this to anyone, it would be The Writer you fools and Dualism because they are just that awesome! No, the author-ess is serious! Their fics are DA BOMB!!!!!

The author-ess apologizes to her SasuNaru readers; this idea had been floating around in her head ever since the first event described by Naminé happened to her. Yes, the water polo. In fact, the second incident even happened. And some of the third. But there is no romantic relationship going on between her male swim team coaches. The author-ess smacks herself and dutifully crawls away to finish Camis Are Not Only For Girls

She has never played the games, so the author-ess is just using Google Images and other fics' descriptions to create her own.

KH2 and all characters are not the author-ess'.