Title: Prologue

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Tumblr Prompt, First Person, Language, Dysphoria, Introspection, Mental Issues, Health Issues, Moral Issues, Chakra Hypersensitivity, Adorable Kids, Fuinjutsu, Potential Triggers,

Summary: Thankyou Tumblr, because now I've ended up in the body of a character in a manga... And I can't do anything but feel guilty about it. Or how do I deal with the morality behind stealing someone else's life even if they were originally just a fictional character?

Disclaimer: Thankyou Tumblr, without you I don't know where I would be right now... Probably working on my actual original stuff and not fandom trash... Oh, and I only own my character here.

Notes: For anyone reading this on this is going to be the only pre-chapter note for the whole story, so the warnings are kind of subjective at this point and I may come back at some point to add a few extras so that stuff doesn't catch you off guard. Also as always, if you don't enjoy the story, why are you reading it? You don't have to.

Seriously, this only happened because of tumblr... The character that I'm using isn't me, although they are based partially on me... And this time the current me rather than the me from last year. Of course, they're not entirely me, not in the least.

Browsing tumblr often leads to things that are best left forgotten really. But stumbling upon people discussing what they would find interesting to read about in a SI story... It makes me pause and I read it because really, that would be interesting to read... And write honestly. Because troubled characters give an entirely new view on the world and humanity.

The way that people react when reading about them, or hearing about them and how the author would actually create that character and explain their quirks. Yet at the same time it's an intimidating concept, because you would be scared of trivializing the whole thing... Or overexaggerating it.

Making it seem too simple, or too complicated. Yet it sticks in my mind as I shut down my computer for the night and stretch out in my bed. I snuggle down into the blankets and begin to think back over my other SI stories and concepts...

One of them does have a guilt arc, but it's not for that reason... What would it be like, to explore that concept. To write it, to read it, to share it? I yawn and close my eyes tugging my teddy closer before slowly drifting off into the deep abyss of sleep.

Only to abruptly be thrust screaming discomfort into a new world. What's going on? What's happening? Why is everything so abstract in tones of grey blobs with little to no distinction? I scream and wail, because I have no other way of otherwise expressing my emotions at this turn of events.

It's probably not going to be the last time that I have such a reaction to things, but I really am kind of overly reactive to abrupt changes.

Even if my schedule seems kind of random to an outsider there is a certain pattern to it. If you watch it closely enough anyway... So to suddenly be dealing with this, it's more than a little bit disconcerting.

Especially because I can feel myself being carried around. Arms around my now suddenly much, much smaller frame. My small and frail body in this new situation. And something else, that's within me aside from my blood, aside from the already weird feeling that I'm used to.

I'll admit, across both of my lives I definitely am not the kind of infant that you would want to take care of. In my last one I had been told by my mother that I would always scream, most likely from discomfort and pain because that is all that I would complain about as soon as I was able to talk.

In this life I scream all the time in response to the new feeling that's flowing through my body... It itches. It burns and it just generally makes me miserable, so I make my parents miserable in response.

They do absolutely everything that they can to try and calm me down. And when that ultimately fails they take me back to the hospital to see if there's something wrong. I don't really know what the doctor diagnoses me as, I just know that they diagnose me as something. I swear that the language barrier is the most annoying thing ever.

At least though this time passes relatively quickly. Since most of the time when I'm not screaming I'm sleeping. Or otherwise occupied with something that takes my full attention. Or the full attention of my little infantile body really. Which also shuts down my mind and allows me to recover a bit...

Except there comes the nightmares. Because the sensation follows me into my dreams and when I wake it's back there in the forefront of my mind. Because it's not just in my body, I can feel it as I breathe in, and it makes me feel as though I'm drowning sometimes. It's a struggle, constant and never really ending... But slowly, surely I adjust to my changed circumstances.

Because it's like learning to live all over again. Growing up and understanding the world, to be able to walk, talk and slowly gain control over your own future. Allowing the little things that set you apart, that make you different become background noise. Like when I could feel the blood as it pumped around my body, the clothing I would wear...

So this new feeling that's always there, I simply allow myself to feel it, and eventually. It stops scaring me so much and it stops being painful. Because it's just another difference. And at that point my vision is clearing up, and I'm beginning to be able to discern the words that I'm hearing.

But for the most part I don't really pay that much attention and it all remains as background noise. So instead I play around with what I can do... With what I can control. Which mostly means that I poke at the strange feeling within my own body and focus on it.

Because it's fascinating to me. Since when I poke at it something shifts and I can feel that it's shifting around within me... Which I can't really do when I focus on the flow of my blood. So I instead spend time playing around with this other energy.

Which, I'm assuming that it's an energy anyway.

Because it feels kind of like an energy. And it's in the air, cloying and clinging... It's in everything really, which is simply fascinating to someone who can't really do much about their situation. I think that if I were a bit older I would be asking question after question... Probably driving people up the wall simply because they wouldn't be able to answer.

And manipulating it comes easily, it responds so quickly like a particularly obedient pet to it's name. Or one of those kids who put their hand up to respond to every question, or my father when I spilt hot coffee over myself as a five year old. It's easy.

And it's something to occupy my mind.

Except that I never talk. I observe and I watch as I'm able to actually see things. But I refuse to talk because things are starting to add themselves together into my mind.

I've never really been an idiot. People have tossed that one into my face, have mocked me and laughed.

But, I just see the world a bit differently.

So by the time I'm able to begin talking I refuse. I listen, and at night I mouth the words over and over to myself. Or whisper them, but I don't say anything in front of anyone else.

Because it feels wrong. This whole place feels wrong.

The outfits(uniforms) that people wear are familiar, the headbands(hitai-ates) that they wear, and the flak jackets... But the thing that bugs me the most is the symbol that I see everyone around me and my parents wear.

A red and white fan...

The Uchiha Clan symbol. From Naruto.

I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.

PSA: Okay a message to anyone who's reading this story. For the most part. This is primarily a writing exercise. It's practice, so it will be weird and it will be confusing. Especially because for the most part it's in present tense and first person perspective.

Also I need a bit of criticism here. Please point out those moments where I completely lose you, or frustrate or confuse you. Please point out inconsistencies, and places where I don't make sense internally. Please tell me what I'm getting wrong. Shout at me, and scream where I can improve, because I need it.

Because otherwise it'll probably only improve as I realize that I'm getting confusing. And it won't really be proper improvement.