Authors Note: C.S Lewis owns Narnia, JealousOfTheMoon owns JealousOfTheMoon, I own everything else. For the record I will be using my identity Narnian Steward for the duration of this fic.

From the author who bought you, An Antidote to Suspian Fics, When Susan met a Mary Sue and A Day with the Pevenises, comes a tale of action,adventure, humour and many many Sues. JealousOfTheMoon and Narnian Steward star in:

When the Sues Ruled Narnia.

Diary of a Relatively Sane Author.

This is the story of how JealousOfTheMoon and myself (Narnian Steward or wallACEwho if you prefer) found ourselves in a Narnia overrun by the curse of every Fanfiction writer: the Mary Sue.

To fully understand how this happened we shall have to go back to the beginning...

Jenna watched at Peter rode across the screen his golden hair shimmering in the sunlight and his azure eyes glistening with love and laughter.

Jenna turned to her friend Melissa and sighed "Wouldnt it be great if we could, liek get into Narnia."

Melissa nodded, "Yeah. There the greatest movies ever. And Eddie is sooo cute."

"Edmund," Jenna said scowling, "Don't you mean Peter."

"No," Melissa replied condescendingly "Edmund is liek way hottter than Peter. He's liek a SuperEmoStud with all the brooding and stuff."

"But Peter is soooo chivalrious, chivalreus, knightly," Jenna said at last, "Im sure hed love me if we get together."

Before either of them could say any more, green smoke seeped out of the screen and surrounded the girls, knocking them out.

"Thank Aslan," I muttered "Maybe that'll shut them up. I don't think I could stand any more of that tripe." As I said this, it occurred to me that I didn't know how I actually came to be reading this so-called 'story'.

See, I like to think of myself as a person who enjoys canon. That means that I tend to stay away from self-insert stories, and I definitely don't go anywhere near such blatant Sue-fics. Well, not without a taser and a crossbow handy, at any rate. I had left my computer for a few minutes, and when I got back it had appeared on my screen.

I moved to close the page, only to find that I couldn't. Instead I tried to close my internet only to once again find that I couldn't. Just as I was considering turning off my computer the green smoke I had just been reading about seeped out of my screen and filled the room. After a few moments of choking (and cursing to boot), blackness filled my vision. I closed my eyes and knew no more.

When I opened my eyes I found I could see again. I was lying in a green meadow, the sound of laughter filling my ears. I rolled over and saw a girl of about average height with brown hair. She was staring up at the clouds, laughing.

"Hello," I said.

The girl looked at me. "Hello."

As she spoke, I realised I recognised her voice, "JealousOfTheMoon," I said "Is that you?"

"Do I know you?" the girl asked.

"Vaguely," I replied, "I'm Narnian Steward."

The girl smiled. "Stew1 Thank the Lion. I was beginning to think I was going to be stuck here by myself."

I rolled over and stared up at the clouds. "Where are we anyway?"

Moon shrugged, "Beats me. But it's not Kansas, I can tell you that." She cackled a little at her own joke.

"How'd you get here?" I asked, watching a cloud shaped like a dragon skitter across the horizon. Cool.

"I was on the computer and this 'Sue fic appeared on screen," Moon explained, "I tried to get rid of it, but I couldn't. I blacked out, and the next thing I knew, I was here," she looked over at me, "You?"

"The same," I said, "Sue fic, green smoke and hey-presto! here I am."

"So what do we do now?"

I stood up and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go and look around."

We walked for what seemed like hours, fording streams, stumbling through forests and doing all that quest type stuff. Eventually I found myself in a clearing and immediately stopped, Moon barrelling into me from behind.

"Why'd you stop," she moaned, rubbing her head.

I pointed at something in the centre of the clearing, "I was looking at that."

Moon pushed her way in front of me and stared, "Good gravy! Is that a...?" Her voice trailed off wonderingly.

I nodded. "Yes, it is." (And I bet you can all guess what we saw...)

Standing in the middle of the clearing, flickering merrily – yup you guessed correctly – was a lamppost. I looked at Moon, "This can't mean—"

"Are we in—?" she began.

"NARNIA!" we exclaimed simultaneously

I turned my attention back to the lamppost, "Well, this is a turn up for the books."

Moon stared, "Your telling me. It looks so."

"Much like a lamppost," I suggested.

She laughed "Yeah. But what do you suppose we're doing here?"

Before I could say anything, there was a 'pssh' sound. Turning round we both saw a very familiar –and very scared-looking– faun. "He looks just like James McAvoy." I muttered.

Mr Tumnus trotted over, and peered at us, "Would I be correct in thinking," he queried, "that you are human?"

"Yes," Moon replied. "Can we help you?"

Mr Tumnus almost jumped for joy, settling for a half of a faun-ish caper instead. "Oh, the Queens will be so pleased to see you! You must follow me," and he trotted off.

We ran to catch up, "Umm," I began, feeling a bit wary about the whole thing, "where are we going?"

"My cave, of course," Mr Tumnus replied.

"What about Cair Paravel?" Moon continued, "And why haven't you mentioned the Kings?"

Mr Tumnus stopped, and shuffled uncomfortably a bit before moving ahead again, "I think their majesties had better explain that." He refused to explain it any further.

We eventually found our way to Mr Tumnus' cave. When we walked inside, we found Lucy and Susan, seated before the fire, looking just as frightened as Mr Tumnus.

"Thank the Lion," Susan breathed when she saw us. "You're here at last."

"Yes, your majesty," I said, adding my best bow. Moon curtseyed rather clumsily beside me. She seemed to be going rather red in the face. "But, if I may make so bold as to ask, where are your brothers?"

Susan sighed, "You had better take a seat." Once Moon and I were seated, she began again. "About two months ago, these two girls appeared in Narnia."

"Very annoying girls," Lucy interjected. .

"They claimed to be ambassadors from a foreign nation, on the out reaches of the kingdom. We had no reason to doubt them."

"I doubted then," Lucy mumbled.

Susan shot her a dirty look. "As I was saying, we had no reason to doubt them, so we made them welcome. However, within a few days a change began to fall over Peter and Edmund. They became less and less interested in the kingdom and more and more interested in our visitors. It was almost as if they became enchanted."

"That's because they were! Those girls were witches," Lucy cried, "Evil witches."

Silence fell after that outburst. Eventually Moon spoke, "Can you tell us what happened. Why are you not at the Caer?"

"Well," Susan said, "About two weeks ago, Edmund and Peter announced that they were going to marry these girls and to cut a long story short the wedding happened a week ago. Immediately the girls set themselves up as Queens."

"But Narnia can only have two Kings and two Queens," I pointed out, "The prophecy says so."

Lucy scowled, "We know that. But according to these….things, the prophecy never said that it had to be two brothers and two sisters. They said that as they were married to Peter and Ed, they took precedence over Su and me. Then they kicked us out."

Moon looked flabbergasted, "But didn't Peter and Edmund object?"

Lucy's scowl grew larger, "Of course they didn't. Since those girls arrived, it's been all "yes Jenna, of course not, Jenna" and "yes Melissa, of course not, Melissa."

Moon and I looked at each other, "Can you describe these girls." I asked.

"Well, they're tall," Susan said, "yet somehow unnaturally curvy. They've got blonde hair that I'd swear is fake, and blue eyes that are always changing shades. And don't get me started on the obnoxious giggling..."

"Ten second memory?" Moon put in, looking as though she'd just had an important realization.

Lucy nodded, "They spent the whole time calling me Lisa."

Moon looked worried and I finally realised what was going on. "I think I know what's happened," I said.

"We know what's happened," Moon corrected, giving me a slight nudge.

"What?" Susan and Lucy demanded, "Tell us."

"You appear to be suffering from a Mary Sue infestation." Moon said.

"Mary Sue?" both sisters looked confused. "Their names are Melissa and Jenna," Susan emphasized.

"Their specific names aren't important," Moon waved Su's last comment away with a hand. "A Mary Sue is – well, like a species – they come in all sorts of names and shapes, but at heart they're all the same: bad news."

The sisters still looked confused, so I coughed and backed up a bit in the explanation.

"A Mary Sue is a particularly hardy breed of Fanfiction character," I explained, "They tend to be unusually good looking, pretty much perfect in everyway and try to convince a main character, to fall in love with them."

"They are also very very annoying," Moon said, "And very hard to get rid of."

"What can we do?" Susan asked, "We spoke to Aslan and he said he'd send help."

"And he has," I replied, "Moon and I happen to be rather good when it comes to combating Sue's. We've seen practically every type in existence."

"So you can help us?" Lucy queried hopefully.

"Certainly," Moon said, "Just show us where they are and we'll deal with them as quickly as possible."

Lucy coughed, "It might not be as easy as that."

I looked at her, "Why?"

"Well, you see, while we found them very annoying, not everyone else did. In fact most people loved them."

"You mean... we'll have the whole of Narnia against us?" Moon asked slowly.

"That's about the shape of it."

"Oh well," I said, mostly because the three of them – girls! – looked a bit worried. Couldn't let morale get low, after all. "If that's the case, we'd better get started" So after packing what few provisions and equipment we could find (Tumnus was most kind in volunteering the contents of his larder), Moon and I set out to rid Narnia of two particularly successful Mary Sues.

Successful? Ha! Not for long...

So that's how it all began. With no plan and very little help, Moon and I left to combat the Queen Sues. Little did we know what was lying in wait for us, nor how much running we would have done before everything was over.

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