Title: When Spring Fades
Author: Primal Red
Character(s)/Pairing: Miura Haru. Sawada Tsunayoshi. Slight Tsuna/Haru
Genre: Friendship/General
Rating: PG for brief mention of combat violence in the background
Warnings: Haru thinking more than usual, and Tsuna being empathetic
Summary: It was at a certain point in her life that Haru truly began to realize what Tsuna's friends were up to. [Somewhat AU to the canon story from chapter 246, post-Future Arc, when everyone has gone back to their earlier time.]
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A/N: So...this is likely a prequel to a later multi-chapter fanfic I have in mind, though I don't know if I will be able to plan out and squeeze in enough from my schedule to write out the entire multi-chapter in just one year. :S But, oh, well...
Enjoy!
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Some girls know more than they appear to.
It was something that Tsuna knew, yet didn't pay much attention to at the beginning, when he first met Haru.
Not that it was difficult to do so. She was silly and eccentric and happy in a way that made him wonder if she had her head plucked out of the clouds and placed onto her shoulders. She had a certain way of talking, a cheerful gait in her walk that reminded him of his clueless mother, and a strict adherence to the rules of decorum and morality. The girl had practically carried her ship costume straight into his room at one time, for heaven's sake.
Nonetheless, he knew that she was a smart girl. To some extent, he had that feeling that a girl from a prestigious school, even someone like Haru, is considered on a higher level of intelligence than most people at his school. Still, it surprised him when the girl found out about much of his mafia workings and demanded that he tell her and Kyoko-chan the entire story.
Haru was silly, but she wasn't as lacking in perception as people thought she was.
And, in a situation like this, she was someone that he knew would be reliable, even though he would never wish to oblige her in that way.
--
Her life was changing right before her eyes.
It was something that she had just realized; if she hadn't gotten to know Tsuna and the rest of his friends, life wouldn't have turned out this way for her. She would have been safe in school, somewhere out there in the world at a good school, and preparing to make a good career out of something that will prove herself to the world even though most Japanese women prepared themselves only to be housewives in the end.
Either that or she would have been married to a normal man, a man who might have loved her, but not in the way that she would have wanted to be loved.
For the second time in her life, Haru felt sick and frightened of the possibilities of this change.
It was overwhelming, terrifying, even. What stood in the way of the absolute obliteration of her dreams now was Tsuna-san and his friends, doing everything in their power to stop that utter destruction of her world and happiness.
Hers, and Kyoko-chan's. And everyone else that they knew.
Haru usually didn't dislike the fact that she saw things most people couldn't, but it was in times like these that she began to notice just how close that utter destruction was.
That, and how utterly useless she had been to stop it all.
And if there was one moment that she saw all too clearly, the moment that changed her life forever, it was the battle she had witnessed between Tsuna and his friends against the Millefiore.
There were particular moments in that battle that stood out to her, even though she had watched just about all of it from behind TV screens.
The near destruction of Tsuna-san's hometown.
The blood on Tsuna's face and arms.
The agonized yelling from the boy who had saved her from drowning, even though she had sought him out to fight him.
It didn't matter to her that Tsuna-san and the Vongola won that battle and the war.
It didn't matter that Tsuna-san was still alive and well.
The images of Tsuna and the other boys being brutally injured—and the sounds of their screams and shouts from the TV screen—were things that she would never forget, no matter how she tried.
--
The first thing that Tsuna did when everyone came back to the right time period was to make up for his schoolwork. After all, he had missed at least four months of school from having to resolve everything in the future alone after the Millefiore was disbanded, and that didn't include having to be pulled straight into a future where he had died and where Reborn wasn't alive either.
He had also planned to ask Kyoko out, but as it was, he was still a bit too shy for that.
For once, everything settled back into its usual pace, and life became about normal again—that is, as normal as it usually gets with Reborn and training and mafia matters.
Almost.
It didn't take him long to figure out that Haru had been avoiding him and the rest of them for a while.
That, and, whenever she got pulled along by Kyoko to join his unusual circle of friends, she was unnervingly silent.
Unnervingly silent.
Haru.
Not that it was unacceptable that Haru was being more considerate of him and his feelings, but having unnervingly silent and Haru in the same sentence was definitely not something he would consider normal.
Something was wrong.
--
Haru cautiously backed behind a wall. She had managed to keep Tsuna and the rest of the Vongola at bay of her whereabouts so far—or at least, so she thought—and she had managed to pretend to be herself for the most part. But, now that she knew that Tsuna had the capacity to see through things easily, it was going to be difficult to keep her thoughts away from his eyes.
It had never occurred to her that there were people in this world who were capable of reading others so well.
The Vongola bloodline was powerful, indeed.
She had been witness to the strengths of that power, alright; the battle of the Vongola against the Millefiore had been testimony to Tsuna's power and capacity and what potential he could unleash when he becomes an adult.
That said, she had also seen how easily he had looked through the illusions and attacks cast onto him.
If only she had that kind of power.
If only I wasn't so useless like I am now.
Haru brushed that last thought aside and peeked around the corner.
She had been fazing out lately; somehow, she had found herself thinking more often than she had used to, and in ways that would include her prospects of going to college. It was slightly unusual for someone her age; most of the girls at her school would either only think of their grades or were boy-crazy.
Boy-crazy, like her. Crazy about Tsuna-san, for instance.
Useless and boy-crazy. How utterly pathetic.
It was then that Haru wondered exactly when she had become so obsessively self-critical.
"Haru?"
Haru snapped out of her reverie. Standing right in front of her was the one person she would rather not see at this moment.
Sawada Tsunayoshi.
Tsuna-san.
GAH!
She ran. Away from him.
"Eh?! Wait! Haru!"
She ran faster.
"Haru! What is wrong with you?"
"Tsuna-san! Stop chasing Haru!"
"I will if you tell me what's wrong!"
Damn it.
Haru picked up her pace. She knew that she wasn't the most athletic girl out there, and that boys were often faster than girls. Still, she knew that she needed to outrun him and—
She then noticed a bright flame appearing immediately on Tsuna's forehead. It was then that she remembered that this was Tsuna's Dying Will mode, and that he was capable of running—no, flying—very quickly in this particular status.
No!
He can't find out about why I'm so useless!
He can't!
If he finds out, he will tell me that I am useless and that I shouldn't be part of the family!
That I AM a useless girl who didn't care about anyone but herself.
Haru felt herself suddenly lifted off the ground by a pair of arms, and noticed that the particular arms belonged to X-gloved hands that were blazing with flames.
Tsuna-san…
"Haru, you're going to tell me what is wrong when we land, and we are going to talk this out."
"…H—hahi?"
"We're going to talk this out," Tsuna said, ignoring the confusion on her face at being carried by him in his flying Dying Will mode. "I want to know what has been bothering you lately…after all, it is the responsibility of the mafia boss to know what their family wants to say, right?"
"…family?"
"Yes, FAMILY," Tsuna emphasized, his glowing fiery eyes staring straight into her earth-brown ones. "You are part of the family, Haru, and that is why I will take responsibility for what has been wrong with you lately."
--
The place they chose to land and talk everything out was a quiet corner of the town of Namimori, right on the bench of a park that was several blocks away from where Tsuna-san lived. If it hadn't been for the seriousness of the situation, Haru decided that she could have been happy that the boy she had a crush on was alone with her.
In this case, she wasn't.
"So…"
A moment of silence fell across the park like a windy blanket. For a moment, Haru knew that it was her turn to talk, but she didn't exactly know where to start.
"Um…"
What should she say?
Is it because she is too ashamed of herself?
Or is it because she feels guilty for not helping them in the first place?
"Tsuna-san…I…"
"Hrm?"
"Haru thinks that maybe she shouldn't be part of the family."
It took a split-second for Tsuna to digest what she had just said. And he did, with a shocked, accusing glance and a question.
"…why?!"
She winced under his glance.
"Haru, what is going on?"
She closed her eyes and looked at the ground, as though she was being scolded for something that she did.
"Haru…"
The tone in his voice changed slightly, and it was then that Haru realized that the flame on his forehead had disappeared, as well as the gloves. For a moment, she wondered how he managed to change his appearance so drastically, but then decided not to think more about the matter out of respect for Tsuna.
It then occurred to her that she had no choice but to say what had been on her mind for so long. The fact that he had carried her on his arm, allowed her to choose the place, and bring her there without letting her walk, already told her that he was expecting an answer anyways.
And Dying Will on or not, Tsuna was still fully capable of reading her mind.
And for that, she had no choice but to tell him first and foremost.
"Tsuna-san…"
Why has it come to this?
"…Haru is useless."
"…what?"
"…Haru's useless because she couldn't help with anything."
And you know that, right?
"Haru is a useless girl who relies on others to take care of her, and doesn't do anything to help out in a bad time."
"What do you mean, Haru?"
"Haru was the one who forced you to tell Kyoko-chan and Haru the truth."
He winced at that. It was true that she was the one who got Kyoko to plan to confront the boys about how they were being kept in the dark about everything.
"And, that didn't help at all. Haru couldn't even take part in the fights. The only thing Haru could do was just sit there and watch you and Gokudera-san and Yamamoto-kun and everyone else get beat up so badly."
She couldn't take it anymore; she was looking straight down at the ground, because she couldn't look at Tsuna and take in what was on his expression.
He probably thinks that I am useless, anyways.
"Haru, look at me."
She glanced at him. The fiery color in his eyes was gone, replaced by the deep earth-brown that she recognized as his actual eyes. And instead of the determined, calmly deadly aura that he had when he carried her here, there was a sort of understanding, almost empathetic expression in his eyes.
"Believe me, you are not useless."
Are you saying that to make me feel better?
"Haru, if you are useless…then, so am I."
"Huh?"
"I am just as useless as you are."
"Hahi?"
"If not more useless than you ever consider yourself to be…"
"Tsuna-san isn't useless!"
She had had enough. It was too much to think of the boy she loved as a useless individual. Of all things that Haru didn't know, she admitted that it was possible that she didn't know everything about Tsuna's background from when he started to be a mafia boss, but if there was one thing that she knew, it was the image of Tsuna's Hyper Dying Will form charging repeatedly at Byakuran every time he stood up, never giving up the resolve to save his friends' dreams even if it meant his own death.
"Tsuna-san, you were brave and fought well."
"…no…"
"Hahi?"
"…no, I wasn't."
She glanced at him then and began to realize, despite the fact that she was smaller than he was, just how vulnerable he looked. The shine in his eyes had gone out, and there was something in the depths of them that seemed to remind her of the expression on his face whenever the battle became bloody and violent.
He…
He was so unsure of himself.
"Remember that one time when you ended up coming to the future?"
"…yeah?"
"I couldn't do anything to stop that."
Tsuna then drew his arms and legs together, and it was then at that moment when Haru began to realize that the boy she loved wasn't really a mythological hero or a shining-armored knight at all, but a boy—a vulnerable boy who didn't know if he was doing the right thing, yet would lay down his life for the right cause if he needed to.
"…so useless of me."
His eyes became darker, and he seemed to be looking into the distance, as if all of the world was placed before him in a manner that seemed to tell of everything. For a moment, Haru wondered if he was referring to the incidental war against the Millefiore in the future or the fact that he didn't always get good grades in school.
"Haru thinks Tsuna-san is the best!"
"Eh?! I'm not—"
"Haru knows! Tsuna-san may not get the best grades…"
Because grades don't always matter…
"…or the best athletic ability…"
Because that isn't what matters, either…
"…and he may not be the most dangerous mafia boss to ever live…at least not yet…but, Tsuna-san, Haru thinks that Tsuna-san works hard. Works so hard for everything!"
Because that is what matters.
"At least Tsuna-san tries! And, at least, Tsuna-san is willing to fight for his friends and Haru and Kyoko-chan…"
She found herself lowering her voice at the last name; it was a well-known fact that Tsuna had a crush on her friend, and though she didn't resent her friend for it, the fact that it existed made her heart bleed.
"…even though he may not win…"
The last words hurt particularly, because she didn't want to acknowledge the fact that her beloved had almost died in that last battle against Byakuran. Still, it needed to be said, and Haru felt that something that needed to be said was more important than her own personal feelings.
"That's why Haru thinks Tsuna-san is the best!"
He looked up, surprised at her outburst.
"Always!"
A calm silence fell upon the place. Satisfied that her words told everything that she believed, Haru huffed and sat down next to Tsuna.
"You really ought to be an inspirational speaker."
"Hahi?"
He looked at her, and it was at that moment when Haru realized that—for the first time that she had spoken to him—that he was smiling at her. Truly smiling in a way that implied that he accepted her words completely.
"Then…I will think of Haru as the best as well."
She stared.
"Because…I'm glad to have a friend like you."
"Hahi! Haru is Tsuna-san's future wife!" She fumed.
Tsuna laughed. "Well, it's okay, really. As long as you don't intend to force me to marry you, it's fine."
"…okay."
Something in her tone seemed to make him notice her temperament. "Well, anyways…Haru, since you said that I wasn't worthless…I'd suggest that you start to think of yourself in the same way as well…"
"Hahi?"
"The thing is, you can't just say that about yourself just because you couldn't help out in the fight."
"But, Haru—"
"You're not worthless," he interrupted, pointedly emphasizing the word. "The thing is, you aren't exactly well-informed about the battle and all the details about how to fight. But still…you help cook and everything, right?"
"…"
"…and that part is pretty important as well."
"But…Haru wants to help out more than that."
She saw him stop at these words. Admittedly, she was worried that he would tell her off and say no to her helping out in the mafia business—and that he might even laugh at the idea that she could do anything more—but her heart stopped when he simply looked at her in the eye with a sort of fear that she could get involved in something dark and unsuitable for a woman.
"Haru…you're going to have to understand that I'm probably going to become a mafia boss."
"…er, yeah?"
"And that the mafia business is not legal."
She stopped at these words. It was true that mafias were criminal organizations, and for a moment she was afraid that she was getting into something that she didn't know about, but one look on Tsuna's fearful expression and she began to realize just how much she wanted to protect this boy.
She wanted to protect him. More than anything.
And that was what mattered.
"Haru knows that anything Tsuna-san gets into will be the right way!"
"Eh?! But—"
"Haru will do anything to help! Just…let Haru become something that isn't involving killing or anything bad."
He stared at her then, and Haru began to rub her temples to stem the flow of thoughts in her mind. It wasn't like she was capable of anything as of yet, and Haru knew, for one, that there were certain tasks that mafia members did have to undertake that were dirty and destructive. The problem was, however, that if someone like Tsuna was a mafia boss, then it was likely that he needed somebody to talk to about what he was doing and understand how to get through to becoming the leader without destroying himself. She didn't know if she was capable of becoming that person, but if it was necessary, then she will do it.
Haru will be here for you, Tsuna-san.
"If that's the case…"
She looked at him; the expression on his face seemed contemplative, in a manner that seemed to understand what she meant and to consider her offer at helping the boys. It was amusing, really, how she was sitting here and talking with the future leader of a powerful mafia and making a deal with him right now at the tender age of 15.
"If that's the case, then I'll find something for you to do."
"…really?"
"However…you will have to first know what you are going to be involved in."
Darn, she knew that one was coming.
"I don't want you to get into anything that you don't want to do, so it's only fair that everyone tells you about what you could help out with."
Haru nodded. She did have to admit, she was slightly afraid of getting into any business that Tsuna was in and making things worse for the group, but all the same, she wanted to know about it.
"The thing is…I don't really know how to run a mafia just yet, and I'm still a bit unsure about whether I should…but, Haru, I want you to be safe and happy."
Safe. And Happy.
He wanted her to be safe and happy.
"Safe and happy just as you are."
Because you are important to me, no matter what I say.
No matter what you do.
For the first moment in her life, Haru was thankful—thankful for the fact that he cared about her even if she might never be in his heart.
To that, she felt that no words were possible to describe how she felt at that moment.
Of course, she still would try, if she could.
"Haru thinks Tsuna-san is the best mafia boss that ever lived!"
Tsuna protested at these words, but she didn't care anymore. All she had was this moment, and it was making her as happy as she could bring herself to be.
Far away were the dreams that she had of becoming the mafia boss's wife and her hopes of learning as much as she could about the world. They were so far away, that she didn't mind anything more than this moment that she shared with the Tsuna she always had and will probably always care about.
At that moment, she didn't care anyhow.
That moment was everything that she needed.
--
It was only fair that he walk her to school the next day. Though Haru had insisted that she didn't want to bother him, one concerned look on his face made her stop protesting the idea that she wasn't important enough to be protected once in a while.
And yet, when he arrived on time to meet her at the front door of her house in the early morning, the smile that she wore on her face made it impossible for him to smile back for a moment.
Friends forever.
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Fin.
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Review, please. :-)