Casey sat at her vanity, getting ready to hang out and go swimming with her only friend, Emily. The doorbell suddenly rang as an element of suspense.
"Casey, can you get the door?" her mom yelled from the living room.
Casey sighed. She was in the middle of getting ready to go swimming. She looked at the tube of lipstick in her hand, and dramatically threw it back onto the table and stormed down the stairs.
"IT'S NOT FAIR! Derek never has to do anything. I was getting ready to go swimming with Emily."
She was about to continue, to see Derek standing at the door already, flirting with the girl who was standing there.
"You have such a cute American accent." He said. Because that's just something Derek would say. And because the people on Life With Derek totally have a Canadian accent.
"Thanks. Can I come in?" Casey got a better look at her competition. I mean, opps. I probably wasn't supposed to tell you Casey had feelings for Derek. Well, she doesn't know that yet. That comes later. So Casey didn't think the girl was competition yet. Because the realization of being in love with her stepbrother comes later in the story. And because having feelings for your stepbrother isn't weird at all.
"Of course." Derek opened the door for the blonde, skinny girl standing in the doorway. Because we always let strange foreign people into our houses. But that's why this is a story, and not real life, right?
"Hi." Casey smiled, "I'm Casey. I guess you've already met Derek" She rolled her eyes, "Sorry he's such a pig."
"Oh that's all right. It's not your fault. I'm Maddie, the new babysitter." Yes, somehow Maddie from the Suite Life appeared in Canada as the new babysitter. Because those non-existent siblings need someone to look after them while everyone is out of the house or up in Derek's room making out. But again, that comes later. P.S. there won't be a sex scene. Sorry folks, I'm trying to keep this PG. I know every good Dasey fic needs a nice promiscuous sex scene, but a little tongue action will have to do for this story Well, back to the ever important plot.
Derek was drooling over the new babysitter, till he realized he had a date with one of the random girls he always seems to meet. He quickly sent a text-message saying that he didn't like her and that they were over. Not that they were ever together. But still.
Suddenly, Kelly aka the guy from the shoes video appeared and began singing one of his lesser-known songs, txt msg breakup to Derek, who was completely oblivious to the fact that a man dressed in drag was singing to him. Derek just pushed him/her out of the way, and continued to stare at Maddie.
"You know, your brother is kind of cute. Is he smart too?" Maddie asked.
"He's my stepbrother. So, we could totally hook up with out it being considered incest. And no, he's not smart at all. He's failing. But he'll get to go to college because of hockey."
"Oh. I only like smart men. Because I'm so high level, I can't possibly date a man with a vocabulary smaller then mine."
Suddenly, Maddie got this twinkle in her eye, and walked up to Derek, who was still staring at Maddie, unable to speak. Derek had lost his cool. American women did that to him.
"Derek, maybe you're not smart, but you're cute. Wanna make out?" Maddie asked, since back in the states, she couldn't get all that much action.
Derek, being totally entranced, just nodded, and began sucking face with Maddie. Nora was doing the laundry, because she' just a great housewife like that, and Derek's dad, being the cool parent, just gave Derek a thumbs up. And the rest of the siblings (oh yeah! They do exist, don't they?) were somewhere else, despite the fact that Maddie was there to baby-sit them.
Casey looked at them for a moment, and watching Derek kiss Maddie, she suddenly realized she had loved Derek forever. And she forgot completely about hanging out with Emily. But that's okay, because Emily wasn't really going to be a major part of the story anyway. She really didn't matter all that much. So how about we just forget about her, eh?
Casey locker herself into her bedroom and cried for at least an hour. She heard footsteps on the stairs, then a knock at her door. She ignored it the first time, then finally got up and unlocked the door.
Derek was standing there, his mouth covered in Maddie's pink lip-gloss. Oh, and Maddie mysteriously had to go back to America, and won't show up in the story again, since she was merely a plot element to make the story longer and lead up to the CLIMAX (ohhh big language arts word) where Derek and Casey pledge their true love.
"After I kissed Maddie," Derek blushed a little, "I realized that you're my true love."
Casey wiped the tears off her face and smiled. Derek walked towards her, and they started making out. YES! FINALLY! DEREK AND CASEY FALL IN LOVE! I know this is the part of the story you've all been waiting for. You want a vivid description of the movement of their tongues and how passionate they were. Well, to bad. The author was just too lazy to put that part in. This is a satire fic, anyway. And the author hopes you've figured that out by now.
The kiss ended and Derek and Casey looked at each other. Casey started to cry again, but this time out of joy.
"Oh Derek," She said in between sobs, "I've loved you since I met you, and I'll love you forever."
"Oh Casey," Derek sighed, "I've loved you since five minutes ago, and I'll love you forever."
"Wait," Casey paused for a moment, "We're related, isn't this illegal?"
"No of course not pookie, we're step siblings." Derek replied, throwing in his new pet name for Casey.
"Ah okay. So, it's all okay because we're not related by blood. That's perfectly normal." She smiled.
"Yes of course. I love you pookie." He smiled, kissing her lightly on the lips.
"I love you more, Der-bear." Casey giggled, pecking Derek back on his lips. And of course, if Derek was going to give Casey a pet name, Casey had to give him one also.
"Should we tell our parents?" Casey asked.
"Well, I'm going to tell my dad. He's the cool parent. And I'm sure your mom won't argue either. She'll just be like, 'that's nice honey' and go back to doing the wash."
"What about the rest of those kids who live in this house, you know, the ones who are related to us but never seem to be around?"
"They really don't matter." Derek said, as if it was obvious, "they're never here anyway. They don't really exist in Dasey fics, remember?"
Casey responded with a nod, and lay down on her bed. Derek cuddled with her, because Derek is such the type to cuddle, and they both feel asleep, happy and in love. Their true love pledges they made that day would never be broken. They end up getting married and living together with two cute children. Derek goes to college on a full hockey scholarship, and becomes a famous hockey star, and Casey doesn't feel the need to go to school, and becomes a perfect housewife, just like her mother.
I hope you like my first satire fic! Or, my first fic ever! Oh, and I don't own Life With Derek or the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. But it would be pretty cool if I did, wouldn't it? Sorry if this sucks, I wrote it at like, 10:00 in about thirty minutes. Please review! And also, I don't like the Dasey pairing, in case you hadn't figured that out by now. So please just don't bash that fact. Thanks for reading. Hope I gave you a laugh. Unless of course, you just read this thinking, "wow, what a pathetic attempt at humor." And thanks to OverlyDramatic for inspiring me to write a satire fic!