AKITO/AGITO'S TALK SHOW:

Akito - "Hello everyone and welcome to our show! My name's Akito, the most adorable guy you'll never get in bed with!"

Agito - "And I'm Agito, the deranged, blood-loving sexgod of Team Kogarasumaru!"

Akito - "Today, we are here to talk about the ever-exciting world of fandom! WHEE!"

Agito - "Yeah, we're here to say how sick all you fuckin' weirdos are! I mean, most of fandom is full of yaoi! YAOI, I TELL YOU! It's disgusting!"

Akito - "Aw, come on, Agito-kun! I think yaoi is pretty cute. Especially the pictures of me and Ikki-chan!"

Agito - "But you're a gayass! The fact that your life was so full of pain and misery has turned you queer! You piss me off!"

Akito - "Did you forget? We're both the same person, so that means YOU are gay, too!"

Agito - "What? No way! Shut the fuck up! I'm not listening to this goddamn shit!"

Akito - "Anyway, back to the topic: fandom! For as far back as I can remember, fandom has been a main source of income for practically anything popular, especially video games, cartoons and anime/manga..."

Agito - "Yeah. Since those fuckin' mangaka make their characters look hot and sexy and shit, it turns their dumbass readers on and makes them wanna pair up as many of those shoujo-looking bastards as they can!"

Akito - "Watch your mouth, Agito-kun! Anyway, we have made up several bone-shattering factoids that will prove on the uses of fandom!"

Agito - "It'll also prove what big perverts you people are! AND DON'T ACT ALL INNOCENT! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, YOU BASTARDS!"

Akito - "...Okay, then. First off, we'll start right away with our discussion on slash pairings! In nearly every manga/anime series ever made, people of the fandom love to make characters from their favorite series pair up, especially if they're the same gender! What do you think about that, Agito-kun?"

Agito - "Well, since I think most yaoi fans are either girls or gay guys, it means that they are perverted and love to see men make out with other men. It may make them feel special about their own relationships (for some reason), or it's a big turn on. Personally, I think it's the second one..."

Akito - "I don't get you, Agito-kun. Anyway, here's what I think: I believe that love is a beautiful and glorious thing, whether it be straight or not. I think the people of the fandom just want to share that wonderous love with others so that, when they die, they can be reborn as pieces of magical WOODEN cow pies! SO AMAZING, INDEED!"

Agito - "Um, Akito, did you get into Mikan and Simca's 'special tea time room' again?"

Akito - "MAYBE!"

Agito - "Whatever. Let's just get onto the next topic! It's...oh, this flash card says we still need to talk about slash pairings for the next few minutes..."

Akito - "Alright, I want to talk more about yaoi! I think Ikki is really hot when he steps out of the bathtub with glistening drips of water rolling down his perfectly smooth skin and his well-toned body is being shown off for all to see and-"

Agito - "Akito, are you getting...a nosebleed?"

Akito - "Oh god, yes...Ikki, I need you...I need you in...MY...PANTS! OH GOD! I - Ow, why'd you hit me, Agito-kun?"

Agito - "Yeesh! You were just shouting Ikki's fuckin' name into the heavens! Have some goddamn self control! You can't expect me to keep you under wraps all the time!"

Akito - "I understand, Agito-kun, but I just realized something..."

Agito - "What is it now? Did you wet yourself again, you stupid bitch-boy?"

Akito - "What about the fandom that thinks of US as a couple?"

Agito - "Wait...people like to see US together? As lovers? Seriously?"

Akito - "Yup! I even bought this H-Manga about us for you! Still, I wonder what 'H' means..."

Agito - "...Uh, good night, folks! The show's over! Get out of here...NOW!"