A/N: I Like Kyman but in some fanfics it seems like Kyle is always weak and so reliant on Cartman, wanted to mix it up a bit.
"Jew, lemme see your god damn notes." A sixteen year old Cartman not so quietly whispered from behind him.
"Fuck off, fatass" he tersely replied. Kyle slouched back in his chair, internally screaming more extreme insults at him, especially since 'fatass' wasn't wholly accurate anymore. Cartman did this to him every day. He sits in class while scribbling circles in his notebook or some half-baked, cracked out money-making scheme and then at the end of class expects Kyle to hand his meticulous, perfect notes to him.
Fuck that noise, Kyle thought to himself.
"Kahl, you fuckin' greedy ass Jew. Seriously. I need your notes." Cartman pleaded in his Cartman way.
"Why do you always want my notes?" Kyle leaned his head back to look at him upside down, he knew Cartman was hovering over him and it was the quickest way to eye contact, but Cartman was taken aback from seeing Kyle at that angle and sat back down quickly. Kyle moved his head back up, rolling his eyes at his skittish reaction.
"'Cause, you write good notes." Cartman admitted, finally.
Kyle then turned his whole upper body to look at him, shocked.
"Did you just compliment me?" He whispered harshly, amazed their teacher didn't notice their conversation yet.
"You're good at this school shit. It's fact, don't let it all go to your Jew fro." Cartman smirked, pointing at his head.
Kyle glared then, and without thinking ran a hand through his hair, which he forgot he had shaved off a few days ago. He was sporting a crew cut which was much easier to handle and showed off his face better. Cartman laughed at his self-conscious act.
"Asshole." Kyle muttered shoving his notebook into his face. Cartman took it while narrowing his eyes.
The fourth period bell went off then and it was time for lunch.
"Why is math so hard?" Cartman whined as they left. Kyle gripped his back pack straps tightly, gritting his teeth in annoyance.
"Maybe it wouldn't be so hard if you paid any fuckin' attention. My notes can only do so much." Kyle responded.
"Whatever, you're just a nerd." Cartman weakly argued. Cartman had a dire secret he was keeping from Kyle. Cartman actually understood math, or more specifically, the pre-calculous he and Kyle currently studied. Cartman understood everything the high school was teaching them. He just pretended to be terrible. It gave him a reason to bother Kyle all the time. He was surprised that his friends never wanted to see his tests when he claimed to bomb them. If they actually looked with their eyes every once in a while, they'd be shocked at his scores.
Cartman admitted to himself he wasn't as smart as Kyle, but if he ever let his intellect show, he was sure he'd surprise him. Kyle was always his favorite of the group of boys he followed throughout the years. Kyle was there for him in ways no one understood, not even Kyle himself. Sometimes Cartman would run fantasy interviews in his head as he walked to the cafeteria. How he'd answer future questions when he became the infallible world leader.
'Supreme Leader Cartman, why did you let everyone think you were an idiot all those years?'
'Well, my good man, you see no one likes it when you are above them, you must first be at their level to make them trust you, and sometimes you must even flatter them by pretending be of lower status at times. This was you can surprise them.'
Kyle heard Cartman chuckle to himself and he elbowed him in the side, "Shut up, weirdo."
"Jew." Cartman spat. He actually didn't truly hate the Jews, he was just stuck on it from back when he studied Hitler's political tactics in the fourth grade, and it was a secretly affectionate term for Kyle. The Jews were people just like minorities and other whites…people that need to be controlled. Cartman had a plan that one day he'd take over the world, because someone has to save it. It was going to be him.
Unbeknownst to his friends, Cartman had future uses for all of them. Kyle was most important in his plan, he knew that he would be a perfect right hand man with the correct buttons pushed. He knew already that he could morally manipulate Kyle…that was proved with the crack baby basketball plan so many years ago. Stan would be pinned as a public enemy, his environmental concern and all around fashionable hippie bullshit would make him an excellent, yet controllable adversary in the political field. Butters would his other close side kick, Butters would do anything for him. Kenny was a tricky one to place, Cartman knew that Kenny was immortal. He would be able to use that to his advantage, as only he and Kenny can remember events surrounding Kenny's many deaths, it may prove to be a useful intelligence gathering strategy. Also, Princess Kenny was still a respected figure to the Japanese business tycoon, Sony.
"Cartman, snap out of it, we're here." Kyle nudged him again and they sat down, waiting for the others.
"You're so bossy, Kahl." Cartman sighed, he took out Kyle's notes to inspect them. Kyle would think he was quickly studying them, but Cartman was just making sure Kyle's problem solving was still correct. He didn't want his Jew slipping. Another piece of paper had slipped out of Cartman's back pack and glided along the tile. It landed on top of Kyle's black canvas shoes. Kyle leaned down to pick it up and from a quick glance realized it was last week's graded test from the Pre-calculus class they shared. Kyle's green eyes flashed with anger and surprise. Cartman had a 98% grade. Kyle glanced up at Eric Cartman, whom was still reading his notes. Kyle quickly folded the test up and slid it into his pocket. He wanted to show the guys later. Cartman's schemes seemed harmless for the most part because they all assumed he was too stupid to do serious damage, but this test proved otherwise, which meant Cartman was an even better liar than previously known.
Which is fucking terrifying, Kyle thought.
"Kahl, stop looking so worried. I'll give your notes back soon, you impatient son of a bitch." Cartman scolded as he copied his notes down into his own book.
Kyle looked back at him and studied him for the first time in a long time. Cartman wasn't fat anymore, he was just bulky and tough looking, but Kyle knew he was pretty weak in a fight, even now. Cartman avoided fights like the plague. He had his short brown hair hidden under a dark blue beanie which added to the bully look he sported. Cartman looked up from his notes, feeling Kyle's judging gaze, his brown eyes flashing intensely. Cartman stared right back and thought about how different they were now than from elementary, or even middle school. Here they were, sixteen years old, juniors in high school. Kyle had changed a lot, he was tall now and pretty sturdy. He was still in basketball shape but he quit the game last year. He recently shaved his hair off which made him look older and more mature. He had light tan, even skin and almost no freckles to speak of on his face, which Cartman had called the ultimate day walker disguise. His green eyes were light, electric almost. It was the main thing girls liked about Kyle; his eyes. His ass was a close second, so he had heard from Bebe. Kyle also had a wicked temper. He has given a lot of other boys black eyes and bruises back in freshman year, as before his frame bulked up a bit and with his longer hair, some boys mistook him for a pretty, feminine boy and tried to bully him into submission. Kyle was a tough kid though, he had his Jersey side to him.
"What?" Cartman spoke suddenly, but then Kenny, Stan, and Butters arrived to the table and they began their lunches. Butters had made an extra lunch for Kenny, who took it gratefully. Kenny was a very attractive guy, and he sleeps around quite a bit, especially since girls just want to fuck him, not marry him, as he's poor. Butters was good looking as well, but his severe lack of confidence still kept the girls away. Stan was a football jock which everyone saw coming, and he was dating Wendy, though Wendy went to a different school. Stan is always fiddling with the promise ring he got from her. They were definitely sexually active, but it was just to remind each other that they wanted to get married when they graduated.
"I'm on to you, fat ass." Kyle stated flatly. But then he took a bite out of his sandwich and Cartman brought his eyes down to his bag, which he noticed was open and some more papers were spilling out. His heart did a flip when he realized as he shoved them all back inside that his math test was missing.
Fuck.
It was after school, and Eric Cartman was shuffling along home. He walked through a desolate part of the town where a lot of shops were shut down and boarded up. Eric liked this part of town, it was quiet and simple. No one was around for him to put on a show for. Eric had walked down this road countless times with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. He felt safe, he wasn't weak looking and he was tall for a sixteen year old. No one should bother him, but he was wrong this time.
Two guys stood in front of him, brandishing knives.
"Gimmie your money kid." One of them seethed.
"Fuck you." Cartman yelled, getting into a stance. Truth be told, Eric was scared shitless but he knew that like the animal kingdom, one can't show weakness and so he puffed himself up and looked ready to fight.
These muggers were on drugs, and so the laws of the animal kingdom were lost on them and they didn't care how big Eric thought he was. They wanted to gut him anyway.
One of them jumped at Eric, trying to knock him down. Eric threw him into the wall of a store, momentarily proud of himself. He didn't realize the other was right behind him in a matter of seconds ready to shank him. Eric heard a muffled yell as he heard massive weight hit the pavement behind him, he twirled around to find Kyle Broflovski pinning the other mugger down, punching him in the face repeatedly. My little monster, Cartman thought.
"You. Are. A. Serious. Bastard." Kyle stated with each pounding punch. Eric was shocked, and was so impressed watching the Jew fight like that. Eric then heard a groan and turned to find the first mugger recovered from hitting the wall and stumbled towards Cartman with his knife still. For some reason, terror froze Eric and he stood there stupidly watching the light catch on the blade. A hand shot out in front of him and it grabbed the knife by the blade and wretched it away from the mugger. Kyle was on to him as well, punching him in the face and breaking the bastard's nose. Finally both of them were knocked out on the ground, bleeding slowly. Cartman looked up at Kyle.
Kyle was standing over him, as Cartman had fallen on his ass and didn't realize it until now. The sunset was behind him and it lit the tips of his red hair so that it looked like he had a blazing halo of fire. His green eyes burned and his right hand dripped with his blood. He was cut bad from grabbing the knife so stupidly. Kyle was wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans, which added to the bad ass stance he held right now. He looks so sexy right now, Cartman thought bitterly. Kyle reached out his left hand to Cartman and Cartman grasped it, shaking from his near death experience.
Finally eye to eye, Cartman looked down at Kyle's hand again and grabbed it by the wrist and held it up.
"You're an idiot, Kyle." Cartman said gently and in a deeper, even toned voice. Kyle was shocked out of his trance when he heard Eric Cartman pronounce his name correctly for the first time in years, and what he now knew was his unaltered voice.
"You're an idiot, Cartman." Kyle pulled his hand away, "You froze up, and you could've died. Why were you using Frank Street to get home anyway? It's a bit out of the way."
"Why were you following me, Jew?" Cartman spat in his gruffer voice again, stepping back when he realized how close they were.
"I wanted to talk to you but you were walking so fast." Kyle explained.
"What would you possibly want to fucking talk about?" Cartman tried to sound angry again, but he was still secretly thankful Kyle saved him.
"This asshole." Kyle held up Cartman's test, though now it was bloodied and stained, "You have an A on this shit, Cartman. I talked to all your teachers and they've told me what an excellent, bright young man you are, on paper anyway. You've been pretending to be an idiot with us, why?"
"People like you better when you're stupid." Cartman confessed in his real voice again.
"That's not true." Kyle said surprised.
"It is, Kah- Kyle." Cartman corrected himself, "People resent you when you are superior to them right off the bat. For example, the reason girls don't ask you out is because you're a constant show off in class and they don't want you to find them stupid."
"Here I thought it was because I was gay." Kyle sarcastically shrugged. Kyle suddenly realized that when he came out of the closet last year Cartman no longer called him a 'jew fag'. It was a tough year. He quit the basketball team because of the nasty rumors the guys on the team made up about him, and even more so the 'accidental' groping in the showers was too much for him to handle. Kyle felt a little grateful, but quickly quelled it.
"Well yea. That too, but I mean before we knew you gay." Cartman agreed.
"Cartman, why are you like this?" Kyle asked softly.
"Like what?" He asked defensively. Cartman felt so exposed. He tried to build up the mental walls again but it felt so damn good being himself with Kyle. He didn't even remember what his true self even was anymore.
"Why are you mean to me? Mean to others? Why do you act like a sociopath?"
"I'm not a sociopath. I can be friendly and charming and all that shit when I want to. I choose to be this way to keep control of my surroundings. It's easier. Look at Butters, he's nice to everyone and they all hate him."
"You're an ass and everyone hates you anyway." Kyle pointed out.
"It's my choice though."
"I see, you don't try so you don't fail at being liked?"
"I don't like other people anyway, I only like you." Cartman said speedily, but then his eyes widened when he forgot to manually filter his thoughts like he always did ever since he pretended to have Tourette's syndrome. This near death experience really fucked him up in the head.
"Like me?" Kyle smirked. Kyle had always suspected. That's why he tolerated Cartman's antics for so long. He knew Cartman had fond feelings for him but he never suspected them to be romantic.
"Fuck." Cartman stated flatly.
"No really, tell me, dude." Kyle's eyes lit up and Cartman didn't realize how irresistible that was. His plans for world domination crumbled for a moment. He wanted Kyle to be his right hand man, but could it be that Kyle could be even closer than that?
"I'm gay for you, you fucking asshole, stupid Jew." Cartman said, blushing furiously. He looked away. Kyle stared in shock, all was silent except for the light dripping sound of Kyle's still bleeding hand.
It was then that one of the muggers groaned, easing into consciousness. Kyle glanced down and kicked him in the face, knocking him back out.
"Well?" Cartman said. Kyle looked back up, still confused looking, "Fucking say something, you asshole." Cartman seethed.
"I wouldn't want a boyfriend who calls me racial slurs every five minutes…and pretends to be an idiot. I mean, frankly Cartman, I've always been drawn to you I guess, but I don't really know you."
"I've known you since we were ten!" Cartman shouted.
"Cartman! All I've known for the last six years is a fat ass who called me terrible names, threatened to kill me on several occasions, and is a bigoted, racist idiot. Sure, Cartman, you are a good looking guy but your personality…the one we've all came to known…is so ugly." Kyle had watery eyes. He wouldn't cry. Cartman didn't know if Kyle could cry. Kyle blinked slowly a few times, groggy.
Suddenly Kyle fainted, and Cartman caught him. Cartman realized it was blood loss when he saw the stark red puddle where Kyle had been standing. Cartman rolled his eyes and hauled his Jew to the Hell Pass Hospital just two blocks away.