Not-Real Title: Lily Evans' fantasy alphabet list.

The real title is 36, because she has always wanted to name something that, no matter what anybody says. Better an alphabet list than her firstborn child, right?

Note from Dorcas Meadowes: this is also known as a way for Lily to vent her feelings.

Take relief in the fact that none of these things will be done in real life.

Hopefully.

J is for Jam (just not in the way you're thinking)

Remus Lupin jams a whole Chocolate Frog into his mouth, with no guilt whatsoever after a prefect patrol with Lily Evans.

Chattering nonstop about a certain James Potter's good Transfiguration grades and not-so-to-die-for abs makes one very tired indeed.

He treats it like an after school job. Of sorts.

And there's payment too from dear Mr. James.

Don't look at his other chocolate frog.

P is for Pie (this time probably in the way you're thinking)

Lily Evans very much wants to shove a pie in Remus Lupin's face.

P is also for preferably.

Lily Evans very much wants to shove a preferably lemon meringue pie in Remus Lupin's face.

No comment from Remus.

Update: Lily Evans does push a pie into Remus Lupin's once perfect face and mashes it in thoroughly. She will not suffer alone.

Remus is scared.

Edit from Dorcas: Dorcas is also scared.

I is for Iamscared

"Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared Iamscared"

The last words uttered by James Potter.

D is for Detrimental

In the words of Dorcas Meadowes: "This is going to be detrimental to my health in the way that I wish and worry you will actually do all that, Lily."

If Dorcas is lucky, one day James' bribery of Remus will result in a half-insane Lily.

Once again, I regret to say that none of these things will never be accomplished by a not-yet-driven-insane-by-James-Potter Lily Evans.

For those Ancient Runes scholars out there, this alphabet also spells:

James Potter is Dead.

Thank you, and good night!

A/N:

Word Count: 352

Written for Hogwarts School of Challenges and Assignments

Assignment 1:

Mythology Task 7: Write about a headstrong and fierce woman who men fear.