A/N: I wrote this piece as an exploration on life cycles/end of life and it's a hard topic to broach of course. No one actually passes in this fic - it's not about death itself, but about preparation for it really, transitions and time. For Mamoru's Birthday Week - Officially Free Day.
King Endymion walked forward, down the long formal hall, step by slow step. The crowd of people became silent at his arrival, Serenity right by his side. They rose, facing them as they walked down, so similar to a marriage ceremony, and yet so different.
His thoughts weren't on the walk in front of him, the lush red carpet, or the ceremony itself, his daughters coordination, but on every single moment that had led to this point, how time had past and he'd actually made it to this point.
In truth, for most of his long life, he'd thought that that both of them really would end up with a end like their past ones, going out in war or a blaze of glory, that an enemy would be the determination of his fate. Some final stand, some myterdom; not age, in its own slow way.
There were plenty tells of time, that he leaned on his cane, instead of it being decoration. He alarmingly saw age more in her, how Serenity's arm wrapped around his, her body trembling slightly, her using him for balance she didn't quite have anymore. She'd insisted on walking today, on doing this properly.
The Neo Queen was poised, each small step taken with the grace and knowledge of peace. Her hair still long, though the shimmering silver had started to turn more grey, duller and a little more coarse in texture. Still beautiful, still regal, still so Serenity. Her eyes staring not at him, but at the distance of the ceremonial chambers, their daughter standing perfectly poised, hands outstretched waiting for them.
The Neo Queen was so utterly tired. Age had come for them, as it did everyone.
The long lives that they had lead in good health, made aging seem so sudden and foreign, because it came in a matter of years, after the pause ended. Being old hadn't mattered, they knew they weren't eternal, they knew life changes and had accepted their fate far before- he after all was an old man. A Very old man.
But to Serenity it did. She'd clung to the throne, the duties of their Kingdom, she'd carried responsibility so that her daughter wouldn't carry it for quite as long. Though, Chibi Usagi "Small Lady" Serenity had been quietly taking over duties for sometime, integrating Helios into the Kingdom, attending treaties and defending this world in a different way than Neo Queen Serenity had.
Endymion was beginning to think Serenity wouldn't hand over the crown in her life, to retire.
But, then she'd gotten sick. It was startling, age. With all the technology, and everything that science and magic had to offer, bodies still became frail and old. If one didn't want to become a robot, anyway (and quite frankly, it was a possibility) . He thought they'd already spent to much time on this planet. She wistfully spoke of the cauldron, of cosmos, and of the way that things would become anew. That, maybe in the next life she'd be young and different, and how they'd find each other has peddlers or musicians, and not as monarchs and warriors. The other day, she'd talked about them being space pirates, on the edge of the known frontier, recklessness adventuring into the great unknown, knowing no law of any country or civilization. It had brought her joy, the possibilities.
She was so sure of that part, of them finding each other in the great beyond. In fact, she'd talk about how exciting it would to have the first moments of love again, to find each other. New nicknames, new quirks, new laughs. The nervous jitters of a first date and first kiss. She'd muse how completely different they could be and still fall in love.
She'd talked about death more after the first illness. Which, when someone hasn't had a cold in hundreds of years to become sick and weak was sort of a surprise. She laughed at it, told him she hadn't remember what it felt like to have sore muscles and be cold even though she was burning up. It was a simple thing, and a few days later she was fine and herself.
But, then just a few months later, the big illness came. How her lungs had filled with fluid and her body feverish and clammy. How she'd leaned against them in their large bed, raspy loud breaths, blue eyes unfocused telling him no matter what it would be okay. The thin cotton gowns sticking to her body, her hair oiled without the constant care it required.
And the doctors had circled and pulled her through. The last time, she was bed bound for two weeks, two feverish weeks, where she vasilated from unaware rambles to extreme exhaustion, barely opening her eyes.
She was always looking for him. He'd rarely left her side, except when their daughter had come by, moving him towards bed reminding him she was right there and that they were doing everything they could.
The Queen recovered, but barely. When she'd risen from the bed for her first shower, her balance was weak and she needed him to walk her. She'd sighed, biting her lip, and then cried when he'd pulled a chair into their shower to make it easier on her.
It was after the shower, once she was clean her hair pulled back and tied with a simple ribbon at the nape of her neck that she'd sat on the bed against him. That she stated it was time, and that they couldn't wait any longer.
Her voice was raspy from disuse, her breaths faster and she spoke slower than she ever had. But, it was firm, steady. The knowledge that their must be a coronation. And she'd summoned their daughter, and with with shaky hands touching her face, looking into those wide red caring eyes. Neo Queen Serenity had verbally walked her through it, asking if it was okay, or if she wanted her to wait instead until her passing, because she would for her little girl. Small Lady had held it together in the moment, only a tear or two escaping. Their daughter had matured into such a beautiful woman, so poised and full of the same grace that had come to Serenity with time. The Princess spent time reassuring Serenity, telling her it was okay, that she was just fine and ready. She smiled and kissed her mom on the head so carefully, afraid she might disappear. "Momma," she said "Please, you've worked your entire life, it is about time I got a job."
And they laughed then, together. And Small Lady, whose name shouldn't stay that, but old habits are hard to break and she'd always be their daughter, had curled in her mother's lap and listened to stories new and old, thousand years worth of myth and facts all together and jumbled. The princess hadn't cared. And neither had Endymion, watching them together, these precious moments when there would be so few. He sat in his big chair next to the bed with a cup of tea, watching them together, listening and correcting details of the stories as he remembered them. And occasionally Serenity would roll her eyes, and then Small Lady Serenity would interject her version, if she'd been around, and they'd laugh and talk and get lost in the memory of it all, and their current still vibrant love.
At Serenity's word, the castle had moved, a ceremony prepared, and a few days later they stood here in their most formal wear, taking slow, unsteady steps down in a room that had once seemed so easy to transverse.
He saw how the royal dress didn't quite fit her anymore, weight she'd lost from the last illness left the curves not quite as form fitting. He'd had fared okay thus far. He worried about that too. That she seemed to be dying before he did. It was 16 years alone and over a thousand years with her, and those first 16 years of life were formative and terrifyingly bleak. The orphaned little boy that had been Chiba Mamoru before King Endymion. It had created a deep fear in his heart of being without her, it was something he couldn't imagine, he couldn't go back to. He didn't know what to do about it though, so he'd clung to her and brought the best doctors, and held her without gloves and kissed her head with disregard of illness, even though he knew he was highly susceptible to whatever it was that ravaged her immune system.
Because if she was going to the great beyond, he wanted to go with her.
They continued to walk each slow step.
Neo Queen Serenity hadn't made a public appearance since the last illness, and there were little whispers and gasps among the audience. She didn't hear them, or really mind- she stated to him just days before, it was good to remind people of dignity in death, that it should be embraced, that there are better things to look forward to. That people needed hope about this, something so unavoidable, normal and natural. She was absolutely wise, but he wondered if she was saying it more for him to hear than for the unspoken example to the citizens of Crystal Tokyo.
They closed the distance between them, him and his daughter and Helios. They gave them a simple hug when they arrived.
Princess, Small Lady Serenity looked beautiful, so much like her mother. She was striking in a different way than the older Serenity, the Pink hair, and darker eyes contrasted so much with the whites and silvers of traditional whites they wore. He was also pretty sure she'd forgone shoes, as she tended to do in the formal wear. It was a habit he'd insisted she break, but one did need a tradition to rebel against in a monarchy, and if it was shoes, so be it. He'd give her trouble about it, but not enough for her to change her ways. There were worse ones to break,like they had- traveling to forbidden kingdoms. Or perhaps time traveling with a stolen senshi's time key. Though that had been some time ago now.
Neo Queen Serenity took her arm away from his, raising shaky hands above her head and removing the small crystalline crown that sat there, and he did the same. They held them at chest level towards the waiting monarchy, and the Neo Queen spoke.
"Serenity," She started losing all the nicknames and titles "You were given this name by me, who gave me the name Serenity by my mother, a Queen of a different kingdom and a different time. There were Serenity's before her. The name is as important as the crown, the promise that its leader will hold the value of peace at her heart. That her people may never know war or maliciousness, that they may embrace love in their hearts and their lives forevermore. It is a heavy heart that I give this name to you, my child. It is a responsibility greater than no other, to lead in the way of love and respect. It requires self-sacrifice. It requires courage. It requires patience with those who are unkind, and it requires faith that even in the worst of moments that there is hope for continued improvement for our people. " She paused, eyes unwavering, and her daughter nodded, looking at Endymion.
"Helios, you have chosen my daughters hand, many years ago. With this, you accepted the responsibility to protect her and to rule side by side. To hold the same cherished beliefs, to make the same sacrifices, to understand your life is never just your own. That you hold the same responsibilities for these people, to care for them, to protect them, to guide them. "
Serenity spoke again. "With this crown comes the most sacred objects in the universe. The legendary crystals of untold power. To be the holder of the object, the one designated as its user, you must understand the consequences. That it bonds with you, for you to protect it against all odds, and that you will use it to allow its citizens to flourish, even to the cost of your own life."
Endymion and Serenity spoke in unison to the waiting couple. "To be a leader, is to be a servant. To the people of this kingdom, to the power that you weld. If you accept, please kneel before me."
The young Serenity, and Helios lowered themselves to their knees. The old queen carefully placed the crown upon her head and took a step back, while Endymion did the same. Then with shaky hands grasping a the necklace that carried the crystal on her neck, pulling it over her head.
The people of the kingdom, really never saw the crystal in use. And it started to glow that soft white light, as Serenity exchanged it to her daughter placing it over her head. He saw the warm white light that Endymion had seen so many times, the way her face became young and soft, the way her eyes stared into its depths like she didn't have a fear in the world, just determination.
He saw the same look in his daughter's eyes, as they looked at each other between the soft glowing light that settled in the young Serenity's heart.
Neo Queen Serenity swayed, after the light dies down, Endymion cane changed hands to help steady her, and she gave him a small nod and smile.
Endymion then held his hand at his heart, his crystal becoming manifest. The soft golden glow dancing like the rising sun in the room, to disappear into the chest of its new owner.
"Rise, Neo Queen Serenity the 2nd, and King Helios."
And they rose.
The crowd erupted, lights, camera, fireworks, cheering. And both the now retired Queen and King stepped slowly out of the bustling crowd, making their way back to their quarters to rest.
Once they were out of sight, he carried her. Even if it hurt his back, and he wasn't quite sure he could still do it, he did it anyway.
He noticed her tears, the shimmering tears as she clung to him and the soft silence of their bedroom, and he laid soft kisses on her.
"Did I do enough?" She asked softly.
And he clung to her, telling her she was the most beautiful soul in the world, and how could she ever think that she needed to do more when she had been doing this for so long. And that they'd more than prepared their daughter, and that he was so proud of everything and that the only thing they needed now was to be with each other.
And she'd sat up then, wide eyed, "No, Endymion, you have to stay for her, just for a little while, please."
And he looked at her and fear gripped his heart. "You can't go without me."
Her eyes turn soft and she stroked his face with that trembling hand, and whispered almost to where she was unheard "I will. I have very little time here left."
He pulled her close, to roughly for her frail frame, but she didn't complain as he buried his head into her shoulder, "youcan't, not without me." He repeated. "Please, please."
"Have you heard what I've been saying?" She asked softly into his hair. "That we will be together, and it is going to be okay. You're not alone, we will find each other again. Just like always."
"But...now, I know you, Serenity, Usagi, my wife, my queen, my hope..."
"I promise...it won't be long apart, and you'll make it. You'll be okay. For her. She'll need you…"
"But I need you." He pleaded with wracking sobs, and she held him with all the strength she could muster after a day that took out so much from her. She stroked his hair, patted his back and whispered words, fluttering hands and promises of hope, peace and comfort.
They were hard to hear, and yet he found himself calming to the tone in her voice, and the reassurance, and her confidence he would be fine, and they would be fine.
At some point, they'd fallen asleep, unintentionally, and he only awoke to his grown daughter peeking in the room with an apology, holding her own child asleep in her arms, that she didn't realize that they were sleeping, and he shook his head, getting up, not even changed out of his regalia from the coronation outfit from the party.
She looked at him, head tilted, in the exact way her mother did, "Dad, were you crying?"
He glanced at the sleeping figure on the bed, that barely stirred at their conversation. "She's very ill, you know that right?"
She nodded and gave him a hug. "Mom's always been the strongest of all of us, though." She shifted the child from one hip to the other, brushing the silver hair to the side. The little girl didn't stir a bit.
They stood side by side in silence, looking at the sleeping woman.
"She worries about you…" Endymion started trailing off not sure what to say.
"I wish she didn't, I…" The new queen looked down "I wonder if she trusts me sometimes?"
"For her, it isn't about trust- it's about burden. She's...always been fiercely independent that way, wanting to do it all. This...this letting go..."
"It is also to take care of you, you know that right? She's busy...taking care of all of us...letting us know what is going to change, and what our futures will be like..."
"She keeps talking to me about hope, about us, about our future, about our...the next life." He stated simply.
"Dad, believe her."
"After all this time how could be so hard?"
"Somethings, just are. But...dad?"
"Hmm?"
"We're family, and we'll get through this together."
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