A Moment
Chapter One
Sirius sat quietly on the floor. His eyes focused on Remus as he took a long drag from his cigarette. There are tears in eyes, on the verge of spilling, but he won't let them. He won't let them fall. He refuses to cry.
Sirius' heart is broken. He feels broken inside, and out. The pain in his heart builds as Remus twitches in his sleep, a whimper on his lips. Sirius pauses, cigarette halfway between his lips. His eyes never leave Remus form as it writhes in new-found pain. The whimpers increase to cries of pain.
Sighing, Sirius climbs brokenly to his feet. He can hear James and Peter stir in their sleep. They will wake soon. It's now up to them to wake Remus. Sirius lost those privileges, along with everything else that he held dear. And though it kills him to do so, he returns to his own bed, drawing the curtains behind him.
Yet he doesn't lie down, doesn't attempt to sleep. He sits, legs crossed, and waits. As much as his caring is now unwelcome, he needs to make sure the others wake Remus.
Remus….who's moaning is getting louder, and harder to hear.
Remus….who Sirius sits up to watch every night.
Remus….who Sirius loves more than any other.
Remus….who Sirius hurt and lost.
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Remus lunges forward in his bed, arms flailing wildly as he is woken. He looks round, expecting to see Sirius, but is greeted by James' familiar face. He can't help the fleeting look of disappointment that crowns his face, even as he thanks James.
"Do you want to talk about?" James asks as usual.
"No" Remus answers. And they both return to their beds. This is the way it has been months. He kept dreaming of it, though it was not himself he dreamt of. The dreams were not memories, but an interpretation. An interpretation of the night Sirius betrayed him….
Sirius walks calmly through the halls of Hogwarts, towards the Great Hall. He thinks of Remus, of the Werewolf. He remembers hugging him, kissing him, making love to him… and a frown graces his majestic features. There's beauty there, and a horror, an evil.
Disgust laces its way through his thoughts a he remembers loving the werewolf, the creature. A hateful grimace covers his face. The hate is obvious as is the disgust and regret of his actions. Then an idea comes to him. He should punish the werewolf; make him pay for polluting him.
Walking faster now, with purpose, Sirius hurries toward the Great Hall, hoping to catch someone leaving. He bumps into Severus Snape and grins.
"Just who I was looking for." Sirius annunciates him words, grinning madly.
"Oh really?" Severus looks suspiciously.
Continuing to grin, he spoke slowly, "Ever wonder where Remus goes once a month? Why he missed classes and is always," His fingers form speech marks, "sick"? I can tell you. Or better still, show you. Go to the third tree from the edge of the forest, the one that moves. There is a small knoll on the left side of the trunk. Push it gently and follow the tunnel that appears."
Severus looked at him briefly, before running off in the direction of the tree. Sirius laughs loudly before turning to return to the Gryffindor Common Room.
The scene changes as to Severus as he lifts large, long stick from the ground near the tree. He pushes it past the flailing branches to prod the knoll. The tree freezes, its branches stalled as they reach out towards him. A small opening is visible in the ground.
Snape snuggles down to the ground and crawls down the tunnel. As he moves on the tunnel widens until he is able to stand fully. He looks excited, twisting his surprisingly handsome face. As he approaches the door at the end he hears shouting, screams of pain.
He pauses, fearful. Then presses on, not wanting to miss out on discovering Remus' secret. He opens the door, even as the wolf turns on him, baring its teeth and lunging towards him. Severus has frozen, as Prongs appears from nowhere to push the wolf back, even as Severus stumbles backward and falls, unconscious, to the ground.
Tears flow down Remus' cheeks as he remembers it yet again. A part of him knows that wasn't what happened, it couldn't have been, but even the idea of it pulled strongly at his heart strings. He curled on his side, wrapping his arms around himself, letting the tears run free.
It was that, the dream, which prevented him from forgiving Sirius. Lying there he imagined how hard this must be for him. For years he had loved Sirius. When he had found the love returned, he'd never felt better. That had been almost two years ago.
Then it had all fallen apart. After eighteen months together. It had broken him. He remembered vividly his heart break and disbelief when James told him. How at that moment the life he had found had ended. He would never be able to forgive him, to look at him again, to trust him…
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The next morning both Remus and Sirius got up together. As usual they moved to the shared shower room, taking shower heads at opposite ends. Not a word was said as they showered, dressed and left. This had become their normal, everyday life.
Peter and James would rise later to find them gone, already in the great hall for breakfast. Sirius now sits on his own, near the doors, and leaves when they arrive to join Remus at the far end. The others don't know where he goes, because it's not on their map, all they know is he disappears and appears just in time for class.
Sirius does go off the map, he leaves school in fact. He goes straight to the Shrieking Shack. There he bathes himself in memories. He remembers the nights of the full moon with the pack, times when the four of them just sat there, and, most of all, times alone with Remus.
It hurt him to believe this was the end. None of the three would talk to him. He was alone, and felt totally isolated. He'd tried, at the start, to make it up to them, but now he understood. They couldn't forgive him, because he didn't deserve forgiveness. Oh he wasn't stupid enough to kill himself, but he doubted life would be worth living.
Sirius had tried making new friends, trying to bury the pain of his other friends, but it just didn't work. He couldn't bring himself to abandon all hope. So now he looked for solutions, in the Shack. They never came.
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Ok well I didn't mean to write that, it just kind of appeared in my head. I will try to finish my other stories and get on this one soon though. Hope you like it and please review. Thanks!