Dear Reader, I wrote this one-shot "letter" from Bill to Liam because I wanted to explore the brokenness of their relationship. It's hard for me because I am actually a STILL shipper-yes, I'm one of those people. Don't shoot me, please. As much as I love the idea of a STILL happy ending, I hate what it has done to Bill and Liam. So, I don't know…. The following has been a kind of experiment for me, to see what I want more. Open Door A and there will be a happy, reunited father and son (haha). Open Door B, and see Bill and Steffy happily ever after (double haha). I still don't know which door I want more. I guess I want the impossible: for a STILL happy in love and at the same time a Bill and Liam on good terms again. Yeah, I know. Impossible. I guess I'm crazy.

Please note that underlined text was text with a strikethrough in my original document. Try to suspend disbelief and imagine that Bill put a strikethrough that word or phrase.

THE LETTER

Dear Liam,

You are going to disbelieve that this letter is truly written by me because the words I'm going to write below are so uncharacteristic of me. You know what I am about more than anyone. You know I'm a selfish man. I take what I want, consequences be damned, loved ones be damned. That is the way I've lived my life heretofore. Dollar Bill always knew what he wanted and woe betide the bastard who got in his way. That was before I saw the look, the hurt in your eyes when I told you that I was marrying Steffy.

I am not worthy to be your father. I have hurt you in ways that utterly rob me of all worthiness to call myself your father. I have not been a father to you. I have been your worst enemy. I'm not going to insult you further (more than I've already done) by telling you now, again, how sorry I am, because I know that what I've done to you is unforgivable. You are good, son. You might try to tell yourself that you can forgive me, but I know that to be impossible even for you with your loving heart. I've treated you ruthlessly. I've treated you as horribly as worse than my father treated me. My father, monster that he was, never betrayed destroyed me as I have destroyed you. Nothing is going to make that ok, but the very least I can do now is promise you that I won't marry her. I will not marry her. Unfortunately, I can't tell you that I won't love her. That would be a lie and I've told you enough lies. All I can do is promise you that I will never touch her again. I will keep my distance, even though it means never knowing the granddaughter I don't deserve.

I know what you're thinking now. You're thinking I want pity. You're wondering if I am somehow fishing for the forgiveness that can never come. Maybe there is a sliver of me that hopes you might take pity on me. It is killing me inside knowing that you and I will never be as we once were and that it is entirely my fault. Everything that has gone wrong between us is my fault, son. My beautiful, loving boy! I lit the match that burned everything between us. We were great once, you and I. Like the Roman Empire. I used to think of myself as Philip of Macedonia and you were my Alexander. I made a great empire for my boys to inherit someday, but you were the one who was going to make it better than anyone could ever dream! And I destroyed you. I broke your heart. My best joy, my greatest pride, my magnificent son…. Now, we are worse than the fall of Troy. Troy was destroyed by outsiders who conned their way inside. But in the case of the Roman Empire, as with us, the poison was already inside.

You'll have already noticed my necklace in the envelope. Pick it up, son. It is yours. Never give up. Never surrender. Be ruthless above all in your duties to love and protect and cherish your daughter. I failed as a father. I know you are the Spencer man to break the cycle. You're the 'great' one.

You and I are broken. I know that. And yet I wouldn't be Dollar Bill Spencer if I didn't hold out some hope, if I didn't keep dreaming that maybe… somehow… Is it impossible, my boy? My beautiful boy? Are we doomed? Tell me we're not like Carthage?

Whatever you want… Whatever you need me to be, that's what I'll be. If you need me to stay the expletive away from you, I will stay the expletive away from you. But if you need to talk to me, yell at me, come at me. I can take it. I'm at your mercy. The sword is yours. The father is on his hands and knees.

…..

I sort of now want to write Liam's response letter. What do you guys think? Please let me know. This is my first Bold and the Beautiful fanfic. I love STILL but I also love Bill/Liam on good terms.

I apologize for carrying the Roman Empire/Carthage analogies to the point of ridiculousness. I've been an on-again-off-again B&B fan so I don't know if Bill ever toyed with such analogies. I'm just weird.