Sometimes, you wonder why. Why put in all this effort? Why try? Is it even worth it in the end?
But there are moments, when you glance, see a flicker of hope, of happiness, on Johanna's face, when you see how much things are changing, how much you're helping.
She fears that if she sleeps, she'll see them all die again: Wiress, Mags, Blight; so you lay awake with her, even when she stays awake all night, and you talk, try not to fall asleep, and when Haymitch frowns at you and tells you to sleep, you shake your head.
He wouldn't understand if you tried to explain. He never had anyone to care for like this. He's never fallen in love with a victor.
Not the way you're in love with Johanna.
As much as you want to tell her things will get better, they feel like empty words even in your thoughts, so you don't voice them.
She gets angry at you, yells at you, tells you to get out get out get out and you respond softly with this is my house and she scowls at you, trying not to give into tears and a sob that you know she is swallowing down.
You know when she isn't doing well. The word brainless stops being part of her vocabulary.
You get angry with the world. Why her? She doesn't deserve this. Everything will be OK, I swear it but they feel like empty words and she shrugs at you because it doesn't feel like it and the worst part is that she's right.
It feels hopeless, and you get to wondering will it be like this forever?
You hope not.