8th. (But not really 8th, because I got my numbers mixed up somewhere, so I'm just labeling this 8th.) Yes another one of those damn post-ep's to Knockout, but I swear I went on a different take of it. Give it a chance and I'll love you forever. This will be a two-shot. I already have the second chapter written (mostly) so let me know if you think I should post it or just get rid of it.

This one just kinda hit me on the 6 hour road trip me and my dad went on this weekend, what better to do when stuck in a car for that long; then to write, huh?

Disclaimer: If only! Then I would not be crying over this hiatus, cause I would actually know what was going to happen.

Oh, and for those of you who are owning tumblr right now with these Castle chats on Omegle... you guys rock.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside of you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside of you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." – Neil Gaiman

He laughed bitterly at how uncannily true this was. But in his case it wasn't a phrase she had muttered that tore him apart but that last small breath she gasped out as her eyes fell closed. Yes he was in love with her, and unlike how Neil had phrased it, she was different than anyone else he had ever met, she was extraordinary; but no they weren't together. So it wasn't a break-up that had his heart in pieces, it was that damned bullet that had torn through her heart which, in turn; had also torn his apart, and he was one-hundred percent sure that an actual bullet ripping through his chest would hurt far less than the pain he was feeling now.

He knew he was torturing himself, by reading depressing quote after quote, but nothing else would hold his attention, and what was the point of ever being happy again when she wasn't around. The love of his life was laying unconscious in a hospital bed and there was nothing he could do, no connection, outlet, or dollar amount he could exhaust, even though he had tried; to fix it.

"If only I had been a second quicker." Downing the rest of his scotch as the merciless thought crossed his mind for what must have been the thousandth time that night; he turned his attention back to his laptop. Not exactly in the mood for writing, since every angle he had tried ended up to dark to be considered normal; he clicked back to the homepage.

"NYPD Detective Gunned Down at Funeral for One of Their Own"

Not even bothering to level-headedly close the lid; he picked it up and threw it forcefully towards the wall, satisfied by the way it broke into several pieces, which ironically, reminded him of the way his heart felt.

Restlessly, he started pacing around the room. He was out of distractions, he had been kicked out her room hours ago by Lanie, demanding that he go home, get a shower and some rest. So returning to the hospital and incurring the wrath of the M.E. was a death sentence. His mind wouldn't settle long enough to allow him to watch T.V or read, and he sure as hell couldn't sleep. In fact he was certain that he would never be able to sleep again, due to that fact that every time he closed his eyes he was back at the cemetery with her bleeding out underneath of him. At this point anything short of drinking himself into oblivion proved to be ineffective. Writing was out for the obvious reason, plus everything he wrote brought his mind back to her, and it ended up depressing him even more.

Legally, he knew he had had a few too many than was allowed to be had before getting behind the wheel; but he didn't care. He just needed to get away from it all, so he took off in his Ferrari with the hopes that putting as much space as he could between him and his problems would solve something.

No matter how many times she blinked, she couldn't clear the fog from her vision. The same went for swallowing, she couldn't quite clear her throat to try and call for anyone.

"What the h..?"

The thought cut short once the memory of the shooting came flooding back to her.

"Oh my… am I, no I can't be." She quickly cancelled out the chance of her being dead as she concentrated on the fact that she was breathing on her own, and the feeling of someone's hand in hers. Focusing all of her energy she squeezed the hand enclosed around hers.

"Katie?" The unmistakable voice of her father questioned disbelievingly. "Katie, can you hear me?"

It was all she could do to nod shortly, trying to give him some peace of mind. She groaned, aggravated at her inability to communicate and further.

"Oh, water; hold on a second." Her dad seemingly read her mind and held a cup of water to her lips for her to take a small sip of. Never had she thought she would be so indescribably grateful for a drink of water as the cool liquid ran down her parched throat.

Clearing her throat, she once again forced her eyes open and found the tired, worried grey-blue eyes of her father peering down at her.

"Hey," she coughed.

"Hey honey, how do you feel?"

"Like I've been shot," she joked; trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room, but mentally cursed herself for not thinking when she caught the fear flash through his eyes. "I'm sorry dad; I shouldn't be joking about that."

"It's fine," he assured her pulling her into a gentle hug, careful of her bandaged torso. "I'm just glad you're okay." Pulling back, he placed a light kiss against her forehead before continuing, "I believe you have a certain group of friends waiting to see you, I'll go get them."

"Hey, dad?" She questioned, pausing his exit, "I love you."

"I love you too Katie bear." Rolling her eyes at the use of the nickname, she offered a small smile as he turned to leave.

Watching as the city skyline disappeared behind him he got to the outskirts of the city going just short of 80 miles per hour police cars and speed limits be damned. With one last look behind him, he pressed the gas a little more, not seeming to be able to go fast enough. He turned back around to find that he had shifted into the other lane and another car was coming straight at him, he swerved just in time to avoid the head on collision. Sensing the oncoming panic attack, he could barely still his shaking hands and pounding heart as the shock hit him full on; he pulled off to the side of the road as his common sense caught up with him and started chastising him.

"What am I doing?" He thought.

"Here I am doing something so extremely stupid, risking my life, when Kate is in the hospital hanging onto hers. I have too much to live for; I'm running away when I'm supposed to be strong for my family, and for her. I can't do this!" At this point he started hyperventilating and knew he had to call someone for help. Reaching for his phone, he found it was still switched off from when he was at the hospital. Turning it back on, three voicemails, eleven missed calls and numerous texts from the gang greeted him. Lanie's voice sounded in the first voicemail he retrieved;

"Castle, she's awake! Get your ass back here!"

The next were from Ryan and Esposito relaying the same message with questions of his whereabouts. Though he could hardly make them out over the blood pounding in his ears; she was awake, she was going to make it, and he had to get back there now.

Swallowing his pride, he redialed Esposito.

"Hey, yeah I'm alright."

"Where the hell are you man? She's been asking for you!" His heart swelled at the words.

"It's a long story, but I need you to come pick me up."

Thanks for reading kids, let me know what you think with that pretty little button down there.

Much Love,

-Anna Lee