Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, though I sometimes wish I did!
Author's Note: I had a VERY sudden inspiration to write this in the middle of the day when I was doing nothing in particular. Hope you guys enjoy it! It was just something I sort of had to pour onto the page. Let me know what you think!
Clare's POV
"Cla-Clare..."
His sweet breath came out in huffs and lingered across my face as I pressed back into the cool wall. I embraced his sweetness, fully admiring his essence. His hand was planted firmly against the wall above my head, his arm locked in place as our mouths collided. The hungry kiss was broken as we caught our breath, and I felt a burning pain in my stomach as our eyes met.
I don't know how we ended up like this. One moment we were talking, which turned into pouring our hearts out. At first, I thought I had lost him forever. That is until our hearts took over, and we began to ravish each other. The raw passion of it all made my heart hurt. And for the first time, in a long time, I was absolutely confident that this is exactly where I belonged.
I cradled his face, gently sweeping his sculpted jawline with my fingers. I leaned up on tippy toe and placed a gentle peck at the corner of his mouth.
"I've missed you." I whispered through a smile.
He smiled warmly and tucked a loose curl behind my ear. He traced my swollen lips with his fingers and smirked deliciously, my stomach turning into a knot. The cool feeling of his fingertips sent my heart into overdrive, and I couldn't believe the magnetic pull that still existed between us after all this time.
"Clare..I just..I missed you too."
I smiled and my eyes glazed over with love. We stood there staring into one another's eyes, and his hand found my waist, his other hand interlacing my fingers with his own. Eli gently pulled me from the wall and we began to dance.
Our slow shuffling around his living room was silly, yet completely and utterly wonderful. Our hands remained grasped in each other's as my other hand reached up and caressed his shoulder. I gently lay my hand atop his shoulder, and feel the immediate relief of the tension that was there.
I lean in and rest my head on Eli's chest. It was as if we were the only people in the world, wrapped up in each other. And in this moment, I felt like I never left.
I feel moisture begin to trickle down my cheek and the salt water invades his cotton t-shirt. He doesn't say anything, and I hear him clear his throat. I look up to see a mirror image, Eli's eyes are red and watery.
"Look at us, two blubbering messes." He cracked a smile and wiped a tear from my cheek.
"Clare, I..I know we haven't exactly been great..but.." I reach up and place a finger over his lips, wishing him silent so that I could explain myself. He grasped my hand and kissed it, and nodded, waiting for my response.
"Eli, there was never a doubt in my mind that I loved you..I..I care about you..I need.."
I cracked a weak smile as the tears welled up once again, and I gasped to keep the salt water from pouring out.
I was finally letting my body succumb to all of the feelings I had been trying to push away over the past several months. I thought back to that one horrid day, as I grasped a little tighter on Eli to remind myself that I was here.
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A few months earlier
I sat at "our bench," with my hands folded. It's 2:29 and I told Eli to meet me here at 2:30, so I know he'll be here any second now. An elderly couple passes by holding hands and I feel a jolt of remorse surge through me. I know what I need to do, and I know that I care for him, but right now..I just..need time.
I've been extremely worried about Eli ever since all of this Fitz drama began. From the moment we started our friendship, we had an unspoken understanding that we would be there for each other. It all started so quickly, and we held each other's hands through hard times; my parents abysmal marriage quickly turned divorce, and Eli's complications with Julia and his OCD. We relied on each other, and it was completely okay.
When the violence at school began, I was quick to pull him away from the idea, but when it came to proving himself, there's not much stopping Eli. He was always "handling it."
He never knew about the tears I shed watching him get into more trouble over silly juvenile bullying at school. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. He didn't need the extra stress either, and I needed him. I wanted him to be safe. I had never felt so strongly about another human being, and if his choice to continue a cycle of violence meant the loss of my sanity, I would accept it. I would sacrifice my peace of mind for him.
It was all so silly when Fitz started to make more trouble. He got let out of Juvi on good behavior. He came to me and told me of his newfound savior, Jesus..I didn't know whether to believe him or not, but of course I only wanted to see the good in people. I decided that he had made a change for the better, through God or not. When he "subtly" told me he had been obsessing over me during his time in jail, I knew I had walked into something I didn't want to be in. Everyone warned me. Why didn't I listen?
That's when all of the rough patches in our relationship quickly took a turn for the worse. Eli was always hovering over me, worried for my well being; constantly trying to protect me from some presence of evil. I knew he was slowly relapsing into his OCD, substituting his hoarding items with his protection over me. All I could do was be there with him, and reassure him that I was alright.
The last couple of weeks had been draining. Our work load at school was dreadful, my parents were dividing their belongings; the ones they'd be taking to their new apartment. Eli and I would work most nights on our homework, and then on his Gothic Horror submission. Needless to say, we were spending A LOT of time together.
I knew Eli wanted to keep a close eye on me, and I knew it would put his mind at ease. I let this go on for a couple of weeks. I put aside so many things that were draining me. From Eli's clinginess and paranoid behavior, to his "interesting" presentation of his Gothic Horror submission, I was slowly going batty.
I thought long and hard. I slept on it, and woke up one morning with a simple solution. I would explain to Eli that we would take a small breather, nothing major, as I wouldn't want to scare him. It would be good for us. I could have some time for myself, and Eli could have some time to figure out how to cope without me holding his hand 100% of the time. I cared for him more than I could put into words. To me, none of this was final. It was just a small break.
"Eli, we've been tough on each other lately. I've been tense, you've been.." He sat next to me on the bench, his arm swung over me. I gently nudged him off and his face turned down.
"Intense..I know, and I'm sorry. But it's because we care about each other! Just think, Clare, you and me in the hearse for two days..nothing in our way." His gaze was very intense, and I tried not to start too long, or I know I would melt into his eyes.
"I think we need to take a small break..not in a bad way?" I was able to meet his gaze, and his mouth fell open as if he was searching for some sort of relief.
"So..cancel our movie date tonight?" His eyes were so sad, and I felt like I was about to step on a puppy.
"I was thinking more like a few days..it'll be good for us!" I stood my ground, and made my statement. Eli sat for a moment, staring intently ahead of him, calculating his response.
"I disagree. After everything we've been through..we care about each other, Clare!" He took my hand in his own and began interlacing our fingers. It took every fiber of my being to tear my hand away.
"Eli, I'm sorry, but I think it's for the best."
"Clare..after two days in the hearse, we'll be perfect again." He wasn't even looking at me anymore. This wasn't Eli. He was slipping away from me. The Eli I knew was distant.
"Stop it! You're suffocating me!" I stood from the bench, exclaiming my statement in an angrier tone than I had intended.
"Clare, I.." Eli looked to me with hurt in his eyes, and I felt as though I was stripping him of everything.
"You make all of these plans, talk about forever. I'm scared too, okay? And I'm sorry, but I just can't!"
I quickly gathered my things and marched away, careful not to look back, for if I did, I would have crumbled and held him in my arms. I would have nestled his head and told him everything would be alright. I would be enabling him, and I would be his completely. I was drowning in his sorrows, and I needed relief.
Our break continued over the course of the school year. Interactions were small and awkward. I walked the halls of school each day wondering if I would see his face. I knew I couldn't go back so quickly. We needed time..but all I really wanted to do was run to him. I would tell him I loved him and that the distance was killing me. But break ups were normal for teenagers, right? We needed time apart, and that means contact must be minimal.
Alli had encouraged me to keep it distant. She had been in heavier relationships than I had, but she never really knew Eli and I as a couple. I took her advice with a grain of salt. I stood my ground, but never once did I question the reality of my feelings for him.
It was the Monday of the school year when I had decided to go to him. I would try to salvage whatever we had left, because through it all, it was always Eli. I could never find our brand of happiness with anyone else, and more importantly, our brand of love.
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Back at the Goldsworthy residence
"I was..I was afraid. I never should have put things off, but I want you to know that I never woke one single day without a heavy heart. I was wrong and I..I.."
He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, the sweetness of the gesture overwhelming my senses.
"Clare, I know. I've always known. We were never perfect. Actually, quite the contrary.."
He cracked a joking smile, his breath escaping his mouth in such a way that told me we were both ready to be one again.
"I just want you to know, that whatever you decide, I will always hold you here." He took my hand and placed it over his heart, his cool hand pressing weight over my own.
I felt the erratic pace of his heart beat, and suddenly, I was home. In his arms, enveloped in the sweet scent of his breath, I was home. We trembled and gasped as we continued to share sloppy kisses, the occasional clink of teeth and our tongues colliding from an over excited embrace. My entire body was buzzing, and for once, my head was clear.
I no longer had a taxing thought process; a reeling in my brain, accompanying every embrace. This moment with Eli was crystal. Every touch was right. He took my breath away with every lingering kiss, but my mind was at ease.
I remembered how completely and utterly startling and exhilarating it was to be with him like this. He was so familiar with my every want and need, and I his. But through all of the hazy loving gestures, our connection was always so clear. Being with Eli, just being with him, sans the embrace, was absolutely and one hundred percent simple.
We didn't see eye to eye on everything, we definitely had our share of tiffs, but we were puzzle pieces, shaped differently, but molded together perfectly to form an abstract image.
I felt every inch of my body go into a tizzy, my love for this person overwhelming me to no avail. I disconnected our liplock and breathed heavily, my chest heaving from the intensity of the moment.
Eli leaned down and breathed in my scent, leaving one gentle kiss atop my head as his breath continued to come out in huffs. His quivering lips found my ear and his fingers interlaced with mine. "I love you, Clare Edwards."
And that is all I needed to hear.
I hope you guys liked this! It was a very sudden sort of write-up! Came out of no where!
Anyway, please review! Let me know what you think. =] OH and WHO LOVED THE "NOR OR NEVER" Promo? I DID!